Welcome to the adventures of Monkey D. _._._ (mystery! O.O) in the quest to become King of the Pirates! Before you have any questions, here is the idea. It will get extremely confusing.

ONLY THE CREW MEMBERS HAVE BEEN SWITCHED! All other villains like Arlong and Alivda are completely one hundred percent the same! There, now that that's out of the way:

This story will follow the East Blue saga only! Maybe if I get enough reviews I'll make it through the rest of it, but I seriously doubt it. Each Straw Hat has been modified: Personality, occupation, and fighting style have all been swapped around. Even Luffy's Devil Fruit power has been moved (but I will reveal that whoever got moved to the captain's position gained the power of the Gomu Gomu no mi). Attacks switched, the whole shebang! I'll leave it to you to figure out who is what, and maybe once all the characters have been introduced I'll list it out for you. ;)

Due to the mixup of personalities, some scenes in the saga had to be modified to fit the new personalities. I do not own One Piece!

This follows the anime story, not the manga. It will include fillers.

Until then, let's see what you think. R&R!

Chapter 1 – I'm the One Who's Gonna be King of the Pirates!

The sun was high above the clouds that day, shining with warmth down on the small passenger vessel that glided through the waters like a knife through butter. The winds were calm and the sea tranquil, except for a small whirlpool they had just skirted around. There was not another ship in sight, and the lookout was feeling very content.

Two dock workers stood by the deck railing, taking a break from their cleaning duties. They both wore the same uniform: blue pants, a white shirt with blue stripes encircling the sleeves, and white hats that identified them as employees. They stood together, staring out into the ocean.

Something clunked against the side of the ship. The darker skinned man looked down to the sea to behold a barrel floating in the ocean. The two men exchanged glances. The older of the two called for a rope of some sort, and he was provided one.

He tied a four-pronged hook to the end of it. He swung it over his head a few times before releasing it. He missed; the hook went slightly left of the barrel, missing it by a few feet. Frustrated, he tried again, only to miss by an even longer shot. Once again, he aimed the hook, and this time it only missed by a few inches, but missed all the same.

His companion laughed. "Strike three, pal!"

XXX

Within the passenger vessel, a party was in progress. The people aboard talked heartily with one another, eating the delicious cuisine the chefs had served. The men and women danced to slow music, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

The only one who didn't appear to care for dancing was a young man by the buffet, his blonde hair masking his left eye. Though he didn't often care for the attire, he was dressed in a black suit with golden buttons. Beneath the overcoat he wore a blue pinstripe shirt and a black tie. At first glance he appeared to be a mostly normal-looking young man until you saw his face, and it was to be revealed a strangely-shaped eyebrow that ended in a curly-cue above his right eye. He was loading his plate with all the meat he could find, stuffing it in his pockets when he ran out of room. He tried to be discreet, of course, but he still someone gained strange-looking glances from other dancers.

"Excuse me," A light voice asked.

The young man turned to see a woman standing behind him, her dark brown hair pulled back into a loose bun. She wore a turquoise blue dress that hugged her slender frame, decorated with white lace around the sleeves and neckline, which was extremely low cut. Did she think she was going to get laid or something? Some other pervert might take advantage of that. "Hmm?" he mumbled through a mouthful of meat.

"Would the young man care to dance?" She asked shyly, a blush forming on her cheeks.

The young man shook his head, swallowing in one huge gulp. "No, thanks, lady. I've got all I want right here," he said, grinning and pointing to his overflowing plate.

The lady looked truly disappointed. "Alright. I hope you enjoy your meal." She moved away.

The young man shrugged and went back to the food.

XXX

The lookout watched the two dock workers below, laughing along with them. "You suck!" he called down to the one who was trying to catch the barrel.

Something broke through the gentle sounds of a tranquil sea. The lookout couldn't identify it very well, so he cast his eyes out to find the source. To the left there was nothing, but to the right a small rock formation could be seen close to them. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed wrong with it until he spotted a tall mast poking out from behind it.

A splash below him caused him to look down for a moment. The two workers had finally managed to hook the barrel, and were pulling it on deck, complaining about how heavy it was.

"Maybe it's full of beer!"

"I'm not sharing my half!"

The lookout ignored his crewmates and took a closer look toward the formation, immediately wishing he hadn't. Sweat beaded his face, and his mouth sagged open in fear and horror.

From behind the formation sailed a large bright pink vessel, the mast head that of a duck. Each sail sported a large dark pink heart. But the colors weren't what scared him. Flying from the tallest mast was a black flag, with a skull and crossbones emblazoned upon it. The skull was turned to the side, with a red heart on the cerebrum.

The lookout panicked. "Ship off the starboard bow!" He screamed down at the people below. "And their flying a jolly roger! We've got pirates in pursuit!"

The two men who had claimed the barrel dropped their find and raced toward their positions, yelling with terror, and rightfully so.

The pirate ship opened fire, the cannonballs flying in their direction. They crashed into the sea around them, rocking the passenger ship from side to side.

XXX

The young blond man spread his feet widely apart to avoid falling. Why was the floor rocking all of a sudden? Was it an earthquake? The other partygoers were crying out, falling on top of one another in an attempt to stay on their feet.

Suddenly, two men burst through the double doors to the ballroom, screaming out every civilian's worst fear: "Captain! We've got pirates!"

The man who was in charge of the ship was stunned. "What!" The ship rocked again, accompanied by the wild screams of the guests. "People, stay calm!" The captain called out. This cries fell on deaf ears, however, as the guests continued to scream. "Panicking will only get you hurt!"

The blond stood to the side, watching the men and women racing for the exit with an unusually careful eye. Though no one could see it, a sly smile spread across his face. The time he had been waiting for had arrived.

XXX

"FIRE!" The command came, and the men loosed another round of cannon balls. The captain of the pink pirate ship looked out over the water at the moving treasure chest and smiled, chuckling to herself when she saw the dolphin mast head snap like twigs.

"Coby!" She called out suddenly, directing her question to the small pink-haired cabin boy that cowered among her esteemed crewmembers.

"Yes, ma'am?" He asked timidly.

"Who is the most beautiful of all on these seas?" She asked.

"Uh, wait a second. I know this one! That would be, the captain of our ship, Lady Alvida!"

A smile creased the pirate woman's face, and she burst out laughing, a deep throated sound usually unheard from a woman. However, pirate Lady Alvida was possibly the farthest thing from woman ever seen. She slammed her iron club to the deck, her ringed hands curled mightily around the handle. Her wide frame could be seen from the deck of a ship half a mile away, her toad face pudgy and fat. Though no one on her crew dared tell her to lose weight. Long black hair fell midway down what was either a second bosom or a back. Atop her thick skull rested a large feathered hat that rippled with the gentle sea breeze. "Good answer, Coby."

"That means a lot to me," the boy giggled nervously. Brat.

"It's been a while! We're finally going to see some action!" One of the crewmembers next to him exclaimed.

Alvida grinned wider. "That's right! So make it count. Hit her with all you got, boys!"

XXX

The next cannonball collided with the main mast of the ship, cracking it completely in two and rendering the passenger ship helpless. With the rolling of the deck, no one noticed the strange barrel roll down the stairs leading down to the galley of the vessel, clunking all the way down to the bottom most floor. It rolled down the long hallway and into the kitchen, where it crashed into a pile of smaller barrels near the corner.

Meanwhile, a very out-of-breath blond youth escaped from the ballroom, emerging on the main deck of the passenger vessel. He walked out into the blinding sunlight, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. Now, only to find a way onto the pirate ship. Only he'd have to be careful about it. But then again, being careful wasn't one of his strong points. He was always one of those who always charged into the fray without second thoughts. But it was always easier that way.

The pirate ship moored itself to the side of its target, right near where he was standing. He looked up at the duck masthead, his mouth already beginning to water. Wow! That looks tasty! I wonder if duck tastes good.

He stepped on the railing of the ship and jumped toward the giant duck, landing on its long yellow beak. He opened his mouth wide and took a huge bite from the wood, chewing it thoughtfully. After a second of curious chewing, he hissed in pain and spat the splintering wood from his mouth, rubbing a finger against his bleeding cheeks. "Eaugh!"

He heard some weird muttering on deck, so he looked up to see the pirates still on board. Crap. Hoping he hadn't been seen just yet, he pressed himself as flat as he could to the mast head. See the duck. Feel the duck. Taste the duck. Eat the duck. I'm a duck.

XXX

Her subordinates whipped out their weapons and lassoes, tying the smaller pirate vessel to the larger passenger ship. Alvida laughed aloud, raising her club high. "There ya go, boys! Let's show them the power of Iron Club Alvida, lady pirate of the seas!"

The men cried out with vigor, grabbing the mooring ropes and leaping aboard the opposing ship. She watched them with glee until she noticed the timid cabin boy still gripping his swinging rope, not moving an inch only to shake.

"COBY! What are you doing?" She yelled.

"I'm… not real good at this stuff…" Was the pathetic answer.

"Huh!" Alvida was becoming extremely angry. "You're telling me. Maybe it's because you're back talking me all the time!"

Oh, man, how she loved the terrified look the punk got on his face. "Not the club! Anything but the club!"

"Then get your ass in gear!" Alvida roared, whipping her stubby leg around and kicking the nervous pink haired brat across. The kid collided face first with a wall on deck, sliding to the scrubbed floor boards. He clutched at his face, proving him already too weak to even exist. "Get moving you brat!" she screamed, leaping into the air with her club raised high above her head.

The idiot squealed like the girl he was and scrambled out of the way just before the club crashed into the ship where he had been moments before.

Grumbling to herself, she joined her subordinates in the grand ornate ballroom, where they had cornered all the passengers and employees. She began laughing along with her fellow pirates. "Anyone who resists will be eating their dinner at the bottom of the ocean!" She threatened, brandishing her club.

XXX

The blond youth watched the scene with the pink haired kid and really fat old lady play out. He laughed to himself at the kid's idiocy and cowardice. He hated people like him, letting others push him around. Ah well. It was time to get moving! Time to get the meat! Wait, the treasure! And then the meat!

He clambered up on deck, standing on the very top of the mast head. The deck appeared to be completely deserted. Perfect! Now all he had to do was find all the money he could and get out of there. He strode across the deck, swinging his arms wide and whistling merrily to himself. He saw a weird looking pink door with a heart-shaped window. It looked extremely suspicious.

He walked over to it, reaching for the handle. Just as he grasped it in his hand, it opened inward, throwing the young man forward to collide with a weird looking guy with a horned helmet on his head.

"Ow…" They both muttered.

"Huh?" Horned-guy asked, leaning closer. "Who're you? I ain't seen you before."

"Horned-guy," The blond said, crossing his arms. "It's not nice to sneak up on people."

Horned-guy grunted in confusion, but that was all he had time for before his face hit the deck, a huge welt steaming on the side of his head where the blond had punched him.

He stuck his tongue out at the pirate and stepped over him, looking around the spacious room. Jackpot! Piled into a corner were heaps of chests and boxes, all over flowing with gold and jewels. The sight was dazzling. The youth quickly pulled a leather sack from his pocket, licking the juices from the meat he had stuffed there earlier from his fingers. He wasn't quite sure how to unlock the chest, so he simply beat it with his fist until it came undone.

Twenty minutes later, he had emptied the entire stock of pirate treasure into his giant leather back; he tied it shut with quick fingers.

"Hurry up! She'll beat our asses if we lollygag!"

The blond whipped around, his mouth curling in a grimace. Crap!

XXX

Coby had made his way down to what he suspected was the galley. He peeked through the first door he came through, which appeared to be a kitchen of some sort. "Hello?" he called quietly. "Is anybody there?" When there was no answer, he stepped completely into the room, hugging a hand to his chest. "Phew. That's a relief."

The kitchen was small. Large shelves were stacked against one wall, holding a lot of pots and pans of every size. In the middle of a room stood a big tables, set with four plates and a few knives. Some dishes were set out with half-cooked meals set on them. In the corner, a mess had been made; a barrel had been tipped over, probably with the ship rocking. It had overturned a rolling shelf and had sent some sort of soup dripping all over the floor.

"Wow. That's one big barrel," he said, running his hands across the overturned container. "I wonder what's inside of it."

He maneuvered himself around the barrel and with all his might rolled it across the floor and back into the hallway. However, he didn't get very far before three of his… crewmates… appeared before him. Well, it's not like Coby considered them crewmates; he was a prisoner.

"Well, if it isn't our favorite coward," said the buffest of the three, a chubby man in a blue and white striped shirt that barely masked his incredibly large torso. Black hair could barely be seen peeking out from beneath his thin hat, cut from the same cloth as his shirt. He was called Poppoko. "You tryin gto duck out of all the action again?"

"No, no!" Coby quickly denied. He knew what happened to those who didn't plunder when told to. "I was just trying to get this big barrel of beer over to you guys!"

Poppoko chuckled. "Why don't you let us lighten your load?"

The tall one, Peppoko, smiled mischievously. He was clad in dark blue pants and brow nboots. The front of his orange pinstripe shirt was stained a darker shade, as if with water or some other liquid. Coby guessed booze, mostly because of the tips of his long dirty blonde hair and goatee were looking damp as well, like he'd been drinking. The cabin boy wasn't surprised. "I was just starting to get thirsty."

Coby gaped at the three, stunned that they would even consider such a thing. "No, you can't! If Alvida catches you, there's no telling what will happen!"

"She won't catch us if you keep your trap shut," Heppoko, the third of the group, added, the blue tattoo over his right eye wiggling like a snake. "Right, boy?" He wore only simple brown shoes and faded lavender cutoffs. The front of his deep violet muscle tee was also a bit wet.

Coby backed away from the three, letting out a forced laugh. "Right. Yeah. Hehe…"

"This sucker's heavy," Poppoko commented, setting the large barrel right side up.

"Perfect!" Peppoko grinned.

"Alright, stand back, boys," Poppoko cracked his knuckles. "I'm gonna open this sucker the old fashioned way!"

The barrel sat there, the cork set securely into the lid. Well, whatever was so amazing about it was about to be revealed! Poppoko raised his fist, preparing to strike. He paused for dramatic effect, and with a yell, brought down his fist.

What happened next moved practically too fast for Coby to see. Before Poppoko could even touch the lid, the barrel exploded, small pieces of wood flying in every direction. The pink haired cabin boy's hands flew to his face instinctively, his eyes squeezing shut tight. Something hit the ground hard, letting out a huge grunt.

He could hear Peppoko and Heppoko's voices squeaking similarly to his. If something was scary enough to freak them out, Coby didn't want to look.

"Hey," A new voice said. "What do you think you're doing, disturbing my nap?"

Coby trembled, opening his eyes to peek through his fingers.

Before him stood a person. He didn't know who she was, but she was standing in the barrel, so the stunned cabin boy could only assume she had been what made the thing so heavy. She wore a red vest pulled across her slim frame, showing off her bust. Blue Capri shorts clung to her nimble legs. Her arms were folded across her chest as she stared, annoyed, down at Poppoko, who was lying flat on his back with a red mark on his chin. A slightly weathered straw hat rested lightly on bright orange hair, at which she began to scratch lazily.

"Who the hell are you!" Heppoku growled at her.

The woman rolled her eyes, throwing one sandaled foot outside the barrel, followed by another. "You'd better move your companion. He's gonna catch a cold." She broke out into a huge yawn, throwing her hands high in the air to stretch.

"You're the one who knocked him out!" Peppoko held a sword by her face, preventing her from moving. "Hold up!" He demanded. "Are you okay messing with us, knowing that we're blood-thirsty pirates! Huh?" He was stunned to see the girl had completely ignored him, as if he wasn't worth her time, and turned toward Coby, asking him where the exit was. "Hey, I'm talking to you!"

The woman turned, her chocolate brown eyes hard as steel. "Shut the hell up," she said coldly. "Unless you want to die."

Heppoko and Peppoko took this as a challenge. They raised their swords, swinging down at the newcomer. Coby squealed and covered his eyes again. Two crashes, two thuds. Coby once again looked through his fingers, his mouth gaping open at what he saw.

The two pirates were on the ground, their swords snapped completely in half. Embedded in the ceiling above them were the two missing pieces of their swords. Both of them were shaking uncontrollably, staring up at the rough female. "Who… who the hell are you?"

The woman crossed her arms again, glaring down at the two pirates. "Me? You had better remember my name, because one day it will ring up to the heavens and be known throughout the world. It's Monkey D. Nami, and I'm the one who's going to be King of the Pirates." She grinned confidently. "This I swear."

Believe it or not, I did not make up the names Poppoko, Heppoko, and Peppoko. Those are the legit names of the guys who originally found Luffy inside the barrel. It's on One Piece wiki.

Yes, I did change the outfits somewhat. At first I didn't know whether or not to change the outfits, but then I thought, no. The outfit will move with the occupation. Each crewmember's fashion fits their style, so those will move as well. It makes me laugh to think of the others! XD *cries* Oh Gawd…

So, what did you think? I'm pretty sure you've guessed by now that Sanji is a meat-loving someone, and Nami has a dream to become King of the Pirates! But not all has been revealed just yet. And I'm not going Episode 1 = Chapter 1, Episode 2 = Chapter 2. That's boring. I'm doing them my way. ;)

R&R, and we'll see what goes down!

Next Time:

Monkey D. Nami temporarily recruits ex-cabin boy Coby in order to escape from the viscious Iron Club Alvida! Meanwhile, the mysterious youth is up to his tricks as he triest osteal all the pirates' gold. After a quick escape, Nami and Coby arrive in Shells Town to meet up with the infamous Pirate Hunter. Will he join Nami's quest to become the king? Tune in for the next chapter: Meet Monkey D. Nami! Enter the Infamous Pirate Hunter!

Who do you think appears next? If you answered Zoro, you're wrong! *insert evil laugh here* But I can promise you it will be so funny. See if you can guess in your review. Once the next chapter is posted, I'll tell you if you got it right.