Author's Note: I have absolutely no excuse for taking so long. Blame tumblr, blame other stories, blame the fact that I love reading fanfiction to the point where its becoming a problem. But hey I'm updating and its great and also very sad because it's the end. Its the final chapter, everything that needs to happen happens and I hope I figured everything out alright to the point where you are all satisfied because I think I am. So, I hope you like it and I love you all. Thank you.

Kendall knew that scream, and many variations of it. He'd woken up too many times during the night to the sounds of Katie crying because she'd had a nightmare. But this time, his boned chilled and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Goose bumps littered his skin as he struggled to get off the couch, scrambling to his feet and running out of the room as fast as he legs would carry him. "Katie!" He cried. He had no idea where she was or what to do, he just knew he had to get to her somehow.

Kendall had one foot on the stairs leading up to the second floor when she shrieked again. Heart stopping momentarily, Kendall rushed in the opposite direction over to the kitchen. He almost didn't want to believe it, until he heard the sound of her nails clawing at the door Kendall knew previously to be locked. "Katie!" Kendall jiggled the door handle, clammy hands twisting and turning just hoping to yanking the door of his hinge if only to get to his sister.

"Kendall help me! I'm scared! Kendall!" He could hear the tears that fell as she stretched her voice in order to keep his attention. He didn't care what happened anymore. He pounded on the door with his fist, door knob still in his clutch.

"Katie don't worry I'll protect you, I just have to…" Kendall jiggles the door handle some more. "Fucking dammit! James open the goddamn door!" It took at least five more minutes of handling the door knob as if it were the twist on bop-it! when the uncooperative door finally swung open, the hinges creaking, revealed steps that led down, down, down, into a black abyss. Well shit.

Besides the sheer darkness of it all, the first thing Kendall realized was Katie, or lack thereof. She wasn't there. She wasn't waiting behind the door ready to jump into his arms and cry into his shoulder like baby sisters are supposed to when they're scared. Instead at the top of the stairs there was only him, his heart beating uncontrollably because WHERE WAS SHE? Daring to take a step down Kendall did, the stiff floorboards creaking angrily under the pressure of his weight, shouting at him to step back and turn around, to get the hell out of there.

Kendall was never one to listen.

As soon as he was two steps down the door to the basement swung itself shut, leaving Kendall alone in the dark with sweaty palms as they grasped the door handle willing it to turn. It wouldn't budge.

"Kendall?" The usually high pitched perky voice was quiet, uneasy, and beyond frightened. Hearing his sister's voice again knotted and unknotted the kinks in Kendall's stomach as he turned back to face the bottomless pit of stairs that never ended. Forcing down the lump in his throat the blonde took his steps cautiously, tight fingers gripping the railing as if expecting the wood to crumble beneath his feet.

He made it down, thankfully all in one piece. The stairs were just strong enough to let him reach the bottom, grateful when the soles of his socks impacted the cold concrete floor. Everything was black. Even with the time given for his eyes to adjust Kendall still had no sense of direction. He was blindsided by the thickness of the dark as it consumed him, because nowhere in all four corners of that basement was there light seeping through, and there were no windows to the outside or even crawl spaces. Kendall was fucked.

"Katie? Katie I'm here." Kendall whispered, doubting the little girl could even hear the few spoken words over the sound of his own heartbeat. It was so loud, so strong, so fucking palpable Kendall placed a hand over his chest just hoping to calm the poor muscle as it surpassed its limits of supplying him with the ability to live and breathe and save his sister. Still nothing worked. The beats quickened to astronomical levels, the THUMPTHUMPTHUMP getting louder and louder until it was all he could hear as if amplified inside his own mind, drowning out his thoughts, his fears, everything.

Kendall cupped his hands over his ears, falling to his knees on the concrete as tears streamed down his face because nothing would stop, it wouldn't stop, the thumps all they did was echo, and their echoes would echo and Kendall felt like he couldn't breathe because he needed it to stop. He knew he was screaming but he couldn't even hear that. "STOP. PLEASE STOP!"

It stopped.

There was nothing but silence and the sound of Kendall's shaky breaths. "K-Katie?" He called out, hoping she would answer and save him from the stress he was dealing with, yet he still heard nothing.

Kendall stood back up and cautiously tiptoed around, desperately thinking in the dark he'd somehow find his sister and be able to escape with her up the stairs and down the hall all the way outside and away from that goddamn house. "Katie please say something. Say anything. We need to get out of here before...before we..." Before we die. Kendall can't make himself say the words aloud, if only to frighten his sister and show just how terrified he is himself. He's the big brother, the protector, he's not supposed to be scared. He's not allowed to be scared.

Still Katie said nothing, and the room was still quiet, until Kendall heard something mixed between a scratch and a scrape and he swore he's heard that sound before. It was a match.

A flame flickered, shadowing the room in a glowing ember of orange that reflected off the walls and Kendall found Katie, huddled in the corner with her knees to her chest, brown eyes mesmerized by the flicker of the flame, watching it burn between the tips of her delicate fingers.

Kendall didn't say a word. He rushed over to her side, gripping her tiny wrist with sweaty fingers, trying to pull her to her feet so they could run. "Dammit Katie move."

Still nothing. Her brown eyes found Kendall's and there was no fear, there was no worry, her eyes were void of any emotion. "Teddy says playing with fire is fun."

Kendall muttered under his breath, 'fucking bear,' before turning back to Katie and grabbing the match from her fingers. It was so hot, painfully hot that Kendall can't believe she could stand it. He tossed it into a corner, watching the flame die before his eyes. Turning back to Katie he clutched onto her shoulders, willing her to move. "Katie come on we have to get out of here."

Her head shook slowly from side to side in a way that had every nerve that ran down Kendall's spine quaking. This wasn't Katie, there was no way it could be his little sister. She was so… unresponsive, as if she didn't care about anything anymore. She was lifeless.

Kendall took his hands off her shoulders and stepped back. He couldn't look at her like this, not when she wasn't herself, he couldn't do it. He turned away and walked back into the darkness, hoping he was aiming for the staircase. He didn't stop until he heard her voice, so small and weak but definitely there. "Stay with me Kendall."

Stay with me Kendall. Stay Kendall. Kendall stay. Stay with me Kendall. Stay with us. Never leave us Kendall. Stay. Stay. STAY.

Voices, quiet and definite slipped through his skin, crept past his flesh and found their way through his veins. They whispered, they breathed, they kept him standing there unable to move. It wasn't Katie, none of them were her voice, only different versions of one he knew pretty well. "James."

"Are you gonna stay with me blondie?" Lips pressed against the shell of Kendall's ear, cold and bitter and freezing, his body going into shock as he shook uncontrollably from the dainty touch.

"No." Kendall turned to the side where he knew James was standing, looming near him like a whisper in the wind because he couldn't see James, he could no longer feel him there. "Just let us go James, I'm begging you."

And he was begging. His voice cracked under the pressure, his body still rigid like before. Kendall wasn't afraid to grovel, to get on his hands and knees and beg because he just wanted his old life back, the one before James, before this house, before Carlos and Logan, before everything fell apart. He never asked for this to happen, he never asked for it to be this way.

"But you're supposed to need me, you're supposed to want me, you're supposed to love me. I can't let you go."

It became one of those moments where Kendall forgot James is dead. He forgot he didn't have a pulse or a beating heart; that James wasn't human but something way less than that. Because James sounded terrified of Kendall not wanting him, not loving him, not needing him. But Kendall understood the roles were reversed. It was James who felt all those things, he was the one who needed Kendall, who loved Kendall and he just wanted it to be reciprocated, yet Kendall couldn't find it inside himself to be that for James. Not after what he knew, not after everything he'd seen, not after everything James had done to him and to his friends, to Katie.

Kendall took a deep breath, letting the oxygen spread throughout him. "You have to. I can't be what you need. I don't want to be what you need." The blonde glanced back to the corner where Katie still sat, still raptured in some sort of trance with walls Kendall couldn't break down. "What did you do to her?"

James shrugged nonchalantly as if he had no idea what Kendall meant. "I didn't do anything."

"You son of a bitch you clearly did. Look at her." James' gaze flickered over to the corner where the girl sat, clutching her knees, immobile, with not a care in the world.

"Looks fine to me. I don't understand what has your balls in a clamp because she's okay Kendall. Everything is okay." James stepped towards the blonde, Kendall mirroring him and taking one step back. It was like a dance, synchronized in a way where Kendall just kept stepping back until there was nowhere else to go and he was held up against the cold, concrete wall. "You know you don't have to be afraid of me."

Kendall's throat was unbearably dry as he choked down a swallow, surprised he could even do that. He nodded his head, profusely so, his bangs flopping as he did. "Yes I do. You're a monster James. You hurt people, you killed your parents."

In the dark Kendall couldn't see, but he sensed something change in James. Maybe it was his 'breathing', and the way his exhalations shortened out until there was nothing. Maybe he sensed it when he felt James' hands on his wrists, pinning him against the wall, his hard body flush against his soft one. Or maybe it was just the way his touch was so cold that it felt like fire permanently burning his skin as James sunk in closer to Kendall, petrified lips pressed against the blonde's ear. "Who the fuck told you?"

Kendall's head shook slowly back and forth, almost automatic with a robotic way about the movement. He kept his lips sealed, locked tight and closed because he wasn't going to tell, he wasn't going to rat Logan out and put him in more danger than the brunette already was. "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you did it. Which means you would do it again, but you can't James. You need to leave us alone. Go away, go back to wherever you belong. Find some other fucked up way to be happy, because this isn't the way to do it."

"But it's supposed to be this way." James yelled angrily, pulling Kendall back before shoving him harder into the wall, eliciting a groan of pain from the blonde. "It's you Kendall. You're the one who brought me back. You're the one who let me in, who made me feel the one thing that I always wanted to be able to understand. You made me feel a little human again...you made me fall in love. I love you. I love you dammit and you can't just take that away from me. I won't let you."

Even though Kendall was sure at one point he felt the same, he knew he had to lie to get himself and Katie out of this mess. He had to break James and make him believe it was never love for him; that it was just a game, just a silly way of getting off like teenage boys were supposed to. "Well I don't love you James. How could I? Sure what we did, it was fun, it was risky, it was hot beyond belief but you can't actually expect me to love you can you? I need someone like me, I need someone who can breathe, who has a heartbeat, who gets older just like I do. I'm only eighteen, I'm too young to be in love, and even if I was it wouldn't be with you. Never in a million years would I choose you." The grip on Kendall's wrists loosened to a degree. "Please just let me take my sister and leave."

For the first time in a long time James took a breath even though it didn't do him any good, it just filled the empty spaces inside him like a vacuum. "But we could've worked it out. We could be together, without anyone stopping us Kendall. You could be just like me and I could be just like you. You just have to admit that you love me back and it can happen. Please don't leave me here to rot, to wait for someone else who will never even compare to you, and everything that you make me feel. We can be together, I just..." James situated Kendall so that both his wrists were clasped in a single hold of his fist as his other hand gently traced a curve down the side of Kendall's arm, over his shoulder, through the groove of his collar bone, the touch of James fingertips leaving a burning trail in their wake. His hand moved to Kendall's throat, cold fingers softly pressing into Kendall's skin. "I just have to kill you."

The tears were hot and salty in the corners of Kendall's eyes, threatening to shed and James slowly but surely tightened his grip on Kendall's neck. It burned, it burned so much that Kendall wanted to scream, wanted to cry, maybe he even did want to die. Because James touch was so bitter, it was so fucking cold that it felt like fire, like flames dancing along Kendall's skin that he was sure if James let go of him now there'd be an infinite print of his fingers carved into Kendall's throat and around his wrists.

When the first tear fell Kendall thought of Katie, thought of his mom and how they would live knowing he was gone. He couldn't do that, he wouldn't abandon them because they needed him, and a part of him needed them. And he could just imagine Logan and Carlos and how they'd react, because somehow they would figure out the truth behind his death, no matter what James did to cover it up and leave no trace back to him. "James you can't do this. Please, please, please don't do this. L-look at her. Look over in that corner. That little girl, she has a dad that wants nothing to do with her, she has a mom that works herself to the bone just to make her happy. James, Katie needs me. If you won't spare my life because of me, at least do it for her. Please don't take me away from her. Please I'm begging you."

When James let go of Kendall he expected the worst. He expected screaming, he expected shouting, quite honestly he expected James to kill him.

But he didn't.

James just walked away, like a shadow he trudged his way up the lonely steps, the distance thump, thump, thump, like the first night they met filled all the empty spaces in Kendall's body like echoes as he tried to peer through the infinite darkness. At least he wanted to see him go.

The blonde didn't realize when his sister ended up by his side, crying into him and choking on her tears as she cried, saying how scared she was and asking where they were. Turned out the last thing she remembered was being tucked safely away in her bed for the night.

Kendall hurriedly picked the sobbing girl up and trudged up the stairs. The thumps were fading away into nothing as he listened to James drag his feet through their house, down the hall, up the stairs to the top floor. Before Kendall could even begin to stop and think he knew where James was headed.

He stopped just outside his bedroom door and placed Katie down in the hall against the wall. He placed a kiss to her forehead and brushed the hair from her eyes sweetly, tucking the loose strands behind her ears. "Stay here Katie, I love you and don't worry, I'll come back." Katie nodded with a frightened look on her face, letting Kendall go as he made his way slowly into his bedroom.

There James was sitting on the bed, the box they'd been so desperate to find long ago tucked away in his lap. "You have to burn this." James mumbled softly, not looking up to meet Kendall's eyes. Kendall figured it was better that way. "You have to burn it, make sure I never come back. It's the only way Kendall. I don't want to come back, if I can't have you it's not worth it."

Kendall closed the distance between them and got down on his knees in front of James. He gripped James' wrists tightly in his hands and begged him to look at him. "I'm so so sorry James."

"No you're not, you wouldn't be sending me away if you were sorry. You would let me find a way for us to be together and you would actually care. But you don't, and you never did. Just take this stupid thing." James shoved the box at Kendall, pushing the blonde away and getting to his feet, floorboards creaking angrily beneath him. "It's time for me to go. End it back where it all started."

Fire. All Kendall saw were deep flames burning in red, orange and blue. James was on fire, but he wasn't burning. He was disintegrating into mere nothingness, as if he didn't exist, as if he never did exist. The flames licked and tickled James' body, surrounding him entirely from head to toe before fully consuming him and leaving Kendall all alone in an empty room, with an empty bed, and box that may or may not have ruined his life. He tossed it on the nightstand. He'd burn it tomorrow or the next day, with Logan and Carlos, because he knew they'd gladly light the sucker when Kendall knew he'd never be able to fully get rid of James.

Kendall hugged Katie tightly to his body that night, so tightly he feared he would suffocate her, but even that thought crossing his mind wouldn't make him let go. All he thought about was James. He just had to hope James moved on and away from where he was, and maybe he could finally fit into the idea of resting in peace, because Kendall knew it'd been nothing but hell for James from the start.

Would he miss him? Kendall wasn't really sure. He knew he'd be able to breathe freely again, knew he'd be able to walk around without wondering if the ghost of someone who once was followed his every footstep. He knew he'd finally be able to sleep, like really sleep and actually enjoy the comfort of dreaming when he wasn't under the control of someone else. But the kisses and the chills that came with knowing James, Kendall would miss those the most, because that was when James felt the most real to him, as if he wasn't a memory, but something else entirely.

It took a while to get back into the swing of a normal life style. He went to work, went to school, he came home. He hung out with Carlos and Logan; he would accompany them to the movies or the mini golf course or just for boring drives around town to pass the time. Sure he felt like a third wheel more times than he could count on both his fingers and toes but still, Logan and Carlos were there for him, they helped him remember his old self, the part of him his mom missed seeing every day. He was slowly becoming Kendall again.

It wasn't until three months later when Kendall's world turned upside down.

He was in the back of his English class, doodling endlessly away in the infinite pages of his notebook, paying no attention to anything his teacher said or did. They were pointless scribbles, some words, some drawings, all of it a mess, but somehow it made sense to him when he looked at the lined paper.

His teacher was saying something, and it must have been important because the usual whispers around the classroom ceased but Kendall never looked up; his teacher's voice was just background noise to him. It never caused him any concern, until now.

"We have a new student class," the words didn't register in his mind, so Kendall continued to dawdle with his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth, focused on the pages in front of him. "His name is, I'm sorry what is it again?"

"James Diamond." Snap. Kendall's pencil broke clean in half as his fingers tensed, clamping around it until the plastic was pushed far beyond its limits, the top half of it rolling off the desk and falling to the floor.

Soft footfalls made their way towards the back of the room, echoing in Kendall's mind as they came closer, until coming to a stop just in front of his desk. Instead of looking up Kendall kept his gaze trained on the carvings in the table top, his left hand balling into a fist on his thigh. He barely made out the movement of someone bending down to pick something up, but Kendall ignored it.

"This yours?" It was the same voice, and the way it hung between them like glass waiting to be shattered shook Kendall. He nodded, his bangs barely moving as he kept his head hung low. As much as he wanted to look up, to make sure his ears weren't fooling him he stayed still as he was, hoping he could make himself seem small enough to disappear.

The other half of his broken pencil fell onto his desk with a clatter and a soft chuckle could be heard from above before the guy moved on, occupying the seat next to Kendall that just had to be empty.

Don't look. Don't look. Kendall could feel James' intense stare boring holes throughout his entire body. Maybe if Kendall just took a peek, just to make sure he wasn't crazy but… no Kendall don't. Don't do it. You're not crazy. It's not James, it's just a coincidence. Everything is fine. Everything is better. It's finally okay.

Yeah, his little pep talk wasn't helping too much, because goddamn he had to do something.

It was a long hour full Kendall's knee bouncing up and down, ticking like a time bomb as it gave something Kendall to focus on. He counted each movement, every time he raised his knee meant another step closer to the end of class and away from whoever was beside him, because there's no way it was possible.

It wasn't possible. James was gone. Logan and Carlos burned the box in Carlos' yard one night, even used vodka to soak the sucker before burning it beyond the point of recognition. It was nothing but ashes in the campfire, charcoaled soot. Kendall hadn't thought about the little wooden box since.

That's a lie. He thought about it every day, every minute of every day and wondered if things would be different. Maybe if he'd kept the box James could have come back a less tormented soul than what he'd been before. Maybe James would have held more love than hate in his heart that long ago stopped beating. There were a lot of 'maybe's lumped into his situation and Kendall really hated not knowing what could have been. But now he knew, because without looking up he knew it was James in the seat beside him. It was the same voice, the same name and really, James Diamond isn't a common name, at least Kendall didn't think it was. So all he had to worry about now was how; how and why and every other question that could fit in between.

His brain was really starting to hurt.

When the class finally ended Kendall booked it from the seat, pushing other students down in his haste to escape the feeling of those eyes on his body, watching his every move, every rise and fall of his chest. As soon as he was free he set off for the cafeteria, thankful it was lunch time. He hurried to his usual table, knees quaking as he sat down in his usual seat, just waiting for Carlos and Logan to come along.

They sat down across from him like always, not really paying the blonde any attention at first, their matching brown eyes locked on each other. But when Carlos finally glanced over at Kendall, the first words to fall from his lips were, "Dude, you look like you just saw a ghost."

Kendall could only guess he was pale, much paler than normal for his usual creamy skin. He gave Carlos a glare that could knock the wind out of anyone and groaned. He just wanted to know what the hell was going on. "I think he's back."

Logan was the first to react, practically jumping over the table to Kendall's aid, rubbing a soothing hand over the blonde's back, reminding him to breathe as he calmly asked Kendall just what the fuck he was talking about.

"I don't know I didn't look. I couldn't make myself look guys but that voice and his name and that chuckle. Guys it has to be him but he's here, and everyone else can see him. The teacher…she introduced him as a new student. People can see him and hear him and I don't know what's going on. Fuck I should have just looked, checked to make sure I'm not going insane. He can't be back can he? CAN HE?" Kendall was just about reaching the point of hyperventilation when he felt a hard slap to his cheek, the sound cracking in the cafeteria while Kendall rubbed the side of his jaw, already beginning to feel the welt form.

"Snap out of it." Carlos said, giving Kendall a concerning look while also looking to Logan for help. "Now what is going on?"

"I don't know. I just I really don't know."

Logan sighed beside him, giving both boys wary glances between the two of them. "We need to think this through, think about this calmly and rationally." Both Kendall and Carlos nodded, ready to listen. "If other people can see him, then this is a different situation entirely. The only way we'll figure anything out is if we find him and talk to him." Two pairs of brown eyes shot towards Kendall and his direction. He gave both of them a what look.

"If he's back it's because of you," Logan continued. "You have to face him."

Kendall gulped. When he stumbled out of bed that morning this certainly wasn't something he'd signed up for, no not at all. "Whatever." Bracing his hands against the table Kendall stood up and trudged his feet hesitantly towards the cafeteria doors. What met him outside in the hall didn't surprise him much.

James was just as Kendall remembered him, only tanner. There was actually pinks to his cheeks, that Kendall could only assume was a nature glow, and there was a spark in those once dull hazel eyes. He didn't know what it meant but he knew it had to be something. James was wearing normal clothes, he looked healthy, he looked real. "Hi." The voice was definitely the same.

Kendall wasn't sure if he could handle talking, but he guessed he could since his voice found itself as his lips began to move. "What…how are you here right now?"

"We should go for a walk." James nudged Kendall with his shoulder playfully as both boys' feet began to steadily move. Another thing Kendall noticed was the simple touch of his shoulder wasn't cold. There was heat underneath the layers of clothes covering muscles that Kendall could only imagine to begin existed. None of it was making sense to him. "How's everything been?"

Kendall forced out a choked, "Good, same as before, only a hell of a lot different." James laughed at that and Kendall's heart did this thing, where it felt like stretching, reaching out to feel something Kendall hadn't let himself feel in a while. The whole thing was weird, but Kendall wasn't too dumb to figure out what was going on. He missed James; it was plain and simple as that.

"And Katie? Is she okay?"

"She's great. James what are you doing here?"

They stopped in an empty corridor, James resting to lean against a locker. "Something…something happened. I don't really know how to explain it."

Kendall pushed him. "Well try, I'm not a complete idiot."

"I know you're not it's just…Kendall I can breathe. Like really breathe. And I can feel pain and I have a heart and it beats. There's blood inside me right now, running through my veins, probably flying right now because being around you does this thing to me that speeds everything up, like adrenaline or something and I feel like I'm on a high."

Kendall gave him a look because everything that James had just explained wasn't supposed to be possible, not if he was dead.

"Kendall, I'm alive. I'm human. I'm real and people can see me and hear me and touch me but that doesn't matter to me because I just wanna be seen and heard and touched by you."

His head was shaking, the wheels in his head churning, his heart beating just a little faster but loud enough that Kendall could hear it. He had to be dreaming, it was some sick and twisted dream that had to be it. Only it was too real to be a dream, and usually his dreams weren't this nice to him. "What does this all mean?"

"They gave me a second chance to live again, and it's all because of you, and what you did to me. You made me feel things I never thought I'd be able to feel, and I gave up everything for you, I let you live when I should have killed you so we could be together. But now we can be together, because shit Kendall I have a pulse and a heart and I have a life! That's only if you'll still have me that is, because I don't know what's happened in your life these past few months, but I've literally been to hell and back missing you."

Words are such a silly thing. They make up what we do, what we say. They were invented to give us a chance to communicate, to react and interact with others in a way that makes sense for us and Kendall was at a loss for them. But it didn't matter, nothing did, because when he pressed James up against that locker and kissed him until they both couldn't breathe, all the words in the world were useless beyond compare.

THE END

wow so I finally finished a story on here :)

Its safe to say I will miss this one, that it was a lot of fun to write even if I lost it a bit along the way, it finally ended. I had a completely different ending planned, and it wasn't happy, but this came about instead and I like it a lot better. Hope everyone liked it (next to be update will be Sound Of Madness)

THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING AND FREAKING OUT I LOVE YOU ALL