Authors' Note: Lads and Ladies! Welcome! Now, after my epic failure with the stillborn Mass Trancendance project, I have revised my approach to writing an SI. This one will be of a more "classic" character and is, in short, the very definition of a Self-Insert. It's me, cast into the ME-verse.
What I AM taking the liberty of changing though, is more revealing things such as names and background info. Some information is private, and I will not share such info even for the sake of art. So, these bits have been replaced.
I will not say which, except of course for the name, because that would defeat the purpose of not telling. I am still sort of spreading my wings(insert air quote) in terms of writing fanfiction or even lengthier pieces so I'll be grateful for any constructive criticism you have to offer. Hell, I'll be glad for rants and ravings too. I hope you find some entertainment in this piece, whatever the kind.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mass Effect franchise or any of its content. This fiction is purely fanmade without the intent of making any profit. Any personal opinions expressed in this fiction belong to the author and does not represent those of any group, association or company mentioned in this fiction.

A Murder Of Mass

…

I wake up from a gentle breeze catching my hair and making it dance across my face. Grunting and stretching my neck, I sit up lazily. When I open my eyes, what I see fails to register. I blink once. Twice. Then pinch myself. I look around, eyes blank with disbelief. Unless my eyes betray me, I'm sitting on a small hill overlooking a bundle of blocky buildings that seem to make out the outskirts of some futuristic city that… No, that's not. It can't be, can it? I can see some few people by those buildings nearer to the hill I'm at. They're human, but their clothes have a very distinct look.

A very distinct familiar look. Fuck me sideways. Slap me silly and call me motherfucking Sally. I'm in the Mass Effect universe. Dumbfounded, I grab a handful of grass, tear it up and rub it between my fingers. Turning my gaze toward the settlement again, my arms fall limply to my sides, and I'm just sitting there. After a good while of motionless gawking, there's a sudden chill in the air. I wrap my arms around myself, rubbing my shoulders trying to work up some heat. It's not all that cold, I reckon it's around 20 degrees Celsius, but… I'm wearing nothing more than my boxers. Because that's what I sleep in. What I slept in before I woke up in the Mass-friggin'-Effect universe!

"Tja, här kan man ju inte sitta som en annan dumfan", I mutter hoarsely to myself, noticing how dry my mouth feels. So, I promptly stand up and start walking toward the settlement.

I've barely gotten down the hill before they spot me. What looks like two men and a woman have dropped whatever they were doing and are now staring at me. I'm some 30 meters away, when I realize I have no clue as to what to say. My nerves start to act up, and a sinking feeling takes a hold of my gut. I have absolutely no idea what to say. Hardly the truth, "guess what guys, you're not real!". The feel of grass against the soles of my feet however, tells me that this is all indeed very real.

So, I tell them the truth, but I leave out the parts that will get me thrown into a nuthouse? As good a plan as any. The best lie is the honest one after all. Clearing my throat and taking a deep breath, I brace myself for whatever is to come.

Authors' Addendum:
This is just a short introduction to get started, but there will be some non-english content here in this fic. I'm swedish, and were I to end up in the ME-verse then I would not just suddenly speak and think solely in english. I'll try to keep the thinking in swedish to a minimum for the readers comfort, and when I use swedish I'll also provide a translation or explanation here in the addendum. Perhaps this will dispel the notion that swedes speak german? One can only hope.

*"Tja, här kan man ju inte sitta some en annan dumfan" = (roughly)Well, can't sit around here like some dumb fuck"