Told you it wouldn't be another 3 years before the next update...

Some of this is a little, personal, to me. Trying to think back and remember my feelings relating to what Jane is going through. Trying to put it into words was hard. Reviews on this chapter and the last are very welcome!

Not long left now. Enjoy...

Chapter 6

Jane blinked.

Had she just heard….?

"Jane. Please listen to me. I'm pregnant."

Thoughts and realisations rocketed around her head, ignited by those two simple words.

Maura was here. Maura was stood there, watching her. Watching her with a gun in her mouth.

Jane lowered the weapon, glancing at the clock. 2pm. Maura was early. Why was she early?

The true gravity of Maura's words hit her then and a sob shuddered out of her.

Maura's legs released and she had control again. Stepping forward she rounded the edge of the sofa and sat down next to her wife.

"Jane." No reaction. "Give me the gun, Jane." She said softly.

She reached over and lifted it gently out of shaking hands. Jane was staring intently at the table and Maura followed her gaze. There was a letter there, with her name quite clearly at the top.

Maura was glad Jane had taught her the way around the service weapons. In a matter of seconds she unloaded the clip, putting the safety on for extra measure, before gingerly reaching over to the table for the letter.

"No." Jane's hand shot out and gripped her wrist tightly.

"No?" Maura watched as Jane released her arm and settled her hands back in her own lap.

"What did you say? Just now what did you say?" The brunette's voice was hoarse.

"That I'm…. that it worked Jane. I'm pregnant. I took a test this afternoon." She waited with baited breath as Jane slowly turned to face her.

"What?"

Jane looked at Maura for the first time since her wife had come home early. Her face was pale and her eyes watery.

Something broke inside of Jane as she lowered her eyes to her wife's stomach back up to meet her eyes.

"Really?" at the same time that Maura asked harshly "What are you doing?"

She gulped. Suddenly everything was so loud, her heart going faster than she had ever felt.

"I…. I just…" Jane glanced at the table where her glock was professionally dismantled. Lip shaking Jane looked back to Maura whose stern glare mixed with concern.

"Maur… help me."

Jane collapsed into Maura, a dead weight as sobs heaved through her. A month of bottled up emotions being released as shudders and rasps of breath.

As she wrapped her arms around her crying wife Maura wondered how it could have gotten this far. Had she not pushed enough? Had she pushed too much? Why hadn't Jane just talked to her?

"Shhh. Shhh. It's okay Jane. I'm here, it's okay." They both rocked back and forth on the cushions, undecipherable mumbles being spoken into blue satin.

"Let's go to bed Jane, let's move from the sofa. Come on." Maura took control and helped Jane up and past the sofa, dress shoes and heels creating a staccato beat on the varnished wood.

Maura sat Jane on the edge of the bed as she gingerly kneeled down to untie and take off her shoes. Next she rose to eye level on her knees and started undoing the tie and shirt buttons. All the while not a sound came from her wife.

"Jane. I need you to stand up so I can get your trousers off." She rose just as sharply as Jane, sliding the polyester blend down toned legs before taking off her own clothes.

Down to just their underwear, Maura swung Jane up onto the bed and slipped in beside her. Should she call Angela? Or maybe Frankie? Korsak? This situation had shocked Maura's normally decisive brain into a state of flux. Thoughts constantly changing between anger, sadness and joy at the news she had come home with.

What was she to do?

Jane had immediately rolled onto her side, away from Maura. She couldn't handle this.

Not half an hour ago she had held her service weapon, ready to end her torment and now she had been caught in the act with her wife announcing her pregnancy.

The tiniest of cracks had appeared in her armour, light shining into the darkness that had consumed her in the last month.

Maura was expecting a baby, their baby. The baby they had been trying for, for 6 months.

Then, a month ago the worst happened. Her partner died. No officer should go through that and she did and it was her fault. She got Frost killed. How was she expected to live with that, to go back to work? How was she supposed to be a mother, when she was a monster who got people murdered.

It felt like a tidal wave, weeks and weeks of shoved aside thoughts bombarding her head all at once.

Jane started shaking again. Why couldn't she stop shaking? There was warmth with it now. Warmth that was pulling her in, anchoring her. Heat radiated from her stomach, her hips, her legs and down her back.

She supposed this was what it felt like to be alive, to actually feel something. She'd read in a book, long ago that feeling alive radiated from within you, bursting like a blossoming rose.

This wasn't like that, this was a calming warmth, surrounding her from all sides. From outside her own body moving inwards. Crashing through and flames licking her skin like a tide, wave after wave Jane felt. She felt.

Oh god did she feel things now! Is this what she had been missing? Jane wondered.

If she was a monster then her heart was ice. Her entire core was ice and it was melting. That would explain that wetness. She could feel it now, flowing freely across her face and neck, towards the pillow.

Oh.

Jane had forgotten what it was like to cry.