A/N: I'm so sorry, these just keep happening. Um. Enjoy your regular dose of Smartass Family?

"Tony! What are you doing? You can't put up red and gold streamers," Steve reprimanded, setting his hands on his hips.

"Why not?" Tony hopped down from the table that he was standing on – probably another reason why the good captain was frowning at him like that – "I think they look pretty fetching—did they use that word in the 40's? 'Fetching'? It sounds a little posh to me, I might be missing the point by a good decade—"

"More like by miles," Steve sighed as he started to bring the ladder over to where Tony had strung up the decorations, "You can't use red and gold—this isn't an Iron Man party. It's Peter's birthday."

"Yes, that's right, so I think he should know that his boss likes him enough to let him fly the colors," Tony shrugged and glared sullenly at Steve's back – or as well as he could considering the fact that the super soldier serum did amazing things for that ass. "What are you planning to do? Hang up more red and blue?"

"Uh… yes? Aren't those the colors on his Spider-man costume? Red and blue and—"

"You called it a costume again, he's going to throttle you," Tony scoffed before finally getting to the point, "But are you trying to name the American flag, Rogers? Because that's what it sounds like! You aren't his father, you know!"

"Tony," Steve threw over his shoulder and his crumpled face tried to convey his exasperation with the eccentric billionaire, "Neither are you!"

A low chuckle caught the attention of them both as Loki materialized in the doorway, "No no, I think we've made it quite clear indeed that he's my son—and this room requires more green, Uncle Steven. See to it."

Rolling his naturally blue eyes at the commanding voice, Steve finally managed to unhook the red and gold streamers, bringing them down so they wouldn't clash with the red and blue that decorated the rest of the living room of the Avengers floor of Stark Tower.

"Mummy help me," Tony whined like a child as he made his way over to Loki who welcomed him with open arms (and a wrinkled nose at being designated the mother yet again). "Steve's trying to usurp our baby."

"No, I'm not," the super soldier rolled his eyes as he checked the clock, "I'm just trying to keep the Stark ego from infecting the place."

"Liar! I know that you're trying to recruit yourself a sidekick. I can just imagine the gaudy names now—The Little Liberal, the Republican Rascal, the Democratic Dandy!"

"Tony, do you know what a dandy is?"

"I know that it implies a small child in spandex following around Captain America."

The god raised a slender eyebrow in response to that and finally spoke his piece, "You do realize that Peter is turning eighteen today."

Tony's eyes widened. "I had my money on fourteen, no lie."

Steve's attention was pulled away from the window where he must've been communicating with Clint somehow since he was mouthing things. "But Peter's in high school, Tony—"

He was greeted with a look of bewilderment and was suddenly reminded that oh yes, Tony was also in high school at fourteen.

Instead he merely shook his head and seemed to be distracted by a vibration in his pocket, pulling out his customized StarkFone and luckily the text message appeared clear to him on the screen without any extra pushing of buttons. "Alright, can you two behave? Nat's on her way back from the bakery so I think I'll give her an extra hand."

"You know she hates it when you do that," Tony hummed and seemed to have no intention of behaving from the way that his arms were already comfortably encircled around Loki's waist.

"Yeah well, she knows I hate decorating but apparently I was stuck with that job too," Steve sighed before going over to the elevator, seeking to leave the two alone—but also trying to hurry up so they weren't left alone to their own devices for too long.

Loki gave the room a sweeping glance before shrugging, "Your captain complains too much. The room seems… fair."

"From a god, that's probably an 8, right?" Tony just let his lips find Loki's jawline, murmuring against the skin, "But hey, he was the only one among us who took an art class. He should've known that this was going to be assigned to him."

The Trickster merely shrugged again and turned to press his lips to Tony's lightly before slipping away, examining the room with an amused chuckle. "It would appear that your entire band of warriors is excited for Peter's birthday…"

"As if you're not?" Tony crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. To Loki's bewildered look he just shrugged, "The only party of ours that you showed up for was Clint's birthday and that was to put a literal bird nest in his hair, complete with baby chicks."

Loki's lips curled into a smile at the memory.

"Don't smile like that. It took forever to convince him that he couldn't keep them."

Naturally, his response was to give a full-out laugh.

"But my point is, my dear god," Tony began as he started to walk towards Loki again, "that you seem to be more than happy to grace us with your presence today on none other than Peter Parker's birthday. You like the kid."

Loki scoffed in response to that and cut the distance short of Tony, teleporting much closer so that he was suddenly so very much in the other man's face, "You seem to forget that I showed up for your birthday, Stark."

"Yes but nothing we did was suitable for public eyes, so I don't think that counts." Tony grinned as he wrapped his arms around Loki again, as pleased as a purring cat.

Now the Liesmith was just about to lean in and whisper things in Tony's ear, perhaps a suggestion about how perhaps they could do more things along those lines—

Naturally, the elevator door decided open at that moment.

None other than the birthday celebrant stepped in, bag looped on his shoulder, headphones firmly set into his ears, head dipped slightly downward and focused largely on the ground as he began to trudge into the room.

Tony blinked.

"Happy birthday? It's your birthday today, right? Because I'm going to tell you now, Parker, you certainly do not look like the birthday boy—that's not an invitation to get into your birthday suit, by the way."

Peter raised his head at that, frustrating Tony when he found that the chocolate brown eyes of the boy so successfully mirrored his own. "Oh, uh… yeah, I guess that's today—but I was dropping off my bag, I should… probably head over to Aunt May's, I guess."

"Earth to Parker," Tony waved a hand, gesturing to the decorations that Captain America had personally spent about an hour setting up, "she's coming here. Don't you see this? We've got a nice little set-up for you."

The teenager finally seemed to take a moment to appraise it all, looking at it all and his grand, astounding response was—

"Oh. … Alright, that's cool too."

Even Tony was flabbergasted as the boy didn't wait a moment later, heading over into his room.

Loki hummed his amusement. "It's almost terribly entertaining how alike he is to you."

"That's offensive. Look at him, not even noticing what people do for him. Are we sure that he deserves a birthday party?" Tony huffed.

"And this is absolutely nothing like when Miss Potts made it a point to order your favorite foods after you injured yourself on a mission," Loki pointed out. But he was quick to also add, "But you shall not take away this celebration from him, Stark."

Tony looked back at Loki and pouted. But that was the voice that said 'you won't argue with me.'

So he didn't.

"Yeah, yeah… Well, I need to go talk to him before he kind of just stomps on Steve's star-spangled dreams," the billionaire sighed and disentangled himself from the god, wandering over into the hallway.

Loki merely gave a hum and shrugged, watching him go.

It was then that the elevator opened again and it was Natasha's voice that spoke out this time—

"Oh good, the God of Mischief. Just the man I wanted to see."

"Yes, dear Widow?" he turned and grinned, perhaps he would find reason to stay after all. He always did like Natasha.

"Clint wanted practice on Pin the Tail on the Donkey." She laughed. "I wouldn't suppose you'd be willing to entertain him?"

The archer gave a smirk as he walked in, arms full of bags.

"Sorry. I couldn't think of a better ass."

It took Tony two minutes to pick Peter's customized lock and get into his room this time.

"Not bad," he mused as the door swung open for him. Looking at the back of it, he found the device attached to the upper end of the door, adding a remote-controlled lock. "Did you finally take my advice and stop using OsCorp's poor excuse for—"

"Hey, I worked for them for a while," Peter huffed from his desk, wearing the glasses that they both knew he didn't need.

Tony couldn't help but scoff in response, "And we saw how well that turned out. But don't you worry, Parker. It's a lot harder to take down my company—trust me, I've almost done it and it takes about three bottles of vodka plus—"

"Is there… uh, something I need to help you with, Mr. Stark?" Peter ran a hand through his ruffled, messy brown hair, looking up at Tony with a curious gaze, "Because from what I saw… Party's not started yet, right? Is it too much to ask to get a little peace and quiet?"

"Considering the fact that you've been running around this place for the past week talking about your birthday? I mean, you had JARVIS running a countdown for us to make sure that we wouldn't forget." Tony raised a brow. "Oh yeah. I'd say it's a very, very heavy fee for you to make an about face. By the way, stop interrupting me."

Lips pressing into a thin line, Peter removed his glasses and started to fiddle with them, "Okay…." he drew out the second syllable. "Well… a guy can change his mind, right?"

"Yes, and you'd be getting those mood swings from your mother," Tony noted. "In which case tell me now if I need to invest in hardcore therapy and not before I nearly throw you off a rainbow bridge—oh my god, I'm going to die for that joke, aren't I?"

The teenager finally gave a small grin, though his gaze was still pinned down on the ground. "Yeah. Probably."

"You don't tell him, I won't mention the time that you tried to crack a joke about Black Beauty."

"Done."

Tony gave a surprisingly easy-going grin at that, glancing around the room and trying to figure out what had happened—"So… did you have any other plans? We figured you wanted to spend your birthday with us, but I guess there's always the chance that we were wrong. Though you may end up breaking Steve's super serum-induced super large heart."

Brown eyes looked back up at Tony, hesitating for a moment as if wondering if it'd be alright to open up to him—

Eventually Peter gave a shrug, "Well… Yeah, of course. And we've got Aunt May? Who else could I possibly want to spend my birthday with?"

Ah. That clinched it.

"You and Gwen still on rocky waters, huh?" Tony hummed, leaning against the frame of the door and sighing faintly.

Running a hand through his hair in a more fidgety way, Peter shifted on his chair and it was made all the more obvious that he was right. "She said, uh… something about other plans today," he muttered.

Nodding sagely, Tony took a few steps further into the room and shrugged. "Well… look at it this way. We're getting Thor to come in from New Mexico and he's bringing along his girlfriend and his girlfriend's friend—and she's in college."

"Mr. Stark," Peter laughed and actually brought his head up at that, "I've met Darcy. She spams my Facebook wall with cats."

"And that's how you know they're a keeper," Tony laughed before reaching a hand out and ruffling Peter's hair for himself.

The Stark Industries employee merely swatted the rough engineer hands away, though it didn't keep him from laughing at all, "Tony Stark, Genius Billionaire Matchmaker Philanthropist. Are you trying to put Cupid out of business too?"

"Only if I get to put Clint in the diaper and give him the love arrows," Tony grinned before turning and starting to exit the room.

"I'm sure he'll just love that."

"Oh yeah, it's a kink of his, don't tell him I told you."

"Hear that from Natasha?"

"Who else?" Tony finally turned when he reached the door and gave his protégé a very menacing look, "But you have ten minutes to get your spandex-wearing butt out here or else I'm telling Bruce that you're the one who ate the last of the Thin Mints."

"You said you wouldn't tell!"

"Fingers-crossed, kid." Tony mimicked the gesture at him. "By the way, you should know that Black Beauty is also still on the table for me."

Peter's returning hand gesture was far less polite.

Tony thought that the party was pretty good—or at least as good as an event could ever get without alcohol available, but Steve was very determined to keep Peter sober until he was 21. Someone had apparently let him do some reading on brain development.

It was a surprise when Bruce was actually able to compete strongly against Natasha at Dance Dance Revolution, and he was certain that he would have to get that video from Darcy later. Peter was being a dork and not taking advantage of the aforementioned opportunity of having Darcy around but was instead setting his sights on Jane—

Because seriously, who else could explain astrophysics as well as Jane?

Dork.

There was also something weird going on with the Pin the Tail on the Donkey Game that he wasn't even bothering to question, but from what he was gathering, Loki was winning.

Now he was settled on a bar stool, watching Steve and Thor arm wrestle and hoping that they wouldn't break anything while they were at it – and they were very clear to explain to Thor that conjuring lightning was cheating this time – and he was halfway to taking bets when the elevator opened again.

The room paused when Gwen Stacy walked in.

Peter stopped his questioning on wormholes to turn to her, wide-eyed and entirely stricken, getting up and already walking a few steps before he turned back to Jane and managed a half-aware apology of "Oh, uh. Sorry, I…. can we get back to this later? Great stuff, it's just… Uh…"

The amused smile that played upon Gwen's lips was contagious and Tony found himself smiling too—

He was very quick to wipe that off his face.

"Um, do you want to… Maybe…." Peter scratched the back of his head as he was finally close to her, "Or maybe we could—"

She laughed like they had done it before and gestured to the balcony outside, "Yeah. I'd love to."

"Great…" Peter laughed, "Great, me too."

They made their way outside as the party continued on, Jane's attention already caught by the muscleheads still staring each other down with their arms strained and Tony shook his head in response.

He liked that girl, even if sometimes she made his surrogate son turn into a depressed emo hipster kid.

Was that even a plausible mix? An emo hipster? Maybe he was getting his pop culture wrong, god forbid—

But he let himself be distracted when Clint waved him over, seemingly distressed when Loki again managed to accurately place the tail of the donkey exactly where it belonged—while completely blind-folded and also having ear plugs in.

Tony wondered if he could ask to keep those.

In the end, Tony took Loki's turn for the game a few times, Clint hoping that maybe that'd be enough to let him make a comeback. The god was begrudging but quickly changed his tune when he saw Peter and Gwen coming back inside. Then perhaps the Trickster was all too quick to dismiss himself from the game, wandering over to the two of them.

The girl's blue eyes widened at the sight of him and his lips curled into a smile in response. "Dear Gwen, leave it to you to show up fashionably late."

"Aaaand leave it to you to not even give me an address," she quipped in return.

Oh, he liked her. She was quite quick indeed.

"Stark Tower?" Peter laughed. "Really, how do you even miss this thing?"

"It's not missing it that's the issue," she responded easily, "It's… you know, getting past security with nothing but the Word of God."

Loki's widened just that bit more when a look of understanding dawned on Peter's face.

"Wait," he paused and looked to Loki, completely flabbergasted, "You… You were the one who told her to tell me she had plans?"

"Uhh, excuse you." Gwen rolled her eyes before looking Peter in the eye, "You didn't even tell me it was your birthday, hotshot. It's Friday. I have Debate tournament prep on Friday nights. You are so lucky that uh… Mr. Liesmith, was it? That he stepped in and gave me the heads-up. Otherwise I actually would have had other plans."

The birthday boy paled at that. "Oh, that's…. Something."

The blonde merely nodded encouragingly. "Oh yeah. You bet it's something. Now you stay here and be grateful, I think I just found Captain America arm wrestling with a Norse God and for some reason, it's not my Facebook wall."

Gwen was then quick to join the rest of the slowly developing crowd, phone already in hand, leaving Peter awkwardly shuffling as he was trying not to look Loki directly in the eye.

"So uh…" He ran a hand through his hair and Loki noted that Tony often did that when frustrated, "Is this the part where I say thank you…?"

Green eyes softened in response, the amused smirk settling into a simple grin in response. "Yes… I believe that's something that's normally done when you are given your present."

"Gwen's my present?" Peter asked, this time in disbelief. "Wow, I know you guys are old-fashioned but she's not—"

"The second chance, Parker." The god raised a brow. "You are given a second chance with her. I highly suggest that you do not mess this one up."

And for some reason, it sounded a lot more parental than Peter ever expected it to.

So instead, he just nodded obediently. "Then uh… Thanks… Mum."

Rolling his eyes in a gently exasperated way, Loki waved a hand, "Yes well, I did say not to mess this one up. I suggest you go collect her before she develops an unhealthy appreciation for your Uncle Steven, hm?"

The boy's eyes widened comically before he was suddenly brushing past, heading straight for the table where they were all gathered.

Loki merely laughed in response, watching amused and perhaps a bit… fond.

Natasha broke up the early development of an arm wrestling tournament – Clint had apparently wanted in – with the arrival of the birthday cake, "Alright children, settle down. I'm going to need a steady hand and—you know what, never mind. I'll cut the cake."

Shaking his head slightly, Loki turned to take his leave. He murmured softly, "Happy birthday, Peter."

It surprised him when his hand was suddenly caught.

Turning his head, he found another pair of brown eyes, these ones far more knowledgeable, experienced, and now? Amused.

Tony pulled him toward the gathering of people that were crowded all along the table, a grin settled on his features.

"Come here and tell him yourself."

A/N: As per usual, your reviews set my heart aflutter. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed.