Rusty Cage, Part Two

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

Author's Note: AU scene from Rusty Cage, Part Two.

Poetic license used freely.

Enjoy?

"I'm sad. I'm just so…sad." Campbell took several deep breaths trying to control his runaway emotions. Finally he looked at her and quietly said, "God, Maya, I just want to be happy again." Tears started running down his face.

"Then be happy," she said, squeezing his arm.

Campbell exploded and shook off her hand. Maya's eyes widened in surprise. "Don't you think I've tried, Maya?! Don't you think I want to be happy?! It's not that simple! I have no idea how to be happy!" He turned from her and covered his face with both hands. Deep, painful sobs rocked his body.

Maya felt her heart breaking for him. She chewed her lip as she realized this wasn't something small and simple. This was scary and major. Campbell couldn't just decide to be happy. This was so far out of her wheelhouse, but she had to help him. She cared about him and it killed her to see him so miserable.

Maya put her arms around him from behind and pulled him back against her chest. She felt tears welling in her own eyes. "When was the last time you were truly happy?" she whispered.

Campbell sniffed and thought about it. His breathing eventually steadied. "When…when I was home with my family this past winter. There had been a huge snowstorm and school was canceled for three days. The electricity was out in the whole town, we couldn't leave the house and we had to save the generator for necessary things so, no TV or video games. We spent most of the time sitting around the fireplace, playing board games, reading, singing, talking." He sighed. "Just…all of us…together."

Maya rested her chin on his shoulder, leaned her head against his and smiled. "That sounds really nice," she said softly.

"It was," he replied. "No sports talk. My hockey career and the pros weren't mentioned once. No pressure to win or train harder."

Maya released him and turned him around to face her. She gently brushed away his tears with one hand then caressed his cheek and asked, "What can I do to make you happy again? I want to help, Cam."

"You are helping me, Maya. Just being here, listening to me…not judging me. You have no idea how much it helps."

Maya sighed. "I feel like I'm doing nothing. I…I don't know what to say to you, Cam." Tears were starting to spill down her cheeks. "You're in so much pain and I don't know what to do."

It was Campbell's turn to wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to make you sad, too. I'm so worthless."

Maya took his face in both her hands. "You are not, Campbell Saunders. Don't you dare say that! You're one of the most worthwhile people I've met." Maya was staring into his big brown eyes, there was so much pain and sadness there. "What can I do, Cam? Tell me. What do you need? Please, let me help you," she pleaded.

"I…I don't know, Maya. Can you just hold me?"

She threw her arms around him and squeezed tight. "I can do that," she whispered in his ear. She felt Campbell grasp onto her. She knew from his sniffling and shaking that he was crying silently. She held him a few moments then whispered, "Talk to me, Campbell. What will make you happy?"

After a lengthy pause he finally said, "I honestly don't know, Maya." His voice was so quiet.

Maya took a deep breath and said, "D…do you remember when we were exchanging secrets in the photo booth?" He nodded against her shoulder. "I told you I didn't like hockey." He nodded again. "Do you remember what you said to that?" Campbell became very quiet. Maya didn't know if she should continue or not, but she decided to just say it. "You said you didn't either. Did you mean it?" she asked softly.

She felt Campbell stiffen and thought he was going to push her away. She just held him tighter. Campbell slowly relaxed then said, "Yes." They both exhaled loudly after this confession.

"Then why are you an Ice Hound?"

"Be…because it was expected." Campbell pulled out of her embrace and took a few deep breaths. Maya waited patiently for him to explain. He looked her in the eye and said, "My parents, my family, my school…hell, the whole damned town expected me to be an Ice Hound. Junior pro then the NHL. Period. End of story. The local newspaper's headline was Kapuskasing's own Campbell Saunders, hockey prodigy, the next Gretzky." He shook his head in disgust.

Even Maya knew who Wayne Gretzky was. Maya took his hands in hers. "But, what do you want, Cam?"

He looked at her dumbfounded for a few beats. "I…I…I have no idea," he said. "No one has ever asked me and I've never even thought about it because a hockey career was always expected. Talk of anything else wasn't allowed."

"But…"

Campbell got a faraway look in his eyes. "You know, I used to love playing hockey. When I was younger, playing with all my friends then later on organized school teams. We used to have so much fun. We were supposed to want to win and be upset if we didn't, but…it really didn't matter. I loved being on the ice and running the plays then slamming the puck into the goal. It was such a rush. And I was good at it. Really good. Then after a game, we'd go to this little pizza place and just hang out. Usually with the other team we'd just played. There was some teasing, but…it wasn't mean. We were like one big family."

"The Ice Hounds…the way they talk to you…they are mean. I've heard them."

"Yeah. I know I should be tougher, but hearing it all day every day…can't help but start to believe it. You said they're like my brothers now." Campbell looked at her. "They're not. Justin, at his worst, never treated me like they do. I can't really talk to any of them."

"Cam…"

"Then, aside from all my school work, being on a junior pro team…there are so many rules and huge playbooks to learn and how many goals you score or assists you make or mistakes you make can affect your whole career and future earnings and that's all anyone talks about. And on top of all that I have my whole team ragging on me constantly. Even if I score they pat me on the back then tell me what a 'gay loser' I am in the next breath. I'm expected to score big every game, live up to my hockey prodigy reputation then I have to deal with the press and Dallas was talking managers and agents and…it's just too much, Maya. I'm just a kid! And...it's not..."

"Fun anymore."

He nodded. Silent tears were spilling down his cheeks again. "God, you must think I'm the biggest wimp you've ever met," he said, scrubbing at his face. "I'm sorry I'm such a cry baby."

"Campbell!" she said loudly, getting his attention. Maya put her hands on his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "I do not think you're a wimp or a cry baby. You have every right to feel the way you do and I'm glad you're finally opening up and letting all of this out. Don't you ever think for one second that I would make fun of you or think less of you for showing your true feelings. In fact, I think more of you." Her tone softened and she traced a finger down his cheek as she said, "You are just a kid and you should get to just be a kid, if that's what you want."

Maya took a deep breath before she continued. "I really like you, Cam and I'll do what I can, but I really think you need to talk to someone more…"

"I can't go to the school shrink," he said suddenly panicked. "The team will find out and I'll be picked on worse than ever."

"We can find someone private, no one will have to know. I'll help. I just…I think you need a little more than what I'm equipped for."

Campbell nodded and slumped over, looking at the floor. "I'm a freaking weirdo. Crazy. Loser."

Maya knelt on the floor in front of him and forced his head up so he was looking at her. "No, you're not, Cam! You've been under a ton of pressure for a very long time that no one our age should have to deal with. And you had no one listening to you or helping you learn how to deal."

Campbell's eyes were large and shiny from the fresh tears that were threatening to fall. "Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe," he whispered. "Almost everyday, surrounded by people I feel so…alone." A harsh sob escaped his throat and the tears spilled over as he slid down to the floor next to her.

Maya pulled him into another tight hug and tried to soothe him. "Ssshhhh. You're not alone, Campbell. I'm here for you." She slowly rubbed his back as she placed a kiss on the top of his head. "We'll get through this together, Cam. We'll figure it out, I promise," she whispered into his hair. God, I hope I can help him, she thought.

Campbell pulled away and said, "Thank you, Maya. I'm so lucky to have found you.

"Well I think I'm lucky to have found you."

Campbell smiled and shook his head. "I don't know about that. Look at me, I'm a mess." He used his sleeve to wipe his face.

"You're my mess. We'll get through this, Cam. Promise." Maya leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Campbell gave her a small lopsided grin. Maya put her arms around him again and just held him.

A/N: Campbell Saunders' storyline is just breaking my heart. Haven't we all experienced some of these same things, at least to some degree? Where the hell is his coach and other adults who should be seeing and dealing with some of this stuff?! (I know it's only a TV show...)

I hope they don't do the suicide thing-I think that's too easy. I'd rather see Campbell get help and fully recover. It can and does happen and would be a really interesting arc.

Don't expect another story this fast, ever. I do have some ideas for other little missing moments and a full AU story...