The Ivory Violet

Oerba - Village Proper

With the time the six Pulse l'Cie spent in Oerba, Hope read all he could about flowers (and Fang and Vanille were glad to spend as much time as they could in their hometown). The colorful plants were amazing, and the Pulsian people had even came up with meanings for each single breed of flower. For example, the calendula meant joy and the coreopsis meant always cheerful. Too bad the only place Hope could find these two feelings was in a book.

How amazing Cocoon would be if they had these wonderful plants! The floating orb was mostly full of concrete, people, and electricity. It was like nature wasn't allowed to exist there.

Finishing his third book, Hope sighed and tossed it onto a nearby desk. Folding his arms behind his head, he leaned backward against a pillow and closed his eyes. He felt nothing but hollow space inside his chest. It was the second worst feeling he'd ever had in his life. The only reason he didn't compare it to how he felt when he watched his mother die was because he thought that was wrong.

Day in and day out, Hope ended the day, his hand over his heart, or where he thought his heart might be if it were there, and with a longing sigh for the pain to go away. He cried himself to sleep sometimes, when he was sure he wouldn't be heard by Snow beneath him or Sazh above him. It was one of the only times he could make himself feel slightly better. The other was when he could forget about everything by reading about flowers. And perhaps there was a third time, when Light would smile for him, or more importantly, when Hope was simply in Light's presence.

Tonight he could not cry, though. He wanted to, but he just couldn't find the tears in him anymore. They had disappeared and he could not find them. Now he couldn't even feel.

That's how he ended up with his legs crossed, head resting on the edge of the roof of the abandoned schoolhouse, thinking about the way he might have phrased his note better. His suicide note.

Hope was sitting in the only place that bore life in this land of desolate ashen sand. He was surrounded by aloe with hyacinths and red carnations on either side of him. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs; he was happily nestled between the flowers, hidden from view of anyone looking up the stairs.

The hyacinths on his right were lovely. They were purple flowers that stood like leaning towers. The red carnations looked like little buttons held upside down by green strings.

Hope sighed and felt himself scream inside. The noise rattled his bones and resounded within his mind, causing him to wince at the pain.

There was a face in his mind, accompanied by words of pity, and rejection. Light.

Hope had confessed his feelings for Light in Sulyya Springs. He thought it might be romantic, what with the waterfall in the background and bright green lights at their feet. She didn't accept his advances. She said he was too young. He begged to differ.

He had been forced to grow up and make decisions decades beyond his true age. He had been put in situations not even his mother should have been able to face. He had been, and still was, subjected to a horrible fate no one should have gone through. And to Light, none of that mattered. And what was the phrase? Age is but a number?

He yelled in his anger and gripped his scalp. Quickly, he jumped to his feet, indifferent toward the flowers he trampled, and hopped onto the edge of the roof. He looked out around him and saw the inlet, beating the shore with its cold and ashen ferocity.

The pink sunset reminded him of Light's hair, and that only made him angrier and the tightness of his chest more restrictive.

He gritted his teeth and clenched his shirt over his dead heart and let himself feel sad, because it was the last time he would ever feel anything. After this, he would go away and feel better. He would find his mother somehow, and they would be together forever, no matter what. She would comfort him, this lost and broken boy who had a man's responsibilities forced upon him.

If Light would have reciprocated, maybe he would feel like there was something worth living for.

Even if she had, what point was there in his existence? He only hindered his friends. He was weak with his magic, weak with brute force. He was of average intelligence and entirely expendable. In fact, there was not a point in him that he could find.

"What are you doing up here?"

Hope's breath caught in his throat. His heart dropped to his stomach from his terror. Overcoming his shock, he realized it was only Light, come to rub salt in his wound with her presence and kindness as a pretense. He gripped his fists in front of his chest, holding in his pain.

After a moment of collection, he relaxed his whole body and looked at the potted pink cyclamens at his feet. The abstract pink petals sat in the gentle breeze, and, with great tragedy, swayed with the wind like they were waving good-bye to the boy.

"Taking in the beautiful sight," he sighed. He glimpsed back at Light, then blushed fiercely.

"N-Not like that."

"I know."

They stood quietly. And quite awkwardly. Hope wished she wouldn't have come, because there was no point in this meeting. She had rejected him, made it crystal clear that she did not want him. And besides, she wasn't making this easier on him, either. He realized his eyes were closed, so he opened them and set them with a stern gaze.

"Light, you need to leave."

"I'm not leaving. We need to talk."

"Lightning! Are you trying to hurt me even more than last time?" As Hope swiveled on his foot, he lost his balance, and dropped over the edge of the building.

For a split second, he thought he hit solid ground instead of water, but the ocean quickly swallowed him up along with his opinion. The inlet gulped the frail boy down with the ease of which an Adamantoise might have used.

He felt like he was floating with no up or down, just the disorienting lack of light and darkness and the overwhelming rush of waves. He opened his eyes and saw that his mother held her arm outstretched for him to grasp. What was he to do but accept?

Finding her wasn't that hard, Hope thought to himself. I just had to get it over with.

And he felt himself be consumed by the light of the afterlife, and the warmth of his mother's embrace.

Hope felt a horrible pain all throughout his chest, and an equally as painful burning sensation in his throat. His mother was now somehow absent and he was surrounded by darkness. Was he not good enough to deserve his mother in the afterlife? Had he done wrong in his life somehow?

As he opened his eyes, he realized that he, in fact, had not been welcomed into the light of the afterlife, but into the arms of Light.

He was sopping wet and lying beside his pink-haired companion's knees, which were wobbling as she preformed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him. He coughed and gagged on the seawater as he weakly pushed Light away from him with his shoulder and vomited an inordinate amount of water. Light was now hitting the center of his back with steady force only a trained soldier could muster in a situation like this.

"Are you alright? Did you hit your head? Do you feel dizzy, light-headed, nauseous? Hope, look at my fingers; how many am I holding up?" Light's face was calm and void of all emotion, but her eyes were wide and frantic, examining every inch of his body and holding two fingers up all at once.

Hope, thinking over his near-death-experience, was shaking his head and taking in deep breaths. He was feeling just as frantic. He was terrified. He was shaking, freezing, and couldn't see properly. He wasn't able to get a single coherent sentence out to soothe her, though it might possibly should have been the other way around.

"Light- get- stop- me- off-

"Fine. M'fine, Light." Hope squinted his eyes shut, then opened them wide and looked around. Light's face was a creamy blur with three black smudges for her eyes and mouth.

"Hope. If you would've given me a chance to explain myself, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Explain- yourself?" He said with as much ferocity as he could in his present deathly state. Light chuckled at him. He couldn't see it for his bangs slick against his face, but he knew she was shaking her head at him.

"Yes. Not every rejection is followed by depressing conversations. I…I decided that it's fine if you're younger than me. Do you hear me, Hope? With as little time as we may have together…what really matters is if we're happy." With that, Light resolved herself to her usual stoic behavior.

Hope nearly choked to death again. He looked up at her with wide eyes, gasping even harder for air.

"What?" He managed out dumbly.

"I guess I didn't pull you out fast enough, did I? Here, if words won't suffice…"

Light straight on kissed him. Hope was so shocked that he didn't have the chance to kiss back, and regretted it as soon as she pulled her pleasantly soft lips away from him. She stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"Wait, why did you-"

"Hope! Lightning!" Snow ran up to his two friends as fast as he could, Vanille and Fang trailing behind him, respectively.

"Oh, my goodness!"

"What've we got going on here, huh?"

"We face death every day and a little water is what nearly gets you guys?" Sazh jeered as he cocked an eyebrow, putting his guns away. Chocobo Chick flew from his hair and gave the wet l'Cie an upset chirp. They were all winded and worried, acting as if Barthandelus himself had just shown up.

"Hey, Hope's the one who decided to take a dive when he knows he can't swim." This indignant response came from Light, who behaved as if she had not just shattered his former state of mind and took all the pieces and put them back together again.

"H-How do you know about that?" Hope blushed furiously, hiding as much of his face as he could behind his silver hair.

"With the way you avoided the water in Sulyya Springs, it was obvious to all of us." Snow laughed and patted Hope's soaking head. "Eh…" He wiped his hand on his trench coat, taking a few steps back. Hope scowled playfully at his older friend and shook his hair furiously, aiming the water droplets at the masculine muscle of the group.

"Ha-ha!" Hope laughed and jumped behind Light to avoid a playful hit from Snow. Vanille giggled at the two, then turned to Fang with the usual codependence.

"Since they seem to be fine, d'you think we should head back to the shop now? I wasn't finished…"

"Sure. You guys comin'?" Fang turned to the other three. Snow and Sazh gave their assent, trotting ahead of the native Pulsians. "What about you two?"

"Uh, we need to talk." Hope barely spoke up, clasping his hands behind his back. His blush was painfully obvious against his pale skin.

"Yeah. Sure. See ya later!"

"Bye-bye, now!"

Light crossed her arms and looked at Hope with an intense gaze. He looked up at her, then shot his gaze back at his shoes, thoroughly embarrassed.

"W-What are you looking at me for? I already-"

"The ball's in your court, kid. I gave my response." Of course Light would be stern. She needed a man's man. How could Hope not have thought this all the way through? He hadn't expected her acceptance, for one. Suddenly, he felt very inferior and inadequate.

"Maybe you should've left it at no…" The good feeling he'd had before was lost. He looked at his wet clothes and remembered why he'd been on top of the schoolhouse in the first place, what Light had interrupted, what she had prevented from happening. He either had to lose her and finish it, or get to his temporary dwelling as fast as he could so he could hide the note and bide his time for a more proper moment.

"Why? Hope, what were you doing up there, before I got there?" Her arms fell to her sides as she crossed the expanse of a few steps between them. "Hope."

His eyes stung with tears. Before he could stop it from happening, he was crying.

"I was gonna' kill myself," he said in a sob.

Within a moment, he found himself in Light's warm hold. No matter how soaked she was from saving him, she was still warm. She still made him feel warm inside. He cried into her shoulder, comforted for the first time in a very long time. Light placed a hand on the back of his head and on the small of his back. He clenched her jacket in response, using her like a life preserver.

"Don't ever- think you can get away with that- as long as I'm with you," she whispered into his hair. Hope could just nod, all to willing to accept this agreement. He sniffled, and, after several long moments, pulled away and put his back to her. He wiped his face on the bandana tied to his wrist.

Looking up, he saw white violets standing steady at the base of a tree. Several of them were grouped together, but the one that caught his attention was the one poking out of a hollow hole in the tree's chest. The ivory flower was looking up at the sky, brave and true to its meaning as anything could be.

"Let's take a chance on happiness," Hope whispered to himself.

"Huh?"

"Um, nothing." Hope turned around and faced Light with a firm smile. This smile would not leave his face until Light left his presence, and would not return until she was beside him again. "Let's go back and find the others." Light stared at him for a moment, analyzing him. Then, she nodded, and took off at her normal fast pace ahead of him. Hope was so used to this that he caught up easily.

"H-Hey, Light? Do you think we can-can hold hands?" Hope's heart thudded in his chest as he waited for her response. She gave him a sideways glance, the corner of her mouth upturned.

"Sure."

A/N: The ending made me smile a whole lot. Makes me feel good. Hope you get the same feeling.

Please review.

Meaning of the flowers (in order of appearance [excluding the first two listed by Hope]):

Aloe- grief

Hyacinth (Purple)- I'm sorry; please forgive me; sorrow

Red Carnation- My heart aches for you

Cyclamen- resignation and good-bye

Violet (White)- Let's take a chance on happiness

Thanks to pioneerthinking (a "dot" com website) for the meaning of the flowers.