CHAPTER ONE

There she was, all surrendered; to herself - To him. She was sitting at her desk staring at him, contemplating the depths of his thoughts while he was concentrated in the murder board, searching for something that could light up their way to find the killer. She cared about the victim's family, but there was something holding her. As much as she tried she just couldn't stop looking at him and she was thinking "Damn, I hope he's not noticing, I should go back to the case".

Castle turned and looked at her to tell her something. She cleared her throat and blinked fast a few times changing her gaze to the murder board, hoping he didn't notice where she was putting her attention on.

"I guess we should get some rest, clear our minds. This should help us to analyze the case better and who knows what we can end up finding out…" – Rick said.

"You're right. Let's go home and tomorrow we search for more. I'm very tired anyway."

He couldn't stop replaying the scene that took place just a few minutes back. He felt she was staring at him, and he was happy to feel it. He was tired of holding back his feelings but the fear of ripping off that façade to change the level of their relationship was too much risky when he knew she was fighting her uncertainties inside of her. Kate looked at him, and for a moment they were both staring at each other extracting every single feeling they could from each other's eyes.

Ryan and Esposito got in the room, arguing about the interview they had just done, breaking the magic bond that was tying Rick and Kate.

"Hey guys, Castle and I decided to go home, get some rest, and maybe we can find something new tomorrow, so if you got anything from the interview put on the board and we can discuss it tomorrow, unless it's something that could take us really far if we dig today…" – Kate said.

"We got something, but it can wait". Ryan said and turned to Esposito. "I got it, Espo I'll write it down on the board and go home. I have to pick up Jenny at her mother's and I still have some minutes…" – said Ryan.

Kate had gone to work that day on foot. She was in the mood for walking. But after the day she'd had, she asked Rick for a lift. When they got outside her house, Castle said:

"Kate, I know it's late and you're tired, but I was hoping I could invite you to have dinner with me and my mom. Alexis is going to spend the night at a friend's house and my mother is cooking the dinner, so since it's going to be just the two of us, maybe you'd like to join us…"

"Yeah I'm tired Rick, maybe we can leave it to another day, okay?"

Why? She thought. Why did she say no? Was that fear? Was it awkward? None. Then what the hell was that about?

"Ok, another day then", he said, with a little bit of disappointment. "See you tomorrow."

"Night."

He was driving back home and didn't know exactly what to think in that moment. First he felt that was insane inviting her to come over, but then he thought: "What's the big deal? My mother is gonna be there, nothing would happen, sometimes dinner it's just a dinner". He decided he should stop thinking about it for a while, it was consuming him. He turned the radio on to enjoy some songs and try to think of something else.

Kate slowly got in her apartment; she was lost in her thoughts. She put her coat on the couch and sat. She regretted not accepting his dinner invitation. She was in love with him. She knew that. But she was too stubborn to admit it. She feared that she could hurt him in a way that wouldn't have a return, because her determination in solving her mother's murder maybe could imply not giving him the attention he deserved and that was bothering her. Yet, without thinking, she took her jacket and grabbed the car keys. She called Rick, to warn him she was going to his house, but with the songs playing in the car he couldn't listen to his phone. "Anyway", she thought. "I'll go". In her way, she stopped at a market and bought a wine, she didn't want to get there with empty hands, especially after she was rude with him when she rejected his invitation.

Castle got home and found the dinner ready, though his mother wasn't there. There was a note in the fridge that said:

"Kiddo, a friend of mine called, he wanted to talk… I needed some "attention", well you know. Mommy loves you. Eat your dinner."

Rick put the plate on table and was ready to eat when he heard a knock. When he opened the door, there was Kate with a bottle of wine in her hands. He noticed the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled at him and that made him think if his eyes were sparkling too. He would never know. They stood there for a while.

"Kate! You're here. That's great."

"Yeah, I'm here... Listen, I'm sorry for dumping you like that, I should have accepted your invitation, and I don't know what I was thinking…"

He smiled again and his smile made her stop in the middle of her sentence. He took a little distance and extended his hand, indicating for her to enter.

"It's just dinner", he said and then pause, turning into an "ops" face – "Although…"

"Although what?"

"Well, my mother is not here. We were supposed to have dinner together but it looks like she had other things to do. She cooked the dinner and left a note that's over there…" - He replied with a bit of desperation thinking that she might wanna go home now that they were alone.

She swallowed dry and got a little embarrassed. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? They were all alone in his loft, about to have dinner. But then she thought "Well, I'll just have this dinner and leave. I won't be so easy, if he tries anything I'll just back off. It won't be that hard".

Rick was struggling against himself not to show any indication that he was begging inside of him for her to stay. "Was it a sign from the universe?" he thought. They were alone and that was his chance of opening up to her. Only it was that easy. He was still afraid she could run away. He had worked really hard to break that wall. Was it worth to try something and maybe find that the wall was still there? He wasn't sure. She was more accessible, yeah, but that didn't mean anything, she could be avoiding the pain she's feeling. "Damn", he thought. "What do I do?"

They sat on the table to eat. She filled their cups with wine. He put a classic soft song, and also put some different lights in the room, to make it more comfortable, since it was a very weird day. The weather wasn't hot, but it wasn't cold either. Felt like doubt. And "doubt" was not something that was missing for those two. They had lots of doubts, not about what they were feeling for each other, but for how they should deal with it. They've been in relationships before, but somehow this was different for them. It was something they never saw before. They felt this urge feeling consuming them little by little and it just wouldn't go away that easily. They didn't know what to expect. This passion, this constantly need of being with each other was incredible and unmeasured. But they were holding it back, like they were fighting it. And they didn't even know why.

They finished the dinner and sat back at his couch and started to chat about random things. The air was heavy. Rick looked at her admiring her face. Oh, her face; that beautiful face that caught him in a desperately way. His gaze was rolling down her body seeking for a gap to slip through and get to her heart. He was good at deciphering things and he was willing to try this with whatever she was holding inside her.

For a moment, Kate didn't know what to say. They had talked about all the random subjects and now there was nothing more to say. Her heart was pounding really fast and though it wasn't a hot day she was sweating, but at the same time she had this chills that she didn't know where was coming from.

"Well, it's late Kate. I'm sure you're still here just because you don't want to upset me. But I know you're tired… So if you want to go, you should, I'll be fine. I'm glad you came. And tha-"

He couldn't finish. She leaned forward to him, throwing her hands around his neck. She didn't think. She rushed herself as if there was no tomorrow and gave him a soft but deep kiss, where her tongue met his. She was gentle, but at the same time wild.

He was caught by surprise but didn't hesitate. Immediately he held her body with his both hands and pulled into his. They were breathless, exploring each other's forms. They didn't stop; they couldn't because they were spilling out 4 years of accumulated feelings, urgent feelings. He leaned himself back lying in the couch, allowing her to stand on top of him. He stopped kissing her and placed his hands on the buttons of her blouse. His gaze at her was like he was asking her the permission to unbutton it. He didn't want to do anything that she wouldn't like. The look on her face was like, "Do you really need to ask for permission?" and she ripped her blouse off making buttons fly over his living room. He rapidly finished taking her blouse off and threw it away. She did the same with his shirt.

She looked at the soft skin of his chest and gently caressed it, rolling her hands in his chest towards his face. She kissed his white skin until she reached his lips again. She stopped and he started kissing her neck and her ear with his hands around her, holding her back. She went to his pants, and undid his belt. He sat back on the couch and helped her to take his pants and her pants off. When he was about to lie down again, she held him and said: "Not here."

He took her in his arms, carrying her to his bedroom. He couldn't take his eyes of her. On their way to the bedroom, she gave him a tender kiss and whispered: "Oh Rick… I love you so much."