ON MY OWN

"Mooooom!" I heard a voice yell that I knew was no one but Maddie's.

I sighed.

"Yes Maddison?" I responded, feeling like I never get a break.

There, I heard 6 feet pit pat downstairs to where I was. I, Courtney, was now 26 years old.

"Now what is the problem?" I asked.

"Ethan and Alex keep bothering me, and I'm trying to do my homework!" Maddie said to me with disturbed eyes.

Her name was Maddison, better known as Maddie. She was 9 years old, my first born. I had her when she was just 19 years old - a great disappointment to my family of course. She had a complexion, mixed between her dad's and mine . Me and Duncan. Her skin held a nice glow to it. Her hair was black, inherited from her father and her eyes, teal, also from him. On the bridge of her nose and lightly around her cheeks, the part closest to her eyes, lay little light brown freckles that stood out whenever she blushed, just like me. However, when you looked at her, she looked just like her father.

That was the part that sickened me. I loved Maddie to pieces but every time she looked at me , I'd see that wretched Duncan. He left us when Maddie was only 4 years old. Why? Well, we weren't on the best of terms. Always arguing, fussing, and when push came to shove, things would get physical. I had enough of the BS and told him to pack his things and leave. I guess that time really did it because when he packed and left, he never came back. It was like this for almost a year now. Things just weren't getting any better or letting up. To make things worse, two months after him leaving, I found out I was pregnant...with twins. I could've almost committed suicide (not literally) with the fear that overcame me when I found this out. I didn't know how to tell him, for we hadn't spoken in months. I decided to take him to court for child support and that's when he received news on the twins. He looked disoriented when the judge spoke, and swore by God they couldn't be his. He figured they were whoever I was with after him, but that's the thing... there wasn't anyone after him. Long story short, the twins came, we did a blood test, they matched and he was to know send money monthly for them too. When they were born, that's the most me and Duncan had spoken in months. I was surprised he actually came to the hospital for the birth of them. We still didn't talk regularly, nor try to even work things out, we just kept our distance. The only time he called was when he was on his way to come get the kids for his visitation rights.

"What's this about Ethan, Alex?" I asked sternly.

"We weren't messing with her. She's lying!" Ethan said.

"Yeah, she's lying!" Alex added, nodding her head.

Ethan and Alex were the twins - fraternal. Ethan the boy, Alex the girl. Both 5 years old. They had a fair complexion, almost equivalent to mine but much lighter and dark chocolate hair, much more darker than mine in fact. Ethan had my grey eyes while Alex had had her dad's teal ones.

"You guys better tell me the truth." I said, daringly.

"We didn't do it. I swear!" they said in unison. God, that just got under my skin. I glared at them. I glared so hard I nearly had cat eyes.

"O-okay. W-we did i-"

RIIING RIIIING…RIIING RIIING

A noise interrupted the twins from their confession, and broke the rising tension in the room.

I sighed. "Just go answer the phone…" I trailed. "...And stop bothering your sister." I added as they walked away.

"No, I'll get it!" Maddie said, suddenly brightening up.

Maddie ran across to the kitchen where she picked up the cordless phone and answered, "Hello, Besbarino residents." [A/N: Pronunciation=Bez-bar-ee-no]

"Heeey baby." a male voice answered.

"Daddy!" she shrieked loudly.

I let out a groan, hearing her say that. Gosh, why is he calling?

Ever since little Daniel was born, Duncan's been really coming around to see his kids. He was there throughout the whole pregnancy but we still weren't going out or anything. Wondering how my little Dani was born and we weren't 'together'? Well, he claimed to had come over to talk about getting more visitation for his kids. Talking turned to arguing which turned into yelling that turned into sex. Stupid ole' me though…didn't use a condom even after what happened with Maddison. When we conceived the twins, I was irregularly taking "the pill" (suicide if you ask me) and me and Duncan weren't using condoms. Yeah, maybe a dumb move for a girl who just had a kid who was definitely a handful and I was only 23 but things happen. But anyway, with Dani, he said the least he could do was stick this pregnancy out so that's what he did. He was in the delivery room, at all my doctor's visits from me finding out I was pregnant until the 39 week mark and everything.

That still didn't change my output on him however. He left his family behind so if he wanted me back, he was going to try really hard. I doubted it, and my doubts were right. He tried, but it wasn't good enough. Not 1,000 sorries could take back what he did. I may forgive, but I don't forget, and I still haven't done either.

Daniel's my youngest. He's three. I had him when I was 25; a pretty decent age. He had his father's complexion, teal eyes and black hair. Another "twin" of his. He looked just like him. The only kids I had that did look like me where the twins. Everyone said Maddie resembles me and takes on my personality. Some even said she looks just like me…that is until they see Duncan.

One thing I most definitely know now, is that I won't give into him like that again. No angry sex…or any for that matter, by him again.

"Daddy?! Daddy!" Daniel yelled happily, as he ran into the kitchen.

"Yay! Dad's on the phone Ethan!" Alex shrieked happily as they both ran over to Maddie.

"Hey sweetheart, how's things going?" Duncan asked over the phone.

"Good. How about you?" Maddie asked back sweetly.

"I've been good." Duncan replied. "Where are the others?" he asked.

"Right here. Wanna speak to them?" she asked.

"Yeah." he replied.

"Here." Maddie spoke as she gave the phone to Ethan who put it in between him and his sister's ear.

"Hi dad." they said in unison.

"Thanks for ruining my ear. But how's it going guys?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Good." Ethan replied.

"I'm fine." Alex said. "When's the next time you're coming over?"

"Yeah, ya know it's Friday!" Ethan said excitedly.

"Yeah, about that, tell your mom I'll be over today in a few hours. Where's your little brother?" he asked.

"He's right here looking at me." Ethan laughed.

"Lemme speak to him." Duncan requested.

"Kay." Alex said.

"I love you guys." Duncan said.

"Love you too dad." they both replied.

"My turn!" Daniel whined, reaching up for the phone. Alex passed it to him.

"Hello?" Duncan asked.

"Hello? Hi daddy!" Daniel said clearly.

"Did I just hear whining from big boy Dani back there?" Duncan said.

"No, I-I just want to speak to daddy. I miss yous." Daniel said cutely.

"Don't worry. I'll be over in a little while." Duncan said.

"You coming to my home?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"Yeah, daddy coming to you home." Duncan mocked with a slight chuckle.

"I love you kay?" he added.

"I love you too daddy." Daniel said with a little giggle.

"Where's mommy?" Duncan asked.

"She white in there." Daniel said, pointing to Courtney like his dad could actually see.

When Courtney heard that, her breath got hitched in her throat.

"Put her on the phone for daddy." Duncan instructed.

"Okay." Daniel said as he carried the phone to Courtney and held it out.

"Daddy wanna talk to yous mommy." he said.

Courtney took a deep breath , "Yeah?" she questioned, as she put the phone up to her ear.

"Just called to let you know I'll be over in few." he said

"Okay, what time?" she asked

"In a little bit." he said. Courtney rolled her eyes at his obliviousness.

"What, tiiiime?" Courtney pressed.

"Well, it's 12 now, I'll be there by 3:30."he said.

"Alright, but don't think you're staying again." she said.

"Sure, sure." he sighed. "I'll be over in a few." he added.

"Mmkay." Courtney said.

"Love you." Duncan said.

Everything around Courtney seemed to stop with that statement from him. Why did he say that every time they talked on the phone. He knew those words made her body tremble, her mouth dry, her blood speed up, her cheeks redden…He knew those words got to her and opened those wounds that were trying to close.

"Y-y-yeah. That." she stumbled out. "Look, do you want to talk to Maddie or what?" she asked hurriedly, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, put her on." he said.

Courtney handed the phone to Maddie and took her place on the couch, turning the wide screen television on.

"Hello?" Maddie said, walking back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, uhhh, I'll be over in a few like I told you. I'm spending the night. Try and keep quiet until I get there though, okay?" Duncan instructed.

Maddie cheesed ear to ear. "Really!?" she asked excitedly. "But you know mom would never go through with that." she said in a whispered tone.

"I have my ways baby, you know that." Duncan said.

"Alright. Now when are you coming over dad?" she asked.

"In about an hour or so. Don't say anything to the others or your mom about me spending the night. You know the twins can't hold water." he said.

"Okay, love you daddy." Maddie said sweetly with a giggle.

Duncan chuckled, "Love you too Maddz." he said and Maddie hung up.

Maddie walked over to her mom on the couch and took a seat next to her. Daniel took a seat on his mom's lap while the twins sat on the plush mocha carpet and played with toys.

"Mom, you know…you and dad should really reconsider." Maddie said.

"W-what?!"Courtney spat, choking from the bluntness of her daughter.

"Ya know? Going back out? I miss dad being around like he was when you were pregnant with Dani." Maddie said looking up to her mom with hopeful eyes.

"Your dad didn't put you up to this did he?" Courtney asked angrily.

"No, of course not. But really…you should." Maddie said.

This question did take Courtney off guard, but not the manner of it. Maddie was a very mature kid, very "old" for her age, as most would say it. She asked questions, that no average 9 year old would. Such as, "Why do females go through menopause?" How did she even know about that?

"Maddison, I told you this before. Everything doesn't last. Me and your father unfortunately didn't. We love each other dearly, but things don't always work out the way we want them to. That's why your father and I don't live together." Courtney explained.

"But mom, I love you and dad. Can't you at least do it for me?" Maddie asked, a hint of sadness overcoming her face.

Courtney sighed, "Maddie, honey.." she started as she ran a hand through her child's hair. " As I said plenty of times, things don't always work out the way we want them to. I love you dearly, as I do all the others, but…mommy and daddy are best off living how we are now. Separately." Courtney said. "It's just the way the world works sweetheart." she added, gently caressing Maddie's face with her thumb.

"But mo-" Maddie started.

"No buts, Maddison. We're not going to go through this again. I've explained to you many of times why things are the way they are. Just be happy for the things you have. At least he visits a lot right? He takes you home and lets you spend weekends with him. Some kids don't even have a dad…some don't even know who their's is." Courtney said, taking her daughter's hand.

"Yeeeeah, you do make a good point..." Maddie trailed with a small smile, as she squeezed her mom's hand for a bit for reassurance. \

Courtney gave a squeeze back.

"I love you mom." Maddie said leaning her head on her mom's shoulder.

"I love you too Maddison Michaels." Courtney said, giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead.

A/N: New and improved Chapter 1. Bare with me, I re-read my story yesterday and was very displeased with it. I'm re-writing a lot of it. No major changes, but some noticeable ones. Sorry. But thanks a lot for the love guys, keep reading and reviewing. Bye :)