THIS IS MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW

KALDUR AND ARTEMIS AND M'GANN AND WHY ;n;

Title: Grieving

Characters/Pairings: Wally, Artemis, Spitfire, M'gann, Connor, SuperMartian, hinted Chalant, Kaldur

Summary: If anything, M'gann never expected Wally to come to the cave mere days after Artemis's death.

Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or any of its characters.

If anything, M'gann never expected Wally to come to the cave mere days after Artemis's death.

She expected him to be angry, to blame it on Kaldur, to blame it on himself. Everyone that knew Artemis well were blaming themselves. M'gann, for not using her phsycic powers to stop Kaldur, to stop him from plunging that water sword into her chest. Connor, for not being there to get in the way, or something, because maybe his half-kryptonian strength would mean that he could survive - some time in the infirmary was better than a dead friend - no, a dead sister. The team didn't know that Kaldur was hating himself, of course. He hated how he had to put everyone, not forgetting Artemis, through all of this. Zatanna blamed herself for leaving the team. Even if she wasn't thier most powerful member, she could have done something. Said a healing spell, caused a distraction, something. Now she spends her days in the Watchtower, debating with herself and striving to improve so that she might stop any more casualties. Nightwing, surprisingly, was the one grieving the least. He seemed depressed, of course, but he wasn't angry, he wasn't crying - he wasn't even denying it.

M'gann stood in the kitchen of the cave, mixing a bowl of cookie dough. It was mixed a while ago, but her feet were frozen. The only part of her moving was her arm, moving in circles rhythmic. She had Lost Artemis. She had lost La'gann. She couldn't find comfort in Connor, since he still hated her. She would never tell anyone, but she desperately wanted to apologize for what she had done. She had been told that she could only read the bad guy's minds, and as soon as she broke that rule, Connor was gone. Don't get her wrong, she loved La'gann, but she couldn't help but miss Connor sometimes. As soon as she thinks like this, though, she stops herself, telling herself she's being cruel to La'gann. But now she didn't have him around calling her Angelfish all the time, the thought wouldn't leave her head.

She looked up when she heard the sound of footsteps echoing through the Cave. It had been quiet ever since Artemis's death, just days ago. Even the new team members stayed quiet, knowing that the ones that had known the blonde needed some time. Green Arrow came to the Cave the day after she died to tell them the date of the funeral, and his eyes had been red and puffy, his demeanour hopeless but furious at the same time. It had almost been frightening seeing him like that, remembering the happy, jokey Ollie they all knew and loved. Just after she heard the footsteps, Nightwing walked in, having just gone to see Zatanna. Everyone could tell he still had feelings for her, so hadn't questioned him when he had told them he wanted to check on her. He looked at M'gann and saw her slumped shoulders and the guilt in her eyes. He just sent her a polite nod in greeting, sensing she didn't want to speak.

Just then, the computer announced Wally's arrival and Nightwing's head snapped up in surprise. Only a second later, Wally was in front of him and glaring at him so fiercely that M'gann took half a step back, mouth agape as she stared at the two. "It's your fault." Wally hissed at him, and M'gann realized that Wally was the one not blaming himself - he was blaming Dick. What confused her was that Nightwing didn't even say anything, just hanging his head and taking in Wally's words. "You made her do it. You knew how dangerous it was but you asked her anyway. I just wanted you to know that." He finished and turned to walk away.

"I know." Dick answered, not raising his head, and Wally stopped to look at his friend - or, M'gann hoped they were still friends. "And... Wally, I'm sorry." Wally hesitated for a moment and M'gann could see the tear marks running down his cheeks. Eventually, he nodded curtly and left the kitchen, the computer announcing his departure a moment later.

M'gann blinked at Dick and when she spoke, her voice was quiet and shaking. "Nightwing, what was-"

"Nothing, M'gann." He answered, interrupting her, standing straight and shaking his head. "He's right. It's my fault."

And with that, he was gone.

~0~0~0~

Wally sat on the sofa of his and Artemis's apartment. Nelson was resting on his lap and whimpering. Even he had noticed the change Artemis's 'death' had caused. He noticed the silence of the apartment, he noticed Wally holding back tears some nights when he woke up and saw an empty space beside him on the bed. He noticed that you could no longer hear Artemis singing Queen songs as she made breakfast in the morning, and he was grieving almost as much as Wally.

Wally squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head against the back of the couch, letting out a heavy sigh. He felt a bit better, having let out a bit of his anger on Dick, but he wasn't too mad at him. Sure, he had meant what he said, but he didn't just blame him. He blamed their life, their hero life, one full of sacrifices and heart break. Artemis had to give up everything and become what she had fought to not become since she was a child - a criminal.

He groaned as he heard a knock on the door. It was probably the woman from the apartment beside theirs, asking if they had any more milk, because she ran out again. It was almost comical how she started looking to them for food, since they always had a packed fridge and then some. He eased Nelson off of his lap and walked to the door. The person knocked again and he opened it, surprised to find a girl with short auburn hair before him, looking concerned. "M'gann?"

"Uh, can I come in?" She asked politely and Wally hesitated, before opening the door wider, allowing her space to enter. She did and sat on the couch, avoiding Nelson, who was eyeing her warily. Wally closed the door and sat where he had before, and his dog eagerly took his place on his lap once again.

"So... what do you want to talk about?" Wally asked, and M'gann could tell that he was trying to sound like his old self but failing. His voice was flat. She could see the sadness and anger in his eyes and observed the bags under his eyes. He really was taking it hard. Well, all of them were.

She sighed and pretended to be vividly interested in the carpet, so that she didn't have the see the grief in his eyes. "I could have done something."

"You... what?" He responded with a frown, not getting what she was saying.

"To stop Kaldur, I mean..." She closed her eyes, and when Wally didn't answer, she continued. "I could have temporarily cut of his air, knocking him unconscious... I could have mentally lifted a nearby object and stopped him with it... I could have attacked his mind-"

"What?" Wally asked, and he sounded so horrified that M'gann turned her head to look at him. He almost looked disappointed in her. He couldn't believe she could say something like that so casually. "M'gann, I'm sorry, but that is crossing the line. Attacking him mentally would have left him catatonic. That would make us like the villains we try to stop."

She couldn't help it - she got angry. Because she already had to hear this from Connor every day, now Wally was against her? "He's a bad guy! He deserves it!" She snapped, finally letting out the anger that had built up since her Earth sister's death, finally lashing out. "And what do you mean by 'us'? What do you mean by 'we'? You left us!"

He looked at her in disbelief as she glared for a moment, before the look in his eyes turned cold. His voice was low. "You know why we left. And I can't believe that you would say that about Kaldur - he may be on their side, but he was still our friend. I don't know what happened to you over the years we were gone, but if you are going to be so cruel, what makes you different from the shadows?"

She stood and walked to the door, glaring. "Once again, what do you mean by 'we'? Artemis came back. She knew she still had to fight."

Wally paused, expression turning regretful. He turned his attention to the floor. "No one knows that better than me." He muttered, but M'gann heard. A minute later, he heard, not saw, her leave, slamming the door behind her.

~0~0~0~

"What happened to M'gann?"

Connor looked up from where he had been beating a punching bag to a pulp, letting out all his anger. He had managed to control his anger over the years, but now that Artemis, the girl that was a sister to him, the girl he used to watch 'Scott Pilgrim Vs The World' with, was dead, his anger was too much to control and he was now spending more and more time punching stuff in the training room. He saw Wally standing at the door, looking like he hadn't slept in days. Connor sighed, sitting on one of the benches and a moment later, Wally joined him. "I don't know." He responded. "She just kept getting more and more aggressive. I tried to stop her from taking advantage of her powers but then she..." He paused, a lump growing in his throat. "She reached into my mind and tried to make me forget that I was angry at her. I broke up with her then."

He looked at Wally out of the corner of his eye. He was frowning thoughtfully and had his head rested in his palm, dressed in grey tee shirt and jogging trousers. He couldn't blame him for not caring about his appearance. He had lost the one he loved. When Connor thought about what it had felt like to break with M'gann... having her die would be a thousand times worse than that. Neither said anything for a while and they sat there in a comfortable silence, both lost in thought.

"How so you deal with it?" Wally asked after a while, his voice quiet. Connor turned his head to look at him, but found himself looking at his profile, since Wally seemed quite interested in the floor. Wally moved his palm from his chin and leaned back on his hands, sighing.

"Deal with what?"

"With being so... angry." Wally said, turning his head to look at the half-kryptonian. Connor sighed and rubbed his temple, trying to think of an answer that wasn't the truth. If it were a week ago, he would be fine with telling the truth, because the truth was good. But now it's different. And he had to be honest.

"I don't."

~0~0~0~

If anything, no one expected Wally to re-join the team merely weeks after Artemis's death.

He stood at the edge of the small crowd of people, dressed in his black stealth costume. He, Nightwing, M'gann, Connor and Batgirl were going to go on a simple mission to get a sample of the new Cobra Venom, so that they could manufacture a weapon against someone who had taken the drug, or to just manufacture an antidote. Either way, everyone could tell that M'gann was focusing on the fact that Kaldur was going to be there. At a glance you could see that she was a girl bent on revenge.

This was going to be their first mission where they saw their former friend, since Black Manta had been hired to help deliver the venom. She didn't know how they found that out, but didn't really care anymore. The image of Artemis laying limp on the ground, blood staining her uniform as Nightwing desperately tried to revive her would not leave the Martian's mind. She would always remember how it felt to loose her Earth sister twice, and how this time she wasn't coming back. They weren't going to wake up and find that no aliens were invading, they hadn't needed Artemis's help, she was still at home, with Wally. No, this was real. Her hand clenched into fists and she glared at the ground as Nightwing briefed them. This was real, and she would not forgive Kaldur for what he had done.

So as they walked to the Bio-ship and Connor placed his hand on her shoulder and simply said, in a firm voice; "Don't.", she didn't listen.

~0~0~0~

"Kid Flash! You get Tigress!"

Wally nodded at Nightwing, who had called to him as he struggled against some of Black Manta's men. In a second he was speeding to the black (blonde) haired woman in the orange (green, it should be green!) costume, pretending that he didn't have a knot the size of a boulder building in his chest at the thought of seeing her again, at the thought of touching her again. But another part of him knew that she only way he'd see her was glare at her, the only way he'd touch her was attack her.

And then he saw her, standing and glaring at some men who were moving crates of venom, snapping at them to go faster. Despite her hair being too dark and her skin being too pale to everyone else, despite her face being too long or her lips being too thin to his team mates, he just wanted to embrace her. He just wanted to take her away from Black Manta's sub, away from that costume, away from Tigress, but instead he had to run up behind her and knock her to the ground when she wasn't expecting it.

She fell to the ground with a gasp of surprise and a thud, and looked up to see a pair of emerald green eyes staring down at her. The men shifting the crates stopped and got ready to attack him, but she held up a hand to stop them as she stood, smirking. "No, make sure you deal with the venom. This is my fight." She turned back to Kid Flash and talked so that she could put off hurting him, put of causing Wally, her boyfriend, the love of her life, any harm. "Flash Boy, I heard you retired. What would you be doing here?" (Wally, we gave up this life. You didn't need to take it back because I did. I want you to be safe.)

Wally gulped as he heard a slight crack in her voice, before the strength, the cold determination of her new voice came back. She was being strong. He needed to be too. He glared at her and prepared for an attack. "I'm back in the business to stop new villains like you. What, worried about more competition?" (I came back to see you, even if I have to attack you. Are you worried about hurting me?)

She returned his glare. "Whatever helps you sleep at night." (Yes.) With that, she dived at him, pulling the thin, deadly sharp sword from it's holder attached to the back of her costume. It felt unnatural, fighting without arrows. Hell, her costume even felt wrong. Her Artemis costume had been comfortable, snug in a good way. Her Tigress costume was too tight and it suffocated her.

Artemis aimed so that she wouldn't hurt him too much and Wally knew that, but he still avoided it like it was lethal, acted like his girlfriend was trying to kill him. He ran out of the way just in time so that the sword only hit air and she lunged forward, but caught herself just in time. She turned on her heel just as he aimed a kick at her abdomen, but she caught his foot in her fist and twisted it so that he cried out and fell. Her heart broke at his pain but she pretended to be amused, letting the apologies she wanted to say reach her eyes so at least he wouldn't think that she wanted to hurt him. She stood over him for a moment, ready to knock him out, before he surprised her by swiping her feet from below her and standing in one swift movement, reversing their positions.

"You learnt some new moves." She said, standing, her breathing a bit shallower than normal, but still more regular than most's would be. "Nice." Wally opened his mouth to respond, realizing that he was about to ask if she was okay, did he hurt her? To stop himself from blowing cover, he sent a well aimed kick at her legs, just in the right place to make her fall again. She laughed, hollow and echoing, looking up at him, and his heart almost broke when he looked in her eyes and saw she was fighting back tears. He let his expression soften momentarily to show her that he was only acting, and she hardened again. She got ready to attack again but Wally noticed this and kicked her. Her head went flying back with the force and he watched as her necklace reflected the dim lights...

And flew off her neck.

She gasped, standing and feeling around her neck for the charm but found only the harsh fabric of her costume. Wally watched in horror as she searched desperately for it, but it was too late. The men moving the venom were gaping at her as her black hair slowly turned to a bright blonde and the skin exposed by her mask turned from pale to a tan colour. She took steps backwards and scanned her brain for a reason, an excuse for her suddenly becoming another person. But nothing came. She opened her mouth to say something, she didn't know what, maybe to scream at Wally for what he had done, but a different voice interrupted her.

"M'GANN, NO!"

And immediately the two were running like they were on the same side, like they were a team again. And Artemis loved it. She loved that she was Artemis again, that her dull eyes were back, that her annoying long hair was back, that her way too tanned skin was back. But at the same time she hated it, because the team was in more danger than before.

They ran to were M'gann had been fighting Kaldur to find her standing over his limp figure, finger pressed to her temple and eyes glowing an eerie green. The person they had heard shouting was Connor, who was standing at a distance, face horrified as he watched Kaldur fall limp. "KALDUR!" Artemis screamed and it was Artemis, it was her voice, so much of her voice that M'gann turned, all concentration lost, towards her. Her face showed confusion, happiness and anger at once, and, being as angry and vengeful as she was that day, decided to act upon anger.

That Martian opened her mouth, ready to lash out and attack Tigress because she had to be Tigress, she had the costume even if she had stolen Artemis's image, but she was suddenly tackled by Connor. He pinned her to the ground and Barbra ran to see if Kaldur was alive. M'gann struggled to get out of Connor's grip and he continued to hold her down while staring at Artemis. "But... you're dead." He muttered and Artemis refused to look at anyone, hugging herself and closing her eyes.

Nightwing walked up to them and sighed. "You're back?"

"Yeah." She mumbled as an answer, nodding and opening her eyes to look at him.

"Where's the necklace?" He asked and she only shrugged in return. Wally couldn't resist anymore and pulled her in for a kiss he'd been holding back for weeks, a kiss full of apologies and guilt, but still a kiss full of love. M'gann stopped struggling then, looking at the two. She realized that she was Artemis. She had to be for Wally to love her that much. Noticing she had stopped struggling, Connor let go of her and walked closer to the two as they broke apart. Wally looped his hand around her waist and held her close. He wasn't going to let go of her for a while. M'gann walked up too and stared at Artemis.

"We went to your funeral." She stated and Artemis hung her head.

"It... It was fake."

"You're a villain."

Artemis's head snapped up at that and she sent M'gann a hard look. "I was never a villain. I had to die so I could go undercover. I hated it every time I had to hurt someone and every time I had to take orders from Black Manta. I hated it every time someone called me Tigress and I hated looking in the mirror and knowing that I didn't look like that to everyone else. I may have lied but I was never a villain."

M'gann seemed frozen for a moment and the rest watched as the green girl's hard expression slowly melted, and soon she had thrown her arms around Artemis's neck and was digging her face into her shoulder, making Wally let go of her, which he wasn't happy about, but let happen. M'gann sobbed into her shoulder. "I thought you were gone..."

"Guys." They heard and everyone (except M'gann, who was still hugging Artemis) turned to see Batgirl walking up, expression solemn. "He's... He's dead."

All of their expressions turned to those of horror and Artemis pushed M'gann away, suddenly looking at her like she was a monster. She frowned.

"But... why are you...?"

"He was on our side!" Artemis suddenly shouted, tears in her eyes as she glared at M'gann. Nightwing looked like he was about to say something (because she couldn't tell everyone, because Manta would find out, and God knows that he would be angry once he found out he had two spies in his sub) but stopped when Wally put a hand on his shoulder, sending him a look.

"No! No, he wasn't!" M'gann argued, trying to defend herself, defend what she had done. But she was mainly trying to think of a reason to stop the doubt that was creeping into the corners of her mind. "He was a bad guy! He turned against us!"

"He was undercover, okay?" Artemis screamed, taking a step towards M'gann and balling her fists. "He gave up everything, fought his friends, pretended to hate you just so that you could have enough information to know where to even take this mission! He stayed calm and every night, after he attacked you, he came to my room in the sub and talked to me about how guilty he was to cause you harm and you killed him!" She screamed the last bit and Wally put his arm round her shoulder and tried to calm her down while M'gann took in what she had told her.

Everyone was looking at her like she was a monstrosity, a thing to be feared, and she suddenly couldn't blame them. She felt tears in her eyes and stumbled back a few steps. 'No... no, I can't have... no!' She thought and she clamped her hands over her mouth in horror. She had killed her friend that had sacrificed everything - well, not everything, not until she came along. She shook her head and Artemis started crying on Wally's shoulder, letting out all the tears she had held back on the sub. Wally dug his face into her hair and closed her eyes as Nightwing went to look at Kaldur's body with Batgirl while Connor turned away from her, expression cold and hard. She took some more steps back and eventually she flew away. She couldn't bear seeing their disappointed expressions.

After that they left to see the Bio-ship gone, so they had to call someone to come with a lift with somewhere secure to keep Kaldur. Wally and Artemis sat next to each other and didn't let go of the other's hand the whole way.

~0~0~0~

M'gann didn't come back for a while.

No one knew where she went. Some of the newer members mused that she might have gone to Mars, but the ones that had known her the longest knew that she wouldnt go back. Artemis and Wally left the team again, with the promise that they would not be back, but they would keep in touch. Every now and then they would stop of at the Cave and get to know the newer members, to take their mind off Kaldur's death. Wally liked talking to Garfield and discuss the souvenirs he had collected. Artemis, surprisingly, liked talking to Bart. She said that his cheery attitude and ability to smile was a healthy distraction.

Wally and Artemis spent even more time together. He took her out for meals at restaurants, never too fancy. She took him to the cinema and they laughed at how inaccurate the action scenes were ("Honestly, is he trying to get himself killed?"). They would go to bed early and just lay beside each other, talking, for hours. And they savoured every minute of it, because they knew that these little things were the things they had really missed.

Connor destroyed five punching bags every week.

~0~0~0~

M'gann surprised everyone when she came back.

Connor was the first to know. He was working on his bike. He never used it anymore, but he couldn't bring himself to get rid of it. He would never tell you that he kept it because when he and M'gann had first started dating, they had used it as an excuse to spend more time together. He had been examining it when he heard a sad, soft voice behind him. "Need any help?"

He turned to see M'gann standing behind him with shoulder length hair, smiling at him. She was in the outfit she used to wear to school. Connor's mouth fell agape and he stared at her like she was... well, like she was an alien. "M'gann?" He asked softly, and she raised her hands.

"Look, I know that what I did was really wrong," She started, speaking quickly so that she could get her whole point across. "And I still hate myself. I killed a friend, and I killed many people... uh, and aliens, before that, and now I know what you meant. I know what you meant when you talked to me on the Bio-ship, and I accept the fact that I'm a monster. So, I just wanted time to think. And I thought I could, y'know, try to start anew. So I bought this back," She gestured towards her hair. "And I tried this on again." She brushed her hand over her skirt. "And I thought I could try again and not repeat my mistakes. I know that I don't deserve my place on the team anymore, but I... just wanted to see you?" Connor then continued to stare at her and she shifted from one foot to another.

"Just, Connor... I'm really sorry."

~0~0~0~

When La'gann came back, he kissed her.

With Connor in the room.

Nightwing walked into the living room where M'gann and Connor were talking, laughing about something. A couple of weeks after she had come back, they had got back together again and M'gann was constantly guilty about it. She had been dreading telling La'gann, even if he had been gone months and many team members assumed the worst. When Nightwing came in, he told them that their mission to retrieve La'gann was successful, and he couldn't tell whether the look on her face was happy or full of dread. So, both her and Connor walked to the infirmary, to find La'gann in one of the beds in the corner of the room.

He looked horrible. His body was covered with bruises and deep cuts, and he was hooked up to various machines. There was some dried blood on him from when cuts had started bleeding again when he had been rescued. Some of them looked new, and he was still wincing from the pain. M'gann ran to him and he just looked at her for a moment before telling her that her hair looked nice long then kissing her.

The look on Connor's face was so angry that it looked like he was going to smash one of the machines.

M'gann pulled away almost immediately and La'gann's face fell when he saw her expression. "What's wrong, Angelfish?" He croaked out. He hadn't really needed to use his voice while he was being tortured and it felt strange using it after such a long time. "I'm back."

She hesitated, before taking a step away from him. He frowned even more. This wasn't how he had planned their reunion, especially since she had just taken a step towards Super-ex-boyfriend. "I.. have something to tell you. Uh, me and Connor... we got together. A couple of weeks ago."

She expected him to be angry. She expected him to lash out at Connor, at her. She almost wanted him to, so that she had a reason to feel so guilty. But instead he just sighed and let his head fall into his hands. After a moment, he looked at her. "Don't look so guilty, Ang- Uh, M'gann." He said, and M'gann's expression turned surprised. "I knew it would happen eventually, I just wouldn't accept it. That's why I was less than friendly with Connor." He turned his attention to Superboy, who also seemed shocked. "But, hey, no hard feelings, right?"

Connor hesitated, but soon nodded. "Uhm, sure. Yeah. And, uh, sorry, I... guess."

La'gann laughed quietly. "Don't be. Look at you guys - who could keep you apart?" M'gann and Connor looked at each other for a moment, before she smiled at Lagoon Boy.

"By the way, I think my hair looks nice long too."