So this was going to be a oneshot but I keep having Bruce feels and then obviously writing depressing stuff about him is the best idea. Also people followed it like they were expecting more so I figured I should update at least once because I'm like...obligated to. I was kind of formulating this at work anyway.
Coulson is still alive in this universe. Because Coulson is immortal. He's just laying low and letting Loki think he died because if Loki knew the true power Coulson possesses it could end badly. JUST LET ME BE IN DENIAL.
I own nothing except the characters I made up blah blah blah.
Even with everything over, Bruce still doesn't see Melanie much. After everything, he's still afraid of what he might do. Of what he could become. Jess doesn't let him around much anyway, not that he blames her. He still makes it to her dance recitals, though most of the time she doesn't know he's in the audience.
It's better than before, he tells himself. He gets to see his daughter sometimes. Melanie's growing up not completely without her father, and Bruce is grateful for every minute he gets to spend with her. It never feels like long enough, though, and every time he does visit, he realizes how much happens in his daughter's life without him. He wishes he could be part of it, more than anything, but Jess has made it clear that he needs to stay away, for her daughter's safety. He hates that he has to agree with Jess completely.
Melanie asked him once, one of the first times she saw him after he'd walked out of her and her mom's life, if this meant that he and Jess were getting back together. She said she wanted a dad again. "Mommy can be mean sometimes." she'd whispered to him conspiratorially. "She never cuts the crust off my sandwiches and she won't everlet me have playdates. And she leaves me with babysitters all the time."
"You know your mom's just trying to take care of you." he'd replied, trying not to smile as he thought of Jess's at times somewhat strict parenting style. "Weren't you telling me about how she took you to the ballet and told you you could be up on that stage too?"
Mel smiled. "Yeah. But I wish you could see it too, Daddy. It's like they're all flying. I bet that no one, even the meanest person ever, wouldn't like it. It makes everyone happy. Maybe you and Mommy could go out to see it together."
He still marvels at her innocence and how it's so easy for her to make him smile, and for a second he'll find himself wondering why he doesn't just put his work on hold, become a college professor, and move somewhere close to Jess and Melanie. He could pick his work up again when Mel goes off to college. Then he remembers exactly why that can't happen, ever, and it hurts more than he'd like to think about. "What about this, Melly?" he says, picking her up and trying to smile again while swallowing the lump in his throat. "Why don't you take me and your mom out to the ballet together? Maybe we could both go to one of your performances. I hear you're turning into quite the ballerina."
That's the day he remembers now, on his way to meet with Mel. She's grown up in what feels like no time at all - she's 13 now. She had gotten ahold of his phone number somehow and called him, told him that she wanted to meet him at a diner in town and said she wouldn't take no for an answer. She sounded so much like Jess, Bruce thinks now, and tries to not think about how much he loved Jess and her forward, stubborn, take-charge attitude. Before all of this started. He doesn't love her now. He couldn't let himself love a person who he could end up hurting so badly. Melanie is the only exception to that that he thinks there'll ever be.
She's walked up to his table while he was lost in thought, and it's only when she sits down with a "Hey, Dad" that he looks up.
"Hey, Mels. How'd you get my number?"
"I stole it off Mom's phone."
"What was it that was worth stealing Mom's phone to get my number about?" He's surprised, not that she stole her mom's phone (it seemes a bit like the kind of thing she'd do), but at the fact that she seems uncharacteristically serious.
"I want to talk to you."
Bruce holds out his hands in a gesture of surrender. She's angry, he can tell, and he can't help but wonder what he's done. His immediate next thought is, what if I can't handle myself? He tries to hear Tony's voice telling him that he's got control now, better than he ever did before, and that he could live his whole life without another 'incident', but nothing's making any difference. Which isn't helping.
"Why aren't you ever around?" she asks, which is completely different from what he expected. He had figured somehow Melanie had realized what her dad really was, and was furious that he'd kept it from her, or maybe angry that he was still in her life at all because of what he might do. But Mel doesn't give him a chance to answer.
"Look, Dad. I know that things are...maybe not great. I'm guessing, anyway. But I think I have a right to know. I've asked Mom and she gave me nothing. You know what she's like, all protective and such, and when I asked her why I never got to see you, why things didn't work out like normal divorced parents, she said it was just not a good idea. And that's like another way of her saying 'I don't think it's safe'. But...I don't get why, Dad." She pauses, thinking. "Maybe you're working for the government or something. Maybe you've got this weird thing in your brain that they put there telling you you're not allowed to tell your daughter what's really happening in your life or you'll die."
"Melanie..."
"What, Dad? Don't try to cover this all in crud about how you really do care and you just can't tell me because I deserve to know. I know I'm only 13 but I'm not a child anymore. I promise, whatever it is, I can handle it."
Bruce shakes his head. He can't think of what to say. He doesn't want her to know anything about the real reason, but maybe she's right. Maybe she does deserve to know, on some level. But he can't bring himself to explain what he really is. He can't bear to see Melanie looking at him the same way Jess did when he told her. And maybe it's selfish, but he doesn't care at this point. He just wants to keep her as his daughter.
"I'm sorry, Melanie. I'm sorry I'm not around so much. I just haven't been a very good father, I haven't been there for you and your mother like I should have been, and I think that your mom's trying to protect you from any disappointments I might lead you to. I...I'm not as good of a person as you think I am, Melanie, and I just...I really can't be there for you like I wish I could. I wish I could give a better explanation, something, anything, but...I can't."
Melanie looks a little angry, still, but he can tell she's not ready to punch something like she was before. "You're not a bad person, Dad." she says simply. "I know you and I don't care what you think of yourself, how low you think you are - you're not a bad person and there's nothing anyone can do to convince me otherwise."
His heart breaks hearing this, and thinking how wrong she is, but at the same time a little voice in the back of his head whispers that there might be something to what she's saying.
I don't even know. I don't think I'm going to do another chapter - I might, but I'm leaving to start college in three days (holy Lord that's really soon...) and I have no idea how busy I'll be once I get there. Maybe if I find time and get inspired. Maybe then I'll do a third chapter, but it'll likely be the last one.