July 27, 1999

I don't regret it, even now.. He was my respectable, honourable captain; always calm and collected in any situation and the very epitome of suave. I even heard that he was a former army tech officer some time ago before creating S.T.A.R.S..

I never could tell him just how I felt... As stoic and unsociable as he seemed at times, he always managed to have a woman on his arm. I remember the feeling of my heart crumbling when a stunning woman wearing a visitor's pass around her neck entered the S.T.A.R.S. office and set a cardboard tray of coffee and treats on his desk. She had strawberry blond curls and glowing sun-kissed skin; a proud cheerleader for the Raccoon Sharks at the Warren Football Stadium. Chris seemed to think that because of the captain's aloof demeanor towards the young woman their relation was only physical. But I couldn't help but think, wasn't he like that to everyone?

However, that wasn't the only issue. There was also a vast age gap between us. When I realized my feelings for the captain, he was thirty-eight and I was nineteen, though almost twenty.. Not like that improved anything.

I was Alpha team's 'temporary' medic. Still attending university, I was offered an opportunity to join S.T.A.R.S. by my professor who apparently knew Chief Irons, to gain some work field experience before graduating. I wouldn't rather have had any other job in the world, although it was sometimes difficult, I didn't regret filling in my application.

I had a general idea of what kind of officer I was before signing up, and I knew what kind I would be later on. I could fire a gun, though not very well; my aim was acceptable, but my hands would shake. My hand to hand was horrid, and in each training session I would get tossed around the gym. I was weak, and tender at heart..

My only use was the capability to heal others, while they did things I could not do. How did the captain think that I would be able to handle the dangerous criminals that only the experienced S.T.A.R.S. could take down?

I had asked him, "Captain.. What made you accept my application?"

Sitting in his swivel chair, that familiar pensive look crossed his face before he finally said, "Lacking you may be at certain things, however it's your remarkable knowledge of medical treatment and science that caught my attention." He paused, then said, "You have something in you that others do not."

After asking him what that was, he looked at me, "Determination. No matter how many times you may fail, fall or injure, you never cease trying to better yourself." He said, "That is why I chose you."

I had been smiling so much that my teeth were clenched. Only then did I realize that tears were pouring down my face, and the quiet intakes of laughter I took sounded close to sobs. I had lowered my head to hide the fact that I was crying from his words; but if the captain noticed, he hadn't said anything.

I keep trying to tell myself that Captain Wesker wasn't a bad man. He was never a bad man, and the person who orchestrated that night was not our captain. It was a cruel joke being played.

But I know the truth.. and it hurts still.

Because I never stopped loving him.