A/N: Just my luck: I finally have the time and motivation to write, and I end up writing this chapter three times over... I think I'm finally happy with it, though- mostly. I'm so sorry for the ridiculous time it's taken me to update! Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! :)

Disclaimer: I can say I own Castle all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)...

The music pounds in her head, growing louder with every beat and making it near impossible to think. This is not quite what she'd had in mind when she had asked Lanie for a girl's night… She had been hoping for pajamas, a few glasses of wine, some sappy romantic comedy movie, and talking through all her problems. Instead, she's stuck in a tight, uncomfortable red dress nursing the same beer she'd had all night, watching her friend dance and ruminating on the jumbled mess that is (of) her current state of mind- not coming to any conclusions, mind you.

"Girl, what's wrong with you? Get your skinny ass out here and dance with me!"

Kate looks down, intent on the glass in her hands. "I'm not really in the mood, Lanie."

"Okay." Lanie takes a seat next to Kate, leaning heavily against the bar. "What's going on?"

"I think I'm thinking too much…"

She assumes the look that crosses Lanie's face is goes along with a snort that was lost in the sound of some rapper talking about his girlfriends.

"Shocker." Kate can hear the blatant sarcasm in her friend's voice, even over the noise of the crowded club. "Thinking too much about…?"

"Everything," she groans, dropping her head to her hands.

Lanie gives her the patented no-nonsense-best-friend glare. "Well. In that case. Wanna tell me why you called me tonight?"

"Not really…" She really doesn't feel comfortable talking about this- or about anything, really- in such a public location, but she had asked for this, and it seems as though she won't be given much of a choice, if the look on Lanie's face is anything to go by. "Well, Castle, I guess. Mostly."

"What did he do this time?"

There's a bit of a protective edge to her friend's voice; in any other instance, she would be fighting back a smile and a surge of amused, grateful affection. Instead, Kate sighs, a heavy thing. "Nothing. He didn't do anything. He… Well, he went home to write."

"So?" Now Lanie's tone is all snark, with only a hint of confusion.

Kate jams her fingers through her hair, frustrated. She has no idea how to answer this seemingly simple question, and that in itself is a large part of her problem. She doesn't know what the big deal is, she really has no idea. It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened; Castle leaves early to write before he has to get Alexis from school at least once a week.

"I… I don't know, Lanie. I guess it was just something about the way he said 'Goodbye, Kate,' so formal and so distracted. I mean, I know he's going home to write the book about the character he based on me and that he didn't mean anything by it, but there's nothing hopeful about goodbye. What if… What if, one day, he decides not to come back?"

Ah. That seems to be the heart of the problem.

"You know that's not going to happen, girl. At least, not anytime soon. That man's crazy about you."

She sighs again, "I know."

"What's really the problem?" Lanie asks, with much more insight that Kate is strictly comfortable with.

"It's… I don't know. I just… I feel like I'm doing something wrong."

"What do you mean?"

She's almost certain Lanie knows exactly what she means. It frustrates her to no end, Lanie's goading, but her friend is convinced talking about her feelings will help. Kate will never admit it out loud, but Lanie's insistence that she get it all out there really does make all the difference. That in mind, she reminds herself that Lanie's heart is in the right place and decides to give honesty a fair shot.

"Well. There's Will, and then there's Castle. I'm kind of crazy about him too…" The last part comes out so quietly, there's no possible way Lanie could have heard it through the chaos surrounding them.

"You mean Will, the boyfriend I've yet to meet- after nearly a year, might I add- because he's always busy with work or out of town?"

Well, that's not the only reason, not really. Kate figures her silence is answer enough.

"Do you love him?"

Kate looks down at her twiddling thumbs, at scratched surface of the bar, at anything other than her friend. "No, I don't," she whispers.

"Does he love you?"

"He says he does."

Lanie sighs, her exasperation verging on dramatic. "And you say it right back to him… Not helping your case, Beckett. Let me ask you this: why haven't you dumped his sorry ass yet?"

Kate sits in near stunned silence as she considers Lanie's question (her shock coming more from the tenacity of the question, than the question itself, of course). If she's being truly honest with herself, she doesn't really know what love is supposed to feel like- not romantic love, at least. Is it supposed to feel like family, like safety? She thinks that maybe, just maybe, love should feel like home.

She shrugs, opting for a simple cop-out of an answer. "He's safe."

Lanie's regarding her with that all knowing look, once again. "Because it's easy to keep one foot out the door?"

Kate hangs her head, knowing her friend is right.

"Kate. I think you know what you need to do."

She nods, somehow feeling better and worse at the same time. Better because she feels content with what needs to happen, worse because she knows it won't be easy.

She nods again, more for her own benefit. While she's nowhere near ready to try to start something, just the idea of a relationship with the writer feels right. It feels like home. She's known that for quite some time now, but the realization of what that really means is startling. It catches her completely off guard, although she supposes it shouldn't, not really.

Yes, she knows exactly what she needs to do.

She gives her friend a weak smile, "Thanks, Lanie."

"Anytime, girl. Now, I'm only going to say this one more time… Get your skinny ass out there and dance with me!"