Chapter Nine

For days I've been confined to this room. Tended to by drab men and women who refuse to meet my eyes as they run their tests. They call themselves my "recovery team." But as the cuts heal and the bruises fade and they are still here, I wonder what exactly I am recovering from.

They don't bring her to see me again. Of course not. They couldn't have their precious Mockingjay hurt. Of course, I did hurt her. I just regret that I didn't finish it. My head still aches from the blow I took, but the tender flesh isn't as bad as the turmoil beneath it.

It's not her fault, Peeta, they tell me.

You're not you. The Capitol, they hurt you.

And they are right. they did hurt me. I have the scars to prove it. But they freed me, too. They let me see. They let me know.

And now I'm here. And I don't know what is next.

"Peeta," a voice calls, and I look up to see the familiar face of one of the doctors. Her light hair is pulled back into a strict bun and she watches me with dark eyes. "You have a visitor." My heart beats faster as I wonder, as I pray that maybe it is her. Maybe I didn't fail. Maybe I can still save myself and all of us because if she comes back and I am here then I won't fail, I won't fail again.

"Peeta," she says sharply, her hand on my shoulder a tether. "Don't go drifting off on me. Remember: we are on your side. But, Peeta, you understand, given your last...response, we have to restrain you for this visit."

I begin to shake visibly. And without further response two hulking men force me down onto the bed and bind feet down and my wrists by my sides. My doctor hasn't left yet, and somehow I find her presence reassuring. "Peeta, we aren't going to bring her in until you are calm." She pauses, my my breathing is still ragged. My mind races. I am restrained. There is nothing I can do about that now. My only hope is to trick them. To be calm. Be how-be who-they want me to be. So with an effort I slow my breath, though my thoughts still race.

The room is crowded and heavy with breathing as the door opens to let in my visitor. My hands wrestle with the sheets, just needing to feel something there. My eyes widen as I take in the shape, wishing hoping praying it is her but I know it's not.

"Peeta? It's Delly. From home."

Home. District Twelve. Where my family is and I would wake up to the smell of freshly baked bread and my father would sneak me a roll straight from the oven before my mother noticed. "Delly?" It can't be. Home is gone. They're all gone. But there is something familiar about the roundness of her face and her pleasant smile. "Delly. It's you."

"Yes!" she sighs, and I can tell she is relieved. "How do you feel?"

"Awful. Where are we? What happened?" Suddenly I'm not sure. I feel strange. My memory...foggy. As if a curtain has just fallen over it but I feel steadier than I have in days. But this is Delly. She is from home. And she is here, in front of me. That much is clear.

"Well...we're in District Thirteen. We live here now."

"That's what those people have been saying. But it makes no sense. Why aren't we home?" I ask impatiently. Something itches at my mind. Something I knew but I can't quite remember.

She bites her lip, looking down. "There was...an accident. I miss home badly, too. I was only just thinking about those chalk drawing we used to do on the paving stones. Yours were so wonderful. Remember when you made each one a different animal?"

I can almost see them. The brightly colored chalk unfitting against the drab scenery of District Twelve. "Yeah. Pigs and cats and things." But there's a sharp pain in my head. "You said...about an accident?"

"It was bad. No one...could stay." I can see her forehead start to shine. She is nervous. I need to know why. I need to know what. "But I know you're going to like it here, Peeta. The people here have been really nice to us. There's always food and clean clothes, and school's much more interesting."

"Why hasn't my family come to see me?" I ask, suddenly remembering the proud face of my father, the teasing of my brothers. My breathing is quickening again and I can't stop it-can't calm down this time.

"They can't." Why are there tears in her eyes? "A lot of people didn't get out of Twelve. So we'll need to make a new life here. I'm sure they could use a good baker. Do you remember when your father used to let us make little dough girls and boys?"

Something snaps. And I remember. "There was a fire."

There was burning and screaming and ashes to ashes rained down.

"Yes."

"Twelve burned down, didn't it?" Flames that raged and consumed and everything I lost gone and gone forever. "Because of her." Suddenly one face is clear in my mind's eye. Her face, twisted and sick and hungry as it takes and takes and takes because that is what she does and it is her fault. I remember now and I won't forget again. "Because of Katniss!"

I pull desperately, achingly on my restraints but the clanging of the metal is unforgiving and I can see Delly is frightened but that doesn't matter to me anymore because I have fallen back into the truth.

"Oh no, Peeta. It wasn't her fault."

"Did she tell you that?" I hiss, and she takes a step back.

"She didn't have to!" Delly protests. "I was-"

"Because she's lying!" I scream, absolutely certain in my conviction. "She's a liar! You can't believe anything she says!" Her eyes burn and blaze as she whispers to me, as she feeds me her lies that kill. She's not human, with her morphing face and twisting words. "She's some kind of mutt the Capitol created to use against the rest of us!"

"No Peeta. She's not a-"

"Don't trust her, Delly," I scream, thrashing madly on the bed I MUST escape. "I did, and she tried to kill me. She killed my friends. My family. Don't even go near her! She's a mutt!"

The door again opens and Delly is pulled unceremoniously from the room but I barely notice, barely care, as the walls close in around me and I'm suddenly sure she is coming to finish what she was made for.

"She's a stinking mutt!" I yell, desperate to be heard. "She is a mutt and she is going to KILL me! She will kill you too! You can't trust her."

There's a sharp prick in my as the doctors have mobilized around me, and suddenly my mind feels light even as my body feels heavy. "Can't..." My eyelids are closing against my will. "Trust..." The world around me dims and my limbs are so, so heavy. "Katniss."

The lights shut out and I am lost.