Chapter 1

Her eyes were filled with tears as she grasped onto the edge of my jacket in heartbroken desperation. Her face was a mask of utter despair mingled with rejection as I continued to only gaze down at her in broken silence. I couldn't bear to see her cry so openly and terribly - the usually composed student body president, now reduced to a sobbing heap on my lap. As each one of her tears wetted my thighs, I wished I was anywhere else but here. My heart thumped with sadness as it continued to beat erratically against my chest. My ears were filled with only the agonizing sound of her sobs as she continued to clutch fiercely onto me - afraid if she let me go, I might not ever return to her.

"Why don't you love me, Natsuki?" Shizuru's pained voice questioned me again. I stared deep into her beautifully, bizarre, burgundy eyes and remained silent - unsure of what words to say to appease the situation. Her hands trembled as she realized I would not answer her and her eyes refilled themselves with a new onslaught of fresh tears.

Shizuru laid her head against my chest and closed her eyes as tears fell from her blushing cheeks and wetted my skin as if to baptize me with her love and sorrow. She was listening to the rhythmic beating of my heart and had gingerly placed a hand on top of it. She traced my exposed skin in a circle with her slender finger and kissed the middle of the imaginary circle she drew.

I only watched her strange actions - afraid to move or push her away.

"I wish I could place a kiss on your heart," Shizuru whispered. "But I guess this is as close I will ever get to it," she said sadly, and then resumed to listen to its steady beat.

I found Shizuru strangely fascinating in the unpredictability of her actions and the forms in which she chose to express herself - it was one of the things I loved about her, but it also frightened me. Her love - no, her obsession - for me was something I never understood. She had everything a woman would ever want, status, beauty, and adoration. For her to love somebody like me when she could have anybody she wanted, made absolutely no sense to me. I'm nothing, but a loner, a misfit amongst society. What is it about me that has spurred Shizuru to adore me so much?

Shizuru's eyes remained shut as I pondered over her love for me in silence. She was breathing calmly now as she listened to the beating of my chest with a slight smile on her face. I wondered if she had fallen asleep. She then slid her head down towards my lap and laid her head there and sighed sadly.

"Please, Natsuki," she begged in a low whisper. "Tell me what I must do to make you love me?" She pleaded like a child and kissed the top of my knee as each word escaped from her lips.

I trembled from her affection and warm touches - sensations so foreign to me. I was terrified of the warmth spreading throughout my body. I backed away a bit and looked down at the last spot she had kissed me. Her warm and soft lips left a tingling sensation on my skin and I placed a palm on top of my knee as if to capture the feeling.

Shizuru sat across from me on the floor with pleading eyes. Her golden brown hair cascaded over her face when she looked down in shame from my continuous rejection towards her attempts.

A tear fell from her face and plopped to the floor onto the mat we both sat upon and I stared at the drop of water in a hypnotized stupor. I didn't know what was wrong with me and why I was incapable of being loved and to love back.

Shizuru's lone tear then turned into a sob as she crawled on her hands and knees closer to where I sat. She looked so utterly broken as I thought about what I had done to reduce such a powerful idol into a woman groveling for my love.

I was astounded with my unknowing power I had over her as Shizuru then embraced me tightly. "Natsuki," she choked through her sobs. "I love you even if you don't love me back. I always will. No matter what."

My heart felt like it stopped as I listened to her confession - feeling as if the ice that had formed around it for so many terrible years had cracked from this woman's undying love for me. My arms hesitantly moved to return her hug, hovering near her form, nearly touching her body, but too afraid to do so.

Shizuru's arms trembled as she held on to me as if her life had depended on it - perhaps it did. My mind whirled from the sensations of another human's touch and the intoxicating scent wafting around my head. Her smell, so fresh and clean, lulled me into a sense of security and comfort. I nearly returned her hug from this overwhelming bombardment of my senses, but something in my mind refused my body to budge any further. My arms remained still by my sides as I only stayed motionless.

Shizuru held onto me for what felt like hours as our bodies reveled in the biological comfort of companionship and the human need for it. Shizuru's hair tickled the sides of my face as she nuzzled her lips against my neck to plant small kisses on the skin of my throat. She was tender and loving like the mother I have never had for so long. As she placed kisses on my neck, my arms reached out towards her waist to hold onto her sides. Shizuru stopped kissing me - shocked at me reciprocating her affection.

I heard her sigh happily and moved to kiss my cheek. I blushed obviously and she giggled at the sight. I blushed even harder at her relentless teasing. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the brightest glint of joy reflected in them. My heart stopped at the sight - never had I seen somebody so happy.

Shizuru moved in close until our lips nearly touched and my breath caught in my throat. I felt her hot breath teasing my lips with a warmth that spread like wildfire through my entire body. Her lips nearly touched mine and I felt the softness of them grazing lightly against my mouth. She hesitated and gazed into my eyes to ask me for permission. My eyes reflected the insecurity and anxiety I felt deep inside and had kept hidden for so many years. My heart longed for nothing more than for her to kiss me - to revive me from the comatose state I've been trapped in, suffocating and dying in an imprisonment of loneliness. My mind still refused to tear down the walls I've put up as a defense to protect the fragile heart that was now begging for her love.

I found myself crying silently as tears cascaded down my cheeks. Shizuru's eyes lit up with surprise at the sight of my tears. I touched the tears and wetted my palms in the process. I couldn't remember the last time I cried.

Shizuru took my hand and wiped away the tears on my palm with her own. She then kissed each one of the fallen tears on my face away with her lips. She alleviated the hurt I harbored deep inside as she kissed each tear away like a mother consoling her child. My mother, I missed her so terribly. But Shizuru was not my mother, she was a stranger who loved me deeply for a reason I could not come up with.

I grasped the sides of Shizuru's face to stop her and she stared back at me in anticipation. I felt her body tremble slightly at my bold touch. I stared at the face of the woman who would not cease in her love for me and felt an adoration for her begin to stir in the depths of my heart. It was the beginning of my process in falling in love with her, and for the first time, I was not afraid of this new feeling.

I moved in to press my lips to hers and I could feel Shizuru freeze from my kiss. After a few moments, she returned my kiss with a fiery passion. I toppled backwards from the force of her eagerness. My back hit the mat with a thud, knocking the wind out of me.

I gasped and Shizuru was too delirious from the kiss to show any signs of stopping. I found my head being pushed backwards to the ground from the force of her kiss. I was no longer in control of the session as Shizuru proceeded to press herself on top of me - kissing me hungrily and melding her body against mine. I felt her ample breasts press against my own and felt the warmth heat of her skin emitting through her shirt and onto my entire body. My head was becoming dizzy as Shizuru continued to explore my mouth. She was moving too fast. Everything was all too new for my mind and body to properly process, so I shoved her gently, but firmly away with my hand.

Our lips broke apart and I was faced with Shizuru's hurt and confused eyes staring back down at me.

"I-I'm not ready," I mumbled and looked away from her doe eyes.

Shizuru touched my face and cupped my cheek. I looked back at her and saw a faint smile on her face. "I will wait for Natsuki to be ready for as long as she likes," she said, and kissed my forehead while brushing aside my falling bangs.

I blushed from her surprising understanding. She wrapped her arms around me and cradled me closely to her. The rest of the night, we laid in each other's arms, simply enjoying each other's company.