like a name in a fairytale

I should be writing In The Shallows, but my GCSE results come tomorrow and I'm nervous and desperate for fluff so this happened. (Well, kind of fluff). Also, don't hate me because I like Doctor Who and To Kill A Mockingbird so much I have to reference to them in Castle fanfiction. And, yay for twoshots! Yeah, there'll be another part to this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or anything like that. I do own Amelia though, kinda, right? I like this kid.

They take her to a strange place sometimes. There are new people there, as well as people she sees a lot back at the normal place where she sleeps and eats and laughs at the one who pulls funny faces. One has eyes that are similar to the one who pulls funny faces, and the other likes to make her laugh when he thinks nobody's looking. The place they take her to smells funny, and sometimes the noises are too loud for her ears. When she cries in protest they're all there around her, trying to calm her with soft hugs, but none get it just right like the one who smells nice.

When they're back at the normal place where she sleeps and eats and laughs at the one who pulls funny faces, it's much calmer. There's rarely ever loud noises and the one who smells nice doesn't let any bad smells near her. There's the tall one with orange hair who sings songs to her in a funny voice there too, and lets her play with the shiny necklace around her neck. Sometimes there's another with orange hair, but she's shorter, and her skin is softer. When she is there, she sneaks into her (rather new) room and sings songs to her when she's trying to fall asleep. This one doesn't sing songs to her in a funny voice; it's nice and calm and comforting.

She likes being with the one who smells nice. She pulls her hands from her hair if she tries to grab it, and never lets her anywhere near her shiny necklace, but she still likes spending time with her. This one manages to hug her just right in her arms, even though she herself is barely the length of her forearm. She rocks her real nice, too. Often she finds herself sleeping without meaning to in those arms and suddenly she's waking up in her room in the bed with the bars.

The one who smells nice likes to sit her up like she's a big person on the couch, surrounded by pillows. She likes that. Laying down or being in someone's arms can get boring sometimes, even if she is just a little one.

When they take her to the place with the bright sun and the green grass and singing birds, the one who smells nice laughs a lot more, and the one who pulls faces tickles the bottom of her feet.

They're there when she manages to sit up like a big person on her own, no pillows or couch to lean on. It's a new feeling, but seeing the joy and pride in their eyes is an even greater reward than being able to do it by herself.

She learns to crawl, as they call it. They call her Amelia. When she crawls into places they can't find her they yell her name a lot, until she decides the yells are too loud from her ears and crawl back out. The one who smells nice usually finds her first. After a little while of playing this game, the one who smells nice doesn't yell anymore and finds her straight away. It's not so fun then, because she always seems so angry with her, even though she was only trying to have fun.

They teach her how to walk. The one who pulls funny faces holds her hands and pulls her to her feet a couple times a day, patiently letting her take a couple steps forward. When he doesn't do that and she wants to stand, she likes to grab onto the couch and pull up. The one who smells nice found her doing that once, and laughed in delight, and then suddenly she found her feet carrying her towards her. She was pretty shaky, and just about made it, but the one who smells nice coos beautiful words in her ears and her cheeks are wet in the way that is good.

When she first manages to sort through her happy gurgles and say 'Daddy', which is apparently the real name for the one who pulls funny faces, the orange haired one drops the plate she was carrying and leaves banana on the floor, calling 'Dad! Dad!' over and over again until he bursts into the room looking scared.

They talk for a moment and then Daddy is in front of her, asking her over and over again if she can say it again. So she does. It's clearer this time. 'Daddy.' And he just stares at her for a while, not just into her eyes, but all over her face, her hair, pulling her little hands into his large ones. There are no silly faces now. Just awe.

He seems to like it when she talks, so she happily chirps away for the rest of the day until the one who smells nice gets home. She rises on her still slightly unsteady feet and hurries towards the door she's just entered, feeling those arms lifting her up into one of those lovely hugs that make her insides turn to jelly in a nice way as well as make her feel sleepy. She sits them down on the sofa beside Daddy, lets her bury her face in her neck, and she hears Daddy telling her how she spoke that afternoon. The one who smells nice pulls her face from her neck, stares at her with hope on her face. She looks a little sad she missed it.

So to try and make her feel better she says her name. It takes her a moment, tries to find how exactly she's supposed to move her tongue, but when it escapes it clear and happy. 'Mommy!'.

Unlike Daddy, Mommy's reaction is instant. Her hands curl a little too tightly around Amelia's sides, but she doesn't mind terribly much, and is too interested in the way Mommy's smiling and crying and making sad but happy noises at the same time.

Soon she can say a lot of words. 'Grammy' is easy and rolls off her tongue, just like the 'm's in Mommy. 'Alexis' is too hard and long for her, she can say it but not always, so she settles on 'Lex'. She likes the 'x' in that name, it doesn't come up too much in the other words. Mommy teaches her 'yes' and 'no' and 'please' and 'thank you' while Daddy teaches her 'hello' and 'goodbye' and one which makes him laugh but Mommy scowl. Apparently her yelling 'Apples' each time she gets a little hurt isn't something they've agreed on.

The one whose eyes are like Daddy's teaches her 'Uncle' and 'Ryan', and apparently these two words are both his name, one after the other, which is a little silly. The one who likes to make her laugh when nobody's looking also has two names, 'Uncle' and 'Esposito'. His name is mush in her mouth, but he seems pleased with the way she says it.

There's another who visits the normal place (they tell her it's called 'home') who always smells like soap and bubbles. She has two names too. 'Auntie' and 'Lanie'. These are easy, and whenever she sees Auntie Lanie she likes to yell her name at the top of her voice because she senses that Auntie Lanie likes to play. Just like Daddy, but in a different way.

Mommy teaches her letters, and the order of the alphabet. Amelia's not quite sure what these are used for, or what the alphabet is exactly, but apparently it helps her spell her name. She's not quite sure what spelling is, either, but it makes Mommy happy when she remembers all the letters. There's a lot of letters.

Instead of drawing when she's giving a pencil, Mommy teaches her how to write these letters. Some are easy and some are hard. 'X' is still her favourite. Mommy teachers her how to write her own name, as well as Mommy and Daddy. Amelia is harder to spell, but because it's her own name, she likes that she learnt it first. Mommy seems pleased once she remembers them exactly. Even teaches her 'Alexis', which looks a lot easier than it is to say.

One day she's not allowed to stay at home anymore. Not all the time, anyway. They take her to a room that's colourful and bright and full of toys, and other little people like her. This is called 'Kindergarten'. She can't say that. Even though she's tempted by the toys and the other little people, she doesn't want to leave Mommy or Daddy, has never been without either them or Grams or Alexis before. Mommy seems a little sad, too. Daddy promises her it's going to be fun and she'll make friends. Amelia's not quite sure what a friend is, but Mommy and Daddy and Grams and Alexis are enough for her already.

Even though she's crying, and Mommy cries a little too, they make her stay there and leave. Amelia's not at all sure why. What did she do to deserve this?

But then there's a woman who smells of clay and painting smiling at her, sitting her down beside a girl with dark skin who's called Natasha. She likes the end of that name. Natasha smiles a lot and they play dolls together the way Amelia and Alexis usually do. After a while they grow bored and Natasha takes her hand and shows her the garden, she doesn't really know what that is but she likes it, and they play games there for so long she forgets she was there in the first place.

When Mommy and Daddy come to collect her, she's sad to say goodbye to Natasha. They tell her she'll see Natasha again soon. They're not lying, and a few days later she does go back to Kindergarten and see Natasha.

She's only been in Kindergarten a little while when Mommy's tummy gets big. Mommy sits her down one day and tells her how she's going to have a little brother or sister. It'll be just like having Alexis, except they'll be little instead, as little as Amelia used to be. Amelia doesn't really remember being little, and Mommy laughs, telling her she still is. She explains that the little brother or sister- the baby- is growing inside her tummy. Amelia's horrified at that. Won't Mommy grow so big she'll explode?

But this is just what happened to Amelia, though. She grew in Mommy's tummy until she was big enough, even though she was little, to be in the real world. This makes Amelia feel a little better. If Mommy's already done this with Amelia then it must be safe.

When she sees Natasha the next day, she tells her all about it. Natasha tells her that's what happened to her Mommy when her little brother was growing inside. Apparently her tummy got so big it looked like it would burst, but it was perfectly safe, and one day Mommy came home with a really tiny little baby just like Natasha and Amelia used to be and the baby cried a lot and slept a lot, but would be more fun when it's older.

Amelia doesn't really like the sound of that. If it cries a lot, Mommy and Daddy and Alexis and Grams will be trying to make it stop. What will Amelia do?

Mommy does grow very big. It's scary. Sometimes the baby pokes through her tummy and Mommy and Daddy get happy about it, kiss the mark it's making. Daddy tickles Mommy's tummy a lot and talks to it. Mommy tries to get her to talk too, says her little brother or sister will want to hear her voice, but she doesn't really want to do that. This makes Mommy upset a little, but she does the kind of upset she does where she doesn't want Amelia to notice but she does anyway.

Alexis, when she's home, sneaks into her room and cuddles her that night. Cuddles with Alexis are nice, but not as nice as Mommy's cuddles, and Amelia feels bad for wishing she were Mommy. But even if it were Mommy cuddling her, it wouldn't just be her and Amelia, would it? It would be Mommy and Amelia and the baby in her tummy cuddling. She doesn't want to cuddle with the baby. She just wants to cuddle Mommy.

"Amelia." Alexis whispers, running her hands through Amelia's long, dark hair in the way that makes her feel sleepy and safe. "You know your Mommy loves you as much as she loves the new baby, don't you?"

Amelia tucks her head into the crook of Alexis' shoulder. "But Natasha says that the new baby will cry and sleep a lot. Mommy already has to take care of me and do her job. But when the new baby comes, she'll have to do her job and take care of the baby instead, won't she?"

"Oh, no, Amy." Alexis is the only one who calls her Amy. Mommy curls her nose up at the name but lets Alexis do so. Mommy says Amelia is more like a name in a fairytale. "She'll look after both of you. And if you ever just want to be alone with Mommy, Daddy or Grams or I can always look after the baby for a little while. But it's not a competition, Amy. She'll love you both just as much."

That makes Amelia feel a little bit better. But a new baby- someone Mommy will love as much as her- makes her feel a little bit queasy. She's never had to share Mommy before, except for with Daddy, but she doesn't mind because she likes Daddy.

Alexis sleeps with Amelia that night, and she feels just a little bit more loved that night.

The baby comes soon after that. She knows because it's Grams who picks her up from Kindergarten that day, instead of Daddy or sometimes Mommy, and there's a happy but scared look on her face. Grams doesn't take her to the hospital straight away. First she takes her home to clean into new clothes- she got paint down the ones she was wearing before- and then takes her out for ice cream. Grams tells her how it takes quite a long time for the baby to leave Mommy's tummy, but should take much longer. Though she still takes her for a walk in the park after, pulls bread from her bag so they can feed the ducks in the pond. Amelia thinks she's trying to distract her.

They only leave for the hospital once Grams gets a text on her phone. Strange. When they arrive, Amelia takes Grams' hand and lets her lead her to the room. Grams walks a lot quicker than normal.

Mommy sits on a bed, looking pale and sweaty and sick-looking but happy, with Daddy beside her in a chair, holding a bundle of blue blankets. Alexis sits beside Daddy, beaming at Amelia. Amelia drops Grams' hand and lets her walk in first, hides in the doorway for a moment.

Grams grins largely at the blankets Daddy is holding. "Oh, he's beautiful, Richard." Grams says, blinking rapidly as her eyes grow wet. Mommy grins at her, as well as Daddy. They all look like they're happy crying.

"Would you like to come say hello, Amelia?" Daddy asks, giving her a choice.

Oh. The baby is in the blankets.

It must be so little. So tiny. Amelia's feet propel her forward to the bundle, stops in front of Daddy to stare down at the tiny, wrinkled face staring up at her. The baby's eyes are the same colour as Mommy's, she notices, and stare right at her. Amelia drinks in the little wrinkles on the babies face, the hands clasp in fists which flail wildly even though the babies eyes are drooping as if it's tired.

Amelia doesn't know what to say, so she looks to Mommy. Mommy opens her arms out for her. Amelia crawls up onto the bed and curls into Mommy's hug in a way that's different to what it's been. Oh. The baby is out of her tummy now. No more big tummy. Strange how she's grown used to that.

"What do you think, Amelia?" Mommy whispers softly into her ear.

Amelia turns to Mommy and smiles. "I think it's okay."

Mommy laughs, as well as the others. She strokes her cheek softly, still smiling. "The baby's a boy, honey. You call the baby a 'He' or by his name. His name is Atticus. What do you think of that, Amelia? Atticus."

Amelia startles a laugh. "That's a funny name."

Daddy grins. "Ah, Amelia. Fierce, brave and loyal. And Atticus. Always fair and always kind. You have good names, kids."

Alexis reaches over to stroke the sparse hairs on the top of the babies head, sighing happily. The baby squirms beneath her touch, not uncomfortable but lively. Amelia stares, wondering. How can Mommy and Daddy know he right names for them? How could they know, when Amelia was as little as Atticus, that she was all these things?

She thinks she knows, when she looks back to Mommy and sees that look in her eyes and the softness of her smile. Love. She knows because she loves them.

"I love you, Mommy." Amelia whispers, fingers curling around the back of Mommy's neck to snuggle close.

She can feel Mommy's smile as she whispers "I love you more, Amelia."

Amelia still goes to kindergarten. Tells Natasha all about her new little brother, about what his name means to Mommy and Daddy and how he's practically bald even though she only thought old men were bald.

Things aren't too different at home. Not as different as she thought they would be. Atticus does cry a lot, but mostly at night, and it doesn't wake her up too much because she's a heavy sleeper according to Mommy, just like Daddy. Though sometimes she does wake up, and hears Mommy or Daddy walking around downstairs, cooing and hushing Atticus. Silly Atticus. She doesn't really know why he's crying most of the time.

One day, when Mommy doesn't come home from work the same time she normally does (Amelia knows the basics of time now, Daddy says she's so clever), Daddy takes them out to the park. Because it's approaching summer, it's still light outside, and Daddy pushes her high on the swings. So high her feet almost touch the sky, and she's laughing. Laughing and laughing and laughing and can hear Atticus gurgling away while she gets those silly butterflies in her stomach. She forgets Mommy isn't there, and the company of not just Daddy but Atticus is enough.

When they get home, Mommy still isn't there, and she has to wait a while for dinner because Daddy is useless at making Atticus' formula. Atticus wails a lot then, hungry and impatient, while Daddy hurries around in the kitchen. Cautiously, Amelia approaches the wailing Atticus and pats his head as gently as she can, whispers to him he'll get his food soon.

Atticus pauses at that, little chest still heaving frantically, tear tracks running down his chubby cheeks. He stares at her, quietly wondering, so she tells him what makes all her family happy. "Love you, Atticus."

She hears Daddy drop Atticus' bottle in the kitchen at that.

Eventually, she does get dinner. Daddy always makes funny dinners. Her mash makes a long nose, her sausages a smile, and the beans make two eyes. Amelia giggles at that, eats it so quickly her stomach hurts but it was so worth it. Daddy doesn't talk much, or eat much, and lets her eat his leftovers. Atticus starts crying again as she does, and Amelia rolls her eyes. Silly Atticus.

Grams come home as Daddy takes Atticus to his room upstairs, and seems to find it's strange that Amelia's eating by herself. Amelia tells her how it's Daddy's leftovers, how Daddy's looking after Atticus, and Mommy isn't home yet even though she's always home before it's dark in the summer time.

Grams looks nervous for a moment, but smiles at Amelia. Her eyes aren't smiling.

Atticus stops crying, and once Amelia finishes Daddy's leftovers he ambles down the stairs, looking exhausted. Grams pulls him into his study, calling over her shoulder for Amelia to leave her plate in the sink and watch TV. That's odd. They all know Amelia would rather read one of the little stories Daddy wrote her rather than watch TV. Regardless, she listens to Grams, and tries to think of why Mommy wouldn't come home.

Mommy catches bad guys. Mommy wears a gun but Amelia isn't allowed to touch it. Mommy lets Amelia play with her badge. Mommy works with Uncle Ryan and Uncle Esposito. Mommy sometimes gets bruises from doing her job, but promises it's not something serious. Mommy says she'll always do her best to come home to them. Amelia doesn't know what she means by that: Why does she have to try to come home? Shouldn't that be something she'll always do?

Grams emerges from Daddy's study without Daddy, and her red eyes means she's been crying. She takes Amelia upstairs, bathes her silently, and Amelia doesn't question it. Tugs on her pajamas and kisses her forehead as she tucks her in bed. She forgets to leave Amelia's nightlight on, but that's okay, because Amelia is supposed to be brave and tells herself she shouldn't be afraid of the dark and the monsters that hide inside.

Amelia's awoken by the sound of Atticus wailing. It's still dark outside. She waits, but nobody seems to be answering his cries. So she slips from bed, creeps across the hallway and into his room. Atticus has pulled himself onto his feet, leaning against the bars and sobbing. He hiccups, seems startled by it, but carries on regardless. Amelia pauses in the doorway, watching him, and he just stands there watching her and crying.

Amelia crosses the room, slips one foot onto the cot to reach in and pluck Atticus from it. Atticus is a little heavy, but she carries him expertly from the room. Atticus goes silent, curious. She understands. They've never done this before.

She carries him into her room and places him on the side of her bed by the wall, makes sure there's no way he could fall off. Then she lies down gingerly beside him, placing a hand on his small chest. Atticus' face screws up as if he's going to cry again, but then she sings to him. Quietly. Happy songs she's learned in kindergarten, and he remains silent, wet eyes blinking the tears away and staring at her.

When she's finished, she promises him in a whisper: "Mommy will be home soon, Atticus."

Mommy isn't back the next day. Amelia knows she's going to come home soon. After all, in a week she starts first grade, and Mommy was going to be there. Wasn't she? She couldn't be so busy catching bad guys that she'd forget to come home, could she?

"Amelia." Daddy says, pulling her onto his lap that next morning after breakfast. "I need to talk to you about Mommy."

"It's okay, Daddy." Amelia tells him. "I know Mommy loves me more than her job, but sometimes the bad guys make her work longer."

Daddy's face crumples. She doesn't like it. "Yeah, honey." He agrees. "Is that why you had Atticus in your bed last night? You should be careful, Amelia."

Oh. Was he worried she'd hurt Atticus? "I didn't hurt him, Daddy. I made sure he wouldn't fall off and gave him one of my little blankets instead of my big one. He was just crying because he missed Mommy so I gave him company."

Daddy presses a kiss to her hair, and chuckles in a way that sounds like he's crying. "Oh, my little wonderful Amelia. Fierce, brave and loyal. I need to tell you something serious."

Amelia's heart flutters. "Is it about Mommy?"

His eyes look tired and sad. "Mommy is… You remember when she had to stay in hospital for a couple nights after Atticus was born? Because she was tired and hurt a little?"

Amelia nods yes.

Daddy bites his lip. "Well, Mommy caught a bad guy who didn't want to get caught, and they had a little bit of a fight. It wore out Mommy a lot, though. Now Mommy is really, really tired and has to… Um… stay asleep in hospital for a little while."

That's weird. Nobody can sleep for more than a day, that's silly, you'd get bored. Plus, it'd be better for Mommy to sleep at home, in her and Daddy's bed which was big and soft and comfortable. Wouldn't it?

"Will she be home soon, Daddy?"

Daddy doesn't look at her, chooses to hide his face in her hair. "I hope so, honey. I hope so."

Grams says that Daddy might be a bit upset, just like Amelia, about Mommy being in hospital because he misses her. That things might be a bit different in the house now because he misses her so much, and not to get angry at Daddy if he does something wrong. Alexis is going to come stay for a while too, she's going to sleep in the same room as Amelia, just to help out.

When Amelia says that she wants to go to the hospital to see Mommy, Grams tells her Mommy's so fast asleep she won't notice her, and it'll be better to let her rest. But Amelia doesn't understand. How could Mommy sleep so long?

Two weeks pass, and Mommy doesn't wake up.

Her backpack for school is filled with pens and colouring pencils and all sorts of neat stuff for first grade, and Grams lets her pick out her own clothes, while Alexis braids her hair in the way she likes. They promise her she'll make even more friends, that Natasha will be there, but it doesn't stop the fierce ache in Amelia's heart because Mommy isn't there.

Atticus starts crawling.

She doesn't know how long she's been at school now, it's very fun, but she thinks a lot of time has passed. So much Atticus has started crawling and gurgling in the way that means he's trying to talk.

When she arrives home one day from school, Atticus is trying to crawl into the coat cupboard, and Alexis pulls him from the floor while laughing and calling him cheeky.

"Melly." He gurgles, reaching out for Amelia.

Both Amelia and Alexis pause, Atticus still bouncing happily in her arms and reaching for Amelia. Alexis is grinning- Atticus can talk! But Amelia doesn't feel happy at all. She knows he means her name. Knows he can't say it whole because he's just little and hasn't talked before. But it's sad because Mommy and Daddy have told her the tale of her first word. Daddy was first. Mommy was second. That's how it usually went.

That's how it's supposed to go.

Daddy argues with the paparazzi when he takes her out to the park. Just her and him. They've started hanging around a lot more since Mommy started sleeping so much.

The day is fun. He buys her ice-cream, pushes her on the swings but not as high as usual. She doesn't comment, because Grams told her to be patient with him. Afterwards, he takes her to a sweet shop, one she's never been before. It's an old sweet shop, he tells her, as she tries to read off names she's never seen before. Jars of sweets line the walls, so high and so many. It's magical.

He lets her buy as many as she wants. Not too many, though, before dinner. She emerges from the shop buzzing happily, testing out a Rhubarb and Custard.

"You're fun, Daddy." She tells him.

The edges of his lips curl. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Not just your stories. But you, Daddy. You're fun. So I know Mommy won't be asleep for too much longer, because she'll miss you and your stories for her and your funny faces. Don't worry, Daddy. Mommy will be back soon."

Daddy says nothing but slips a hand into hers and they walk home in silence, the autumn winds curling around them like smoke.

Her seventh birthday is soon after that. They get her so many presents- Daddy writes her a new story- and give her a cake. Atticus is half-walking now, and clings tightly to her leg when she blows out the candles. Today has been a fun day. It's her birthday and it's fun. Alexis and Daddy and Martha and Atticus are there. All smiles and joy. None of them mention Mommy not being there, and the gaping hole it leaves, so she doesn't mention it either.

"Make a wish!" Alexis reminds her cheerily as she blows out the candles.

She screws them tight shut.

I wish Mommy would wake up soon.