A/N: I AM SO SORRY IT'S BEEN LIKE A YEAR OR SOMETHING! QAQ Well, maybe not that long . . . OMG I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA! n I'm also really sorry for the über short chapters! I was going to make this one longer, but I thought since it's been so FREAKING LONG the sooner I update, the better. The next chapter will DEFINITELY be up soon, too. Please R&R!

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: angst, blood, character death

Raphael hadn't slept at all that night. Not that he usually slept much at night to begin with. His nocturnal habits suited his family's way of life. It's not like he could go out in the daylight anyway. Those close to him merely assumed that he did what he did because it was easiest that way. In truth, there was far more than simple logic behind his actions.

Every single night at least one of the four brothers would be out and about in the city: training, fighting, and risking lives. As much as Raphael pretended to be strong, he was always worried for his family. Because every night there was a lingering possibility that one of them might not live until morning.

Tonight had been the worst. Nothing could shake the awful feeling in his gut. Multiple times he had considered going out to check on them, making sure that they were all right, and multiple times he had stopped himself. Leo would just get mad at him if he interrupted.

The purpose of tonight had been "special one-on-one training" as suggested by Master Splinter. Leonardo of course jumped immediately at the chance to help educate his younger brother, despite his Master's suggestion to wait until another night. As it happens, Raphael was not the only one with such anxieties.

It wasn't until dawn had long passed that his worries were directly addressed.

The door to our underground home opened under the weight of my shaking arm with a loud creak. It was not the entrance I had hoped to make. Then again, I don't know what I was hoping for. There was no amount of silence that could break through the cries of the night before.

I stopped in the doorway, unsure of how to take the next steps. Constantly I was wishing, hoping that I could awaken to find that this had all been a dream. It was never supposed to end this way… It was never supposed to end at all. Everything I loved and cared for, my family, was now broken, by my own fault and it could never be put back together. For no matter how much we may wish it to be otherwise, death cannot be reversed.

The first thing I heard was footsteps. Footsteps that over the years I had learned to recognize as those of my Master: of my Father. His voice called out first my name, then another. These were the names of two of his sons. Though both had returned, only one would answer his call. As Master Splinter came into sight, reality came crashing down on me once more, like an anvil in some sort of sick, twisted cartoon. Seeing the smiling relief on his face immediately falter as my Father's eyes met mine… that was something that my heart was never equipped to bear. And just as I collapsed in tears under the weight of my dead brother, another entered the room.

Raphael could only stare in disbelief.