A.N.) I decided to watch the episode "Sacrifices" as a good Sunday night show. My brother was watching it with me and he doesn't appreciate Ling or Lan Fan too much. When it got to the part about Lan Fan's blood and tears falling on GreedLing's face, I was having such a dramatic moment… but it was all ruined by my brother's stupid guy comment! He said, "Well why don't you just piss on him, Lan Fan?" Jackass… -_-

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. (and so on...)

What It Means to Be the Wife of the Emperor

Chapter 5: Girl in the Rain

Lan Fan had woke before the sun rose up. The stars were fading with the slight tint of oncoming twilight, but the feeling of the air was so damp and cool. She could smell something like… Sea water? No… it's rain water, I think… that would explain a few things.

Though sleep was gone, she still lied there. If sleep came, she'd be closer to his return. She didn't want to feel so alone anymore. Being alone in a soft bed felt so unnecessary at this point. The silk against her skin was so cold and refreshing; the nausea that failed to leave her was still able to lessen to being just an annoyance. Air… maybe some air would help, but later.

After ten or so minutes, she gave up and sat up to see the room still dark with slight tints of light blue that gave a misty glow. Early morning, definitely; maybe rain would come today. The same room as yesterday and days before… it was weird to think that this wasn't her chambers about a week ago. She would have still been awake right now, and she'd be watching Ling from his lodgings wherever he was. That kind of stung.

What was there to do? She didn't want to see anyone right now (even if they were awake), neither had she been trained in Empress Tasks 101. She was useless right now, which also wounded her pride a bit more.

What to do… what to do… She could… Nope… uh, get ready for the day? Then think about a task to do? Works for me.

Carefully, slowly, she tossed aside the covers, picked up her legs, and tapped her feet to floor. Instantly she flinched; it was like a bell clock ringing in her head. She swung her head to stare at the large doors, then to the windows, she even looked straight up at the ceiling to see if any advisors or servants would fall from the sky to peck at her about something. The image of a wood-pecker ramming his bill at her forehead flashed in her mind for a moment.

What luck! Nobody came in. No one was awake, she realized. I should get up this early everyday (and I shall!).

For once she was excited to hop from his bed and walk towards the private bathroom. She was so happy for the win, she might have skipped if she didn't have that much dignity left (though she bet Edward Elric would have done it). Ed… he'd better be keeping close eye on the pri… She froze right where she'd broken down yesterday to heave, where she'd said goodbye.

The King. He's the King now; no longer the Young Lord. He's… My Lord.

She groaned. This was getting too complicated.

"Milady, are you well?"

Lan Fan turned towards the windows to see a guard hanging upside down outside. She smiled. "Yes, I am fine."

"Should I let your dresser know you've awakened—?"

"—No!" was her immediate response. She really, really didn't feel like being Empress today. She didn't even have an Emperor at this point!

The guard gave her a questionable look from afar, and in a second, he swung into the room, landing a good five feet from his queen. "Milady—"

"Please, don't treat me as an Empress now. Treat me as you would months ago, when I was like you." Lan Fan looked down, ashamed she was at this problem again. "Please."

The guard took his "order" and removed his mask, revealing a middle-aged man with a light scar on his cheek. "Very well, Niece."

She took the strength she had just yesterday to look back the man. "Uncle Huo, do you think… Do you think I am doing the right thing by being where I am now? I abandoned my post at the Emperor's side by agreeing to this marriage."

The man looked calm and proud, not only for himself, but for his father and brother that had been unable to witness their own legacy. He looked down at the little girl and smiled softly. "You did no such thing. Lan Fan, I've seen you grow from when you were very small, and all guards had just waited for when my father would have to bury you in silence. Believe it or not, you are capable, Young Lady.

"We of the Chosen Clan are all about sacrifice for the greater good. You've sacrificed your peace of mind to gratify an order from your prince. Your duty was to keep him happy and safe. All guards must chose to meet safety. You, on the other hand, have a master that wants you for happiness. You have obliged as you should have."

That made some since… Lan Fan looked down again, soaking the information, comparing it to all she'd learned so far.

My wife understands.

…I mustn't bother him with such things

She's the one that I chose to live by my side.

Your arm condemns your chance of being attractive.

No more words that need to pass between us now.

He always loved me

That's what it means to be the wife of the Fuhrer.

…my sweet wife, such a beautiful flower

This is all messed up…

"Perhaps it may help if you spoke to my father, Empress?"

Lan Fan returned to the present with a fright, realizing she was still watched. "N—No, I mustn't. My Lord said I was to stay in the palace." I understand.

"But you wish?"

"Y—Yes, very much.'

"He would not wish to strip such a right away from you."

The cemetery Grandfather is buried in is not far off. My training will get me there quick. A guard would come, and it would not be long… she sighed. "When can we leave?" I understand… I understand.

Her uncle dawned his mask once more, instantly returning to duty before replying, "As soon as you are dressed and ready, Milady."

I understand.

She nodded and held up her hand, signaling him to leave. And as he left, she stared out that window, seeing dawn wasn't that much closer. The sun would not come till she probably arrived at the gravesite.

(I am here. I am here to obey, and to resume the pride of a wife… of the king. I must sacrifice my piece of mind. All I am. I must become something worthy, or break. That's all I am. I must become it. All—I understand… I understand.)

Suddenly, she felt the familiar twist in her abdomen as her stomach punched up again. Groaning, she ran right where she found the can the night before.

She'd never tell anyone that she vomited again.

She knew they'd tell him.

The sound of her sandals gliding under dirt was routinely rhythm to Empress Lan Fan this far in her journey. But soon her sandals touched grass, and behind her Guard Peng's boots began pounding the life underneath. Why was she so much softer than that sentinel? Had she not been as strong as them? Where was her mindless brutality? Maybe if she was mindless, nothing would be causing so much pressure.

She looked up and took observation of her surrounding… just in case (as a guard's training). The Emperor was most generous in her grandfather's funeral; in an honor bound graveyard for those soldiers who died well deserving, which was extremely rare for a noble to recognize. There were hardly any graves in the plain surrounded by forest. There were hardly any bugs big enough to radiate qui. That was good, Lan Fan noted. Only the palace had a clear pathway available to the site, so not just anyone could get here. Anyone could do anything to these graves.

She flashed back to her childhood, cleaning up the sacrilegious vandalism left on her poor father and mother's tombstones. Lan fan sighed. People can be cruel.

Before she realized it, she was approaching Fu's tombstone. Hesitating, she checked to make sure her hair was still in the tight bun she dawned all her life, and that her robes were still light, plain colored, and almost as average as any other. He was dead, but she never wished to disappoint the man.

Her face was sad and innocent almost. It was an expression she always wore before she was going to be yelled at and slapped. She knew she was in trouble again, same as in her childhood, same as when the old man discovered she'd lost the prince and her arm. She knelt before the carving "Fu" and bowed.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited in the past week. I was pretty sure you'd be upset with me..." she mumbled to the grass. She rose again and for a moment she didn't see stone. She saw Grandfather Fu staring down on her like a child having to admit what she'd done. Five yards away, Guard Peng watched and made a quick, solemn salute to his fallen comrade.

"I got married―to the Young Master. I know I told you of the engagement a few months ago, but something told me you didn't approve. I'm not sure if you did because you've always been strict of not getting too emotional toward the job, or you were afraid my emotions would end with heartbreak. Ling said he came to talk to you and Father specifically about this, but I don't think he even got your approval."

A bitter breeze passed, causing her arm stiffened and a there was a shooting ache of pain in her stub. Her flesh hand pressed her shoulder to hide the vulnerability. We guards must not be vulnerable.

She heard in the distance of her mind: What's wrong? She took a deep inhale and knew. Rain is coming.

"I know my arm hurts in weather like rain; I'm not that foolish. But I really needed to be here…" She looked away from the stone and his imaginary face. "I should be stronger than this, but I don't know what to do anymore… I'm scared." A durable, cold wind lashed at her face and nearly pushed her forward. She figured that was the slap. Guards shouldn't admit they're scared. Or broken. Or simply messed up like her.

For a long time she waited and eventually looked back at the carved date of death. "I've really needed you these past few months… I miss you."

She never realized she started to cry slightly until wind warm with humidity enveloped her shoulders from behind. Her arm were held close to the body, like something was holding on tight to her. But she shook her head and hugged herself.

Minutes passed, and soon she regained her strength to hold back the tears. She felt what she was about to say would let that homunculus know of her pain if she wasn't held together. She closed her eyes as she spoke.

"'My wife understands. She's the one that I chose to live by my side. No more words that need to pass between us now. That is what it means to be the wife of the furher.' That is what he said me before he finally died. I do not understand why it's been with me since the moment I finally realized that I was married." Her eyes opened with the pride she hadn't felt in days. She took a deep breath and her flesh hand covered her heart.

"I'm ready for if my Lord never speaks to me again, or if I never see his face. But accepting it has hurt me to my very core. I… I guess I just miss him as well. I love him so much. I love him perhaps too much."

Not too far away she her thunder and could smell water much thicker than the morning.

"It will start raining soon; it will probably only drizzle but I should go back now. It's only two miles of dirt road but I really should be returning. Thank you for listening to me, and please watch out for him when I cannot. I will come again soon next time. I promise."

She bowed one more time and stayed longer, not wanting to leave him here again and to return to that madness of palace walls. That wouldn't be the way though. She knew what she had to do. She had to go start her new tasks. It was inevitable.

She stood once more and looked straight at the sky for a moment. A sky so grey and simple, she wished she could understand that.

She gasped, because a light drop of water had fell to her cheek, like a cool kiss from nowhere.

Then many drops came after.

"The rain is coming down much harder than I expected," Winry noted as she looked outside her chamber window.

Mei sat on the bed with her hair undone, at stared out at the sky with more awe. "This is strange. The heavy rainfall doesn't come until further into the fall. Will this hurt Lan Fan's automail, Winry?"

"Not if she's inside, no. She'll be safe."

"Great!" The princess smiled, "Now get over here so I can create something aesthetically unnecessary with that blonde head of yours."

A.N.) Goodnight Everybody! ^_^