The New Muppet Show

Chapter 1 - Erasing my Savefile and Rebuilding my KDR

"It's the Muppet Show! With special guest star Black Ops 2 Trailer YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Kermit greeted the audience with great cheer although inside his heart was dying. Kermit was forced to alter the entirety of the Muppet Show in order to cater to the modern audience of preteens and teens and children. It was going to be hell for him to watch his beloved creation be tarnished by their modern insanity. But a frog's gotta do what he has to in order to keep his legs on tight and not on the table. The Chinese Dinner Table. Er French. I forget which.

"Kermy, it's for the children" Piggy had said.

"What children you dumb whore swine? We ATE the children last Monday!" Gonzo was one sicko. Piggy and Gonzo had been doin it the hard and sloppy way ever since Kermit went broke on his ass and Camilla sold herself for "science" to the Colonel Sanders. It was a different relationship. It was a bad relationship. It was a relationship.

Kermit had taken to smoking large ounces of weed in order to make up for his depression.

"fuk im hih" he murmured on more than one occasion as he begged his old pal Fozzy for another hit. Fozzy was mad. Fozzy started a-yelling,

"GOD DAMMIT YOU USELESS WASTE OF SHIT FROG, GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMN HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ON YOUR ASS OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL PERSONALLY SHOVE MY BEAR FIST SO FAR UP YOUR FROGGY RECTUM THAT YOU'LL BE SPEWING BEAR FUR FROM YOUR COCK FOR DECADES AND DECADES AND DECADES"

So Kermit decided to get the gang together and start the New Muppet Show in order to escape his rut. The theme song had just ended and Kermit gulped down hard as he went on stage.

"Well everyone we've got a very special show for you tonight, but first for our opening act… "

The opening act was great.

"Well everyone I hope you enjoyed those funny Mexicans dancing polka to dubstep. BOW WOW WOW WUB!" the audience was DEAD. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY. SILENT.

"And now of the comedic stylings of FOZZIE BEAAAAAR!" Kermit ran backstage to huff a little of the good stuff while Fozzie kept the audience on its toes. He was so fucking high right now that the sky looked like a giant penis. And you couldn't even see the sky from the backstage room.

"Waka waka! Wub wub wub wub!" Fozzie announced, the audience laughed like the dickens, "hah, you understand my modern-esque humor because it is the dubs I am waking like my usual waka waka but instead it's wuba wuba because of duba!" everyone looked DEAD. FUCKING. SERIOUS. Fozzie was slipping up his shit, "So how about that new Black Ops map pack, huh? Nuketown 2012 is lookin' swell!" The audience shot Fozzy. He was rushed to an ambulance almost immediately if not because of the audience trying to shoot him severals times more, "Haaaaah, 360 noscopin!" he remarked before going into a coma from blood loss.

The show was off to a terrible start, Kermit just couldn't understand what it was these modern children wanted from him. Was is it more violence? More wubs? Or more dubs? Kerm had his balls in the tightest vicegrip he could imagine, and only death would save him. Or a good plan.

To be continued.