At The Opera
by Rainsong
A/N: Yet another fanfic..I've been feeling extremely uninspired lately in both MWPP and post-Azkaban Sirius fanfiction. Luckily, I got a call from a friend the other day, and she brought up the paper we had to write last year on 'The Magic Flute', which is an opera, in case you don't know. I felt a lightbulb go off in my head, and, after saying 'sorryIgottagonowfictiontowritebye' I crafted the idea for this little vignette-ish story.
So this is more or less a dialogue composition, working with voices. As always, quotes stolen from Buffy, Red Dwarf, SNL, my friends, Frasier, etc. I try to be creative, I really do.
Enjoy, and, as always, read and review!
~~~~~~
PETER: How long does it take for the play to start?
LILY: Not long. And its not really a play, its an opera.
SIRIUS: Is that bloke with the snack tray going to come by again?
LILY: Sirius, you think about food more than people give you credit for.
SIRIUS: Well, your family didn't get us a private box for nothing, did they? We're supposed to get service from the funny little man in the cheesy suit.
JAMES: Please don't talk about cheese.
SIRIUS: Why?
JAMES: I'm hungry, too.
SIRIUS: Then obviously it's settled. Lets flag him down.
REMUS: He won't see you if his back is turned, Padfoot. You can stop waving now.
LILY: Yes, please stop. People are staring.
JAMES: Don't they always when we take Sirius out in public?
LILY: That's different. My family might be aquainted with these people.
SIRIUS: So what? They don't know us, so its not like I'm giving anyone a bad name here.
LILY: Just me.
SIRIUS: Its always about you, isn't it?
REMUS: Sirius, you really have a way with twisting words.
LILY: He only does it because it works to his advantage to ignore the voice of reason.
JAMES: Thus, we discover Padfoot's life mission. To annoy.
LILY: I'd rather have him miss the point because he's stupid, instead of annoying.
REMUS: Be careful what you wish for.
SIRIUS: Ahem!
JAMES: Yes, Padfoot?
SIRIUS: I've been forgotten.
LILY: (in mock horror) Never!
REMUS: We didn't forget you. You just didn't say anything.
SIRIUS: Maybe I would have if you all hadn't been so dilligently discussing my intelligence.
JAMES: Or lack thereof.
SIRIUS: Stuff it, Prongs.
PETER: Is that the snack man walking this way?
REMUS: Nice diversionary tactics, Wormtail.
PETER: No, really. I think thats him.
LILY: Good. Maybe if James and Sirius have food in their mouths, they'll shut up.
JAMES: Not likely. It isn't the snack man.
SIRIUS: Another usher.
PETER: Maybe snack men should have special uniforms.
SIRIUS: Thats a thought...
LILY: Maybe they could even have a badge that read "Serving Sirius Since 1960"
SIRIUS: I should drop that in the suggestion box.
LILY: I hope you knew I was kidding.
SIRIUS: I did. It could have been taken two ways. One, I was being sarcastic, or Two, I was trying out stupidity, as you wished.
REMUS: Told you so.
JAMES: I think the lights are dimming.
PETER: The only thing dimming is Sirius' mind.
SIRIUS: Wormtail, I'm shocked. You're siding with them?
REMUS: We've chosen sides?
SIRIUS: Yes. And be wary of your decision; we're in a balcony, and I might just lash out violently.
JAMES: You're right. It's a long way down.
REMUS: Five floors, I believe.
SIRIUS: Thanks for your assessment, Professor.
REMUS: I thought I'd be helping your cause.
LILY: I think Peter was right. The lights are dimming. That's your cue to shut up and watch the opera.
JAMES: Impossible. We're all still waiting for the snack man.
SIRIUS: Exactly. I'm sitting here, parched and deprived, because some idiot can't find his way to our box. Furthermore, I'm surrounded by lunatics. 'Cept for you, Prongs. You understand me.
JAMES: Thanks, Sirius. Maybe we can both tackle the snack man.
REMUS: It's dark now. He probably won't be by again.
SIRIUS: Rain on my parade, Moony?
REMUS: Yes, Sirius, I am your personal downpour.
SIRIUS: Lily, since you're the only other intellectual here, reason with Moony.
LILY: I refuse to.
SIRIUS: Why? What have I done to you?
LILY: Let me count the ways..
SIRIUS: Come off it. If you want us to behave, you have to chip in, also.
LILY: Remus has done nothing wrong. I agree with him entirely.
REMUS: Thank you.
LILY: Anytime. As for Sirius and James, you both need....sedatives or something!
JAMES: Actually, I think food would do the trick.
SIRIUS: Yeah. See, what we don't have in our stomachs, our bodies make up for with pointless conversation.
PETER: (in a small voice) Can we all stop arguing?
REMUS: Now look what you two have done! You've scared Peter.
PETER: I'm not scared. Just worried. It bothers me when you all fight.
JAMES: Can't see how it could. We always do.
SIRIUS: Yeah, Pete, and its not like we mean anything by it.
LILY: You must admit, thats not always the way it sounds.
SIRIUS: Fine then. You and Wormtail can start your own Society of the Deluded, and talk about what happened in your childhoods to give you the predisposition to think that everything is negative.
JAMES: Right. Wow, this puts a lot into perspective. Think of all of the times we've punched each other, Padfoot. And Pete and Lily might have thought we were actually fighting.
LILY: Oh, stop it. I simply said that you take it to far sometimes. I know you're best friends.
JAMES: Then what's irking you, Peter?
PETER: Nothing.
SIRIUS: Obviously something is.
PETER: No, I don't think so.
REMUS: Alright, stop with the third degree. Pete says nothing is wrong.
LILY: That was noble, Remus.
REMUS: What?
LILY: Ending that argument.
SIRIUS: What was so special about that? Moony always ends arguments.
JAMES: He's a peacemaker.
LILY: But he sounds so amazingly sexy when he does.
JAMES: *chokes*
REMUS: Lily, you're a great friend and all but I-
*Lily jabs Remus in the ribs, giving him a meaningful look*
REMUS: -always wanted to take our relationship to the next level.
LILY: Excellent. We're obviously meant to be together.
REMUS: It must be love.
SIRIUS: James, resist. They're trying to provoke you.
LILY: So, Remus, how about Honeydukes at nine o'clock next Saturday?
JAMES: Gah! I give up!
SIRIUS: No!
JAMES: Lily, I'm sorry. Remus, I'm sorry. I've been quarreling childishly.
LILY: Thank you. And thank you, Remus, for playing along.
REMUS: No problem. It was quite effective.
SIRIUS: That was unfair. Toying with emotions..how dishonorable.
LILY: James, do you feel the same way?
JAMES: No. Of course not.
SIRIUS: Prongs, you're a lovesick moron.
JAMES: I know. And I'm also a hungry moron. Wait-
SIRIUS: They say the first step is realizing you have a problem.
SNACK MAN: Comestibles?
JAMES: Does that mean food?
SNACK MAN: Obviously.
SIRIUS: Excellent! Can you just leave the plate here?
SNACK MAN: I really don't think-
*Sirius grabs the tray from Snack Man*
SIRIUS: Thanks, mate.
SNACK MAN: *mumbles about rudeness and low salaries as he walks away*
JAMES: Is that some sort of sea creature?
SIRIUS: Don't know. Tastes okay, though.
JAMES: Oh, look. Celery!
SIRIUS: James is eating deer food again.
REMUS: Maybe its a perk. Vegetables are healthy.
SIRIUS: Can it, Professor, and let me eat my unidentifiable sea creature in peace.
LILY: Are those strawberries?
SIRIUS: Yes and no. Yes because technically, they are strawberries. No because you've been very cruel to me, Lils.
LILY: Please? I really love strawberries.
SIRIUS: I'll have to mull that over.
LILY: Sirius, I love you.
SIRIUS: Aw, I love you too, Lil. Fine, take a strawberry.
LILY: Thanks.
SIRIUS: James, you've chosen a manipulative one.
JAMES: Sod off.
LILY: Yes, Sirius, do sod off.
REMUS: The treacle tarts are good.
SIRIUS: I was just about to try one of those.
PETER: Can I have a strawberry, too?
SIRIUS: That depends. Do you love me?
PETER: If its for a strawberry, then yes.
SIRIUS: Fine. I have no time to argue about the authenticity of that statement. Take one, Wormtail.
PETER: Thanks.
REMUS: Snape is allergic to strawberries.
SIRIUS and JAMES: Really??
JAMES: How long have you been holding out on us, Remus?
REMUS: Well, I found out the day before we left for Winter holiday, so I suppose three days. It would have been of no use to you, anway. Not until term starts again.
JAMES: Think of the possibilities.
SIRIUS: So what happens to him when he eats a strawberry?
REMUS: From what I heard, he breaks out into hives and his throat constricts.
LILY: That could kill him!
JAMES: Point being..?
PETER: If we tried to kill Snape, we'd get into a lot of trouble.
SIRIUS: Speak for yourself. I've already tried, and I didn't get into huge trouble.
JAMES: Yes, you did. Dumbledore had you in his office for what seemed like forever. He did the same to Snape, but I suppose that was for other reasons.
SIRIUS: I suppose. A couple hundred points from Gryffindor was a lot to lose for not even succeeding.
LILY: Its lucky you didn't. You'd be expelled, arrested maybe.
REMUS: Lily's right. It was a stupid thing to do.
JAMES: Yeah, really.
*Awkward silence*
PETER: There's another treacle tart, if anyone wants it.
JAMES: Nah.
REMUS: No thanks, Pete.
LILY: No, thank you.
PETER: Sirius?
SIRIUS: *silence*
JAMES: Don't worry, he'll get over it.
REMUS: Sorry for bringing it up, Sirius. What'd he say that was bad enough to provoke you like that?
SIRIUS: I'd rather not repeat it.
REMUS: Oh, all right. It was that bad?
SIRIUS: That bad.
REMUS: I understand. Just tune him out.
SIRIUS: Easier said than done.
JAMES: Not to play guessing games, but what Snape said.. Was it about any of us?
SIRIUS: Yes.
JAMES: Was it a threat?
SIRIUS: Not really.
JAMES: Well, thanks I guess.
SIRIUS: What for? Almost getting us all in deep trouble?
JAMES: No, for caring about your friends that much where you try to defend our honor, even if you carry it out with horribly bad judgement.
SIRIUS: Should I say 'thank you' or 'you're welcome' to that?
JAMES: Pick one, Padfoot. Either works.
SIRIUS: All right. Thank you and you're welcome.
REMUS: See what I mean? Instructions are meaningless to Sirius.
SIRIUS: Yet I seemed to do alright becoming an Animagus.
REMUS: Good point.
SIRIUS: Maybe you could be an Animagus, too, Lily.
LILY: I don't care if you did it. What you're suggesting is immoral and illegal. Becoming an unregistered Animagus is outlawed.
SIRIUS: But it _is_ possible. I did it.
REMUS:Possible but highly dangerous. The side effects might have been devastating. Padfoot, you could have been reduced to a gibbering simpleton.
LILY: Reduced?
SIRIUS: That was cold.
JAMES: But very well delivered.
SIRIUS: Argh!
LILY: I really think the opera should be starting soon.
SIRIUS: What is this one called? And if the title is in another language, don't bother.
LILY: No idea.
SIRIUS: Sounds promising already.
LILY: Oh, look! The curtains are being raised! This is it. Now shut up!
~~~~
Part One: Overture is complete! Please review! Part Two will be up soon, since I'm really enjoying writing this.
by Rainsong
A/N: Yet another fanfic..I've been feeling extremely uninspired lately in both MWPP and post-Azkaban Sirius fanfiction. Luckily, I got a call from a friend the other day, and she brought up the paper we had to write last year on 'The Magic Flute', which is an opera, in case you don't know. I felt a lightbulb go off in my head, and, after saying 'sorryIgottagonowfictiontowritebye' I crafted the idea for this little vignette-ish story.
So this is more or less a dialogue composition, working with voices. As always, quotes stolen from Buffy, Red Dwarf, SNL, my friends, Frasier, etc. I try to be creative, I really do.
Enjoy, and, as always, read and review!
~~~~~~
PETER: How long does it take for the play to start?
LILY: Not long. And its not really a play, its an opera.
SIRIUS: Is that bloke with the snack tray going to come by again?
LILY: Sirius, you think about food more than people give you credit for.
SIRIUS: Well, your family didn't get us a private box for nothing, did they? We're supposed to get service from the funny little man in the cheesy suit.
JAMES: Please don't talk about cheese.
SIRIUS: Why?
JAMES: I'm hungry, too.
SIRIUS: Then obviously it's settled. Lets flag him down.
REMUS: He won't see you if his back is turned, Padfoot. You can stop waving now.
LILY: Yes, please stop. People are staring.
JAMES: Don't they always when we take Sirius out in public?
LILY: That's different. My family might be aquainted with these people.
SIRIUS: So what? They don't know us, so its not like I'm giving anyone a bad name here.
LILY: Just me.
SIRIUS: Its always about you, isn't it?
REMUS: Sirius, you really have a way with twisting words.
LILY: He only does it because it works to his advantage to ignore the voice of reason.
JAMES: Thus, we discover Padfoot's life mission. To annoy.
LILY: I'd rather have him miss the point because he's stupid, instead of annoying.
REMUS: Be careful what you wish for.
SIRIUS: Ahem!
JAMES: Yes, Padfoot?
SIRIUS: I've been forgotten.
LILY: (in mock horror) Never!
REMUS: We didn't forget you. You just didn't say anything.
SIRIUS: Maybe I would have if you all hadn't been so dilligently discussing my intelligence.
JAMES: Or lack thereof.
SIRIUS: Stuff it, Prongs.
PETER: Is that the snack man walking this way?
REMUS: Nice diversionary tactics, Wormtail.
PETER: No, really. I think thats him.
LILY: Good. Maybe if James and Sirius have food in their mouths, they'll shut up.
JAMES: Not likely. It isn't the snack man.
SIRIUS: Another usher.
PETER: Maybe snack men should have special uniforms.
SIRIUS: Thats a thought...
LILY: Maybe they could even have a badge that read "Serving Sirius Since 1960"
SIRIUS: I should drop that in the suggestion box.
LILY: I hope you knew I was kidding.
SIRIUS: I did. It could have been taken two ways. One, I was being sarcastic, or Two, I was trying out stupidity, as you wished.
REMUS: Told you so.
JAMES: I think the lights are dimming.
PETER: The only thing dimming is Sirius' mind.
SIRIUS: Wormtail, I'm shocked. You're siding with them?
REMUS: We've chosen sides?
SIRIUS: Yes. And be wary of your decision; we're in a balcony, and I might just lash out violently.
JAMES: You're right. It's a long way down.
REMUS: Five floors, I believe.
SIRIUS: Thanks for your assessment, Professor.
REMUS: I thought I'd be helping your cause.
LILY: I think Peter was right. The lights are dimming. That's your cue to shut up and watch the opera.
JAMES: Impossible. We're all still waiting for the snack man.
SIRIUS: Exactly. I'm sitting here, parched and deprived, because some idiot can't find his way to our box. Furthermore, I'm surrounded by lunatics. 'Cept for you, Prongs. You understand me.
JAMES: Thanks, Sirius. Maybe we can both tackle the snack man.
REMUS: It's dark now. He probably won't be by again.
SIRIUS: Rain on my parade, Moony?
REMUS: Yes, Sirius, I am your personal downpour.
SIRIUS: Lily, since you're the only other intellectual here, reason with Moony.
LILY: I refuse to.
SIRIUS: Why? What have I done to you?
LILY: Let me count the ways..
SIRIUS: Come off it. If you want us to behave, you have to chip in, also.
LILY: Remus has done nothing wrong. I agree with him entirely.
REMUS: Thank you.
LILY: Anytime. As for Sirius and James, you both need....sedatives or something!
JAMES: Actually, I think food would do the trick.
SIRIUS: Yeah. See, what we don't have in our stomachs, our bodies make up for with pointless conversation.
PETER: (in a small voice) Can we all stop arguing?
REMUS: Now look what you two have done! You've scared Peter.
PETER: I'm not scared. Just worried. It bothers me when you all fight.
JAMES: Can't see how it could. We always do.
SIRIUS: Yeah, Pete, and its not like we mean anything by it.
LILY: You must admit, thats not always the way it sounds.
SIRIUS: Fine then. You and Wormtail can start your own Society of the Deluded, and talk about what happened in your childhoods to give you the predisposition to think that everything is negative.
JAMES: Right. Wow, this puts a lot into perspective. Think of all of the times we've punched each other, Padfoot. And Pete and Lily might have thought we were actually fighting.
LILY: Oh, stop it. I simply said that you take it to far sometimes. I know you're best friends.
JAMES: Then what's irking you, Peter?
PETER: Nothing.
SIRIUS: Obviously something is.
PETER: No, I don't think so.
REMUS: Alright, stop with the third degree. Pete says nothing is wrong.
LILY: That was noble, Remus.
REMUS: What?
LILY: Ending that argument.
SIRIUS: What was so special about that? Moony always ends arguments.
JAMES: He's a peacemaker.
LILY: But he sounds so amazingly sexy when he does.
JAMES: *chokes*
REMUS: Lily, you're a great friend and all but I-
*Lily jabs Remus in the ribs, giving him a meaningful look*
REMUS: -always wanted to take our relationship to the next level.
LILY: Excellent. We're obviously meant to be together.
REMUS: It must be love.
SIRIUS: James, resist. They're trying to provoke you.
LILY: So, Remus, how about Honeydukes at nine o'clock next Saturday?
JAMES: Gah! I give up!
SIRIUS: No!
JAMES: Lily, I'm sorry. Remus, I'm sorry. I've been quarreling childishly.
LILY: Thank you. And thank you, Remus, for playing along.
REMUS: No problem. It was quite effective.
SIRIUS: That was unfair. Toying with emotions..how dishonorable.
LILY: James, do you feel the same way?
JAMES: No. Of course not.
SIRIUS: Prongs, you're a lovesick moron.
JAMES: I know. And I'm also a hungry moron. Wait-
SIRIUS: They say the first step is realizing you have a problem.
SNACK MAN: Comestibles?
JAMES: Does that mean food?
SNACK MAN: Obviously.
SIRIUS: Excellent! Can you just leave the plate here?
SNACK MAN: I really don't think-
*Sirius grabs the tray from Snack Man*
SIRIUS: Thanks, mate.
SNACK MAN: *mumbles about rudeness and low salaries as he walks away*
JAMES: Is that some sort of sea creature?
SIRIUS: Don't know. Tastes okay, though.
JAMES: Oh, look. Celery!
SIRIUS: James is eating deer food again.
REMUS: Maybe its a perk. Vegetables are healthy.
SIRIUS: Can it, Professor, and let me eat my unidentifiable sea creature in peace.
LILY: Are those strawberries?
SIRIUS: Yes and no. Yes because technically, they are strawberries. No because you've been very cruel to me, Lils.
LILY: Please? I really love strawberries.
SIRIUS: I'll have to mull that over.
LILY: Sirius, I love you.
SIRIUS: Aw, I love you too, Lil. Fine, take a strawberry.
LILY: Thanks.
SIRIUS: James, you've chosen a manipulative one.
JAMES: Sod off.
LILY: Yes, Sirius, do sod off.
REMUS: The treacle tarts are good.
SIRIUS: I was just about to try one of those.
PETER: Can I have a strawberry, too?
SIRIUS: That depends. Do you love me?
PETER: If its for a strawberry, then yes.
SIRIUS: Fine. I have no time to argue about the authenticity of that statement. Take one, Wormtail.
PETER: Thanks.
REMUS: Snape is allergic to strawberries.
SIRIUS and JAMES: Really??
JAMES: How long have you been holding out on us, Remus?
REMUS: Well, I found out the day before we left for Winter holiday, so I suppose three days. It would have been of no use to you, anway. Not until term starts again.
JAMES: Think of the possibilities.
SIRIUS: So what happens to him when he eats a strawberry?
REMUS: From what I heard, he breaks out into hives and his throat constricts.
LILY: That could kill him!
JAMES: Point being..?
PETER: If we tried to kill Snape, we'd get into a lot of trouble.
SIRIUS: Speak for yourself. I've already tried, and I didn't get into huge trouble.
JAMES: Yes, you did. Dumbledore had you in his office for what seemed like forever. He did the same to Snape, but I suppose that was for other reasons.
SIRIUS: I suppose. A couple hundred points from Gryffindor was a lot to lose for not even succeeding.
LILY: Its lucky you didn't. You'd be expelled, arrested maybe.
REMUS: Lily's right. It was a stupid thing to do.
JAMES: Yeah, really.
*Awkward silence*
PETER: There's another treacle tart, if anyone wants it.
JAMES: Nah.
REMUS: No thanks, Pete.
LILY: No, thank you.
PETER: Sirius?
SIRIUS: *silence*
JAMES: Don't worry, he'll get over it.
REMUS: Sorry for bringing it up, Sirius. What'd he say that was bad enough to provoke you like that?
SIRIUS: I'd rather not repeat it.
REMUS: Oh, all right. It was that bad?
SIRIUS: That bad.
REMUS: I understand. Just tune him out.
SIRIUS: Easier said than done.
JAMES: Not to play guessing games, but what Snape said.. Was it about any of us?
SIRIUS: Yes.
JAMES: Was it a threat?
SIRIUS: Not really.
JAMES: Well, thanks I guess.
SIRIUS: What for? Almost getting us all in deep trouble?
JAMES: No, for caring about your friends that much where you try to defend our honor, even if you carry it out with horribly bad judgement.
SIRIUS: Should I say 'thank you' or 'you're welcome' to that?
JAMES: Pick one, Padfoot. Either works.
SIRIUS: All right. Thank you and you're welcome.
REMUS: See what I mean? Instructions are meaningless to Sirius.
SIRIUS: Yet I seemed to do alright becoming an Animagus.
REMUS: Good point.
SIRIUS: Maybe you could be an Animagus, too, Lily.
LILY: I don't care if you did it. What you're suggesting is immoral and illegal. Becoming an unregistered Animagus is outlawed.
SIRIUS: But it _is_ possible. I did it.
REMUS:Possible but highly dangerous. The side effects might have been devastating. Padfoot, you could have been reduced to a gibbering simpleton.
LILY: Reduced?
SIRIUS: That was cold.
JAMES: But very well delivered.
SIRIUS: Argh!
LILY: I really think the opera should be starting soon.
SIRIUS: What is this one called? And if the title is in another language, don't bother.
LILY: No idea.
SIRIUS: Sounds promising already.
LILY: Oh, look! The curtains are being raised! This is it. Now shut up!
~~~~
Part One: Overture is complete! Please review! Part Two will be up soon, since I'm really enjoying writing this.