Hi! So, I was watching a video on YouTube (search YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE, posted by MrKingofNorway1) when I thought of this! I'm sorry if anyone's OOC, especially Switzerland and Liechy (pronounced "licky," and it's a nickname given to her by Philippines, my OC, or Dalisay Flores)! If anyone's OOC here, it's most likely the two of them, but mostly Switzerland! Sorry 'bout that! Anyway, I'm most likely going to be updating this by tomorrow or Wednesday, and then the third and final chapter (just a little epilogue) will probably be the day after that! Oh, and in this story, Liechtenstein and Sealand are both fifteen years old!

"All right, Lili," Switzerland started, leading Liechtenstein outside, where he had set up a chalkboard and a desk. "Now, in light of recent events…"

Liechtenstein blushed. A few days ago, Switzerland had overheard her and Sealand's Valentine's Day plans, and he had gone nuts. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day, and while Liechtenstein had managed to get Switzerland to allow her to spend the afternoon with Sealand, it had to be at the house, with him and a few others chaperoning. Hungary, Philippines, Belgium, Seychelles and Ukraine had all volunteered, which was an advantage, because they knew how much she liked Sealand. Unfortunately, Switzerland didn't trust any of them (except Philippines, but Liechtenstein had a feeling that she knew why), so no doubt her big brother would have a gun aimed at Sealand's head the whole day. Don't get her wrong, though. She loved her big brother, and she loved how protective he was, but she was getting older, and he should know that falling in love was bound to happen.

"…I've realized that you need to be more educated about certain things. Things that you will no doubt encounter as you grow older, not just as a nation, but as a human. Now-" Switzerland pointed to the desk as a gesture for her to sit, and he took a piece of chalk and drew a stick figure of her, "this is you." Above the stick figure, he wrote her human name. He then drew another stick figure beside the other one. "And this is Sealand." He wrote "Peter" above the male stick figure. "One day, which might be very soon, he will want to touch you and take off your clothes."

Liechtenstein's mouth dropped open. Was he going to give her the "talk"?

"And he may want to go even further like the selfish bastard he is. So, you have to know how to protect yourself. But you can't protect yourself until you know the facts. So, first fact is: if you have sex, you will die. It's as simple as that. So many things can go wrong when two people have sex. You could get AIDS or HIV, and don't ask me about either of those diseases, because it doesn't matter. You will die." Switzerland ignored Liechtenstein's horrified look, and turned to the board to draw something that looked like a cucumber in between the male stick figure's legs. "That is a penis. He might try to use it against you. But don't worry, Lili. I'll teach you everything you need to know to defend yourself."

"Really, big brother, I'm sure it's not necessary-" Liechtenstein began when Switzerland held up his hand.

"It is necessary. You are a very pretty girl, Lili, and people will try to take advantage of you. If they see you stumble or show a small sign of weakness, they will take the first chance they get to destroy you." Switzerland cleared his throat and pointed to the board, much to Liechtenstein's horror. "Now, like I said, that is a penis. Because it's Sealand, it'll probably be small, but that doesn't matter. It can be a weapon of mass destruction if used in that way. He will try to use it to take away your innocence, but luckily, I've got something to help you." Switzerland took a black object out of his pocket, and Liechtenstein gasped when she saw that it was a gun.

"Big brother! I will not shoot Sealand!" Liechtenstein cried, and Switzerland grit his teeth.

"You must if he hurts you! If you let him rape you, you will die! You will either contract AIDS or HIV, or get pregnant, but either way, you will die!"

"But plenty of people get pregnant!" Liechtenstein protested. She hated arguing with Switzerland, even though it was rare.

"People who aren't nations," Switzerland said, trying to remain calm. "We must keep going with the lesson before Sealand arrives tomorrow. Now, if you ever see Sealand's penis, you shoot it, or you will die. If you don't, your eyes will burn, and you will die. If you become pregnant, during labor, your back will break and you will die. If you kiss, germs from his mouth will infect you, and you will die. If you have sex and he has a condom, it will break and you will die…" He kept talking and waving his arms around like a maniac.

She wished she had the guts to speak, but she didn't. She also wished that Switzerland would stop saying that she would die if she didn't do certain things, like shoot Sealand's… vital regions.

"So, do you understand? If any kind of sexual intercourse happens, you will die. That's that," said Switzerland, and he waited for Liechtenstein to respond. "Do you understand, Lili?"

"Yes, big brother," Liechtenstein said, her voice tiny. Switzerland gave a small, satisfied smile.

"Lunch will be ready in twenty minutes. Make sure you greet Philippines and Hungary when they arrive in fifteen," Switzerland told her, and he walked away quickly to start making lunch for him, her, and their two guests. Belgium and Ukraine were arriving in the evening, while Seychelles would arrive early the next morning.

Liechtenstein felt a bit better at the fact that Philippines and Hungary were arriving soon. She had to tell them what happened. She knew that they would understand how frustrated she was with her big brother. She knew that he was protective, but this was pushing it.

She looked down at the gun that Switzerland had left on the desk. She had an urge to throw it from the top of the mountains, but she knew that Switzerland would be angry, even if he didn't express that anger at her. She decided that she would hide it in the back of her closet so hopefully she would forget that he ever gave her the gun.

She gasped when she realized she had to go greet Philippines and Hungary. She ran through the garden and into the house, where she passed Switzerland, who was making sandwiches. She dashed past the staircase and to the front door, which she flung open to see Philippines and Hungary walking up the pathway to the porch.

"Liechy! Kumusta!" Philippines grinned, dropping her suitcase on the ground to rush up to her and give her a hug. Liechtenstein laughed at the nickname the Filipina gave her.

"How are you, Lili?" Hungary asked, smiling at Liechtenstein.

"I'm fine, except you will not believe what big brother was talking to me about just a few minutes ago," said Liechtenstein, and Philippines looked at her curiously.

"What'd he say?" she asked, sounding much too eager to find out the answer.

"He told me that if I have sex, I will die."

Philippines's and Hungary's mouths dropped open. Liechtenstein internally giggled. That was her reaction too.

"Who the hell tells that to a fifteen year old girl?" Hungary asked incredulously, and Philippines burst out laughing.

"No offense, Liechy, but that's hilarious!"

Philippines and Liechtenstein giggled together for a few seconds. Even she had to admit that it was rather silly of her big brother. She was no longer frustrated; in fact, she was rather amused.

"He also told me that if I kiss, I'll be infected by germs from Sealand's mouth, and I will die," said Liechtenstein, smiling, and Philippines burst into another fit of laughter. "I think big brother is playing teacher. I'll call him Mr. Switzerland. After all, he does know his facts." She and Hungary looked amusedly at Philippines before the smaller European country winked innocently at Hungary. "But if people who kiss each other die, then why aren't Dalisay and big brother dead yet?"

Philippines immediately stopped laughing and blushed profusely behind her glasses.

"What? We- we never- We've never-" Philippines stuttered, shocked. "Let's go inside now," she said in a quiet, embarrassed voice a moment later, and she picked up her suitcase and practically sprinted inside, leaving Liechtenstein and Hungary laughing on the porch.

Well, that was my fail attempt at humor. How was it? Please no flames, and if you think this should be rated M, please tell me! I don't think it's that bad, though. It's only a penis! Hahahahaha, sorry, sorry, I've got a filthy mind :D Please review!