Tony didn't know what had happened. He was sitting on the floor, his back slumped at the wall. There was some blood around him. Blood on his shirt, blood on his right hand, blood on the shuttered scotch glass. Oh yeah, scotch. He shut his eyes in pain, now it was coming back to him.

few hours earlier

Tony was bored. So, so bored. And bored Tony was nothing good. Usually he would just grab some random appliance and add some additional wires, few microprocessors and see what will came out of it. Last time he tinkered with the vacuum cleaner, and upgraded it to the point that instead of just cleaning dirt it was "eating" all kinds of rugs (apparently Tony installed some razors in it) and because of the upgraded engine the thing was freaking fast. Tony was proud, it was simple but fun to watch. He gave it some really loud engine and now it was a like a vacuum cleaner from hell. Of course he forgot to turn it back to a regular one and when the cleaning team came, it gave them all heart attacks. Everybody was panicking as the machine had some AI and after it was done with rugs, it started targeting humans, whirring loudly. Thor threw Mjolnir at the vacuum, smashing it and at the same time stopping. Thor was a hero and Tony, again, got reprimanded. Responsibility talks from Steve were long and boring and he preferred to avoid them. So he thought that he will check on the Internet what people are writing about the Avengers team.

Tony was amused, because they all had some huge fanbases.

Young girls were writing that Natasha is their role-model, some boy started archery lessons to be like Clint, girls were swooning that Thor is a true gentleman and why there are no longer men like that, Bruce was getting some awesome comments, praising him both as Hulk and as a scientist, but what made him laugh was that Captain America, besides all the comments about being a true patriot, had a huge homosexual fan base. Most of the comment were awesome and up lifting, but as always there where some frustrated jerks, but usually they were quickly heckled by other fans.

Then he clicked on his name. He always was a kind of celebrity, although he didn't like to be called like that, so he was used to getting comments. Normally, negative comments were sliding off him like water off duck's back. Normally.

He smiled reading a bunch of comments from young boys how awesome Iron-man suit is and when they will grow up they want to have facial hair exactly like Tony's. He found few comments by teenage girls, that although, he is at their fathers age he is still hot. There were also negative comments from some people who logged in only to insult him. He laughed at those. Eccentric, egoistic, self-centered, shouldn't be on the team. It's not like he heard that for the first time. But what caught his attention were comments about his arc reactor.

"What the hell is that thing on his chest?!"
"It's not natural!"
"Freak!"
"He should be dead by now!"
"Abomination!"

He felt his mouth fell. Not because that he cared, there were always people who hated him, but because those comments were exactly what Tony was thinking of himself. He tried to push those thoughts deep into his subconscious, but reading them he felt again how all his fears and insecurities are emerging. He didn't like this feeling. Tony needed a drink. Now, he must shut down his mind. Befuddle himself to not think.

He rushed out of his workshop and went into the lounge. Took a bottle of scotch out of the cabinet, poured a glass. Without ice, there was no time for it. He gulped the whole glass in one go. And then another one.

"Freak!"
"Abomination!"

No. Shut up, shut up! Another glass. Glass after glass but the voices didn't want to stop. The bottle was empty, he grabbed another one. He didn't care if it was scotch or something else, everything in this cabinet had alcohol in it. He felt the alcohol kicking in. He wobbled on his legs and dropped the glass to the floor. It felt on the soft floor and remain intact, but Tony's movement were getting uncoordinated and he stepped on it. It shuttered under his shoe with a loud noise. No worries, he can get another glass. He tried to pick up the glass but his hands were shaky and he clenched his fist while holding the shard. Tony was numb from the alcohol so he didn't feel any pain, only blood trickling from between his fingers told him that something happened. He opened his fist looking at the shard, which was covered with red at the edges. Tony lift his hand, dropping the shard, to look at the cuts. They were not deep, but he cut his fingertips and bleeding from them was always excessive.

He smiled to himself, knowing that the blood is certainly a proof that despite the piece of metal in his body he is still human. He tried to take a new glass, but when he reached his hand for it he lost his balance. His back hit the wall and he slumped down. His eyes were closing.

It was dark. Dark, but quiet. He heard some noise. Thump, thump, thump. A beating. A beating of his own heart. Real human heart. And then it was just pain. He felt a drill going into his chest with a high, shrill sound. He started to scream, it hurt so much. Something cold was planted in his body. Cold, metal, lifeless. He felt it going as deep as to his spine tearing him apart. Tony thought that it will pierce him, and felt few tears rolling down his cheeks, the pain was excruciating. Then it stopped. A familiar light. It didn't hurt any longer. Tony couldn't hear his heart beating any more. He had no heart.

"Tony, Tony!" he knew that voice. It was still dark, Tony didn't like it. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. No, wake-up! He snapped his eyes open, taking a deep breath like if he was saved from drowning, to see Steve's blue eyes.

"It's okay, Tony." he said in a soft tone. He was holding Tony's bleeding hand, which was planted on his arc reactor.

"Let go." Steve said. Tony didn't know what he means, it was he who was holding him. Then he felt that his fingers were around the arc reactor. Because of blood he couldn't get a proper grasp. He shut his eyes with a pained expression, realizing what he was going to do, letting his fingers loose. Tony wanted to pull out the arc reactor. He tried to kill himself.

Steve sighed in relief and took Tony into his arms. The brunet burrowed his head into Captain's shoulders. Steve's skin was soothingly warm. Tony reached out his hand and touched Steve's chest. He left a bloody imprint on his shirt, but Steve didn't care. Tony could feel it under his fingers. Thump thump thump.Steve's beating heart. Beating a little faster than usual due to the current fright he had caused. Than he touched his arc reactor. Nothing. It was cold.

Steve's closed his eyes, breathing heavily, as he realized what Tony was doing. He placed his hand on a top of his, squeezing it gently.

"You do have a heart." he almost whispered. He held Tony closer to him.

"Don't do this ever again, understand?" Steve said, brushing Tony's hair with his lips.
"Sorry."

Because I wanted to do a serie about Tony's drinking problems. Basing on the movies I always thought that Tony just likes to drink, but nope, he is a struggling alcoholic. Huh, he is one messed up cookie..

So, this is my attempt to grasp this subject. Probably I'm not doing anything creative with that, but still wanted to write it.

and it is true, Chris Evans has a huge homosexual fanbase!