~Chapter 1~

I sighed and looked up. It was dark, just how it should be in the middle of the night. The window offered a faint glow, not unlike a soft nightlight. Crickets outside chirped. the rain pattering against the roof was nature's lullaby. Sometimes I had trouble getting to sleep. The rain helped, but every time my personalities came into my thoughts, I just couldn't ignore them. They were always telling me to go away, to get lost and let one of them take control. I loved Zoey to death, that was the only reason I bothered to even attempt to keep charge over my body. No one ever understood my disorder, not even my family. Everyone always said it was psychological, that it could be overcome as long as I set my mind to it. It wasn't true...

I was a freak, an abomination! Every day I saw people walk around enjoying their daily lives. They all kept talking about how normal was boring. I would give anything to be normal! I wanted to be in charge of my body, that way I could finally say the one thing I'd never been able to say before, "Normal sucks." But my condition was lifelong...meaning it would never go away. And since it was psychological, there wasn't really a treatment for it. Not that I was partial to shoving pills down my throat for the rest of my life, but if it helped make at least one of my personalities go away, I would do it without hesitation.

But there wasn't treatment, let alone an actual cure, so I kept it to myself. Every day of my life was spent striving to control four other people who wished to claim my body. I was always blanking out, then waking up to find myself in a hundred different messes. It was horrible... Svetlana had been pretty useful, but she was the only useful personality I had. Vito was nothing but dead weight; he was a complete jerk and furthermore, he was obsessed with Ann Maria. His presence put a horrible strain on my relationship with Zoey. Manitoba Smith didn't help with that either, being so arrogant and sexist. At least Chester provided some form of humor in my crazy mix of personas. I felt like a rubber band. I was being stretched to my limits and one of these days, I was going to snap.

If I told anyone about this, they would react just like everyone else. People who knew I had Multiple Personality Disorder always tried to blackmail me, avoid me, or laughed at me. All the girls I'd dated dumped me, mainly because Vito decided to make perfectly timed appearances. Vito got me frustrated, and that triggered a cue for Chester, my "cranky old man" side. I never really knew what my personalities did when they took over. I knew it was pretty bad though. Mom had told me some of the things I did. I would mouth off to everyone with Chester, I would rap in the shower with Vito, I would cartwheel across fence bars with Svetlana, and I would get rowdy with Manitoba Smith. Was Mike even the real me, or just another persona, one that struggled to keep control over the others?

In total, I had five identities: Mike, Manitoba Smith, Vito, Svetlana, and Chester. Mike liked Zoey, which is why he tried to maintain control. Svetlana seemed to be bent on gracefully winning that million dollars, which is why I kind of liked having her around. However, my million dollars was alive, warm, sweet, caring, and beautiful...and unfortunately, she was frustrated with Vito/whoever else was in control of my body at the time. At first she thought it was for show, so she kind of let it slip by, but now I could feel the emotion radiating from her.

Why did I always have to ruin things? If MPD could be overcome so easily, then why wasn't there a handbook or some kind of pamphlet or something? Because that would be really nice right about now.

I huffed and turned over in my bunk bed. The wood holding it up creaked under my weight. I actually wasn't that heavy, it was just that these beds weren't very sturdy. Sometimes my personalities appeared in my dreams. Svetlana seemed to appear frequently in any dream that had an acrobatic environment. If it took place in a jungle, there she was, balancing on a thin tree branch or something. Vito loved dreams that took place in the streets. He always drove a tricked out car. Chester never seemed to appear in any particular dream, he just floated around, popping up every now and then. Manitoba Smith fancied any dream with the possibility of adventure or exploration. Sometimes Svetlana and Manitoba would get caught in the same dream. It was weird, having those two together, but they each did their own separate thing and never really mingled with each other.

I heard someone else's bed creak from the girls' side of the cabin. I wondered if it was Zoey, and what she could be dreaming about. They were all dreaming. Even those on the other team, they were all dreaming happily and contentedly. I wish I could be like them, even if it was just for one day. I was tired of spending my nights mulling over my personalities and trying not to fall asleep. I didn't want to black out again, I had enough of that during the day. Furthermore, I didn't want to see any of them in my dreams. It would be so nice to be normal...just for a few minutes.

Another creak from the other side of the cabin. Maybe someone was having a bad dream, or like me, a restless night. I wondered what they were thinking dreaming about. On this toxic wasteland, anything was possible. Naked laser squirrels, giant squids with one eye living in trees, sharks with legs that were amphibious...the list went on and on.

I decided to get up and go outside. The cabin was getting stuffy and I was tired of laying in my bed doing nothing. Fresh air would probably do me good. The door moaned as I opened it. I hoped no one heard it or woke up from it. Closing that stupid door made even more noise. I tried not to get frustrated, because if I got frustrated, Chester would come out. The last thing I needed was one of my multiples appearing.

Nobody followed me out, and just to make sure, I decided to go to the edge of the woods. I grasped the lowest branch and pulled myself onto it. Svetlana would be able to hop all the way to the top of this tree, but I just wanted to be alone and think awhile. I only needed to get to the first branch to do that. The good thing about her, though, was that if a tree squid tried to snatch me up, she would take charge of the situation and bound away from it, just as agilely as she always was. I didn't have to worry as much with her around.

I sat on the branch, my feet dangling over it. When I was a kid, I would climb trees all the time just to get away from everything, just to feel like I had some amount of freedom in my life. With four other personalities, freedom was a blessing. I wasn't always in control of myself, but when I climbed trees, I felt like I could. The smell of pine was refreshing, alluring even. My mom didn't want me outside too much, in case Manitoba or Vito came out. Both of them were nothing but troublemakers and my mom was afraid I would run away because of them. So whenever I got the chance, I would climb a tree, sometimes hopping from one branch to another on a different tree. Over time, they had become my playhouse and my oasis, the one place where I could feel free and comfortable.

I plucked a pine twig from the other end of the branch and twirled it between my thumb and index finger. Sap stuck to me, but I was fine with that. The leaves were so green and spiky, kind of like a hairdo for a tree. It was funny, actually, how much nature varied. I was no treehugger, but at least for a little while, I could be in the one place where Mike was certain to be.

I heard the door open and looked to find that it was my cabin. One of my team members came out, but I couldn't make out who it was in the darkness. I wondered what anyone aside from me would be doing this late at night. The challenges Chris gave us were always exhausting, and we were always drained by the end of the day. I was still tired, that much I'd admit, but the only reason I could sleep was because I couldn't get my multiple personalities out of my head. I bet no one else had my disorder; after all, I'd never seen anyone but me be someone else.

"Hey," a feminine voice called up to me. I looked down from my branch to find Zoey standing underneath me. "Are you going to stay there all night?"

I remained silent. I didn't know if she knew it was me, or thought it was someone else. Technically both answers were right, thanks to all the different people inside me. I didn't know what she would think if she found out about this. Chances were, she would reject me just like all the others did.

"Well?" she continued. "You coming down?"

No. I didn't want her to know it was me. I didn't even know how she found me up here to begin with. I was actually partial to spending the rest of the night here, isolated in this big pine tree. I really didn't want to come down.

"Mike?" she called.

I cursed under my breath. Great, just what I needed. She already knew it was me even though I didn't give away anything. But then again, she probably saw my bed empty. Yeah...not my best decision to overlook that.

I sighed and said, "Yeah?"

It was hard to tell, but I could've sworn I saw her smile. "Are you going to come down anytime soon?" She didn't sound mad at me.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to...but she already knew it was me, so... After a few moments of hesitation, I hopped off the branch and lowered my head. Sometimes I got paranoid that if I looked someone straight in the eye, they would know something was wrong with me.

"Hey, is something wrong?" she asked.

Perfect, just perfect... I should've never signed up for this reality show. Not only were the challenges dangerous, but all my personalities kept making their appearances. I always shrugged it off as acting it all out but I was sure people were starting question that by now.

"I'm fine," I answered. "Just wanted a little air, that's all." For once, it wasn't a complete lie. I really did want some fresh air and time to myself.

"Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?"

I nodded. More lies. Every day it was just one huge stack of lies, one right after the other. Words couldn't describe how sick I was of it all.

I blacked out right then and there.