Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Nothing at all.
A/N: I know! I still haven't posted the next chapter for "How the Bad Touch Trio Saved Hetalia" and instead wrote two oneshots but . . . well . . . I wanted to. I have also revised a few stupid mistakes that I didn't notice the first time I uploaded this.

"Sir, I had a question about . . ." Lithuania began but trailed off when he didn't see Russia.

"Lithuania get down!" Russia called to him from the other side of the room.

The taller nation was sitting on the floor against the wall and was keeping his head just below the window.

The Russian ordered more forcefully,"Get down for God's sake!"

He was also gesturing to a spot against the wall near him. Lithuania did as he was told and got down on the floor as quickly as possible so as to not risk angering his boss. Russia gestured for him to move a bit closer. He crawled over and looked at his boss in confusion.

The nation in question glanced over his shoulder and then sighed, "Lithuania you're a good country, how long have you been part of the Union?"

"Um, fifty-four years, sir," he responded in confusion.

Russia nodded and began speaking with uncharacteristic solemness, "You know I started this Union all those years ago and built this empire with my bare hands."

"I may have stepped on a few fingers and toes along the way, even slit a few throats along the way, but that's just the way things are," he finished now with his trademark smile back.

Lithuania shuffled uncomfortably not knowing what he was expected to say and waited for him to continue.

"This morning I walked into my office and the bastard America and his allies put a sniper on the roof," Russia said while gesture to the building next door.

Lithuania smiled awkwardly and replied in the most reassuring voice he could muster, "Um, sir, I don't think that they would put a sniper on the roof."

"Sure they would, it's the right move. They don't want the want this bill to pass anymore than Japan does but they've got the balls to do something about it," Russia said with his intimidating presence flaring.

He looked over one more time, "That's why they're number two. Let me show you why we're number one."

Ivan suddenly pointed behind the couch he was hiding behind, "Slide me the case behind the couch."

Lithuania pulled it out and kicked it over to him. Russia opened it revealing an assault rifle.

As he began assembling it he looked over to Lithuania, "I know that they're on the fourth floor but I can't tell if he's the third or fourth window from the left. I need you to pop up and give me a twenty on him."

"Um, ok," he replied nervously.

"Don't worry, he's got a bead on me so if you're quick he won't have time to readjust," Russia said with a smile that obviously was meant to be reassuring but only served to frighten the Baltic nation more.

Lithuania looked out quickly over the couch and saw the sniper. He sat down against the couch again.

"Oh my god you were right, um, third window from the left," Lithuania said while trying to calm down and think logically.

Russia gave no indication of hearing him but pulled the phone over to him, "Yeah, could you send up one of the interns please?"

Lithuania looked at him in confusion then after a short delay, realization. The intern walked in and right before he could question why the two countries were on the floor he was shot in the head and killed instantly. Russia jumped up and started shooting at the sniper.

"See, since it takes about three and a half seconds to reload and trace another target it gives me enough time to fire off a couple of rounds," he said while sitting back down.

He set the gun on the floor beside him and picked up a piece of shattered glass.

He looked in the reflection of the glass at the building behind him, "And that is a kill!"

He dropped the glass and got up. The phone started ringing shortly after.

Russia smiled cutely, "That's probably them now."

He picked up the phone, "Alfred, you son of a bitch, nice try with that sniper."

Lithuania just continued watching in fear and shock.

Russia chuckled, "I'll bet, I scooped his head clean off."

Something smashed through the remaining window.

Russia covered the phone with his hand, "Flash grenade."

The two countries turned their heads away right as it went off. The smoke alarms were now going off and Lithuania could hear screaming coming from the halls. When Lithuania looked back Russia had already set up a mortar launcher. Russia pointed to a box next to the couch. Lithuania saw that it was full of mortars and tossed one to his boss.

After it fired Lithuania couldn't hear anyone speak on the other side of phone for a second.

"You still there?" Russia asked.

He suddenly heard an angry slightly frantic voice respond.

"You bet we have a deal," The tall Russian happily replied.

He started pacing back and forth happily as if talking to a friend, "Yeah, ok, say hello to Canada for me. See you at the next world meeting."

Russia hung-up the phone and sighed.

"Now, what was it that you came in here for?" Russia asked.

Lithuania looked at the destruction that Russia didn't even seem to notice and then replied distractedly, "Well, one of my friends is getting married next Saturday and I wanted to know if I could have the day off?"

"No."

A/N: This entire thing was based off of an episode of WKUK called "Sniper Business". You should go watch it, its funny. No seriously, go watch it right now.