I scratched my chin, not actually having a need to, and stared at the television in front of me. Football season had ended just yesterday, which meant no more hot cheer leaders until next year, and as usual, I was bored. I decided to say so out loud, hoping someone would have some source of entertainment.

"I'm bored." I mumbled, and Jasper groaned from his room upstairs. He clearly didn't like when I was deeply un-entertained, but he was the only one that even took notice to what i said, so he then became my poor victim.

I was in Jasper's room immediately, not even bothering to knock. I stopped at the sight of him and Alice, just sitting calmly beside each other on the bed, Jasper's hands in his lap. A grin creeped on my face.

"And what have I walked in on?"

"Nothing." Jasper said immediately. "Go work at PetSmart or something, now's not a good time."

I grinned, trying hard not to laugh. "Or I could just join you."

"Emmett!" Alice snapped, rolling her eyes.

"Relax I'm joking... but seriously, I am bored." I made a note to mention again.

Alice sighed, looking at the comforter she sat on. She grinned, seeing something we couldn't, and looked up to me then.

"No tricks." I said before she could do something evil.

"No tricks." she agreed. "Jasper here will mess with someone's emotions if you leave now."

"No I won't!" Jasper said, looking to her then with surprise.

"Not now of course." she smiled. "Later." she looked to me then, holding out her hand. "Deal?"

"Hold on, I don't feel comfortable doing this." Jasper said, pulling Alice's hand away before she could seal the deal.

Alice sighed, looking down again. "Fine." she stood up then, exiting the room at human speed.

"Wait- where are you going?" Jasper stood suddenly, then sat back down.

She looked back with an evil grin. "Away."

Jasper growled, taking my hand in his. "Fine. Deal. Now get the hell out of here!" he hissed. Satisfied, I stalked out of the room, winking at Alice as she walked past.

...

"How exactly am I going to do this? Edward will read my mind, can't I just fumble with your wife emotions or something?" Jasper complained as waited for the rest of the family to return from a hunt. According to Alice, they would be here in less than two minutes.

"Just focus on something else. Once you mess with her, I'm sure your thoughts won't be what's on his mind." I grinned, excited to see the outcome. "And you better not let on, or else he'll attack both of us!" I growled.

"It was your idea." He snapped back.

"Shh! They're almost here!" Alice muttered, then went to the love seat across the room and grabbed one of the many magazines stashed beside it on the coffee table. It would take all of our concentration to not slip to Edward what was going on.

Jasper sighed then, and went to sit beside Alice on the love seat. Probably trying to distract himself as well, he looked over her shoulder at the magazine she held. As for me, I just focused on the Dallas cowboy cheerleaders that I wouldn't get to see for another year.

Carlisle and Esme came in then, followed by Edward and Bella, who went to one of the other couches and sat down together. Cheerleaders, cheerleaders with big boobs...

Edward flinched slightly as he heard my thoughts, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Rosalie came in then, looking at me immediately. "Something funny?" she asked suspiciously. Since all the trouble I'd caused recently, she watched me like a hawk.

"Nothing muffin." I said, recalling my job at McDonalds where I'd first called her by the nickname. She went straight to the garage then to work on her latest car project. Too bad she would miss-

Cheerleaders with boobs. She would miss cheerleaders with big boobs. Edward turned to me then, a puzzled look on his face.

I looked to Jasper then, he sighed in response and I knew that it was time.

I sat there, flipping through the channels as fast as the television would allow me to.

"How was your trip?" I asked.

Esme was the one who answered. "Same as usual. We found two mountains lions so that was nice. Thanks for asking." she smiled warmly. "And how was... umm..."

She stopped mid sentence as Bella suddenly threw herself at Edward, kissing him open-mouthed on the lips, moaning. Even Alice looked at her with wide eyes. Carlisle shifted uncomfortably, but Bella seemed to be completely unaware of the awkwardness she'd just caused.

"H-How was your time here?" Esme continued, looking away now.

Edward pushed Bella away then, looking at her as if she were mad. "Bella what-"

Refusing to stop kissing him, she went to his neck then, and kissed him all the way to his ear where she bit him, her teeth lingering on his ear lobe. I turned back to the tv. Cheer leaders... with big boobs... and big buts...

"It was same as usual. Boring human tv." I commented back to Esme, who looked to Carlisle in confusion, as if she were asking him what to do.

Edward pushed Bella away again, the same shocked expression on his face. "Bella, love, what are you-"

"I want you right here, right now." she moaned, then, shocking us all, she ripped her top off, revealing her hot pink laced bra.

Oh god- cheerleaders. Cheerleaders. Cheerleaders in hot pink laced bra's...

His eyes wider than I'd ever sen them in my lifetime with him, Edward took his shirt off, but not to appeal to her. He immediately put his shirt on her, trying to cover her up. He pushed her away again, embarrassed. He turned to us then, already knowing that we'd seen, and we all looked away quickly, trying to act as if that hadn't just happened.

Edward sat Bella beside him, and the poor guy honestly looked like he didn't even know what to do.

Bella grinned evilly and placed her hands in his hair. Her eyes widened then, and she expressed her new idea aloud. "Why don't we do it on the coffee table. Ooh! Or in Carlisle's office-"

Edward gasped then, almost worried looking. "Bella." he growled then. "What has gotten into you?" He glanced at Alice then, giving her a pleading look for help. She simply shrugged, then went back to her magazine.

"Hopefully you're getting into m-"

He stood up then, pulling her up with him.

"If you want us to leave just say so..." I grinned and Edward shot me a glare.

"That won't be necessary." he muttered, pulling her along with him to their room. Bella already had his shirt off and was taking her bra off as well by the time they reached the stairs.

Carlisle just stared after them in utter shock, everyone in the room was deadly silent. He swallowed then, shaking his head.

Rosalie walked in then, slowly. A look of confusion on her face. "What the hell just happened?" she asked, but before anyone could respond, Bella let out a scream, sounding as if she were being turned now.

"Bella took her shirt off and tried to seduce Edward on the couch you're leaning against. Now she's screaming." I laughed as Rosalie jumped away from the couch as if it had tried to attack her.

"O... kay." she said, and went back out to the garage.

I heard something in Edward's room snap, something big like a bed or dresser and I had to hold my fist to my mouth to keep from booming out in laughter. Even Alice and Jasper were giggling on the couch they sat on, clearly not paying any attention to that magazine.

Esme looked to them, hers eyes concerned, then went into the kitchen awkwardly.

The house sat in silence, not a single person speaking. Suddenly, soft footsteps traveled back down the stairs and I readily watched, wondering what would happen next.

Bella came in then, a thin bed sheet with a rip in it the only thing she held to cover herself. "Esme." she said, and she turned to Bella, her eyes wide. "Can you get me a spatula?" she asked sweetly, and Jasper and I busted out laughing. I swear I'd never laughed so hard in my life.

Esme looked at her like she'd seen a ghost, completely shocked. "Umm... y-yes sweety." she stuttered, then walked slowly back into the kitchen. Jasper and I were still kicking our feet against the floor, even Alice was laughing so hard that the magazine in her hands ripped in half.

Almost as if the gods in the sky were on our side, Jacob and Renesmee walked in, smiles on their faces, I laughed even harder, hitting the arm of the couch with my fist, probably breaking it.

They looked at me in shock, curious what about their entrance had been so funny.

Esme walked back to Bella then, a spatula in hand, and gave it to Bella. "H=Here you are..." she stuttered reluctantly, then went out the back door, not wanting to hear what went on with Bella's new 'toy'. Carlisle followed her out, and it was really too bad that he was going to miss out on the fun.

"What on-" Before Nessie could finish her sentence, Bella screamed again, and her eyes widened. "Mom-" she started to race up the stairs, but Jacob held her back, his eyes widened.

"Don't go up there." he commanded, sitting her down on the same couch where Bella had started all of this.

"I wouldn't sit there if I were you." I said, grinning madly.

"Why-" again before Nessie could finish, Jacob lifted her from the seat, flinching in disgust. Her face suddenly went blank as she realized what was going on, then she flinched in horror. "Eew! Eeeew!" she groaned, stepping farther away from the couch.

She looked back to where Esme had given her the kitchen tool and her face twisted in more horror. "What was she- Eew! Eew! Gross!" she shuddered, wanting the thoughts to go away.

Jasper and I were laughing so hard now that the arm rest my hand gripped ripped, and fell to the floor in hundreds of pieces.

She glared at me, disgusted. "That's so gross!" she squeaked and Jacob flinched again beside her.

She turned to leave when Jasper spoke then. "Oh but you'll miss the best part." he stated and I looked to him excitedly. What more could he possibly do?

Just then, as if to answer my question, Bella rushed down the stairs, the spatula bent in half in her hand. She looked around and as soon as she found me, her eyes widened.

"Come here!" she said, motioning her fingers for me to follow.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Join us!" she smiled.

"Oh god!" Nessie said, holding her hand to her mouth as if she were going to throw up.

Edward, suddenly behind Bella in just pants, growled at me, "Don't you dare-" he stopped then, his expression growing cold. He turned then to see Nessie's horror-stricken face beside me. Edward reached immediately for the blanket Bella lazily clutched and covered her more, a humiliated look on his face.

"I'm leaving." Nessie stated, turning around toward the door. Jacob followed behind her, still too shocked to say anything. Once hey were outside, Jacob muttered "A spatula for gods sake."

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" Nessie said to him, and I heard her punch him.

Edward stared back ashamed. Seeing what Nessie thought, he probably knew more than any of us how horrible that was for her.

Bella busted out laughing then. "Too bad Jake didn't stay, he could have watched!" she laughed, and Edward turned to her, his eyes wide with frustration.

I smiled then. "Did you still want me to join you?' I asked her and Edward shot angered eyes at me.

"No." he growled and turned to follow Bella back up the steps.

"Too bad!" Bella called back over her shoulder.

Finally getting over all the laughing, I sighed. I was actually impressed, Jasper had done a-

Alice's eyes shot up to mine then, a warning glance on her face, but I was too late, Edward attacked me then, both me and the couch I was on flipping over backward.

Jasper tried to sneak out, but Edward attacked him then, pushing him against the wall. His eyes were panicked.

"Edward!" Alice squeaked, trying to push him away.

"If you ever, do that to my wife again I swear to god, I will personally make sure that your gift stops functioning, is that clear?"

I sat up from the fallen couch, watching Edward cautiously. He turned to me then, and his eyes seemed to burn a hole in my head.

"Oh god..." Bella mumbled from upstairs, realizing what she'd done now that Jasper had let up on her.

"The same goes for you." he growled, his fists clenched.

"I don't have a gift." I joked simply, ready to run.

"Then I'll just have to make sure you're left unable to see your little 'cheerleaders' ever again." he growled, making his way back up to his room then.

Jasper and Alice both looked at me, not getting that last part. I just shrugged and pushed the couch back up onto its feet, but it was too torn to work again.

Alice grinned then, biting her lip.

"What?" Jasper asked, wiping dust from the wall he'd been smashed into off of his sleeve.

"He liked it." she said smugly. "He thought that was hot."

Edward growled from where he was with Bella, but Alice had already spilled the beans. Jasper and I busted into laughter then, not only had he successfully cured my boredom, but had satisfied his brother and sister... even if it was with a spatula.

Author's Note: Review for more of Emmett's boredom! Thanks for reading :)