Author's Note: If you know the anime I referenced in this story, you are amazing. :)

I hate this town. Its filled with memories I'd rather forget. Sometimes I wonder if it's all a test. My mother used to tell me that in order for someone to be happy, someone else has to suffer. When I was younger, I thought that was pretty selfish. Why couldn't everyone just get what they wanted..?
I miss being a kid.

I didn't want to open my eyes. I saw red streaks dance on my eyelids, indicating it was at least 10 o' clock. I had missed my morning class, so today was a free day. The birds chirped and sung to each other outside my window. I listened to their songs, still letting the morning venture into my bedroom. My mouth was dry, my eyes were sore and I was a little light-headed. Forcing my eyes open, I saw nothing changed. My room was exactly how I left it before. A lone acoustic guitar in the corner, clothes scattered along the floor near the bin (Hey, at least I tried), my dresser with random drawers ajar. The tall window above my bed allowed sunlight to pour into the room.
I sat up, rubbing the ache on the back of my neck. I looked at my room, noticing all the little floaties in the air, illuminated by the sunlight. The chalkboard wall in the back was littered with little notes from months and parties long ago. It was a mess. I cursed inwardly. I need to clean up; I think I just expected to wake up one day and my life be.. perfect. And part of that perfect is a clean home.

Ignoring my observation, I slid out of bed. Reaching for the sky, then the floor I felt my joints creak in use and blood rushed through my body. Skimming through the drawer I found a pair of deep blue jeans and a nice blue shirt. It would work, I had no one to impress today. I crossed the hall into the bathroom. I took a little look noticing on slight improvements. The rings under my eyes had retreated a little, and my face had a little more color. I smiled at myself. My teeth were the only thing I liked about myself. They were always white. I let the smile die and began brushing my teeth. My hair wasn't too hard to manage, brushing it and styling it took minutes, and I shaved fairly quickly. I looked at myself again.

This is who you are. You can't run from anything and you know it. You fucking promised, and you have the audacity to jeopardize that commitment? Stop the pity party, you lowly fuck. Man the fuck up.

My mind wasn't a kind one, yet no matter what I chanted to myself, I wasn't really believing any of it. I knew I couldn't run from anything but that didn't stop me from trying. I knew I made a promise, but who was going to make me keep it? No one. And that's all that matters.

Gryphon greeted me as I exited the bathroom, dancing once again at my feet. I continued past him, and made me way to the donuts from last night. Wearing two around my finger like rings, I plopped on the sofa. Toying with the TV I found an educational show about Dinosaurs. I shrugged. Dinosaurs were cool.

-!-!-!-LATER-!-!-!-

I needed to figure out what my assignments were. Even if I had missed a day of lecture, I knew my professor was still going to be expecting the same work as everyone else. I grabbed my phone, toying through the contacts.

Kasey. He doesn't even take Intro to Psych. Marcus. Who is that? No. Kelly. Moved away last summer. Ember. Ember.. Ember. I looked away from my phone for a moment, racking my mind. I knew she was in my class, but I wasn't exactly sure who she was. I shrugged; she was in my contacts list, I must be able to tolerate her enough to allow her to have my number. I expanded her contact folder and hit "Call."

... *** ... ***...
I tapped my fingers impatiently. She answered on the third ring.
"Toby? What a surprise! What's up?" Her tone dripped with excitement. I raised an eyebrow, recalling her face. She was a stocky short girl, but with a cute face. I knew she was attracted to me, but I never even considered her an option.

"Hey, Ember. I was just calling to see what the assignment was for Psych." My tone was barren; I didn't want any misleading thoughts implanted in her head.

"Uh.. Oh. Okay! It was just a 5 page essay on the controversial theories of Sigmund Freud or perform a social experiment using Freud's techniques. Due in 2 days." Her tone dropped in excitement a bit. She was a bit more closed off.

"Thanks," I cooed gently, feeling a little guilty. "You have a good night alright? I'll see you tomorrow."

She perked up, soothed by my tone, "Thanks Toby, you too. Call whenever ya need something."

I set the phone down, and rubbed the bridge of my nose. I checked my watch. 3:27. I could interview someone for the project and relate the responses back to Freud. Easy.

Yet, would who I interview? I didn't want to pester some of the older people. My classmates? Their heads were dull with creativity or anything of interest. Rummaging through my options, I drove around town to kill time. I past through the suburban neighborhoods, and mall strips and plazas. I stopped near the hospital to answer a call, so I figure I could interview someone there while I was near.

Once inside, the pungent aroma of sterilization and latex assaulted my nose. I quickly closed the gap between me and the lady at the front desk. She looked like a woman out of the 1950's era. Her hair was starchy blond, in fried curls surrounding her head. Her deep blue and heavily layered eye shadow wore her eyes down. Her face was wrinkled and stern. She had to be no taller than 5 '4.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat; she glanced sourly at me."What wing is this?"

She looked at me like I was stupid; I guess it was to march into a hospital without a clue as to where you were.

"Cancer wing, sweetheart."

"Ah I see.. May I have a visitor's pass?"

She didn't even ask who I was seeing, just groaned audibly and lead me to the photo booth. She took my picture, took down my name and age and within moments it was permissible for me to see patients. I roamed the halls a little aimlessly at first, not sure where to start. Eventually, I was growing a bit bored. All the rooms I ventured into had someone asleep, or hooked up to a machine, or crying, or something of that nature. Happiness was absent within these white walls. Then again I don't think I'd be too happy either if my body was wasting away...

312. Sure, it seemed like a safe number? Why not? I stepped into the door frame. There was only one bed in the room. The girl in it was very small, but she was of age. Her hair was completely gone and she was very pale. She was of direct Asian decent, it was bold in her features. Her lips were lacking color, and her skin was an off tan color. Her bed seemed too large for her small frame, but I was glad it wasn't the other way around. She opened her eyes at the sound of my arrival.

"Who are you?" her English was very rough, and forced. I kept sentences small.

"I'm Toby.. May I come in?" I smiled warmly, and took a small step forward. She nodded softly, but never kept her eyes off of me.

Once settled, I turned to her, "So.. May I ask your name?"

"Nagisa," she replied. **pronounced: Na-Geese-sta**

"That's a lovely name," I cooed. I figured since her English was poor, I wouldn't interview her. Just idle conversation. I set my paper pad and pen aside.

"So.. To-bee, why are you here?" she questioned.

"Well I was going to ask for your help in a school project," I replied slowly, "But I was hoping we could just talk instead."

She winced, "You do not have to talk so weird to me... I understand English, yet I do not speak it often. I can understand you, even if I give vague replies."

I swallowed, suddenly feeling guilty for my ignorance, "Of.. Of course."

After about 30 minutes of talking, Nagisa finally lost her edge with me. She was a great listener and made me laugh with her wit. She was from Japan, 19 years old, and came to America to attend USF. She came from a humble home, being the only girl out of 5 siblings. She was planning to major in Marine Biology, until she became ill. She was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma, 2 years ago, and this was its deadliest fight yet. She told stories of often becoming sick and even having to repeat her senior year of high school.

"So what do you miss the most about your home?" I asked. I was genuinely curious. The food? America's version of other cultures' food was atrocious, so I could understand that. The environment? Government style? Family? There were so many possibilities I even questioned myself as to what I would miss the most if I moved away.

She was quiet for awhile then responded quietly, "My dogs," before I could question the odd response she continued, "they never questioned anything. They would know when I was sick, and lay with me. They would stare at me sometimes, like they knew and understand my struggle. They would often lick my feet or hands or rest by me." She looked down, "They never over crowded me with worry, or sadness. they never suffocated me under love, because they knew no matter what they did, it was my battle..."

I made the assumption she was remembering her family, and I wondered what they did to make her feel so shut in. But I couldn't blame them, she looked so close to nothing it was a bit unnerving.

"Toby?" She asked.

"Yes, Nagisa?"

"I told you lot about me. Tomorrow, you must come and tell me of you."

I smiled and nodded.

"Surely."

Once home, it was like I never left. I walked Gryphon like always. I took a shower like always. Disgusted by the mirror like always. Everything. Exactly. The. Same.

I tried to sleep without the help of Oxy. My thoughts rattled in my skull like an angry hornet looking for a way out. I never even started my project - Nagisa, the whole reason I delayed... I wondered what it was like to be alone in a room like that for so long. No change, not even in faces. Having the days lapse together; almost like the tide and shore. High tide, low tide. the shore retreats and scurries up to hug the shore again. I played with that idea, realizing how lucky I actually was, regardless of how I felt.

Needless to say, even with my 'enlightened' perspective, Oxy still had open arms to lull me to sleep. I stumbled to the medicine cabinet and grabbed one. Grabbing a glass of water, I stood in the kitchen and took the 'aid'. Rounding the corner of the counter, I noticed my notepad. There was writing on it.
It was in what looked to be Japanese.

痛みは変化を伴う.