August 5, 2012 - Card Reading Day

Summary: **Part of the 2012 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts August Fic-A-Day** series, also known as the 'Wacky Holiday Series'. It's a very special episode for the Cryptkeeper; you could say it's to die for!

Challenge: for the livejournal 2012 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

Warning: character death…sorta.

Timeline: post-'Fear Itself' sometime for BtVS; vague for TFtC, but change the dates so they line up.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Tales From the Crypt characters belong to William Gaines and HBO. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

The Crypt

February 21st…

The scene is a creepy basement with a coffin and other ghoulish paraphernalia in it. Behind a desk with bottles of blood and body parts on top sat a rotted corpse with long, stringy hair. Then the corpse began to talk, "It's your ol' pal, Cryptkeeper, here, and today's a very special day. Today is Card Reading Day. So to celebrate, let's read a couple cards from viewers."

He dug through his pile of cards and pulled one out. "This one is from my dear mummy: 'With a son like you…'" he opened the card and kept reading, "'…it's no wonder I castrated your father.'" Wiping away a tear, he said, "She's such a crack-up!"

The Cryptkeeper found another card and started reading it, "'Roses are red, violets are blue…you feed off people's fears, so I'm gonna cut your head off.' It's signed simply 'S'. I wonder what that stands for," he mused out loud. "They aren't much of a poet, are they?"

"The 'S' stands for Slayer comma the. I was gonna have it rhyme, but that seemed too cliché," a blonde woman said from the staircase. "In case you missed it, I'm Buffy, and I'll be your Slayer tonight," she announced perkily. Then she stalked over to where he was sitting with a long sword in her hands.

"You killed my cousin, Gachnar!" he cried out, partially in anger, but also in fear.

Suddenly camera started to bounce around, showing parts of the Cryptkeeper's body flying around the room. Then it went to an emergency broadcast signal. 'Due to technical difficulties – ie. threats of death from the crazy blonde girl - Tales From the Crypt will never be seen again.'

Buffy's face came onscreen and she glared at the viewers. "You shouldn't make it so easy for the fear demons to feed!"

A/N: The two fearmongers had to be related, right?