Not In A Million Years

Chapter 1

He was breathing in my ear. Low, ragged pants to match the rhythm in which I thrust into him. His sweat heated my skin; his fingernails dug into my spine.

"Vegeta," he whispered, his lips an inch from my neck, his breath hot on my already sweltering face. I moaned softly and tangled my fingers in his black spikes.

"Don't stop, Vegeta," he panted, his warm, wet tongue flicking across my jugular.

I felt my breath catch in my throat and hammered into him, almost frantic as I attacked his gorgeous lips with bruising intensity. Kakarot….

"Vegeta, stop!"

I broke away, looking into wide, blue eyes below me. The woman Bulma looked right back. Her delicate lips were swollen from the intensity of my own and her arms were marred with rings of bruises shaped like the grip of my fingers. Shit. I'd done it again. I'd gotten lost in one of the haunting fantasies that had been dogging me for weeks. The worst part was that they had their roots – however distant – in reality.

I apologized to the woman – with my eyes, not my voice – and pulled out of her gently, rolling over and looking at the wall. Twice now. Twice I'd pictured Kakarot beneath me instead of her. Twice I'd heard his breath, his voice; whispering to me. And twice I'd hurt her, believing her to be someone else, someone who could take the intensity and respond in kind.

My worst, nagging fear was that I'd give myself away. That I'd call her by Kakarot's name on accident or say or do something to blow my cover. Why did Kakarot bother me so? It had only been one time, and I barely remembered it anyway.

I'd been angry, humiliated, frustrated. I wanted to take it out on someone, and Kakarot had been…. conveniently available. I should have been surprised that he didn't refuse, I should have been angry that he ended up on top; but at the time I could barely think clearly enough to spit out my demands and accept whatever repercussion the other Saiyan had to offer.

And afterwards, nearly every night for the past two weeks, he was there in my head; and I'm somewhat ashamed to say that – fantasies or not – I enjoyed his presence thoroughly; in a lip-biting-to-keep-from-shouting-aloud, sheet-washing-to-erase-evidence, twisted kind of way.

The woman laid a hand on my bare shoulder and I flinched slightly.

"Vegeta, what's wrong?" she asked honestly, I turned to look at her; at a loss for words.

"You've been acting strange for days," she went on, "Talk to me."

I sighed and leaned back against the pillows.

"Nothing, woman; I just can't seem to get my head on straight." True enough. At least I was only half-lying.

"Does it have something to do with me? With us?" she pried, attempting to meet my eyes and failing.

Yes, a little bit, my thoughts taunted me.

"No." I said shortly, in the tone I knew allowed no argument.

"Okay, well…." She hesitated, "If you ever want to tell me about it, I'm always right here."

"There's nothing to tell," I lied, yanking the sheets over myself and looking away again pointedly.

I lay still until she fell asleep, trying to force the erotic image of Kakarot below me – even if it had never really happened – from my mind.

X

"Is that all you've got, Kakarot?" I taunted, dodging his punch aimed at my head and darting in to jab at his ribs. He grinned savagely and delivered a devastating kick to the back of my neck, using the reverse physics reaction to ram his knee into my stomach. I staggered backwards in midair and wiped the blood from my lip with a sneer. When fighting, I was at the top of my game; invincible, I could put my conflicted mind to rest and just retaliate and block without having to think. And I had to admit – if only in the sanctity of my own mind – that Kakarot was magnificent in the heat of battle. Despite the fact that his actions were violent and in no way sexual, I got something out of the contact of his skin, the scent of his sweat and blood and the closeness of our bodies. It made my mind shut up for once. For once, I was content just to be where I was.

I fired a ki blast at the taller Saiyan and he took it head-on. The bolt of energy hit him square in the chest and burned away a portion of his gi shirt. I had always wondered why he wore clothing that shredded and burned so easily; it didn't seem practical. I glanced at my opponent again and my jaw very nearly hit the floor.

The sparks from his smoldering gi lit up Kakarot's fiery teal eyes, the sheen of sweat glistening on his perfectly chiseled muscles was exposed by the huge tear down the middle of his shirt; a steadily widening tear as the orange and blue cloth burned away. There was something about his careless smirk and wind-tousled blonde hair that made my heart skip and I literally had to wrench my gaze away from him to keep from staring openly.

"Something wrong, Vegeta?" he asked coolly.

Damn him and his stupid, godsdamnedperfect body, I snarled mentally.

I attacked again, determined not to show weakness to the man most likely to exploit it. I came up from behind and grabbed his wrists, pinning them behind his back; forcing myself not to think of how good he smelled, how close he was to me and how….

"Vegeta," Kakarot intoned; I blinked. I hadn't budged from where I was; with his arms locked behind him in my grasp, his back an inch from my chest. I swallowed hard, struggling to control my breathing and my poise.

"Vegeta, let go," the tall Saiyan commanded, slipping his wrists out of my grip and turning around. His aqua eyes flitted to mine, then down, where they lingered for a moment before travelling back up to my face. I subconsciously drifted an inch closer to him, attempting to read his expression.

He tensed and shoved me none-too-gently away from him.

"No, Vegeta." He crossed his arms over his semi-bare chest and stared me down.

Throwing pride and caution to the wind, I pressed on.

"Kakarot," I prompted.

"No." the other Saiyan didn't give an inch.

"But… that time –" I protested, ignoring the little voice in my head that demanded I regain my princely stature.

"We both swore not to speak of it again," Kakarot growled, "It was a one-time thing. Just forget about it."

I wrestled down my shattered pride and averted my gaze. Was I not good enough? Some part of me wondered, That must be it, why else would he -?

"Just go, Vegeta. I can't do this right now," Kakarot said stiffly.

Sanity dawned, and I wondered why I even desired the other Saiyan in the first place. Why do you haunt me like this, Kakarot? Forcing myself to look away, to turn around and leave; I succumbed to my nattering thoughts; knowing I should deny feeling anything for the younger Saiyan, but still unable to get his face to leave me alone.

TBC