Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer - not me! Definitely not me!

Hey there, guys!

After a very disappointing season of The Walking Dead and talking about how to survive a zombie apocalypse, my brain went all funny and then farted and

... um ...

this happened:

The newscaster was telling them of a newly emerging infectious disease - some weird kind of plague running over the country. It had been the top theme for more than five days already, and it was really starting to make even them nervous.

Carlisle sat on the couch in the living room, his elbows resting on his knees, while he followed the news with calm seriousness. His wife was right next to him, and she held a hand over her mouth as pictures of infected people and their victims were shown. Doctors were at a loss with that new kind of virus that could quickly change people in a way they had never seen before.

The epidemic had reached Washington, moving in from both the east and the south.

People in the listed areas and counties were supposed to stay inside, lock their doors and make sure to stay as far away from infected persons as possible. Clallam County hadn't been named yet, so people were still following their daily routine as though nothing in the world had changed.

"So it's true," Esme said in a shaky voice. "It's really happening. And soon it'll reach Forks."

"I'm fairly sure they are doing their best to research this odd virus and find a cure, darling," Carlisle responded while letting his hand run up and down her back. She looked so worried that he just wanted to bring comfort to her, even though he wasn't sure if there would indeed be something to help stop the sickness from breaking out or at least something to stop the virus from spreading further.

"Ehm," Alice suddenly uttered before slowly turning around to look at her parents. "Not just soon, Mom. More like now."

Carlisle jumped up from the couch and hurried to stand next to his petite daughter, who was currently looking out of the French windows into the garden and the forest line.

A person was stumbling out from between two firs, looking positively lost.

"Is that … Jacob Black?" Carlisle asked and squinted out of the windows.

Emmett, who had heard his father's question, was with him in the blink of an eye and also gazed out.

He snorted with laughter. "Yup, Pops, it is."

It seemed to be incredibly amusing to the muscular boy to see a completely naked Jacob Black aimlessly roaming their backyard, all the while drooling and moaning.

"What is Jacob Black doing here?" Esme asked, approaching her husband and children. "And why isn't he wearing any clothes when he comes over for a visit?"

"He is infected, love," Carlisle stated, noticing the deep bite marks on the pack members arms … and the missing half of his face.

"Let me take care of it," Emmett said in a cocky tone of voice and wrenched the French windows open to step outside.

"Emmett, don't!" Esme called but Carlisle held her back. "He won't get hurt, Esme. And we need to see how they react to our species." The newscaster had told them that the virus-infected people were incredibly aggressive and attacked every single person they would see. And then they started killing with a brutality that showed there was no humanity left in these things - they ate their victims alive.

Outside, Emmett marched over to the dark-haired boy with large steps, only halting when he was about five feet from him.

Jacob lifted his head, his eyes milky and unmoving. He looked at Emmett, then let out a moan after a long moment of silence and then – just like that - looked in a different direction, walking on.

"Hm." Emmett thought about that. So a zombie mutt didn't really care for him, only for humans. Interesting fact.

"Hey, mongrel," he said to get the boy's attention once more. "Lost your pack to a bunch of slow and dim-witted zombies?" he asked and grinned. "Thumbs up!"

A displeased moan filled the air.

Then Jacob snapped his head around and approached the vampire, his hands outstretched and his face distorted with rage. It looked ridiculous, especially because Jacob was drooling, making the foul-smelling saliva mixed with coagulated blood drip all over his naked body and his dangling thingy.

When he was close enough - it took a moment for Jacob to finally reach him - Emmett just placed a hand on the back of Jacob's head to keep him in place, then punched a hole through his forehead.

The mutt sagged to the ground and didn't move anymore.

"Cool," Emmett commented, then turned around and walked back to the house, blood and rotting tissue dripping from his arm onto their manicured lawn.

His family gave way when he reached the porch and the big French windows.

"He tried to attack you, Emmett!" Esme cried, horrified by what she had just witnessed.

"The little bugger just wanted to play," he replied with a smile and shook his head like he wanted to sigh and say 'Zombies will be zombies'.

"You just killed Jacob Black, Emmett. I'm not sure if that was really necessary," Carlisle mildly rebuked when his son was standing right in front of him.

"You can only kill zombies by destroying their brain," he explained while stepping into the house.

To give him some room, the rest of the family went back to the living room, patiently waiting for Emmett to give them a little more details about this.

"Emmett!" Esme suddenly screeched when she saw him dripping gore onto her beautiful snow-white rug. "Don't you dare move and soil my floor, young man!" she called to him while retrieving paper towels from the kitchen.

She was with him again in a matter of seconds, holding the towels underneath his dripping hand in an attempt to spare the expensive rug and parquet floor from further stains. Unfortunately she wasn't quick enough and a chunk of something nasty plopped to the ground.

"Oops, sorry 'bout that," Emmett said, bent down to pick the spongy thing up and threw it out into the garden through the open window behind him. "Brain."

Esme's eyes went wide and she put her arms akimbo.

"Did you just throw a piece of brain into my flower beds?" she asked, gasping.

"Um ..."

"Emmett!"

"No, no! It landed on the lawn, Mom," he quickly said in an attempt to calm her.

"If I find pieces of Jacob Black's brain between my flowers you'll be in real trouble, mister!"

"Jacob Black?" Edward asked with a gasp and sped towards his mother and brother, looking past them into the garden. He had heard them talking while descending the stairs, and it was more than just a little unsettling to him.

In any other situation he would be glad to see the mutt lying crumpled on the ground, but right now he was just getting panicky. "Oh no," he breathed. "Bella!"

Now the rest of the family understood the severity of the situation. The zombie apocalypse had hit Forks.

"I'm sure she is safe, Edward," Carlisle said and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Charlie wouldn't let anything happen to her."

"I'll drive over to her house to make sure. I can keep both of them safe," Edward replied and fished his car keys from the pocket of his jeans.

"You go do that. Be careful, son."

With a curt nod, Edward vanished from the room and a moment later they could hear the roaring of the engine of his Volvo and then the car speeding down the driveway.

Emmett had wiped Jacob off his arm as best as he could, then he walked into the living room and plonked down on the couch next to his wife. He made to put an arm around her but she scooted away. "Ew, don't touch me. You smell."

"Yes, like rotting dog," Alice confirmed and sat down on her husband's lap in order to get a little more distance between herself and her reeking brother.

"So …," Emmett sighed and rubbed his hands on his upper thighs. "What do we do now?"

"Nothing," Rosalie replied, obviously completely unconcerned by zombies occupying their home town and eating everyone they knew.

"Oh come on, babe," Emmett tried to coax her into helping. "It'll be fun."

"What do I care if all these idiotic humans are turned into zombies?" she replied while checking her nails.

"I think it's a good idea if we try and help," Carlisle threw in, sitting down on the armrest of the couch right next to his stubborn, blonde daughter. "As long as we don't provoke them, they won't attack us." Yes, vampires weren't exactly zombie diet material, so they were pretty much safe.

Emmett's face lit up like Christmas came early, and he looked around at his siblings. "Where shall we go first?"

Jasper contemplated this, then said, "School. It's the biggest place around here." He liked the idea of spending the rest of the day fighting, and he wanted to kill as many zombies as possible.

Oh yes, Jasper was looking forward to this just as much as Emmett did.

"Great, I'll just put on my boots and we're good to go," Emmett uttered, then ascended the stairs with his brother in tow. Jasper figured that he couldn't win a battle in dress pants and putting on a pair of steel-toed boots like Emmett would couldn't hurt, either.

They came back downstairs in what looked like army gear, and they were joking around, barely able to contain their excitement.

"Coming Rose?" Emmett asked when he had reached his wife on the couch again.

She sighed. "Do we really have to do this?"

"Right now people get infected quicker than anyone would have anticipated, transforming everyone in brainless cannibals," Carlisle answered, hoping Rosalie would consider to help save humans from becoming extinct.

"And they smell," Emmett added and saw that she was giving in. The sooner they would get rid of all the zombies, the sooner the air would be clean again.

"All right, but next time I want to go dancing you'll come with me without complaining, got it?"

"Of course, Rose!"

She nodded at him, then hurried to her room. Alice was getting changed as well, because she feared for her new designer slacks. Blood stains were a bitch to get out of clothes again.

"You are planning on killing zombies dressed like this?" Jasper asked disbelievingly when his blonde sister stalked down the stairs, looking up at him with an expressionless look on her face.

The problem weren't her clothes, but more the shoes she had chosen to put on for this day.

Black knee high boots with heels so thin and high, Jasper wasn't sure if she really wanted to kill zombies or win a pavement princess look-alike contest.

"Killer heels. Nice one, babe," Emmett praised and smirked at his beautiful wife, who wriggled her eyebrows at him.

"Fine, if you can manage it." Jasper shrugged his shoulders, then smiled when his wife came bouncing towards him.

Rosalie suddenly made a face. "Emmett? I don't want gore and mucus on me."

"Never fear, fair maiden," he replied and retrieved a gun from his back pocket, immediately handing it over to her.

"Cool." was all she said while looking it over.

"Always aim for the head, babe, always the head."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she replied, but was barely listening to her husband's advice. She really liked the gun.

"Is that a gun? You have a gun, Emmett?"

Oops. "It's for paintball, Pops. Just for paintball."

Ha, not it wasn't.

Carlisle gave him a scrutinising look. "And how is a paintball gun helping in a situation like this?"

"We have to make do with what we have," Emmett replied cunningly and saw his father nod at that answer.

"All right, everyone's ready?" Jasper asked and looked around.

"I think I'll head to the hospital, to see if I can be of any help," Carlisle told them. There might be a lot of injured people, and he would make damn sure to help them all. "Are you coming with me, Esme?"

"Definitely not!" Esme replied, indignant to say the least. "I don't want any of these confused people coming in here and soiling my floor!" In her hands she held a muck fork and a wooden spoon, determined to defend their home of anything nasty wanting to come in.

They weren't sure how far she would get with her wooden spoon … but sure, go for it, Mom.

"They aren't confused, Momma, they are zombies," Emmett clarified.

"Fine, zombies … I don't want them in here, so don't you dare bring one home, you hear? I mean it!"

All of them held their hands up and took a step back, not willing to anger their mother while she was holding a dung fork in her hands.

Then they quickly filed out of the house, because they didn't want to waste any time. Zombie-killing, hell yeah!

Emmett threw his car keys over to Jasper, who looked too excited for words. They jumped into the red Jeep and Jasper turned the key in the ignition. "Yeehaw!" he exclaimed and chased the car down the winding path in the direction of the street leading to Forks.

It didn't take long for them to reach Forks Highschool, and they noticed that it also hadn't taken long for the virus to reach it.

Blood puddles and body parts were decorating the parking lot, a few zombies were aimlessly moving around like tourists who have gotten lost.

Jumping out of the car, Jasper immediately stretched out, his golden eyes gleaming with happiness and bellicosity.

Emmett was grinning like a Cheshire Cat and popped his knuckles while taking a few steps in order to stand next to his brother.

There was the smell of decay in the air, and it had gotten stronger the closer they got to Forks.

"I'm not sure if I can do it. They smell so bad," Rosalie uttered and held a hand over her mouth and nose while trying not to gag.

"It'll smell even worse in a couple of days, babe. We need to get rid of them now … just don't breathe."

"All right." She nodded her head in agreement. "Where do we start?"

"I think I knock these ones here out, then we can head inside," Jasper suggested and got nods of consent from his siblings. "Hey, where's Alice?"

Behind a large bush they detected a head full of spiky black hair peeking out and hurried towards her. But she was neither hurt nor in any kind of danger - the big, happy smile on her face was proof of that.

The tiny pixie was currently busying herself with poking a zombie with seriously sallow skin in his bloated stomach with a stick, making him fart out decomposition gases. She giggled at the funny noises.

"Why are you doing this, love?" Jasper asked and placed a hand on her shoulder, watching the zombie moan and try to squirm away. But since he was missing his arms and legs, he didn't get very far.

"I like to poke things with a stick," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"And ... who is that?"

"That's my lab partner," Alice explained and poked him some more. "Even as a corpse he's still funny."

The screeching of brakes distracted them for a moment and they looked around only to see that Edward had made it to school. He parked his car right in the middle of the parking lot and got out, raking his fingers through his hair. He looked around in confusion until Emmett said, "What's wrong, bro?"

"Bella … she wasn't at home. I couldn't find her. I thought … maybe she went to school."

Suddenly Rose had something to say after she let out a low whistle. "Just look at the huge dent in the side of Tyler Crowley's van. Looks like he hit someone with it."

Edward sped towards the white van, because there wasn't just a dent – there was a trail of blood down the side.

He ran his fingers through the red liquid, then sniffed it. His face immediately crumpled up in misery. "This is Bella's blood … oh my god, why did she have to go to school on a day like this? Why is she always so dutiful and studious?" Then he sunk to his knees and moaned, "Nooo, Bella ..."

"Oookay ... let's go inside right away. Come, love," Jasper said and pulled his wife away from the smelly torso with the attached moaning head. Yes, that's all that was left of Alice's lab partner.

They entered the building and decided to head for the office first. Edward left in search of his girlfriend, so only the four of them were left.

The office looked like someone had tried to paint a picture with blood on the walls. The whole room was upside down, and as they walked around the counter, they could see the secretary and someone else lying on the floor. … or what was left of them. A trail of blood led away from them and into the principal's office.

"Uh, let's check it out," Emmett said excitedly and knocked on the door.

"This is a freakin' zombie school and you knock?" Rosalie whispered to him, unable to grasp why he would do something like that. Everyone around here was dead, they could tell by just sniffing the air and smelling nothing but the odour of decomposition.

A mix between a moan and a growl could be heard coming from the other side of the door and so they entered.

Mr. Greene, their dear (zombie) principal, sat in his office chair and munched away on a leg in his hands, trying to hold it tightly but having difficulties since one of his hands was gone and his bloody stump was of no use.

"Whose do you that is?" Emmett asked and pointed at it.

Rose looked like she thought about this for a moment. "Mrs. Cope."

"I always knew he liked his women with a little meat on them," Emmett said and chuckled.

"Hey Mr. Greene," Alice greeted when she danced into the room, coming to a halt right next to Rose.

Their principal just gurgled in acknowledgement, then continued trying to rip chunks of meat and fat from the leg with his broken teeth. It looked like someone had tried to fend him off and nearly succeeded in smashing his face in … with a metal rod or something. But he was still 'alive' and hungry.

"Aw, I always knew he had a thing for Mrs. Cope," Alice said and crossed her arms, watching the man with soft eyes.

Not wanting to lose any more time, Rose lifted her hand with the gun in it and shot their principal right between the eyes. He slumped down in his chair, his head hitting the table top with a loud bang.

"Hey … ," Alice complained and slapped her sister's arm. "I liked watching him."

"There will be a lot more to watch, Alice."

"Oh, okay."

"Where do we go next?" Jasper asked and peeked into the room.

"Hm, cafeteria?" Alice suggested and he nodded his head in response, smiling at his wife.

"Follow me, little lady."

All of them left the office, then headed for the cafeteria building.

This place was – in comparison to the other places – crowded.

More than eighty or ninety of these crazies were moving around, bumping into each other and the many tables and chairs in this room like drunks.

"Great, smells like a slaughterhouse with a defective cooling system in here," Rosalie remarked and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Helloooo fellow classmates!" Emmett greeted and much to his surprise a few of them really turned towards him and groaned.

"I always knew I was the most popular guy in school," he said cockily before walking up to a decaying zombie and pressing its eyeballs into the back of its head, drawing one last moan from the creature.

Jasper squinted at one particular person in the middle of the room. "Isn't that -"

"BELLA!" Edward shouted the moment he entered the cafeteria. He immediately hurried towards her, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Ugh …," Rosalie muttered in disgust. "she looks gross."

And she indeed did.

Her clothes were covered in blood stains, ripped in a few places and it looked like she had vomited all over herself at some point. Or someone else had puked all over her, who knew. But it was more than likely that she did it herself, ugh.

Her eyes were staring straight ahead, and they looked more than just a little dead. Her once chocolate brown orbs were now milky and bulged out of their sockets. It looked even more grotesque, because her left eyelid had been ripped off. Deep bite marks, gaping wounds and gashes were covering the left side of her neck and shoulder, and she was missing two fingers of her right hand. The dark hair framing her face still looked more or less the same, just a little sticky and dirty and dishevelled.

Her nose was crooked and obviously broken, and her bottom lip was missing. She must have gnawed it off and gobbled it down – but it was only a matter of time until that would have happened, no surprise here.

She was standing in front of her boyfriend, swaying a little as one of her feet seemed to point in the completely wrong direction and therefore was unable to support her weight anymore.

Edward steadied her, all the while mumbling "My love" and "It's going to be all right, Bella" while trying to ignore her outer appearance and her smell, that was now repulsive and not sweet and alluring anymore.

"Dude," Emmett said and took in a sharp breath. "I hope you got some in the past, because I feel a little gloomy about your future together."

Edward narrowed his eyes at him.

"I see little reason to be pessimistic about this," Alice threw in and walked up to Edward and Bella with a tiny spray can in her hand. She had rummaged through a backpack lying on one of the tables and found a breath spray.

"She'll be as good as new in a moment," she said happily and sprayed a little in Bella's gaping hole. Yes, without a bottom lip she would never ever be able to close her mouth again, but she didn't really seem to notice or mind.

The sound that emitted from Bella's throat just then was a confused guttural moan that had a hint of disgust to it. Then she sneezed … or something, and showered the front of Edward's shirt with mucus, pus and blood. Plus the force behind this weird zombie sneezer effectively dislocated her jaw, now making it impossible for her to close her mouth again. She drew away then, pretty disinterested by the people surrounding her, but was kept in place by Edward's hand around hers.

"Alice! Stop that!" Edward rounded on his petite pixie sister, who was trying not to distort his mouth in disgust at seeing Bella's fluids on his shirt seeping through the fabric and probably onto his bare chest underneath.

"I was just trying to help! You know she smells!"

"But it is none of your business, when -"

While Alice and Edward were arguing, Bella had somehow managed to pull her hand from her boyfriend's grasp and now she slowly stumbled and waddled like a toddler with a full nappy in the direction of the counter. She really was comparable with a toddler, except that she was taller and deader and not quite as articulate right now.

Alice and Edward stopped their little quarrel when they heard Rosalie's voice ring out over the moaning of their zombified classmates.

"And I always thought she didn't like Lauren Mallory."

They turned around to see what she was talking about, just like Emmett and Jasper.

Bella was squatting next to a body lying on the floor, five fellow zombies surrounding her. She had something long and bloody in her hands, a large intestine, and was trying to chew on it, trying to bite it in half - which didn't work because her jaw was still dislocated. Silly Bella.

So the only thing she succeeded in doing right then was drooling into Lauren's open stomach.

"Well, to me it looks like she likes her very much," Jasper commented with a smirk on his lips. He liked being in school without having to worry about losing control over his bloodlust. Everyone was already dead and transforming into stinking zombies – zombies he was allowed to kill. Pure bliss.

"Ooh Bella," Edward said, a pained expression on his face. He approached her, then crouched down opposite her, trying to pull the bowel from her hands and teeth. A moan of displeasure emitted from her throat and she held onto her snack tightly.

With a dissatisfied sigh, Edward let go and Bella fell backwards, lying on her back now like a turtle. But she didn't seem to care, because when she fell her jaw had popped back into place and now she was able to fully enjoy gnawing on her delicious piece of Lauren Mallory.

"Bella, don't," Edward said, now trying to coax her into letting go of that thing. She had succeeded in penetrating it with her teeth, and now brown stuff was flowing out of the tear she had managed to make, covering her hands and the part she was about to shove back into her mouth.

He had seen enough, so he just ripped it from her hands and ignored her moaned protests as he pulled her up into a standing position, turning her away so she wouldn't be able to see this little buffet anymore.

Rosalie snorted at that movement, making her younger brother frown.

"She, uhm," Rosalie said between snickers and carefully pointed at the back of Bella's head, "she's missing a piece."

Edward spun his girlfriend around and gasped at seeing the huge hole in the back of Bella's head. There was quite a chunk of her skull missing, giving them direct view of what was left of her brain.

Seeing that shocked Edward beyond belief; his mouth opened and closed but he was unable to form a coherent thought right then and therefore couldn't say anything.

He took his eyes away from the wound, then let his gaze roam over the crowd of zombies in order to distract himself a little. He needed to do something! Help his Bella!

His eyes fell on someone who was stumbling in their direction, feet getting tangled up in the large intestines that were trailing out of his stomach wound, and the sight of that person made Edward's lips draw back from his teeth while a feral snarl emitted his throat.

Mike Newton …

"Ha, Mikey's here, not it's gonna get interesting …," Rosalie whispered to her husband, nudging him in the side so he wouldn't miss the show.

"I bet he was the one who did this to her!" Edward yelled, pure anger in his voice and eyes. After having tried to make out if the teeth marks on his girlfriend's neck had been inflicted by Mike's teeth, he picked up a chair from beside him and hit Mike in the face with it. Unfortunately he might have used a wee too much force, because Mike's rotting head detached and flew straight through the room. Jasper had to duck down quickly after having crushed someone's skull, so he wouldn't be covered in smelly Mike.

While Edward had been busy getting revenge, Bella had found a new occupation. She was trying to get to some body lying on the floor next to the window, but there were too many other zombies around, blocking her way. She made sad and frustrated moaning sounds, but the munching zombies just moved closer together like they purposely wanted to keep her out.

"Aww, she's hungry," Alice said, giving Edward a sad pout before continuing to watch his girlfriend unsuccessfully trying to reach her lunch.

"Ha, she wants a part of Tyler, I knew it! You're out of the picture, Eddie!" Emmett guffawed, then steered his attention back to the task in hand – ridding this school of these godforsaken stinking idiots, that were quite fun to play with.

Begrudgingly, Edward approached the bunch of zombies and pushed Eric Yorkie out of the way so that Bella would be able to eat something. After letting out another brainless moan, she then went for Tyler's hand and arm.

"Yum, huh, Bella?" Emmett asked in passing, and she looked at him with milky eyes while drooling onto the meaty meal in her hands.

Then he stilled for a moment, feeling immense pride while watching his wife finishing off fellow students.

Rosalie had found a new, more exciting way to get rid of the undead and show Jasper just how perfect her heels were for this occasion.

Instead of shooting all of them in the head, she had started to just push them over, then stomp down on their foreheads with her shiny metal heel. The crushing and sliming sound as the heel went in and out again was oddly entertaining to her and it effectively killed these little fuckers.

"Whoops!" she suddenly called and steadied herself with a hand on the wall. "A bit slippery here."

But then she noticed just why she had slipped. It wasn't just the gore covering the ground, but something different as well. Her husband - who had started to just beat a few zombies with a detached leg he found - had distracted her and instead of cracking the forehead of an undead girl with her heel, she had stomped down on the eye. It killed the zombie just as well, piercing her brain through the socket, but now she had an eyeball sticking to her shoe.

"Emmy," she whined. "Bring it off, I don't want to touch it."

He cracked a smile, then dropped the battered leg and was with his wife in less than a second.

She had both her hands on the wall now, and lifted her leg so Emmett could pull the eye, that was skewered on her heel and was leaking its gelatinous mass, off.

"Here you go babe," Emmett said, holding the rotting and pierced through eyeball between his fingers for her to see. "It was just a little eye, nothing to worry about."

She gave him a thankful smile and kissed his lips, before turning around in search of her next victim.

Emmett threw the little gooey thing over his shoulder so he could also go back to having fun, when his little brother let out an angry snort.

"Oops sorry, bro," he said with a sheepish smile while approaching Edward and Bella. Fumbling around in the hole in Bella's head, he retrieved the eyeball and let it drop to the floor.

"There," he said and patted her on the head, making her groan while breaking Tyler's fingers with her teeth. Then he got an idea, and thought it was a very nice thing to do. He carefully took a strand of her hair between his thumb and index finger and tried to drape it over the wound in order to cover it up and make her look as good as new. It didn't work … a moment later it came off and suddenly he had the thick strand of hair in his hand, completely with roots and a good piece of scalp.

Edward's jaw dropped, and he pulled his girlfriend to her feet, no matter her protests. She was obviously still very, very hungry but Edward wanted to keep her head wound away from his clumsy oaf of a brother.

Emmett was a bit embarrassed, but then just reached out and opened Bella's hand. He placed her hair in it and curled her fingers around it so she would hold onto it. "Here, it's yours," he told her and patted her fist before taking off again.

Bella made a sound that could be interpreted as questioning, and she stared at the strand of hair with scalp attached to it in her hand. Slowly lifting it up to her mouth she bit down, trying to gnaw the skin off the long and dirty hair.

Edward tzked and pulled it from her mouth, then took it out of her hand.

"I'd like to kill Mike again for doing this to her. I would have preferred for her to be dead instead of seeing her suffer like that. Oh, my love …," he whined while looked in Bella's dead, unblinking eyes.

"Oh! Let me help you with that," Rosalie offered nicely and retrieved the gun from the backpocket of her jeans. She aimed it at Bella's head, but Edward yelled. "NO! Are you insane? This is my girlfriend, you hag!"

Rosalie frowned, then let her hand with the gun in it sink back to her side. "Yeah, that one's definitely a keeper ...," she remarked and rolled her eyes. She just wanted to help, but Edward was obviously never happy. Always complaining, that one.

"I'll think of something …," Edward snapped. "But first I need to get her home."

"Uhh," Jasper said and turned around, looking at his younger brother. "You cannot bring her to our home, Esme would flip. No zombies, she said."

"But Bella is my girlfriend!" Edward yelled, outraged that no one understood his feelings for this once sweet-smelling human.

"Mom explicitly said no zombies, period. She doesn't want them in the house. You better heed her warning or else," Jasper told him while picking up a fork from the floor and throwing it at a zombie, pinning it's middle finger to the wall just for the heck of it.

"You wanna turn her?" Alice squeaked from one corner of the room. She sat on top of the serving counter, holding a bloody beef fork in her hand like a sceptre and fumbling around with it. "Edward, I don't think it'll work! Please rethink your decision."

"Mind your own business," he growled, then said in a soft tone of voice to his girlfriend, "Come Bella, let's get you out of here."

She groaned and stumbled against his chest, soaking his once white shirt with her nasty rotten smelling drool and thick, slow moving blood from her neck wound.

"Try to find the missing part of her brain! And her fingers! And hold on to her hair, or she'll be running around with a bald spot for all eternity!" Emmett, always trying to be helpful. He liked treasure hunts, hopefully Edward did, too.

"But even if you don't find the missing pieces of her skull, I have really pretty hats at home! No one will ever know that she's a bit … airy up there." Wow, Alice was just as helpful as her big brother!

Edward narrowed his rapidly darkening eyes at them, before turning around and leading his stumbling and incoherently moaning girlfriend out of the cafeteria.

Jasper and Emmett laughed at their little brother's stupidity. Bella had clearly reached her date of expiry, and judging by the smell that was emitting her pores, mouth, smashed skull and other gashing wounds, she had also very well exceeded it.

"Jazz, what's your score?" Emmett asked and nodded his head towards his blonde brother.

"Forty-eight."

Emmett's jaw dropped.

"Rosie?"

"Thirty."

He crinkled up his nose.

"Alice?" he asked and hoped that at least his baby sister had killed less zombies than he had.

But there was no answer.

Emmett frowned, scanning the room for his little sister. "Hey ... where's Alice?"

"She was right there! Where did she go?" Jasper said with widened eyes, panic clear in his voice.

"Calm down and just listen," Rosalie said and they immediately fell silent and strained their ears for any sounds except for the quite irritating moaning of the zombies.

And there it was – giggling. Alice was giggling about something, then clapped her hands in delight.

They followed the noise that would lead them to Alice and found her outside. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs in front of the school and beamed up at them when she saw her siblings and husband.

"Look," she said and pointed to a zombie standing at the stairhead. The zombie moaned, and Alice called, "Come on, Mr. Mason, come down here!"

The zombie stretched one arm out and then attempted to descend the stairs, but unfortunately – he fell. Without the normal human reflexes, he crashed face first into the concrete, smashing his face and shoving his nasal bone into his brain.

Alice giggled again, then shoved the guy out of the way with her foot . "Uff."

Emmett started laughing. "What -"

"They are just so incredibly slow!" Alice exclaimed and made her eyes go wide, like she herself couldn't believe it.

Then they noticed that the shoe laces of each dead zombie lying at the bottom of the stairs – thirteen in total – had been tied together.

"Ha, that's brilliant, Allie!" Emmett exclaimed and held his hand up. Alice had to jump up to slap his hand, and then she giggled again.

"What's your count, little sis?"

"Twenty-nine," she said, but when she saw Rosalie chasing her heel through the empty eye socket of a student, she corrected, "Twenty-eight. That one's Rosalie's."

"I didn't mean to muck up your score, but that one was still twitching," Rosalie explained apologetically, but Alice just smiled and moved her hand in a fashion that told her to forget about it. Nothing worth mentioning ... there were still enough zombies around. Heck, the whole country was overrun by these brainless creatures!

"What do we do next?" she asked. "I'm sure there are plenty more."

"Let's just follow the zombie moans, darling," Jasper suggested and put an arm around his wife's shoulders.

They arrived at the football field just half a minute later and were delighted at seeing that there were indeed quite a few more zombies left for them to play with.

"Ha, and I always thought Coach Clapp would have butteflies in his tummy whenever he sees Mrs. Hammond." Emmett grinned. The coach was indeed looking at the school nurse, making some kind of grunting noises because she was currently gnawing on a skeletonized hand.

"You know, with this huge hole in his stomach he really looks slimmer," Rosalie said, musingly.

It was a known fact that the Coach was trying to lose a pound or two, because he was sure that once he succeeded, he would look exactly like he had twenty years ago.

And as if the Coach had heard her, he lifted his arms like he wanted to show off his 'flat' stomach and his 'huge' biceps.

"Looking good, Coach Clapp!" Emmett called and gave him a thumbs up.

"Too bad, now he finally found the right diet for himself but still has immense cravings."

The coach had finally managed to rip the hand out of the nurses grasp and eagerly shoved the thumb into his mouth, gnawing noisily on the bare bone.

But the nurse wasn't too happy about the loss of her meal, and so she tried to pull the hand back out of his mouth.

"Aw, don't fight about that. There's plenty for everyone!" Emmett exclaimed, then let his gaze roam in hopes he might find another hand or some equally tasty severed body part.

He found a whole arm, barely gnawed on, and called, "Here you go, Mrs. Hammonds! Catch!"

He threw the arm over to her, but unfortunately with a little too much force. It hit her in the face and chest, making her fall over and spear her head on a rake lying in the grass right behind her.

"Oops," Emmett uttered and bit his lip. It definitely wasn't his intention to kill the school nurse like that. He had just tried to feed her, dammit!

Jasper drew in a sharp breath when he saw the Coach dropping the hand and approaching the nurse lying on the ground. "Oh well, love never dies, right? You just killed his lover!"

"... what the heck is he doing now? Does he still have feelings for her? I mean, now she's even deader than he is!" Rosalie exclaimed. "Ugh, necrophilia is so gross ..."

"Oh – oh no, see? He just wants to take a bite out of her meal. Well, that's okay I guess," Emmett said, then turned around to look for a new, cool weapon.

"Baseball anyone?" he asked after having spotted a baseball bat leaning against a car that was lying on it's side on the big field.

Alice's face lit up. "Great idea!"

"I'll get some more bats and a ball," Jasper called, and vanished into the locker rooms, only to emerge a moment later, carrying everything they'd need for a fun game.

He held a bat out for his wife to take, but she shook his head and snatched the ball from his other hand. "I'm a pitcher."

"All right, then get in position."

The plan was to knock as many zombies out as possible, with either the ball or the bats.

It worked quite nicely, until Emmett got yet another idea.

"Hey Allie," he called. "Let's play through Coach Clapp!"

She laughed at his brilliant idea and moved her hand to signal him that he should go stand a bit further away. "Okay, ready?"

Emmett swung the bat a couple of times, then called, "Ready!"

Alice really was a great pitcher, and she practically shot the ball right through the huge hole in their Coachs stomach. He was still busy trying to gobble up as much meat as he could, and so he didn't even notice what was happening around – or through - him.

Emmett saw the ball speeding towards him and hit it with the bat, determined to make it go as far as possible to knock some other zombies out.

But the angle was very unfortunate. The ball went through the Coach's head and dropped to the ground when it came out again. The Coach did the same, obviously, as he was now dead.

"Oh, come on!" Emmett complained, frustrated that he had killed yet another member of the school staff. But technically they had already been dead, so at least his father couldn't interpret his behaviour as disrespect towards authority figures. He took a few steps until he reached the body, and he crouched down.

Inspecting the extra hole he had just given the rotting man, he pulled back a little when his little sister peeked at him through the Coach's head and winked.

"At least he won't miss Mrs. Hammonds anymore," she told her brother soothingly and straightened up again.

"Let's finish up here."

And so they did. There weren't many zombies left anyways, Jasper was obviously on a roll and punched and killed every single undead person he saw. Well, except for his siblings, as they were a different kind of dead, of course.

In the end Emmett's count had gone up again, and he was second after Jasper. The girls said they had stopped counting, but Emmett was sure they were just ashamed of how little they had finished off in comparison to them.

After that they roamed the school grounds and some more school buildings again, to make sure there wasn't a single one left behind. Happy with their thorough clean-up of the school, they made their way back to Emmett's Jeep in the school's parking lot.

"So ... what do we do now?" Rosalie asked while looking at herself in the side-view mirror of her husband's car. She wanted to make sure she didn't have any speckles of zombie-nastiness in her face and that her make-up was still as flawless as it should be.

"Well, we could go home ...," Emmett said slowly, but the smile on his face told them that he would prefer the next option. "... or play a little more."

"More!" Alice squealed and Jasper laughed at her enthusiasm.

"You heard the lady," he told Emmett and smirked.

Then they turned towards Rosalie, to see what she would want to do. "Sure, why not," she said casually and shrugged her shoulders once. "Let's kill some more of these little stinkers."

"HELL YEAH!" Emmett and Jasper exclaimed and all of them high-fived.

Then they climbed into the car and left the parking lot with screeching tires, already looking forward to their next stop where they would continue to smash skulls and destroy brains, glad they couldn't tire and still had a whole country full of rotting zombies ahead of them.

"And that," Emmett said and leaned back on the couch, folding his hands behind his head, "is how we would save mankind."

Everyone gaped at him.

He grinned, proud of his awesome story, but Carlisle and Esme just continued to stare at him with their mouths agape.

A smirk immediately started to play on Jasper's lips - he must have enjoyed the story even though he might not admit it.

Alice's eyes were shining brightly before she looked thoughtful for a moment. "I do like to poke things with a stick," she said musingly.

Edward just rolled his eyes and snorted, then focussed his attention back to the book in his hands.

"Hey," Alice suddenly said and looked at Emmett, "what happened to Bella?"

Emmett blinked at her owlishly, before a frown appeared on his forehead.

"Yeah, Eddie, what happened to Bella?" he asked and looked at his little brother, curious if he would tell them what he had done with zombie Bella after they had left the cafeteria. Like he would know.

"You're an idiot," Edward snapped, shut his book angrily with a loud thud and left the room.

"Huh?" Emmett asked and looked around, feeling a little confused now. "What? What did I do?"

"All right." Rosalie sighed, closed her magazine and leaned forward to place it on the coffee table. "Come on, Emmett," she said and patted his knee. "Let's get some blood into you."

Standing up she seized his hand in hers, then pulled him up and into the direction of the front door.

Sorry 'bout that, just needed to get it out of my system ...

Aaah, feeling much better now ;-)

Please feel free to review, guys!