100 days of Tony Stark moments

Day 1: How to troll a demi-god

"Whatcha doing?" Tony asked, staring over Thor broad shoulders as he sat on the ground surrounded by his mystical mojo.

"I am creating a memento for my mother's day of birth." Thor replied.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because it is an Asgard tradition for the eldest son to present their mother with a handmade gift at the beginning of their 5000th year of life." Thor said as he continued to craft his creation.

"Why?"

"Because the Alfather started the tradition 10 million years ago."

"Why?"

"They do not know the exact reason why he started the tradition. It was nice, so we decided to continue it."

"Why?"

"Because mothers are considered very important on Asgard. They nurture and teach our young."

"Why?"

"Because that is their duty Tony! Why are you asking so many questions today?"

"What is Stark doing?" Steve asked perplexed.

"He's trolling Thor – unsuccessfully of course." Clint said while coughing into his hand to hide his laughter.

"What does trolling mean? It has nothing to do with actual trolls right?" The Cap asked warily.

"Nope. Trolling is the art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pissing people off without them realizing that is your goal. The point is to make your victim truly believe in what you are saying - no matter how outrageous." Clint replied.

"I think Stark is missing the point – Thor isn't getting angrier – he's getting more confused." Steve pointed out.

"Why?"

"Stark if you ask why one more time – I will squish you with my mighty hammer!" Thor roared.

"Never mind. I think he was successful." Steve said as he watched Tony inch towards the door.

"Why?" Tony couldn't help but asked one more time, before fleeing for his life with an anger demi-god hot on his trail.

Day 2: How to make a man turn green in under 10 seconds

Tony and Clint leaned against a wall hidden from view of the lab Bruce Banner has deemed his domain – even though it belonged to Tony at the end of the day.

"Why am I helping you again?" Clint asked miserably. Tony held up his credit card.

"Because I am the only one who can afford to pay for a lavish two week vacation at a resort in Monte Carlo, fit for a 10 year anniversary – anything less and she might kill you." He said gleefully. Clint sighed in defeat.

"What is your brilliant plan Stark? I'm not really keen on dying today." Clint said warily. Tony grinned evilly in response.

"Well throwing eggs at him doesn't work – it just gets me thrown around harder during missions. Tazzering his geeky ass also doesn't work– he's used to it by now. Neither did dropping a scorpion down his shirt – but that one was close. So this time we're going to upgrade the entire operation and do a variation of all three. And just to be thorough I put some fabric eating powder in his pants an hour ago so when he stands up – his bottoms fall down." Tony explained as he started to unscrew a vent beside him.

"Okay…I hope you don't die in the process – I'll need you alive to finish our deal. But why are we using the vents?" Clint asked, dreading the response.

"I am going to use the vents. You, on the other hand are going to walk right in there and make him stand up after I give you're the signal." Tony said removing the metal screen from the wall.

"And what's the signal?" Clint asked as he started to regret this deal more and more after each passing second.

"The scorpion." Tony replied simply. Clint banged his forehead against the wall.

"Find a happy place. Find a happy place." He muttered to himself.

"Don't worry snippy! I got it all under control." Tony said as he crawled into the vent. "Get into the lab Clint – it's game time." Tony's voice echoed from inside the vent. Clint shook his head and headed towards the lab. If there was ever such thing as a walk of shame – this was it.

"Hey Bruce." Clint said tentatively walking into the lab. Bruce looked up at him and smiled.

"Hello Clint. How are you?"

"Um…I've been better." He said hesitantly.

"Is something wrong Clint?" He asked worriedly.

"We'll always be buddies no matter what, right Bruce?" He said anxiously.

"Well yeah…but you're kind of starting to freak me out. What's wrong?" A tiny object fell from the ceiling and onto Bruce's head.

"What was that?" He asked in confused.

"Here – you should get up. Maybe that part of the roof is broken." Clint said helpfully. Bruce nodded and went to stand up when his pants dropped to the floor. They both looked down and then at each other. Bruce's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Tony quickly shot an electric dart through the gap between the folds in the vent. It made direct contact with the back of the doctor's neck and caused the poor scientist to freeze up and his body to spasm. Bruce fell forward and leaned heavily against the table – trying to catch his ragged breath. Dang that looked like it was over 500 volts…

"Just so you know – I was blackmailed into doing this." Clint said desperately.

"Oh you guys asked for it. You want angry? I'll give you angry." Bruce said breathing heavily. His heart monitor was beeping like crazy.

Clint gulped as he fearfully backed away from the pulsing man.

"Get ready to run for your life Barton." He said darkly. Clint started to see a little green in the doctor's eyes and hightailed it out of there.

A gigantic roar ripped through the air behind him. That was not a good sign. He turned a corner and saw Tony making his way out of the vent. He ran right past him.

"Did it work?" He asked curiously. Clint kept running.

"You're going to find out the hard way if you don't start running Stark!" He shouted over his shoulder. Tony turned around and nearly got rammed in the face with a green fist. He ducked and saw the huge hulk fist shaped hole in the wall.

"Oh shit!" Tony said before sprinting down the hall after the master assassin. He caught up with the archer and they both dived for the exit with an angry Hulk not far behind.

"Stop following me Stark!" Clint said as he pushed open the exit door leading to the staircase with his shoulder and flying down the stairs.

"Can't do that Barton! Two targets means his attention is 50% not on me." Tony said running right behind him. They heard a huge crash up above and watched in horror as a door fell through the air right past them.

"What do we do now?" Clint shouted over the ear shattering roar.

"I don't know! I didn't think we'd get this far!" Tony shouted back as they ran into another floor. Thundering footsteps were heard not far behind. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. The entire building was now shaking.

"WHAT? You just unleashed the beast and you didn't plan for the result?" Clint shrieked as the Hulk burst into the room. Everyone froze.

Tony stared at Clint.

Clint stared at Tony.

Hulk glared down at them both with his angry green eyes.

"HULK SMASH ANNOYING TIN MAN AND HAWK!" He boomed.

"RUN!" They shouted as they dashed down the hall and ducked under a table to avoid a computer that was being chucked at their heads. Clint rolled over and vigorously shook Tony by his collar.

"If we survive this I'm going to freaking kill you!" He whispered harshly. The both looked up when the table above their heads disappeared.

"HULK SMASH TINY LIAR!"

Clint abruptly dropped Tony and barely missed the table aimed at his head. He rolled to the side and watched in fear as the Hulk turned towards a cowering Tony Stark.

"Now buddy – you know I love you right?" Tony said desperately. He frantically looked around for a way out.

"HULK SMASH ANNOYING MAN WITH SMELLY HAIR!" The hulk raised a cabinet above his head.

"Now that was just rude." He said before diving behind another cubicle.

3 hours later.

In a SHEILD hospital not too far away.

Tony and Clint lay side by side on identical hospital beds grinning for two very different reasons. They had matching neck braces and bruises ribs. Tony had a black eye and Clint had a weird twitch going on. Bruce Banner sat in front of their room completely unscratched – but extremely annoyed. He might just hulk out again if he looked at those two bozos for too long.

"Success!" Tony says with a pitiful fist pump. Clint rolled his eyes.

"Whatever – you better up hold your end of the deal Stark." Clint warned as he gingered rubbed his shoulder – damn, that Hulk can throw a person far.

"Where are they?" Two extremely angry voiced asked in unison. They stood side by side – varying levels of red hair flaming behind them with their hands planted directly on their hips. Bruce didn't feel so angry anymore – justice was to be served. He pointed to room behind him. The girls walked through the door and stared down at the two broken men.

"Hello Pepper." Tony said with a weak grin.

"Hey Tasha." Clint greeted with a slight wince.

Natasha and Pepper greeted their boys…

…with two very loud resounding SLAPS!

"Oh my god!"

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING?" They shouted at the same time.

"It was his idea!" Clint said defensively. He gently rubbed his wounded cheek. Tony stared at him as if to say you traitor! Now two pairs of fiery eyes were focused on him.

"I plea the 5th!" He tried weakly.

"What did you black mail him with?" Natasha asked dangerously. He gulped.

"I can't tell you it's a surprise!" He said fearfully. Pepper's eyes widened.

"That was a gift Tony! We were going to give the trip to them anyway!" She said heatedly. Clint's head whipped towards Tony's bed.

"WHAT? I went through all that pain for nothing?!" He shouted.

"It's okay honey – it's the thought that counts." Natasha said soothingly. She kissed Clint on his injured cheek. Tony pouted.

"Where's my get better kiss?" He whined.

WHACK!

"Oh my god! My arm!"

Day 3: How payback can be a bitch

The team was having some down time after a series of intense missions. Pepper and Natasha were quietly conversing in the corner, while Tony was trying to explain to Thor how a TV works. He was being extremely animated, jumping up and down and waving his arms towards the gigantic television screen plastered to his wall.

"You see? The little LED lights behind the glass change colour so that the shapes on the screen with also change." Tony said very slowly.

"So these magical lights make these people appear behind the glass?" Thor asked in confusion. Tony shook his head desperately.

"No! Those people are actors! We use cinematic technology to film them and broadcast these shows across the country!" Tony tried once again.

Bruce and Steve stood next to the bar and watched Tony try and teach Thor the Midgardian version of entertainment. They laughed among themselves – he was failing miserably.

"How long do you think Tony will last before he gets fed up?" Steve asked. Bruce shrugged.

"Personally I think Thor is going to smash his TV with his mighty hammer to free the people from their imprisonment." Bruce said with an evil grin. Steve nodded gravely.

"Yeah – he just might."

"Do you think we should tell the girls to move before that happens?" Bruce asked thoughtfully.

"Nah, Natasha will be able to get them both behind the counter before any glass starts flying." Steve said confidently.

"Does anyone care what I think?" Clint asked as he picked up a pile of darts and started throwing them at the board across the room. He made a perfect shot every single time.

"Nope." The two replied. Clint rolled his eyes and stared at his last dart. His bulls-eye section on the board was full.

"So you're saying that the people are not real but at the same time they are? That this camera traps them in a box and ships them across the land?" Thor asked even more confused. He truly was a lost cause.

"Ugh! I give up!" Tony said as he threw he hands up in the air in defeat.

Suddenly a dart stabbed Tony in the ass.

"WHAT THE HELL?" He shouted jumping around.

"Sorry I missed." Clint said blankly.

"How the hell do you miss?" Tony asked angrily.

"Hawkeye never misses a shot." Bruce whispered to Steve.

Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass

What do you guys think? Do you have any Tony related requests?