A special thank you to those that favourited/alerted!

Sorry for the delay, life got in the way! This chapter's quote is courtesy of the song "Awake" by Skillet. This song reminded me of this story for some reason or another, and then I read through the reviews since Chapter 4, and was inspired to give you all another chapter! Hopefully you like it! Let me know your thoughts in a reviews :D

'Content'= Thoughts

"Content" = Speech

~ Content ~ = Shooting Machine's voice

""Content"" = The voice narrating Welcome to Absolution and the words that appear on the screens.

WELCOME TO ABSOLUTION

Chapter 5: Always Awake but Never Alive

"I'm at war with the world cause I

Ain't never gonna sell my soul

I've already made up my mind

No matter what I can't be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak

And I feel like giving in

You breathe into me again"

"You're holding it wrong."

He chose to ignore the warm female voice that broke the silence that he'd welcomed for the past hour.

"You are holding your gun wrong." She sing-songs again.

~ 94.90%. Well done. ~

'Dammit. That's lower then last time! It's her fault. She distracted me!'

In anger and blame, the dark haired pilot turned to face the political leader, and yelled:

"Shut up! I didn't ask for your opinion!"

She didn't even blink at his tone.

"Doesn't mean I wont state it." She countered, not even blinking at the fury in his tone. She sighed, "You want to beat my score right? Then suck up your pride and listen to my advice."

When Shinn just turned his head away from her and didn't respond with any biting remark, she figured that was as close to consent/thank you she was going to get from the annoying brat. She is about to correct him, but he starts another roung before she can get a word in.

He fails to beat Rey's score, and finally gives a petulant look in her direction. "I am holding it correctly. I am holding it exactly how ZAFT taught me to."

She sighs, glad that he is finally letting her get a word in. "Zaft teaches the form that is optimal for an average shooter. You are not an average shooter."

He isn't going to thank her for the praise.

Instead, he lets her come up to his side and fiddle with the way his hands are holding the gun. Exclusing the hands which heleaves pliable to her mechanations, the rest of his body is tense. All he can feel is the constrast between the cool night air and her warm fingers trailing on his own, and the feeling etches itself into his very being.

The ghost of her touch will be another thing to haunt him at night.

She chides him for looking away from her as she fixes his hold on the gun, "Pay attention. I won't always be here to show you."

When he tries a round again, he beats Rey's score by 0.05%, and he is amazed. He tries his best not to let it show. And he refuses the urge to look towards her and seek her approval because he doesn't need it and he doesn't want it and he doesn't want her.

She walks up to him again, drags her buring fingers along the ridge of his right thumb. He thinks she is telling him to try another round but he can't really her because the blood rshing through his ears is just so loud.

He goes another round, and he beats Rey's score by 0.09%.

When the scores sheet pops up and he proudly puts in his name.

And he wants to ask her so badly. But she is standing too close and she really needs to back up because he is thrilled from the adrenaline of achieving this after so long and he is tired because it is way past time to go to bed and he is drunk on victory and …

And then he sees the blank top score and he needs to know.

He grabs her arm and pulls her closer. His gaze is on the hand. It is smooth, flawless pale flesh and the mystery taunts him. His words are low "Why wasn't there any scar on your hand. I saw you that night."

She just smirks and raises a blonde brow, "And you didn't tell anyone."

A part of him feels like she already knew he was there, but that doesn't make sense, because there is no way she could have seen him that night.

"Like they would have ever believed me." He scoffs. And then he realizes she has managed to evade his question and curses himself because she is a politician and much more well-versed in these games then he will ever be.

Her next statement is a gentle whisper, but her words cut through him like steel.

"You're here at night because you can't sleep. You have nightmares."

And then he is angry.

"And guess who's fault that is" he accuses. His face is closer to hers now, and no matter what sense tellshim it is not by choice. It is merely for effect and intimidation because he wants answers to leave her lips because he is tired of her treating him like a child.

Her free hand comes to rest on the wrist of his arm, the one that is currently holding her other arm in a vice grip. "I'm not going to tell you to forgive me. Nor am I going to say that you are wrong in blaming me. I am going to tell you that if you don't stop living in the past… soon that's all you'll be able to do."

He's still focused on the feeling of her palm on his wrist, but manages to choke out, "what's that supposed to mean?"

She's out of his hold then, gone as if she was never there.

"Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll find out."

""There once was an imaginary girl who was so good at lying, she even convinced herself she existed""

The next time the voice echos through the Minerva, it is when Shinn and his usually company are eating lunch. He looks for her immediately in the crowd, but she doesn't she her or her blue-haired shadow. His eyes then train themselves onto the screen, completely interested in finding out more of the secrets behind her eyes.

The metal box shows her, in mere civillians clothes, in an office. Of couse, that is not the shock. No, the surprise accompanyin this broadcast is the person co-starring in the scene.

A not-too-much-younger-than-now Cagalli ('two or three years ago at most,' Shinn thinks) has her hands press onto the rich, ebony desk that she is standing before. Her voice is cold and her eyes are amber steel and she hisses:

"What you are proposing could kill Athrun."

The man who sits in the seat of the desk bears an impassive face and a detached voice. "A necesarry sacrifice."

"A necessary sacrifice?! He is your son!"

Emotion finally stirs in the older man's eyes. But it is not care, no, it is unadultered malice. He sneers at her. "But you knew that didn't you. You always knew."

She scowls right back at him and is about to retort but his deep tenor cuts her off.

"The leaders of this world, myself and even your father have made many efforts to ensure that order is restored to our society. Our plans were set in motion long before you, Athrun or your beloved brother were born! You will do well to hold your tongue and follow my instructions."

"I follow what is best for my country."

He frowned.

"Then you will die along side it."

The fire in her eyes continued to blaze and Shinn finds himself cheering her on in his head.

"I would rather die than ever follow you again." Her voice is alive and powerful.

Patrick Zala just smiled with an eery twist of his lips.

"I should have known that Uzumi's so-called ideals would corrupt you. And it is such a shame, such a waste of potential. I should have taken you when you were a girl; the fool ruined you. In his memory, I will give you one last chance to reconsider-."

"I don't need it. My answer stands. I refuse."

His smile tenses as he finally stands from his seat and pulls a gun out towards her. "Then when Orb is nothing but ashes, I will ensure you are alive."

She gave an almost comical look of utter confusion. Shinn bets he himself is wearing a similar expression of bewilderment at this point.

"I will keep you alive until you have witnesed the destruction of your precious land and your precious people. You will see what happens when you choose to follow Uzumi's ideals." He says the last word with such thick distaste, that Shinn feels himself choking on it. "Oh, don't worry, Lady Cagalli. I will kill you eventually. Or maybe even force Athrun to do it. But, I refuse to let you pass on without fufilling your purpose and pulling the trigger on your dear brother."

The door to the office opens, and a blue-haired young man runs in.

The Athrun on the screen sees the situation that has unfolded before him as he bursts in and shock marrs his features, "Cagalli?"

When he finally registers that there is a gun pointed in the blonde's direction, he dashes in front of her, pulls her behind him, and demands, "What is going on here?! Chairman?"

He has put himself in front of her, but he hasn't brought out any weapon. Shinn's eyes widden in realization 'He doesn't have any.' Athrun is in civilian clothes too.

He is using his body to sheild Cagalli because he thinks his father won't shoot him.

Cagalli clings to Athrun, and Shinn can't tell if she is keeping him in place or pulling him back.

His father looks upon the two and his eyes glaze over with red hatred. "You realize, that she will always put Orb first. She will always put her country above you, you delusioned boy, why can't you do the same!"

Athrun fights back, "This war was never about coordinator and naturals. It was about ideals. Those who wish for us to co-exist and those who don't. Cagalli, Kira, Lacus – they are all fighting to protect peace. I am not following Orb, I am following them!"

Shinn notices that Patrick Zala's eyes flash murder when Athrun says 'ideals'.

The older man sneers in disgust, "You ignorant child. Has she filled your mind with that garbage? Tell me, do you think it a coincidence that she chose you to lure to Orb? The strongest pilot of Zaft and the Chairman's son defecting, being renounced as a traitor, all for a girl that will discard you the moment her country finds you useless?"

Athrun just clutches Cagalli closer to him, as if to physically tell her (and maybe himself) that he doesn't believe his father's hateful words.

"You were so obedient. And then she sunk her teeth into you. I should have realized you were weak." His voice turns mocking and cruel. "Did she promise you her love? Did she whisper stories of a family and a home and a little blonde-haired child with your eyes? She is a liar and a whore and she has been trained to deceive you and toy with you from the moment she lay eyes on you."

Then Patrick's grip on the gun tightens. "You were always so obedient. So I will give you three seconds to move away from that girl before I shoot."

A pause.

"One…"

Athruns looks on in disbelief, "Chairman you can't."

"Two…"

"Father please!"

"Three!"

And a shot is fired and Athrun falls.

Most of Minerva's cafeteria is gasping.

Because with reflexes she shouldn't have had, Cagalli had swept her leg beneathe Athrun. He, not expecting any sort of attack from the girl behind him, had fallen.

And the shot had gone right through the princess. A red flower started blooming, quickly, on her shirt.

"Cagalli!?" Athrun chokes out from the floor, his green eyes wide in horror and despair as he looks at the girl who ostensibly just gave up her life for him.

The then-Chairman just stared at her in a pensive way before he gave a loud bark of laughter. "Oh, I gave your father too little credit! You were activated!"

Cagalli, who is somehow still standing, just has a hand pressed to her soaked torso. Blood begins to dribble down her mouth as she speaks.

"You can't k-kill us n-now." There is pride in her voice. There is victory in her voice. And she smiles, with red teeth and red lips.

Patrick Zala's maniacle glee instantly turned into a frown. "An unfortunate twist. But, no matter, I have what I need now. You can leave. Take the back exit."

He nodded to the door behind him as his just blantantly dimisses them. A large smirk then marred the old man's features when he heard the girl cough.

Said cough seemed to awake the dazed Athrun as he got up and tried to support the girl he loved. He looked on in horror at his father.

"She's dying! She'll die from blood loss before we even exit the building!"

His father's eyes, which had gleamed in pure, sickening amusement while looking at the girl currently in Athrun's arms, turned empty upon turning to his son.

"If you leave with her, you are not to return."

Athrun's hold on the girl tightens, and Patrick Zala has his answer.

The old man's gaze morphs into a deranged sort of hatred, but Shinn can't tell if it is directed towards his rebellious son or towards the girl that has entranced him.

Athrun has already begun leaving, but it is clear that he hears his father's farewell:

"Athrun, the next time you step foot in the PLANT… you will not leave alive."

She gives herself to him that night.

Well, she supposes the more accurate phrasing is that he takes her.

No, that isn't entirely fair to him, she supposes. Because she didn't say no, and she didn't tell him to stop, and she didn't push him away when he pushed her onto his bed.

And when his mouth finally ripped itself off her mouth (though she thinks at that point it may have already ventured down her neck), and his tortured voice asked if she was okay with this (as his hands were already working on relieving her of her clothes), and his eyes were pleading at her to just for once prove to him that she was his …

All she had done in response was kiss him back and run her nails down his spine.

And she supposes she did it because she felt she owed it to him.

She had promised him peace and they were on the brink of another war. She had promised him her love when she knew that she could only ever be allowed to love Orb. She had promised him happiness and if he found that with her body, then it was the least she owed him.

And she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. She would be lying if she said she didn't spend years craving his touch and his affection. The oblivion she found in his arms, his caresses, his words, and his sweet promises that he whispered hoarsely into her ears as she whimpered under his touch.

He was a coordinator after all; she supposes that means he gets to be naturally good at everything.

She'd had to bite into his shoulder to keep the entire crew from hearing her screams.

Six rounds later ('Coordinators', she mentally huffs) and he is finally done with her. He holds her against him (much too tightly for her to ever be comfortable enough to get to sleep but she would never dare tell him that because this night is for him). A thin layer of sweat is all that is between them

(That is a lie, there are many things between them. There will always be many things between them. So close and yet so far away, he will never have all of her.)

and he promises to protect her.

His eyes are glazed with satisfied lust and admiration and adoration (and more than a hint of possession, she notes with disappointment, when his eyes trace the ugly marks he has left on her collar) as he looks at her face. His beautiful eyes finally begin to close, and she is almost alone in their embrace.

But then he whispers softly, like a naïve fool, "I forgive you."

And he means it, deeply and truly.

And she wants nothing more than to sob because she can't say the same.

Instead she just kisses him goodnight.

"In the dark

I can feel you in my sleep

In your arms I feel you breathe into me

Forever hold this heart that I will give to you

Forever I will live for you

…

Waking up waking up

Waking up waking up

Waking up waking up

Waking up waking up"

I didn't get a chance to beta this (kind of just was hit by inspiration and went writing away!) So hopefully I'll have the chance to go back and edit this a bit. Of course, the more reviews I get, the more likely I am to feel motivated to write up more chapters ;)

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