This will be 8 chapters long, and pretty angsty towards the end. Rated 'T' for some swearing occasionally. Enjoy, and read 'Porcelain Mask' or die! The same goes for Pivotal, Pivoting :)

You know when something in your head tells you that something you are about to do is a really, really, really bad idea?

And you just laugh it off, or convince yourself that what you are about to do is perfectly safe; you're just being paranoid and idiotic.

And so you ignore it, and go plunging in anyway, doing the thing you know, deep down, is a very bad thing to do, and it turns out your deep-down voice is pretty clever, and you mourn not listening to yourself earlier.

Well, that's exactly the sort of feeling that's filling me now, the nagging sensation that I really shouldn't do this now.

It would have been better if I actually had a weapon, and if I didn't have to pretend to be a 'prancing little scaredy-cat fairy who wants to go home to mummy-wummy'. Ickle Jowannakins. That's what they call me at the moment, in their falsetto baby voices. It sounds like somebody stabbing a pig in my opinion. Anyway, I need to go to the stream, the closest source of water to me in my tree, and I don't have a weapon! Even if it was a sword, or spear or something I can't use as well as an axe, it'd make me feel a bit safer. I edge towards the river, feeling sure that someone's going to jump out at me, and stab me in the heart.

But no-one comes.

I exhale audibly; glad that this will be written off as part of my 'Ickle Jowannakins' act, not attributed to me being scared. Which Johanna wouldn't be, even if I am.

'No, stop thinking about Jo, you are not Jo, you are Johanna, remember your masks. Johanna or Jowannakins. Not Jo. Never Jo. You can be Jo when you win.'

I seriously hope I win, not only for staying alive, which is the main goal of most of the people in the Arena (apart from the nutty Careers, who volunteer and seem to enjoy all the deaths and dying). My main goal is not to die as the wimpy Jowannakins, or the macho sarcastic Johanna. I'm going to die as me, Jo, of old age in my house with grandchildren or whatever. Jo has to be forgotten. Johanna wouldn't be scared about drinking from this river.

But I can't deny it though; I actually am pretty scared of this.

I lean over, and begin shovelling water into my mouth with my hands, as another stab of annoyance hits me over 'Ickle Jowannakins' again. I couldn't run to the Cornucopia, to pick up that golden axe that would have won me the games, as it wouldn't be in character. So I ended up with nothing but my life. I think I might have preferred the axe now I think about it. I begin to calm down as I realise no-one is hiding behind the rocks around me, and I let my hand drift in the water, feeling the coolness relax me. Probably not the best thing to be in the Arena.

That nagging sensation from earlier turns out to be correct.

A cold, clammy hand grasps my arm, and it takes me a second too long to react, and I freeze, as the hand doesn't move from my arm. As soon as I realise what this means, and turn in horror to look at the pale hand clasping my arm. And that's when it pulls me under.

And I can't swim very well.

I scream, and see a stream of bubbles exit my mouth, silently though, making it seem calmer, even tranquil. I push myself up in the shallow stream, gasping in fear as I see a shadow of a reflection form in the water beneath me.

Tall, with dark red hair and a evil looking grin…

The girl from District 4.

She places hands on my shoulders as I push myself away, hard, attempting to escape. She places the axe, my axe, on the ground, and grabs my head roughly, shoving it roughly into the water again, a laugh escaping her lips as she does it. I hold my breath, thinking rapidly, as I think how to utilise my stratergy. She thinks I'm weak? I'll show her weak.

That's when I knee her in the groin.

True, she's female, and groin-shots affect us a lot less than boys, but it still hurts like hell. And she releases me.

She releases me!

I throw myself up, and instinctively shove her down, into the water, and hold her there, as she writhes beneath me, but I'm stronger when I look, especially when I'm running on fear and anger. She reaches a hand across, towards the axe, desperate now, and I stand on her hand, causing a new string of bubbles to burst through the surface. She writhes more, though her movements are beginning to become slugglish, and the bubbles less frequent.

And then the bubbles stop.

I step back, and look at my handiwork, she's not moving; I half expected her to be faking. I'm not even feeling that guilty at the moment, for almost-killing her at least. That's what's making me feel guilty! I've more or less killed someone, I should feel something. But the only thing I can feel is pride that I now have the axe I wanted.

I disgust myself.

I reach out for it with my free arm, still staring at the girl's body, unable to look away from her limp form. The cannon hasn't gone off yet, so she must still be alive, but she's still face down in the water, so she won't be soon.

I could save her.

But I won't, she tried to kill me! Now my brain starts to feel emotions, as anger fills me, for the girl who said that she wanted nothing better than to kill me, in her interview. In front of everyone.

I'm not going to hide myself anymore, and I swing it at a tree, listening to the thunk that tells me that my axe has hit the target, embedding itself deep into the tree. I can almost hear all the inhabitants of Capitol gasp in horror at the strength I have shown, after hiding it so long. I smirk at the axe in the tree and yank it out with one pull, before I glance at the body again; the cannon still hasn't gone off. But I have the axe, and I can be like me again.

Sarcastic, smirky, psychotic Johanna.

I can hear the tinkle of sponsorship money coming in, as the body remains still in the stream. It's so easy to kill someone; I didn't even have to think about it that much.

I hear a rustle behind me, and I whirl around to look at the forest, sure I saw a black ponytail flick through the trees and vanish, but nobody appears to kill me.

Then the cannon, distracting me from the girl who vanished, goes off.

My first kill…

*BOOM*