DISCLAIMER: All of the characters in this fic are not mine. They are the property of BIOWARE. Hope you enjoy! Comments and complaints welcomed! :-)

Author's Note: Warning! Female Shepard Being In Love With Liara T'Soni ahead! If this offends you press the back button now!

This is Epilogue Chapter for this request: masseffectkink. livejournal . com / 5020 .html ? thread = 19187612 # t19187612

Embarrassing Packages: Epilogue

by SpaceRanger

"Underwear? Really?" Hannah's QEC image shrugged, her eyes never leaving the magazine with huge FORNAX lettering on the cover in her hands and her feet propped up nonchalantly on a stool. To her right was a terminal where an image of Aethyta sat, the older asari busy running through the final wave of the training simulation she was building for the commandos she was assigned to train by the Matriarch Council.

"We didn't hear you complain when you saw Liara in the black thong."

"YOU SPIED ON US?!" The tone in Aethyta's image's response could've dried wet paint.

"Absurdly said by the leader of an information broker's merc band. And we didn't, until now." Before Shepard could say anything else Hannah continues,

"Be glad it was just that. The two of us were wasted and the final choices came down-" Aethyta turned away from her simulated target long enough to waggled the muscles above her eyes suggestively and snicker. "to underwear or hookers."

"..." Shepard laid a hand to her face and wiped it downwards so it would rest on her chin while the elbow of that same hand rests on the palm of the other. In the "I know I'm gonna regret asking this" tone of voice she asked,

"Why would it even come down to underwear or hookers in the first place?" This time it was Aethyta who shrugged and thuds of rockets missing the older asari could be heard through the speaker as she replied,

"It didn't smell like you've gotten laid since your official bonding."

A fact known only by the asari, their bondmates, and maybe their bondmate's family was that when a True Union has been established, the asari body would continuously generate a strong scent until the Union ends. Having sex with them would cause the partner to be doused in the asari's scent, 'marking' them. And the mark never really goes away except if the partner joins in a True Union with another asari or the Union ends. The more times they have sex, the stronger the smell.

"And I agreed that that was horrifying." Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Not everyone arranges their days around getting laid twice a day like you and dad did Mom."

"Sometimes more, particularly-"

"MOM! DID NOT AND DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

Hannah clucked her tongue, turned a page, then turned it back. Aethyta bellowed a cry of triumph as the simulated voice chimed in with "Mission Successful."

"Now, now. You should be happy, I won a thousand credits from 'Thyta with this call."

"You betted on when we'd call you?!"

"Of course not." Hannah turned a page as she added dismissively,

"Too many variables." Shepard stared at the older human in disbelief.

"Too many…?"

"Too many. So I put down some creds on whether or not you and Liara would use items in the pantie box today. I was right. You didn't. Hmm… " Hannah put down the magazine in her lap and tapped her omnitool. "Huh… I would've won that too, though you were cutting it close. 17.3 seconds left."

Her mother shrugged lazily, as if it betting on the sex life of their children and their significant other was commonplace.

"How would you even know that?!" Here Aethyta smirked wolfishly as the older asari answered,

"You didn't say 'edible panties'." Shepard could do nothing more then make a strangled sound followed by a very weak,

"Edible?!" The older human hummed an affirmative then turned a page.

"Edible." Hannah then continued,

"So now that you've finally Kaddis Liara's Katie - And don't say you didn't, you confirmed it when you screamed 'You spied on us' - " Before Shepard could say anything Aethyta followed up with,

"- Knocked up yet? Or better yet, knocked up my kid yet?"

"NO! We-"

"Dat-dat-dat-dat-dat! The hell you talking to us for Pyjak?! Get your ass back there and - what was that goddess damn phrase Han?"

"Try out the Home Artificial Insemination Kit until it works."

"Yes. That. Now."

And then the QEC and the terminal went dead, leaving Shepard gapping at them. Shepard turned toward the doorway where Liara had hidden herself as soon as she realized (too late) what her bondmate was going to do. All Liara could say was,

"At least they didn't use any of your phrases?"