Patrice

What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I kiss Brett Sampson? He is everything I hate in high school in life in general. He represent a world I want no part of.

Why would I do it? I have an amazing life even if it's in the lamest place in the world. Just looking around my house filled with pictures of my life it's easy to see I am loved and have amazing people in my life.

It's not to say my life is perfect cause it's far from it pacing around I picked up a picture from when I was six years old. I felt a smile form on my lips this picture was taking in front of the diary queen. I was sitting in between my parents licking my mint chocolate chip ice cream I was laughing with ice cream dripping down my face.

My mom had tried to wipe it from my face but my dad had started tickling her the smiles on their faces made me smile. There was another picture taking two years later I was standing in front of the beam in the middle between a little blond pigtailed Kendra, on my left on my right were a taller thinner high cheeked Lucy with a short curly hair due than Charlotte with her curly hair was braided pulled up around her head in a bun. Their arms were wrapped around my shoulders. My hair was curly and short barely wrapping around the back of my neck. We were smiling brightly laughing looking at each other.

Fast forward to a few years later to age eleven the pictures take on a different turn. I'm standing with my dad on a bridge over looking the river we were fishing I had caught a big bass dad was looking proud. I'm taller my hair is straighter but I wasn't smiling.

The next one was only a few weeks later I was at my mom's house arms crossed as I was in the pool tears streaming down my face, I was so mad that my dad made me go there. Mom had kept trying to get me to smile but I wouldn't.

My parents divorced when I was Eleven for a million reasons but the main one was she was just never happy with a simple country life. She had a job in the city she loved to dress up look pretty get her hair done, she didn't like getting dirty, she spent hours upon hours working she's a defense lawyer for Juveniles. She loved to attend the parties, the charity events going to the clubs she had no time for raising a child.

Dad was the total opposite he loved family dinners, hunting, fishing, mudding, game nights, cooking on an open fire. He loved watching me chase my friends with only the glow of moonlight, catching fireflies which I kept in a jaw I named them tinker bell, daisy, precious… Charlotte, Molly and I would have a race to see who could chat the biggest frog which I named them after different princes. We played baseball or softball as the non-country folks would call it. We use to be on a team as kids I was never really any good not like Charlotte but it was fun it helped shape my childhood.

Looking back now I guess it was just meant to be my parents fought all the time over everything money, family, time, what school to send me to my mom wanted me to go to the same private school Liz had sent her two oldest kids to. My dad wanted no part in that he wanted me to attend the same school they did as kids Dan Quayle. They fought over what to make for dinner where to go on vacation mom wanted to visit as many places as she could to give me a world view dad wanted to go no further than Virgina to bush gardens. They fought over the damn weather what music I listened to what shows I was allowed to watch what time my bedtime was, where to shop who I could hang out with.

The fights were horrible she'd break glasses he would to try to cover his face she would hit him claw at him, they'd curse throw things, she blamed him for destroying her dreams. He told her she was self-fish and cared more about her life than their daughter's. She would scream at him for being stuck in a dead end life for having no adventure or vision. I would sit on my bed and hear them fight rock back and forth wishing world war three, four, five would end.

Than the fights stopped and suddenly I wished for the noise again dad would cry at night when he thought I was asleep, I would lay there unable to sleep move breathe it hurt to hear him cry to know his heart was broken. He put on a brave face in the daytime he made me food got me dressed made sure I was taken care of, he told everyone he was fine but he wasn't. He went to work everyday he's a manager at Walmart he did what he had to just so I could have a roof over my head clothes on my back food in my stomach.

Were not okay but were alright we've moved on we had to but I still see myself as that Eleven year old girl chasing the car carrying her mom away. I wish I had amazing friends to help me through it but I didn't I had one back than Archie. He was the only one who I could talk to when my dad would break down cry to me telling me how horrible my mom that she was a slut who had an affair with this man for years how his trust was broken. When I had nightmares it was Archie I would text he would come over we would sit for hours dreaming of the days we'd be free from all of this. He would read books act like a narrator jump around act out the scenes he would make me laugh for hours.

Archie made me see that even though life wasn't perfect I was so lucky in many ways I had a hard working, fun loving, joke filled Dad who put me first, an awesome community that even though they gossiped and talked about it they supported me held a collection for us they baked us food took turns watching me. They are the roots that helped me grow, they kept me breathing so I could learn study and spread my branches to grow.

I'm not saying I didn't hurt I did every-time I saw Lucy it brought it all back my mom wanted a bigger life a more colorful life just like Liz and Eric. They don't get it that there's more to life than fame and designer shades. What about being a decent person making good on promises and vows raising a family with morals.

Archie from the time he was a kid was different he lives in a different world than us. His world is filled with doctors, needles, and medicine, but he doesn't see it that way. To him, life is happy, filled with joy.

When he was a little kid he could run, jump, play, skip like every little boy he was on a mini basketball team with Brett, Eddie, Malcolm, Simon, Richie, when they were three and four. Than when he was six he started having trouble walking, standing he would fall easily he would get tired very quickly and have to take naps. Things got worse quickly he couldn't get up when laying down, he would wheeze, his parents took him to every doctor in the state till they got the devastating diagnosis of Duchenne muscular dystrophy.

While his body started getting weaker his mind was getting sharper as was his sense of humor he learned to joke about his illness even if it made others uncomfortable. It's his way to get through it all Archie doesn't let anything stop him from living his life. Doctors told him him he wouldn't swim. His response was a silent F.U he takes swimming lessons every night so his muscles are always working, They said that by the time he was ten he would need a wheelchair because as he grew his muscles would weaken as the disease progressed. Archie refused to let it happen he did three hours of physical therapy everyday.

He walked with the help of braces when he was thirteen he had to have spinal cord surgery due to scoliosis shortly after is when it became to difficult for Archie to walk at first he only needed the wheelchair for school when he would do so much walking. Over time however his legs just couldn't support him. Archie believes nothing can stop him though as long as he believes in himself.

He plays wheelchair hockey, he plays Wii, he writes songs, poetry he even knows how to play the guitar something most of his friends don't know.

What I wanted to illustrate, is that there is much more to someone with MD than just having MD. Admittedly, it has had a huge influence over his life, but he always tries to do as much as he can, despite the obvious disability.

Having M.D has taught him a lot most of it good some bad like his love of conning/ scamming from an early age he used M.D to get his way grownups would always trip over themselves to get him whatever he wanted because of course they felt sorry for him, but his mom Harper was 100% against that she wanted Archie to learn that just because he was different did not mean he needed to or should be treated as different or as an invalid. His illness however put a lot of strain on his family his mom worked three jobs so he could have all the medical care he needed, which meant they had little money for anything extra while the community was trying to help him Harper didn't want handouts, so Archie would scam people into giving him things he would blackmail other kids, grownups like when he discovered Eddie's mom had cheated on her husband he told her he had it on video that she had cheated and would show it to Eddie's dad if she didn't buy him a new Apple Imac. Than he blackmailed Eddie's dad who he knew had forgotten his anniversary and gambled the money away for her present so he asked Archie's mom for a necklace from her jewelry store as a favor. Eddie's dad bought him the new arch 647 gaming case, dvd, Rw drive and windows 9 bundle.

Life with Archie is adventuresome fun and wonderful he really is a true friend the only one I had ever counted on. At least till Evan came into the picture we started out rough but after a few heartbreaks and betrayals we are stronger than ever. Archie scammed me into taking him to a museum in Indianapolis for the day and long and behold who was there waiting with roses but Evan he was so cute and so nervous. From that day out we've been dating we've had our ups and downs mainly up. Evan is simply the sweetest he understands how I feel with my parents his own parents fought all the time they can't even get along for his bar mitzvahs or birthday parties. He gets how hard it is to grow up as an outsider, but he also gets that it's cool to be your own person. Evan doesn't obsess over how I look he loves me for who I am inside, he always asks before he kisses me touches me, he buys me flowers and little presents as surprises, he treats me to dinner, movies, we snuggle and laugh together. He opens doors for me he holds the umbrella over my head for me. He doesn't ditch me to hang out with his friends he puts me first he doesn't talk about what we do in private to anyone else.

Evan is quite frankly my prince charming so why the hell did I cheat on him? God I was so stupid! How was I suppose to tell Evan? I had to right? It's been weeks and I can't sleep I can't eat, I know it was just a kiss but to Evan it will be devastating.

"Patrice"

I shot up shocked shaking hearing Brett's voice call my name he strolled in looking cool and confident like nothing was bothering him. God he makes me sick he is such a liar he said he didn't want Lucy and yet he's back with her, flaunting their relationship all over the school.

How did I get stuck with him as a partner, you would think it was an easy assignment but nope now Mrs. Morgan wanted us to expand it and now we had to pick some organization that helped teens with self confidence, building lasting relationships.

Brett and I were meeting today to chose an organization god I had no desire to see him but I had to we haven't talked since the kiss. I had no idea how I was suppose to do this did he talk to Evan? I mean why would he right? Except boys liked to brag jocks even more so. My heart was beating so badly.

The more cool he acted the more I wanted to slap him. He barely said hello as he slide next to me ordering his food from the waitress who he commented on as soon as she left. "Nice ass"

Rolling my eyes I muttered what a pig he was but he didn't seem to care instead he pulled out his books first time I ever saw him ready to work. Okay so that impressed me. A little. Letting out a deep breath I talked to myself I could do this if he wasn't bothered than I didn't need to be right? Right!

Brett: "I have a few ideas as to what we could do I've been researching since Mrs. Morgan asked us to choose but I want to hear what you have to say"

Did he really though? Relax Patrice it took two to kiss not just him. Let him talk he was trying here and you are here to work not fight. Be the bigger person.

Patrice:"Lets write them down and talk about them"

We both got to work after a few minutes we were done writing as his food came I was so nervous I never ordered but he offered me some of his which was sweet so I took a few fries ordering a drink. He motioned for me to go first so I took a deep breath and read off my choices.

Patrice: "Girl Up engages girls to take action. Led by a community of nearly half a million passionate advocates raising awareness and funds, our efforts help the hardest to reach girls living in places where it is hardest to be a girl."

Critical Issues for Youth works with girls, parents, educators, philanthropists, and community members to address the complex and ever-changing realities of girls' lives in our global society. It specializes in program design and implementation, curriculum development, research and evaluation, fund development, and workshops and training.

America's National Teenager ( .com) promotes strong scholastic ideals, solid leadership principles and high character growth to young women. All National and State winners are awarded scholarships and the opportunity to serve as positive role models to teens across America. ANTSO holds to the highest standards of quality and integrity with a majority of the selection based on academics, community service and interview. America's National Teenager is recognized as one of the longest running, most prestigious female teen scholarship programs awarding nearly $5 million in scholarships annually since 1970."

"Best Bones Forever! is a campaign for girls ages 9-14 that focuses on fun and friendship—girls who "grow strong tighter, stay strong forever." The campaign encourages girls and their BFFs to get active and eat more foods with calcium and vitamin D to build strong bones for life. The Web site for girls has quizzes, polls, recipes, and activities girls can do with their BFF to "grow strong together, stay strong forever."

"Girlscouts and boy scouts of America the scout Movement is a movement that aims to support young people in their physical, mental and spiritual development, that they may play constructive roles in society, with a strong focus on the outdoors and survival skills."

He listened to me nodding as checked of the ones he liked best on my list than read his as I listened to his I saw the ones he had checked off. Scouting, Girl up, Best Bones Forever. I was so busy reading I didn't see that both our hands had connected in the fry bowl. His hand was warm which is why I didn't jump back when it touched mine at first till I realized that we were basically holding hands. We both pulled away embarrassed and shocked. He didn't give me time to think though he drove right into reading his which were amazingly pretty awesome ideas.

Brett: "Youth Assisting Youth (YAY) is a volunteer-based peer mentoring program which individually matches mentors with similarly aged "at-risk" or vulnerable children and adolescents aged 6–15 years old. Based in Toronto Ontario and Canada, the goal of the organization is "to provide a positive role model through a 'special friend' relationship."

"Trips For Kidsis an international non-profit community service organization that provides mountain bike outings, environmental education, bicycle mechanics training and earn-a-bike programs for under served youth."

"The Trevor Project is an American non-profit organization founded in 1998 and the leading national organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning and other queer (LGBTQ+) youth. Through a toll-free telephone number, it operates "The Trevor Lifeline", a confidential service that offers trained counselors. The project also provides guidance and vital resources to parents and educators in order to foster safe, accepting and inclusive environments for all youth, at home and at school."

"The It Gets Better Project's mission is to communicate to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth around the world that it gets better, and to create and inspire the changes needed to make it better for them."

Patrice: "I'm shocked wow I'm shocked you didn't chose football or sports these are pretty cool"

Brett: "There's more to me than just sports Patrice which if you opened your mind and really looked maybe you would see"

Burned okay I could take it swallowing I circled the two I liked best than we talked about why each one was important to us, in the end it came down toAmerica's National Teenager and It gets Better.

Patrice: "It's hard growing up as a girl being told you can't do this you can't be that you come from a small town so dream small I don't want to dream small I have the brains to do so much part of why I am so confidence is because I was raised to believe I can do anything I set my mind to all girls should have that freedom those chances to dream and the resources to build their dreams into reality"

Brett: "Well that's great however your charity speaks only for girls this is suppose to be an organization that helps all kids not just girls. It gets better helps all kids and teens and young adults who are struggling with Bullying, self acceptance, growing up it's drilled into your head that your only normal if you date someone of the opposite sex, that if your a boy and you like musicals better than sports it's somehow not normal or if your a girl who loves basketball verses playing dress up than your not normal you don't deserve a happy successful life you should burn in hell, It gets better helps kids know that it's okay to be different in fact the differences make you unique and that's what will help you build a successful life. Too many kids are killing themselves because they don't understand there is help out there there's hope, love, acceptance and power in being unique."

Brett seemed to be getting worked up I had never seen him so shaken up grabbing his hand I let him know it was okay we would do his choice. He smiled a little looking down shoving food in his mouth.

Patrice: "Your so passionate about this I've never seen you so passionate about something. What drives you?"

Brett: "Guilt"

Did he just say guilt? I stared at him he didn't look up but he pushed his hair back and sighed. I didn't need an explanation but he gave me one anyway.

Brett: "I was so young I didn't understand what was going on but I knew something was wrong but I was so young I did not know how to express my feelings. The importance of sibling relationships cannot be emphasized enough. Jason was the longest relationships I've known. Because our sibling ties are so long, we witness more life changes than anyone else does. We have shared experiences and memories, bedrooms and chores, family celebrations and family tensions – a history and a heritage. Bound by love and jealousy, we have stuck up for and fought one another. We have grown up together, sharing many things until death has severed our connection. My parents didn't tell me the first day what had happened My brother was what every parent dreamed of in their kids he was smart like really smart he was handsome, he was talented he treated girls with dignity and respect he didn't bully anyone he accepted everyone for who they were. Jason was sensitive he internalized everything when someone or something hurt him he didn't lash out on anyone he took it out on himself that's what his downfall was he didn't want to ask for help he didn't want anyone burdened Jason didn't understand that we would love him even though he was gay he believed what so many people in a small town think being gay was a sin, even in college when he was around other LGBT youth he still thought we wouldn't accept him, he tried to tell me how he felt but I was so young I was so excited that I had gotten chosen for captain it was my first year as captain. I didn't stop to tell him I still loved him or that I was here, I kept rambling on about myself I told him to shut up and listen to me. He left that day and didn't return. When we got the call my dad went to the hospital I thought he would be okay I thought it was a football injury but my mom just started crying saying "He's dead!" He's dead!" I know it...When my dad came home I ran to him threw my arms around him and asked him when I could see Jason, he said When you get to heaven son, I'll never forget those words"

Placing my hand on his I squeezed it moving closer I had never seen Brett so emotional or open, I wondered if he had ever talked to anyone before if Lucy ever listened to him?

Patrice: "It's not your fault Brett you were only a kid you couldn't have known I'm sure Jason loved you he's probably proudly watching you from heaven now cheering you on, you have to let go of this guilt and move on with your life, I'm not saying forget him or forget what you've learned but don't let it stop you from living your life"

Brett: "Thanks Patrice your pretty cool you know...no one ha ever listened to me before Lucy just rolls her eyes and tells me to get over it she's not the most sensitive girl that's for sure"

Patrice: "So why are you with her?"

Brett: "Mainly as a favor to my mom she's so protective over Lucy my dad and I we've adjusted as well as you can we have football we go camping we do things that help us take our minds off of it but my mom all she has is work and her friends all they talk about is how sad it is that Lucy doesn't have parents, so mom has decided Lucy is at risk for self harm when she was diagnosed with Anorexia my mom was so worried she wants Lucy protected but Lucy is so independent she won't take the help so mom asked me to look out for her, when we started dating Mom was thrilled."

Patrice: "You don't have to date her to protect her you know you could just be friends"

Brett: "Being friends isn't working she gets worse when were broken up, even though her friends say the opposite. Mom consonantly reminds me I am her only child left so I want to make her happy every time I've tried to tell her I just don't feel Lucy anymore she gets upset and starts crying"

Patrice: "Lucy has to get the help on her own she'll never be…

Brett's lips on top of mine suddenly stopped me from further speech I was so shocked I couldn't fight him off, all I could do was try not to kiss back but Brett's force was unstoppable he pushed me down on the booth. Why did my body respond to him so fiercely stop kissing him stop it Patrice you have a boyfriend…. Stop his hands oh god why were they over my stomach why were they touching me there..Stop it!

I couldn't just like I couldn't stop the moan escaping my lips. What the hell was wrong with me?