She knew it would happen eventually. People would find out. She'd be teased mercilessly. People would try selling pictures of her to gossip rags (probably to find out that no one in the US really cared about her, but still). She'd ask her father to let her switch schools just to avoid it all. She'd lose normalcy. She'd lose Ted.

Because you don't get to keep your nice, normal, high school boyfriend when you lie to him for months, she reminds herself through her tears. This is all her fault. Not Barney's. Hers.

God, she was delusional to think she could pretend to be plain old Robin Scherbatsky forever.

When the breakup happens, it isn't messy. It's so quick—a few stiff, awkward words on the phone, initiated by Ted—it almost seems like it isn't real.

~x~

The day before Christmas Eve, a Saturday, Barney comes over to her house and manages to charm her father into letting him inside. Robin's up in her bedroom, sitting in her desk chair and staring at a calendar. Four months. She was a regular, non-singing, non-mall-opening, non-freak for four whole months.

"I don't know what I was expecting," Barney says as he enters, lowering his head a little because he's almost too tall to get through the door. "But I'm surprised at the lack of glitter in here."

"What are you doing here?" she asks as she turns, almost not even caring.

He looks around the room for a moment and then perches on the edge of her blue bedspread. "Just… wanted to apologize."

"For?"

"Outing you."

She laughs without humor and looks away. "We both know it would've come out eventually. Are you really sorry, or did you just want to come over and gloat?" He looks puzzled. "Oh come on," Robin says, standing up. She grabs a hockey puck off her desk and presses it between her hands as she paces. "You can't tell me you didn't want me and Ted to break up."

"No, I didn't."

"I don't really see any other reason to give me so much crap this year. No seriously, tell me. How long were you sitting on that information? How'd you figure it out?"

Barney sighs and leans back on his hands. "Robin. You're famous in Canada. It wasn't hard."

"Tell me."

He shrugs. "I… fine. I've only known for a couple of days. I did an image search. You know, I uploaded a picture of you. And I got about a million hits for some teen pop singer from Canada. God, I still almostdon't believe it. But it's not like you're denying it… can I get your autograph, by the way?" She moves to throw the hockey puck at him, but he jumps up and blocks her arm, taking hold of her wrist. "Scherbatsky, come on. Can you blame a guy for being impressed?" He gives her a puppy-eyed look.

"You're not impressed," she says quietly, very aware of his hand on her wrist. "You're practically giddy. I bet you couldn't wait to tell Ted what a fraud I am."

"Hey, you're not a fraud. And you're wrong about the other thing, too. Believe it or not, I want Ted to be happy. That's why…" He sighs and drops her hand.

"What?"

"It's just been—nothing." She raises her eyebrows, waiting. "It's been hard. That's all. Watching whatever's been happening with you two. Wondering if you were ever gonna tell him the truth… it wasn't exactly fun watching you guys make out in the hallway every day." He steps around her and goes to her desk, then reaches out and touches a couple of her knick-knacks. He runs a hand through his hair, nervous.

Robin lets out a deep breath. "Well if you were so worried about Ted—"

"It's not—that's not it, Robin. God…" He turns back to face her. "You think I like being in love with someone I can't have? You think it's fun, chasing all these other girls all over town because I can't get this other person out of my head? You think I just can't wait for you to hurt my best friend so I can swoop in like a complete idiot?"

Stunned silence fills the space between them. Robin doesn't move. Behind them, a pen rolls off the desk.

"Are you saying you're in love with Ted?" she finally breathes, almost hopeful.

He doesn't laugh. Just slowly exhales, licks his lip. "No," he says. "I'm not." He takes a step toward her. She backs up and hits the side of the bed. Another step and he's closed in on her. "Let's just pretend this never happened," he says, "because it can't happen."

Then his hand is on her hip, and he's brushing a long strand of brown hair from her face, and his nose brushes hers just before he kisses her. What is this, she thinks for a moment, but then it's just him, pressing warmth against her, nudging her lips apart, deepening the kiss, and she realizes her eyes are closed and her hands are in his hair. And she's trembling but it's so intoxicating, so intense… and then she's not thinking about anything.

And it's not like Ted.

It's not high school, or simple, or cliché.

"Okay," he murmurs into her mouth, "Maybe it can happen…"

His fingers are pressing into her back, pulling her body into his, when her eyes open again. She breaks the kiss, suddenly aware of the fact that her heart is pounding. He moves his mouth to her cheek and trails along her skin, until he's pressing a kiss under her jaw, on her neck, and it feels so good, it terrifies her. "You have to go," she blurts out, pushing him off her.

"Why?" he says, breathless.

"Because. I want to—I want to work it out with Ted." The moment she says his name, she's not sure if it's true, and tears spring to her eyes.

"Do you?" Barney asks.

"Yes." Robin busies herself fixing her shirt. "That's—he's what I want. I'm sorry."

He nods, slowly. Then, as if realizing there's nothing else to say, he turns for the door. As soon as his hand touches the doorknob, he stops. "I just gotta ask. Why would you even want a guy who knows nothing about you?"

"Well—because," she starts lamely. "A normal life starts to look appealing after a while."

"And Robin Sparkles can't try to live normally?"

"No," she says sharply. "That world isn't… it's fake, and plastic, and lonely. Everything has to be supersized, and exciting, and viewer-worthy and just… go, go, go, all the time. And I wanted out. I wanted to forget it. Ted helps me do that. He's, you know, he's that guy."

He takes his hand off the doorknob and steps back. "What guy?"

"The high school boyfriend guy! That's what I want! The cliché! The kissing at football games and holding hands during study hall guy!" She starts pacing again. "The guy who's just—just—"

"Juuuuuust someone you don't have to feel too strongly about? Not… supersized and viewer-worthy?" He looks like he wants to laugh.

"Yes! No. No, that's not it." She stops pacing and looks at him. "I do feel strongly about him. But it's different."

"Different how."

She throws her hands up. "I… I don't have to be afraid of anything with him. I know what's coming. No surprises."

Barney balks. "This is supposed to be a good thing?"

"Get out."

This time, he does.

~x~

After the holidays, Robin isn't sure whether she's welcome at the lunch table anymore, so she sits in the opposite corner of the cafeteria, away from their usual table. But soon enough, Lily's sitting down across from her, talking about an art project she's frustrated with, and where Lily goes, Marshall follows, so he sits down with three bowls of pasta and two bananas, and before Robin realizes what's happening, Ted sits down next to her and they smile shyly at each other and Lily keeps talking like nothing has changed. And halfway through the lunch period, Barney shows up.

He doesn't look at Robin. He pulls on one of Lily's short, red braids and steals the cookie off Ted's plate and tells them all that he's been kicked out of the Triple Play Sportz complex for accidentally breaking some poor kid's nose during laser tag over New Years. "Oh," he says, "And I might be going to Rutgers in September."

They all stop eating and stare at him.

Marshall is the first to speak. "Seriously, man? That's awesome!" Then they all chime in, patting Barney on the back, asking him about the scholarship he's up for. Robin feels her lips moving, but there's no sound. It's almost like it hadn't occurred to her that he was really graduating in a few months, when the rest of them have a full two years to go.

"That's great," she finally chokes out. "…where is that again?"

~x~

Things are different now that everyone knows. At first, it's a lot of ribbing and teasing and autograph requests, even though no one had ever heard of Robin Sparkles before. Someone finds a link to a music video on a Canadian website and the embarrassment keeps her home sick for three days, until her dad forces her to go back. And even Coach Wallace can't resist shouting out, "Get a move on, Sparkles!" when she falls behind during gym laps.

The only consolation is the distraction of Barney winking at her, echoing, "Yeah, come on, Sparkles," as he runs by her. Then, at least, she can concentrate on catching up with him so she can smack him.

She can never think what to say around him anymore. He doesn't initiate any replays of the scene before Christmas, and she doesn't either.

~x~

She follows Ted to his car in the parking lot after school one day, steels her nerve, and asks him for another chance. "You all know everything now anyway," she says, trying to make him smile.

He seems torn for a few minutes, reminding her of why they broke up, what her lack of honesty meant to him, how it made him feel like nothing to her.

"You weren't nothing to me."

"I know, but… I don't think I was something special, either. And the thing is, Robin…" Ted leans back against his car door and shakes his head. "I'm not sure I even wanted to know why. I liked you, and I liked things simple, like you did. I mean…" He looks her in the eye. "Does that sound like two people who really have something real?"

Robin doesn't know what to say, so she shuffles her feet for a moment, and then Ted gets into his car.

"Besides. I think you were more upset at the thought of Barney graduating than the thought of us not getting back together."

Robin grabs the car door to stop him from closing it. "Whoa, whoa. That's… Ted, that's nothing."

He turns the key and the car whirs to life. "Don't worry about it, Canada," he smiles. "Just do me a favor, and work on telling the truth from now on. Okay?" His smile turns a little melancholy for a moment, and then he pulls the door shut and drives off.

~x~

If Ted noticed her reaction to Barney's imminent departure, surely the others did too. It takes her several days to work up the nerve to find out.

"Does everyone know?" Robin asks Lily during Spanish class, deliberately vague.

"Sí," says Lily.

She thinks she's going to puke.

~x~

The age difference between Barney and the rest of the group has always seemed like nothing. She's wondered why a senior would want to hang around a bunch of sophomores, but the way he likes to explain things and try to mold Ted's behavior makes it clearer. His influence over Ted usually has no effect, but it's amusing watching Barney try to get Ted to hit on girls, or to major in business too so they can start some kind of evil corporation someday.

But when she runs into him in the hallway when he's surrounded by a pack of fellow seniors all talking about graduation, she feels… like a kid. He's talking to a tall blonde girl in a miniskirt and even though they don't seem to be flirting, there's a pull of jealousy in Robin's chest that he's moving on without them all. Without her.

She turns down another hallway before he sees her, embarrassed.

~x~

Marshall and Lily throw a Valentine's Day party disguised as an Anti-Valentine's Day party to get people to come. It's surprisingly effective. By the time Robin arrives at Lily's house, the place is packed.

"Don't think I can't see through this," Robin says, taking off her coat and handing it to Lily. "You may have black streamers and horror movies on the TV, but this is still an excuse for you and Marshall to give each other presents.

"Oh, don't be a grouch," Lily says. "Anti-Valentine's Day chocolate?"

Robin's on her sixth piece of chocolate around the time Barney's talking to his sixth girl. She tries to talk to him a couple of times, but he always manages to disappear the second her eyes are averted to talk to another girl. She'd swear he's doing this on purpose, except that he never even looks at her. Or maybe he's just that evil. Probably just evil.

A senior offers her a beer and she shakes him off. "Oh, I forgot—gotta keep up that squeaky clean teen image, right, Sparkles?" the guy says, nearly falling over with laughter,and she shoves him aside and walks up to Barney. He's got his arm around a girl she doesn't recognize, and there's a beer in his hand, and he jumps when he sees her.

"Scherbatsky. Hey. You know Jessica?"

"Nope," Robin says carelessly. "So, you seen Ted around? I could use some company around here." It's immature, trying to use Ted to make Barney jealous, and kind of makes her sick, but then, so does the way Jessica's burrowing into Barney's side. "Oh, there he is," she says. "Have fun, kids. Use a condom."

Barney calls her name as she walks off, but she ignores it. She's talking to Ted when he finds them a few minutes later.

"Where's Jessica?" Robin asks, popping another chocolate into her mouth.

"Who?" Barney says.

"Aww. I was really looking forward to getting to know her," she snaps. "You two were so good together."

Ted gives her a strange look. "You okay, Robin?"

"Of course! Who wants more chocolate?" She holds up the bowl. "You know, the thing about being a Canadian pop star is that you can't eat as much chocolate as you want. Gotta say, that might be the reason I left." She laughs loudly. "And boy am I glad I left. Because there's nothing like stuffing your face with chocolate at an Anti-Valentine's Day party." She laughs again.

"Is she drunk?" Barney asks Ted, who shakes his head. "You need some air, Scherbatsky?"

"No, I do not need air, Barney. But thank you for the offer. I'm sure you have some other girls to attend to now, and I wouldn't want you to miss out on these last few months of quality time with them all, so I'll just…" Irritated, she smacks the bowl of candy back on the counter and turns to leave. "Sorry, Ted," she adds as an afterthought, and he lifts his hands as if to say he has no part in this, and then she pushes her way through the crowd in the kitchen.

All right, so maybe she does need some air.

The hallway is mercifully empty. She's struggling to get the front door open when Barney catches up with her. "It's ten degrees outside," he says calmly.

"So?"

"So… you're wearing a sleeveless dress."

"Guess what? I'M CANADIAN. I think I can handle it." At last she's able to open the door, and the blast of icy air hits her in the face. She purses her lips for a moment. "But, actually, I think—I think I don't really feel like going outside right now. So." She shuts the door and turns around, avoiding his eye.

"Okay, you want to go back to the party?" he says, still completely casual.

"No."

"You want to go outside? I'll get your coat."

"No!"

"You want me to set up Lil's karaoke machine so you can do a few Sparkles numbers?"

"I'm in love with you, all right?" It just bursts out of her. The moment it does, she feels her cheeks burning. But the party is going strong in the rest of the house, so maybe he didn't even hear her. She slides her eyes toward him, just to make sure.

He's clearly at a loss for words, because he doesn't move. Finally, he clears his throat. "You really don't have to say that. I won't make you do karaoke."

The music playing in the living room stops, and there's a pause before the next song starts that seems to go on for ages. Robin puts her hands over her eyes, humiliated. "Oh my god. Just. Forget I said anything. It was crazy."

Then he's kissing her.

And god, it's been a long time since he kissed her. Fifty-two days, to be exact. So she kisses him back. And kisses him, and kisses him. "Okay, stop," she finally says, and they both fall back against the front door, breathing heavily.

"What is this," Barney finally says, uncertain.

"It's—I don't know. It's kind of… terrifying?" She glances at him, hoping he's not offended. He seems unfazed, so she swallows and goes on. "This feels like too much. More than I wanted this year. Especially since you're leaving…"

"Jesus, Scherbatsky," he interrupts. "You are the biggest wimp I have ever met."

"What?"

Barney grabs her hand. "Just admit that you want me. Admit that you're not going to be satisfied with this tiny little high school life you think you have to have." He pulls her to him and kisses her. "Admit you think I'm awesome."

She doesn't say anything, so he kisses her again, deeper than before, and bites her lower lip. She makes a sound she's never heard come from her own throat before.

"Admit it," he whispers.

Her heart is pounding and her palms are sweaty. The idea of this—all of this, love, the uncertain future, giving herself to a guy who's as girl-crazy as they come—it makes her want to run.

But he's holding her hand, and they're not moving.

And he's the guy. The guy she never saw coming. The guy who took her perfect, clichéd life and made it real.

"Okay," she says. "Let's do this."

Thank you so much for reading this story. It's been awhile since I've written any HIMYM fic, but this idea has been in my head for a couple of years, and going through some personal angst of my own finally convinced me to write it. I hope you enjoyed—feedback is love. :)
- Mezz