EDIT: Beta-ed by Popping-Bubbles :)

Warning:

Strong language, horrible grammars and the Varia.

"This twerp looks weak. I don't take up boring mission, old man." Xanxus tossed a file folder onto the table next to where his feet was resting and flashed a glare to his father, who was sitting across him on the other side of the table.
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"VOIII BOSS! WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY MISSION IN AGES! I'M ITCHING TO KILL" The stupid shark, aka Squalo banged his hand on the table and abruptly stood up making his chair fall behind him with a thud.
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"Boss, the rewards are high, my budget is running a bit low you see, perhaps we should-" Mammon butted in but was cut off by a certain prince(ss) "Ushishishi, the prince agrees with the stupid shark and the baby! My knives are getting a bit rusty you see~ they are screaming to be plunge into pale white skin and draw out some of those sweet bloo-"

"Bel~" Lussuria interrupted him with a whine and puckered his lips to a pout. "Talking about such vulgar thing, but I don't mind going on this mission~ the target seems so handsome si?~" His voice pitched up a bit higher and sent a shiver down to everyone's spines... excluding Xanxus and Vongola Ninth.
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Xanxus's eyebrow twitched and he tightened his grip on his glass of tequila.
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"I think we should just listen to boss" Levi voiced up while fidgeted slightly and his eyes glued to the floor "since boss know bes-" Squalo smacked him on the head.

"LIKE THAT IDIOT OF A BOSS OF OURS KNOWS WHAT'S BEST! AND WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A STUPID LOVE STRUCK HIGH SCHOOL GIRL?! VOIIIII!"

Levi frowned (like always) and pulled out his parabolas while a shadow covered his eyes. "DON'T CALL BOSS STUPID, YOU STUPID SHARK! LEVI VOLT!" he yelled and fighting erupted in the meeting room, chairs flew around and above the table and distinctive yelling and crashes can be heard within the mansion.
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"What a lively bunch you have here Xanxus~" Vongola Ninth smiled, he seemed to be unfazed by the chaos.
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Xanxus glared at the old man before plunged the glass toward the wall (more accurately at Squalo's head but it hit the wall instead) and removed his X-gun from its holster before starting to shoot around and also aiming at the Varia's guardians. And no, I'm afraid to say many, many antique vases, parts of furniture and the wall did not survive the Varia leader's wrath.. but (un)fortunately, the Varia were able to safely avoid Xanxus's flame.
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"YOU FUCKING SCUMS, SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I BLOW YOU INTO FUCKING TINY BITS!"
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"VOIII! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING STUPID BOSS! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US YOU BASTARD?!" Squalo jumped onto the table and glared down at Xanxus. Lightning flashed in between them. A glaring contest has started!

The (stupid) shark Superbi Squalo VS. the fearsome (lion...maybe?) leader Xanxus!
6 second had past, the two still exchanged powerful glares. Dio mio! At this point we will not know who will win this head to head fight!
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"Ushishishishi! I bet Squalo will win"

"No! Boss is the best!"

"Luss is rooting for both!~ perhaps I'll even reward the winner with a kiss ?~"
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A scream from both the boss and his second in command can be heard as opposing to the idea.

More than 10 seconds into the fight, no struggle can be seen on both of the contestants' face. Who will win?! Who will deserve a kiss from the fair young maiden! ... (or rather this girly man...)
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"Why do I feel like there's a crazy MC who is commenting about this stupid fight?" Mammon sighed "Ah...this meeting is wasting my time. I'm not even getting paid. " He huffed, and of course no one pay any heed to the arcobaleno.

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"As much as this interaction amuses me so; I'm afraid it's time to stop." Vongola ninth was still smiling, but the smile seemed to turn into a 'if-you-don't-behave-I'll-fucking-fired-and-kill-you-all-before-throwing-your-bodies-into-a-dumpster' smile.

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Xanxus noticed and yelled. "Scums! Take your seats!"

The Varia reluctantly got back to their own seats. They preferred not to anger Nono...last time it happened.. let just say things didn't ended well. The old man wasn't a mafia boss for nothing.

The chaos left quickly as it came.

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"Anyway, I have no objection to the Varia taking on the mission without Xanxus leading." the ninth said calmly "since he will be working on something else instead."

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"What do you mean by that old man?" Xanxus took a sip from his new tequila glass...do not ask where it came from. Reborn's espresso and Xanxus's tequila suddenly appear out of nowhere was one of the mysteries of the mafia world, although no one bother to find out how it can happen sadly.

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The Varia focused their eyes on the ninth since this sparked a bit of their interest.

"Xanxus, as we all know, you are getting older by the day. 23 years old now. You are capable of taking care of yourself and a family, a real one not our famiglia." Xanxus almost choked on his drink and sitting up straight on his throne-like chair

"What the fuck are you planning old man...?!"
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The ninth ignored him and went on "As I'm getting older, my intuition sharpens. My heart is telling me to do the thing I want to do best now or I will regret it later. The time will come soon enough so before that and I want to fulfill my wish. Like any other parents would wish, I want to have a grandchild (or more) to enjoy my peaceful days left with" he looked at Xanxus directly in the eyes "so I want you to get married, Xanxus."

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"Wh-" Xanxus widened his eyes and took in his father words slowly, trying to comprehend the words marriage, children, wife that were floating in his mind.

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Suddenly a burst of mixed sound filled the room. Squalo was holding his stomach and howling in laughter, Lussuria's high pitch squeal can be heard, Belphegor's strange laugh mixed in with Squalo's, Levi's sob was in the background and Mammon's murmur of how much he can sell his boss's wedding pictures for.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Xanxus fired his gun at his subordinates again.
He turned to the Ninth "OI! Explain yourself this instance you fucking old man! Don't joke with me damnit!"

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"I'm not joking Xanxus" The ninth said with another smile. "My order to you, Xanxus, as the Vongola's Ninth boss is to get married and raise a new generation of Vongola. Undicesima Vongola Generazion." The ninth spoke with overwhelming confidence that his barbaric-ehem violent (onlyalittlebitsinceidontwant todieyet)- son will find a wife and have a (loving- in Nono's opinion) family.

"Yes, father, I'll go find myself a wife and have my wedding right away. IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT I'LL FUCKING SAY?!" Xanxus bolted up from his seat "FORGET IT! NO WAY IN HELL THAT WILL HAPPEN!" and stormed out of the room.

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The Varia soon followed but not after Squalo took the file on their mission and another folder contain classified information of Vongola famiglia, by that I meant information on Xanxus's wife candidates. He grinned at the Ninth "VOII! Nono! I'm going to be the best man, you hear me?!"

"Why, of course Squalo, I'm sure I won't find anyone more suitable than you." The ninth chuckled.

"DAMN RIGHT!" he yelled before proceeding to follow his boss and the others.

The ninth sighed in his chair, he'll need to pay for even more repairs for the room once again. Meaning more paper work. The man messaged the bridge of his nose. He can feel a headache coming...

'Lets hope the poor girl can survive, whoever she is.' He thought.

Author notes:

This is the first chapter to this long shot. I hope you like it and review to tell me your opinion on it~ I attempted to write humor and this is the best I can manage (although it wont be neccesary for later chapters...) but any tips will be very helpful ^_^

lol um I hope I kept them in character, as for Xanxus he undoubtedly will be out of character since he will love and soft stuff like that heheh XD but i'll definitely try my best to keep him in character.

VARIA FTW! (/O3O)/ dam I love them so much!

This is a heterosexual story so the heroine will be a gender bend character from the series. Even if I love KHR yaoi so freaking much it just won't do for this story... Her identiy will be reveal soon enough!
I have no plan to introduce an OC but we'll see =u=

Anyway thanks for reading and hope you enjoy~ Review makes author very happy~

SORRY ABOUT THE DOTSSSS! BECAUSE FANFICTION CAN NEVER GET THE SPACING RIGHT AND I DONT WANT EVERYTHING TO BE JUMBLE UP AND STUFF! TT-TT