Bewitched

by Megan 74

Pairing: Eric/Sookie, Bill/Sookie

Rating: M

Genre: Humour, romance, drama

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I only borrow Charlaine Harris' and Alan Ball's toys before returning them.

Summary: Eric is determined to get Sookie, no matter the cost. But when things go wrong (very wrong!) can Eric find a way to win the girl and save himself from his own mistakes?

A/N: This fic is quite obviously based on the brilliant Buffy episode Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. All hail Joss Whedon, the creator of the greatest TV show ever. This story is set between season 1 and 2 of True Blood.

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Chapter 1

Throughout his long existence, Eric Northman had made a reputation for himself.

He was known the world over as a fierce warrior, a brilliant strategist, a cunning businessman, a ruthless Sheriff, and most importantly, a vampire no woman could refuse.

In fact, during the 18th century, on a balmy night in Venice, Casanova himself had sought Eric Northman out to learn a few tips on how to charm the ladies.

And thus it was particularly galling that at that moment, in his area, there resided a woman who refused him.

A woman who preferred a different vampire over him. A vampire barely a century and a half old, with the physical attraction of the average cockroach, whose only great accomplishment was that he might have the bitchiest maker of any vampire that ever existed.

There was nothing particularly alluring about this woman (or so Eric told himself. Repeatedly). Certainly, she was easy on the eyes, with her golden hair, her sun-tanned skin, and her mouth-watering figure. Her scent was marginally better than most of the vermin he dealt with night after night. And she had a little quirk that could be called endearing at best. She could hear human thoughts. But really, what great asset was this when any vampire could glamour any thought out of any human?

No, there was nothing particularly attractive about this woman, except that on the night she had set foot in Eric's bar, she had refused him.

And this was unacceptable.

Eric had tried threatening the pathetic vampire she preferred. But Compton refused the budge, stubborn mule that he was. And Eric had tried to intimidate the girl by forcing her to work for him uncovering a thief at his bar. This had also failed to work when Compton came out the hero by staking a vampire. For a human.

And then when the Magister went easy on Compton by not locking him in a silver-wrapped coffin for a few years so Eric could swoop in on the girl left behind, but instead sending him off with possibly the most irritating offspring ever created, Eric knew he was out of his depth.

Just thinking that sent shivers down his spine.

Eric Northman was never out of his depth.

Except now.

Fuck.

And so it happened, that when Eric was alerted to the presence of a new witch in town, he decided to catch two birds with one stone. Put the fear of the vampire Sheriff in the witch, and make Sookie Stackhouse, the only woman to ever refuse him, fall madly in love with him.

He couldn't wait to snatch a simpering, drooling Sookie Stackhouse out right from under Bill Compton's nose, fuck her out of his system, and then dump her. The heartache she'd suffer would be fair pay for the humiliation he felt at her rejection.

He refused to think of it as cheating. He was merely being cunning and creative. He was a vampire, after all.

He found the witch in a little new age shop in a seedy part of town. Though this particular witch seemed to spend her time reading the Tarot to gullible humans, it was custom to remind them who was boss. There was a clear pecking order in the supernatural world, and vampires naturally stood at the top.

"May I help you?" the witch asked, as she looked up at him from behind the counter. Her smile disappeared when she recognized him for what he was. "Oh. Vampire. What do you want?"

"Good evening, witch," Eric said with his most charming smile. She was no looker, but he needed her services, so he would be polite. For now. "I am Eric Northman, Sheriff of Area 5."

The witch did not look impressed.

"And I want to hire your services," Eric carried on as he approached the counter with confident steps.

The witch frowned. "Services for what?"

"Just a little magic." Eric waved his hand in front of him. "A little love spell."

"Love spell," the witch repeated in a rather disbelieving tone.

"Yes. A love spell." Eric narrowed his eyes, but the witch remained unimpressed.

"And who is the intended recipient of this love spell?"

"Just a human," Eric said dismissively, leaning one elbow on the counter.

"And do you have something that belongs to this human?"

"Of course." It had been embarrassingly easy to glamour Sookie's idiot brother to bring him a piece of jewellery from Sookie's bedroom. Eric handed the golden necklace of poor quality over to the witch.

"You want me to perform the spell now?" The witch barely glanced at the necklace in her hands.

"Yes. Now."

"That will be 500 dollars."

Eric rolled his eyes, pulled a wad of cash from his leather jacket, and counted out the correct amount.

"Follow me," the witch said, after tucking the money in a pocket of her long skirt.

Eric trailed after the witch to a dimly-lit backroom where she waved him in a rickety chair. Eric watched quietly as the witch gathered a small cauldron, a few herbs, crystals, and other paraphernalia he did not recognize.

"It will only take a few minutes," the witch said as she crumbled a few things into the cauldron. Eric nodded and leaned back in the chair. He'd never liked magic, but at times like these, one had to put aside one's dislikes and focus on one's goals.

Sookie Stackhouse, naked in his bed. Begging.

That was worth a little discomfort.

The witch added the necklace last, and started waving her hands around. "What is the name of the recipient?"

"Sookie Stackhouse."

More hand-waving, followed by a string of Latin that Eric was barely able to follow. His maker had taught him Latin right after he was turned, but since he hadn't used it in hundreds of years, Eric was a little rusty. Not that he would admit this, so he pretended to understand whatever the witch was chanting. He heard his own name mentioned, and the girl's, and something about love and eternal and more mumbo-jumbo that he couldn't really care about.

The cauldron's contents burst into flames, and a warm feeling settled over Eric. He sat up, glared at the witch, but she offered him a reassuring smile.

"All done."

Eric eyed the witch suspiciously. "The girl will fall in love with me now?"

"Oh yes, she won't know what to do with herself, I guarantee you."

"Good." Eric got up, stretching his long legs, and gave the witch a nod. "I trust you won't cause trouble in my area, witch?"

The witch offered him a peculiar smile. "Of course not, Sheriff. And call me Marnie."

While Eric was normally not on such familiar terms with witches, this one had just provided him with a valuable service. "Very well. Thank you, Marnie. I must fly."

"Don't thank me just yet, Sheriff," Marnie whispered, but Eric barely heard her. He zipped out the store, and was airborne the second he smelled fresh air.

He had a girl to catch.

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Because it was Eric's greatest hope, his deepest wish, his darkest desire, to have Bill Compton present when Sookie dropped down at his feet, he decided to check Compton's decrepit house first.

Imagine Compton in a compromising position with Sookie when Eric burst through the door. Sookie would look up at him with a lustful gaze, declare herself his, and he'd laugh at Compton's incensed glare while he swept her off her feet.

Yes, Eric could very well imagine that. It made his fangs itch to come out.

He knocked on Compton's door, feeling an anticipation he hadn't felt since the last great battle he'd fought in, some centuries ago.

This was war, and Eric had just brought out the big guns. Compton and his human wouldn't know what hit them.

Of course, it had to be Compton's sprog who opened the door.

"Eric!" Jessica said, clearly surprised to see him there.

"I came to see your maker."

Jessica was quiet for a moment as she looked him over. "Bill's not here," she said, finally, as an afterthought. Then she looked him over again, top to bottom.

"And Sookie?" Eric asked patiently. This girl was a new vampire after all. They got easily distracted, and Eric knew he packed enough distractions for most of womankind, living or dead.

"She's working," Jessica said, looking up at him with big eyes and an ever-growing smile. "But you can come in, Eric! We could...you know...hang out."

"No, thanks." Without further ado Eric took to the sky again and headed for the shifter's down-ridden bar. Perhaps Compton was there, obsessing over his human while he sipped one of those revolting blood-substitutes.

One could hope.

Eric threw the doors open, briefly wrinkled his nose at the stench of old sweat and stale beer, and marched in as though he owned the place.

"Eric?"

Ah, there was his new lady friend now, stomping towards him. "What do you want?" she demanded, her eyes as fierce as her voice.

"Bill's not here?" Eric asked casually as he swept his gaze across the bar, barely noticing the few humans spread around various tables. It must be a slow night.

"No, Bill's in New Orleans for a few days. He had business there." Sookie placed one hand on her hip. "So you have no reason to be here."

Eric forced a smile to hide his disappointment at not finding Compton present. Ah well. Perhaps it would be equally satisfying to have Compton return from New Orleans to find his human in Eric's bed.

"I beg to differ, sweet Sookie," Eric said, leaning a little closer and trailing one finger down her soft cheek.

Sookie slapped his hand away. "Don't you start with that now. This is a respectable place."

Eric hid his snort just in time. No reason to piss her off even more while he waited for the spell to take effect.

Any moment now, Sookie would throw her arms around him and beg to be fucked.

"Well, hi there," a slightly screeching voice said from his left. "Who's your friend, Sookie?"

"Arlene, Eric," Sookie said as she rolled her eyes. "Eric, Arlene."

Eric ignored the human after a quick glance. She was most certainly not his type. Besides, he had a Sookie to enchant.

"Sookie," he said with his most seductive purr. "When do you get off work?"

"None of your business," Sookie said with a faint sneer.

"I'm off in two hours. But I'm sure if I asked Sam nicely, he'd let me leave now," Arlene chimed in, sidling closer until she was standing almost flush against him.

Eric glared down at the annoying human. "Be gone, bloodbag."

"Eric!" Sookie cried in outrage.

"Ooh, I like a little dirty talk," Arlene crooned and promptly slapped Eric's butt.

"Arlene!" Sookie stared at Arlene with wide eyes, while Eric stood frozen in outrage and shock. Never in his entire existence had any human ever touched him in such a frivolous manner and lived to tell the tale.

Sookie, obviously sensing Eric's darkened mood, yanked on his arm before he had time to decapitate the disrespectful hag. Still in a slight state of shock, he followed her to the other end of the bar, where Sookie turned on him and pointed a stiff finger in his face.

"What did you do to her?" she demanded. "Did you glamour Arlene? Is this your idea of fun?"

"I did nothing to that bloodbag. She assaulted me!"

"Stop calling her that!"

Eric took a step closer to Sookie, momentarily forgetting she was supposed to be falling madly in love with him right about now. "Do not raise your voice at me!"

"Sookie, who's your friend?"

Both Eric and Sookie looked to their right to see a human waddling their way. Eric was sure that somewhere in her ancestry there had to be a troll. Or possibly a walrus.

"Mrs Fortenberry," Sookie said with a strained smile. "Can I help you?"

"I doubt it," Mrs Fortenberry said, pushing her ample bosom forward. "But I'm sure this big fellar can!"

Eric took a step back before he could stop himself, and then silently cursed himself for showing such weakness around humans. He glared at the troll and glamoured her. "Stay away from me."

Mrs Fortenberry kept coming.

"Stop it, Eric," Sookie demanded, as Mrs Fortenberry was now standing right in front of Eric, her pudgy fingers ready to grasp him.

"I'm not doing anything!" Eric said between clenched teeth as he took another step backwards. He really just wanted to brush the human aside, but he realized that Sookie would have something to say about that, too.

"Right, like Arlene or Mrs Fortenberry would throw themselves at you out of their own free will," Sookie said in such a derisive tone that it made Eric gnaw his teeth. Sookie was now hanging onto Mrs Fortenberry's arm for dear life while the troll tried to climb onto him.

"I'm a very desirable man," Eric countered weakly, as he backed up against the pool table. "Woman have been unable to resist me for a thousand years."

"Pfft." Sookie tilted her chin up in an obvious dismissal. "You are a mean, nasty vampire."

"Oh, I like 'm mean," Mrs Fortenberry announced and finally pulled free from Sookie and pressed her considerable frame against Eric.

The door banged open.

"Eric! There you are!" Jessica said and zipped right up to him. "Mrs Fortenberry? What are you doing to Eric?"

"Sookie," Eric said in his best Sheriff voice as he slowly but surely curled his fingers around Mrs Fortenberry's throat. "Come with me. Now!"

Sookie shook her head and crossed her arms. "I think you should leave, Eric. You've caused enough trouble already."

"Hey, what are y'all doing with my vampire?" Arlene said as she marched up to them.

Eric gave Sookie one last look and then did something he'd never before done in his entire life.

He admitted defeat.

With one push he was free, and three second later he stood outside and took to the air.

What was wrong with the women of Bon Temps?

It had to be the inbreeding.

It had to be.