WARNING! This story contains graphic M/M (yaoi! gay!), Solo M, a dash of M/F, Leon's language, and Leon's apartment. If you are uncomfortable with any of these or don't know what they mean, this is not the fic for you. Click the "back" button and find a different one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Petshop of Horrors or any of its characters. That honor belongs to Akino Matsuri. This was written purely for entertainment and no offense is intended. I am not and will not ever make a profit from any of this.

Detective Leon Orcot was many things. Simple things. He was a detective (obviously), an older brother, a womanizer, and a terrible house-keeper. He was also an adult man, and if he wanted posters of lusty-busty women on the walls of his apartment, by God, he would have them no matter how many times that fucking Count took them down.

Leon straightened the poster of a bikini-clad brunette the best he could and stuck a tack in the corner to adhere it to the wall. It was difficult, because it was an older pin-up with white creases crisscrossing the length of the paper from being folded too often. All of his newer ones had been destroyed the last time D saw fit to violate his privacy and "clean" his apartment. Granted, this time Leon was willing to compromise. These ladies were at least clothed, sporting bathing suits and lingerie, albeit barely. He supposed he could temporarily settle for these more tasteful decorations. For Chris.

More than the desecration of his posters, however, Leon didn't like it when his apartment looked so…bare. Okay, he could admit, it was kind of nice having his underwear in his dresser instead of hanging over his lampshade. And it was nice not having to look for the source of that mysterious smell in the kitchen. But when there were no posters filling the walls, no laundry littering the floor, or beer cans and obscene magazines piled high on every surface, his apartment became very eerily empty.

Leon didn't know why it should bother him, but it did. He was used to living alone and taking care of himself. His job kept him busy, and the danger always made him hesitate to allow too many to get close to him. He could deal with it well enough, but dragging others into his problems didn't seem right.

Nowadays, however, he found himself wishing the place was a little livelier. It was much quieter than, say, a certain pet-shop he found himself spending a lot of time in recently. He didn't necessarily like all the squawking and barking, animal smells, and insufferable company, but after visiting the place so often, he had to admit he was getting used to it. Leon had never been much of an animal guy, but humans are social creatures, and he supposed he could see the appeal of having another living thing to breathe and move around and spend time with. A pet, huh, Leon allowed himself to think about it for another fraction of a second before mentally beating the shit out of himself. Willingly asking for a pet from Count D was about the worst idea he had ever entertained in his life.

Which wasn't true at all. There was something much, much worse that had been on his mind lately.

After focusing on his posters so much, Leon felt an understandable stirring in his lower body. He considered taking care of it while he could. It had been awhile and he was getting wound up. Work had been so killer recently that he was always too exhausted, and then with Chris around, finding alone-time was becoming more and more difficult. However, there was something else that kept his fists clenched at his sides.

Leon sighed heavily and pinched himself. "I need to cut that shit out," he growled. He snatched his coat in a tight fist, pulling it on. Work ended nearly an hour ago and he was anxious to have Chris back. Even if the boy seemed to enjoy his time there, Leon didn't want too much of the Count's influence to rub off on him.

The detective left his apartment on a familiar route to China Town, only making a familiar detour to a familiar candy store. He grumbled to himself as he left the building with a pink, square package. Why was it today that he suddenly noticed how customary this commute had become? By the time he reached his destination, Leon ignored his free hand and let himself in with his foot on the door. "Everybody hide your drugs, the cops are here," he announced himself.

Count D sat in his usual chair, slender form perched among his menagerie and nursing a cup of tea. "Just once, it might be nice if you entered my shop quietly," he complained, taking a delicate sip.

"What's wrong? Got something you don't want to draw too much attention to?" Leon shot back.

"My pets know how to behave themselves; I don't think it's too much to ask for the same from you."

"Behave, my ass! What about that damn goat-thing always trying to take a chunk out of me?"

"With that abhorrent mouth of yours, I'm surprised more things don't try to kill you."

"Fuck you," Leon dropped the box he was carrying on the table in front of D before plopping into the one spot on the couch not occupied by animals. The smaller man perked to attention like a dog recognizing a treat. He took the box into his lap, managing to keep his face passive, though Leon could tell he was placated.

And just like that, their argument was over. Leon was a little annoyed he had become so accustomed to D's mannerisms. Though D was still plenty mysterious in some cases, it didn't seem that long ago that D treated Leon like he did everyone else. Like the strange man was far removed from everything, the petshop his own little world with unknowable rules. Leon wondered just when they crossed the line from untouchable to having a spat like an old married couple.

"You're staring, Detective," Count D drawled, plopping a selected chocolate from the box into his mouth.

"Who wouldn't stare, you weirdo?" Leon grumbled defensively, averting his eyes to a nearby birdcage. "How do you keep your girlish figure, eating like that?"

"How rude!" D's eyebrows knit before smoothing as the man took on his worst expression: a smirk. "Although it's flattering that you notice my figure, Detective," he teased.

Goddammit, he wasn't smart enough to trash-talk with D for too long. He absolutely didn't want to think about D's body right now. "Whatever," he snorted half-heartedly.

D blinked. He hummed thoughtfully and chose another chocolate from the box. Leon watched as the dark sweet slowly slipped past the man's lips. D watched him in turn from mismatched eyes under long lashes. "You seem tense, Detective. Has work been difficult?" He asked.

"I guess. Nothing out of the ordinary," Leon answered evasively. He fidgeted under Count D's sudden scrutiny. "Where's Chris?"

"He's playing with the animals in the back. More importantly, you should be more careful with your health. Your line of work requires concentration and a clear head to stay safe, correct?"

"I said it's nothing. Why do you care, anyway?"

"Really, Detective, is it my feelings you're concerned about?"

Leon wondered what he meant by that, then thought of Chris. What would happen if one day Leon just didn't come to pick him up? Who would explain to him what happened? D? The exact scenario Leon had always hoped to avoid now took the form of his younger brother. If Leon's luck ran out, someone besides himself would suffer.

Leon rubbed his forehead and refused to meet the Count's stare. "I'm just stressed out. I'll take care of it, so don't worry about it," he muttered, defeated.

In one fluid motion, Count D left his seat and glided to Leon's side. "Stay and rest for some time before you take Chris home," he purred as he stepped behind the couch. "I have just the incense that will relax you."

"Not a chance in Hell," Leon went rigid when D left his line of sight. "I don't want your drugs, D. Just give me my brother so I can get to bed."

"I'm afraid he's run off somewhere with his friends. It will take some time to find him. Please, won't you at least rest in one of the back rooms while you wait? You have my word that nothing illegal will be present."

He didn't want to. Even as he thought that, however, his body argued. His muscles groaned in fatigue, further irritated by his pent-up hormones. His mental facilities were too shot to resist D's pressuring. "Fine, whatever. Just hurry up," he snapped.

"Of course. This way, please."

Leon allowed himself to be led deeper into the shop. He hung back several steps, not allowing D to drag him any further into his weird little world than necessary. Thankfully, D stopped at a door not far from the front room, ushering him in. The décor was strikingly normal. Naturally, the eastern theme traveled throughout the shop, but this room was not overly elaborate. It was furnished with a simple set of tables and a china cabinet, with a velvet sofa being the centerpiece. Leon dropped into it and stretched out. It was softer than if first appeared, and he already felt his limbs go limp. D fussed with something on the end table. "No drugs," Leon warned.

"This is incense, Detective. Nothing more."

The match was lit before Leon could protest and a sweet scent entered the atmosphere. Leon took a tentative whiff. He knew what drugs smelled like, and that wasn't it. It was just perfumed, burning wood. Incense.

D dimmed the lights. "Rest well," he said as he departed in that secretive tone that put Leon right back on edge.

After the door shut, it took Leon a long time to really settle in and put his mind at ease. The room was very quiet, with not a hint of animal sound. Only the faint ticking of a clock echoed in his ears. Even the incense wasn't as overbearing as he usually found it. He had to admit, this was nicer than he was expecting.

His eyes slipped shut as he listened to the ticking. His mind drifted pleasantly deeper and deeper into rest until he entered a light doze without realizing it.

Leon's unfocused eyes slid open some time later. The perfumed scent was suddenly stronger than ever, almost suffocating. Leon found himself drenched in sweat from the humid cloud that permeated throughout the room. He buried his face in the back of the couch, but he couldn't escape it and each lungful of air was heavy. That slight movement elicited a choked gasp. Despite the rest of his body being in a state of relaxation, there was a certain part that was quite the opposite. Leon was rock hard, and even the fabric of his pants rubbing across flesh sent electric shocks up his spine. He shifted his hips towards the couch to hide, eyes darting out into the dimly lit room. Mercifully, no one seemed to be present to see his indiscretion.

Speaking of. What's taking him so long? Leon thought suspiciously. He didn't know how long he had drifted off or when the Count would return. Fuck, what if he walks in now? His clothes shifted against his skin with the slightest of movements, driving him mad. His groin ached with need. No matter how still he held or what he thought of, it wasn't going away. Leon could just hear D now, "How uncouth. Have you no self-control, Detective?" Leon looked across the room again. Despite its hazy quality, he could see the door on the other end was closed. I would hear it open, he reasoned, his hand dipping into his pants. Have to be quick, I can't stay like this.

The moment he made contact with his dick, Leon inhaled sharply. God, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd been this horny. Why did it have to happen here, where he couldn't enjoy it properly? Leon's eyes squeezed shut and he let his head fall against the couch as he teased the tip with his thumb. Whatever was in the 'relaxation' incense, it seemed to strengthen his imagination. Each picture in his mind came vivid and colorful, as though looking at a photograph. In spite of the hurry, Leon couldn't resist fantasizing more earnestly.

Blonde was best, of course. And large, expressive blue eyes, with pink pouting lips. Thin, but not bony. Shapely hips and a well-endowed bust were a must. He didn't spend too much time on foreplay unless he needed to work himself up. Still, he enjoyed the image of himself exploring her body with his large, rough hands. He liked teasing rosy nipples, running his hands down a slender waist, and cupping her soft buttocks.

However, his need was already piqued, and he could feel the urgency needed to avoid any awkward situations.

Leon grasped himself fully as his mind's eye took her. Her body was hot and tight and wonderful around him. Their limbs writhed and squeezed, their hips bucked in desperation. Leon had to bite his shirt to keep quiet. Then in the deepest of his throes, the inevitable thoughts that he struggled to avoid started creeping in. Blonde hair became short and dark, and eyes sharp. Her chest would become a flat expanse of milky skin, and hips became slim and narrow in his hands. No matter how he fought it, it would be Count D that made him come.

Leon took him in all ways. Sometime D would ride him in earnest like his pin-up girls, or Leon would mount him from behind with D's shoulders pushed to the floor. Sometimes Leon would imagine the Count in ropes, mocking eyes blindfolded and devilish mouth gagged quiet. Occassionally, he'd find a better use for that tongue. But by far, Leon favored him like this; Spread on his back, legs splayed around Leon's hips with every inch of his flawless body displayed for him.

They rocked against each other in abandon. Leon's fingers dug into D's silky flesh to bring their bodies ever closer. Leon's tongue tasted him hungrily as he lapped and bit upwards on D's chest and neck. Small, pleased cries escaped the smaller man's throat. Leon drank them in when he kissed that mouth, meeting misted, glinting, laughing eyes as he did.

It hit him all at once. How solid and warm the body beneath him was. How his heady breaths weren't the only ones filling the room. How his eyes were very much open as he looked down at the slender body of Count D pinned to the couch.

"Do you know about insects, my dear Detective?" D purred into Leon's ear.

"D, you fucking-"

The Count silenced Leon by covering his lips with his own. Though Leon thought he had already explored that mouth, a shiver ran down his body when he truly tasted the man. Instead of the pliant and sweet depths from before, this tongue was powerful and demanding, diving into him and stealing his breath. Leon gasped for air when they parted. "The male stag beetle with smaller mandibles will sometimes trick the larger male by pretending to be female in order to distract and tire him out, rather than fighting," D continued clinically.

D shifted his weight suddenly, surprisingly forceful despite his size, turning them both around so that he sat on top. Leon moaned when he sank in deeper. D rolled his hips against him slowly, expression strange with his inscrutable grin but slightly parted lips. "The scorpionfly will do the same, to steal a gift of food that the other male intended for a female."

Leon really didn't want to talk about the mating habits of bugs at that moment, though he wasn't surprised at all by D's desire to. He didn't know if he wanted any of this, but he was so aroused he couldn't even begin to resist. The dangerous man above him was intoxicating, more beautiful than a woman, and at the back of Leon's mind – Is he even human?

Their hips still joined, D leaned closer, arching over Leon like a porcelain cat. He was close enough that their lips brushed. He placed his hand on the back of Leon's neck, wrapping fingers around so that the abnormally long and sharp nails rested their tips against his pulse. "There are also insects who will pose as females from a different species," D informed him in a quiet tone. "So that they can devour the males who come to them willingly." The talons dragged down his throat, leaving raised skin in their wake, just shy of drawing blood.

Leon shuddered, every hair on his body standing on end. Counter to all of his instincts, his head fell back, baring even more vulnerable flesh to those wicked claws. He bucked against D when they continued their dangerous path down the hollow of his throat and back up again. D moaned in approval and moved against him more firmly. Leon's breath came in gasps and he ran his hand up a strong thigh and to D's arousal. He squeezed it in a desperate bid for more.

At the touch, D's body tensed in pleasure, sending Leon over the edge. He thrashed in pure ecstasy and came hard inside D with several rough pumps. As his vision cleared, he watched entranced at the beautiful man thrusting in his palm. His trembling hands continued to work the firm length as he had stimulated his own earlier, until Count D shuddered and pearly release scattered between them.

Pinned by his exhaustion, Leon melted into the cushions. He inhaled deep gulps of air – fresh air, without a hint of incense. D rested his slight weight against Leon's body soundlessly. Leon lifted his arms, but hesitated to touch him and let them drop back to his sides. Instead, he turned his head so that his lips brushed D's ear. "Your pillow-talk sucks," He criticized half-heartedly.

~Fin, Owari, End~