AN: I am so proud of this. The idea occured to me almost a month ago, but it took time to find the motivation, write and re-write and edit it. This is my first OS that I did not publish right after finishing, but rather read over it again a few days after. And I think it shows :) Please tell me your opinion in a review.

Beta: This was beta-ed by the lovely wauwabee, who did not only work incredibly fast, but also gave very good advice. Thank you very much! Also, thanks to Tikaya, who helped me by saying she finds it "cute" every third paragraph ;).

Disclaimer: The person of Remus Lupin and everything about him belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. Bruce Banner/the Hulk and everything about him belongs to Marvel Productions. I don't make any money with this story.

Warnings: Very very brief mention of self-harm, not descriptive.

When is this set? Yes, I know Lupin died in 1998 and the Avengers is set in 2012. *chrm chrm* Nevermind! This takes place after the third HP-book and after the Avengers movie. Everything else regarding time is irrelevant.

You, too.

Alternative title: the furry little problem meets some anger management issues

The first thing Newcastle-under-the-Rock in Western England noticed about the stranger was his violet pants. Mostly due to the fact that they were the only thing he wore. It was almost noon when he stepped into the little town's pub, but the sun had not broken through the dark clouds all day and it was rather cold and windy, which didn't seem to bother him much.

For the people in the pub, every unknown visitor was a source for talk and gossip. This one, however, did not attract many rubbernecks. Instead of curiously looking and asking questions, the people stayed away from the strange man. They looked upon him suspicious as he glanced around, looking for someone friendly. On the very far end of the pub, the furthest away from the crowded barstools, sat another men alone at a table. Clad in shabby clothes, eating his steak almost raw and having come wandering out of the forest in the morning; this fellow was avoided by the villagers, too.

He smiled to the newcomer and gestured for him to sit down at his table. Sighing in relief, the new arrival walked over barefooted and took a seat on the chair opposite of the other man. The men and woman at the other side of the pub turned their heads away, relieved that they didn't have to speak to either one.

"Good Morning. Umm, excuse if this sounds strange, but where exactly am I?" he asked with a puzzled expression. The other man put down his silverware and looked at him politely.

"This is the lovely town of Newcastle-under-the-Rock in England."

"England? Oh, wow… That was a long walk then." he sounded surprised.

"Why? Where did you start?" the man with the long scares in his face curiously asked.

"In Scotland. Near Aberdeen, to be exact."

Dark blue eyes widened in shock. "That is a long walk indeed. Must be about 450 miles. And you look as if you had a rough night."

"No offense, but so do you."

There was silence for a while, in which the stranger took a sip of his amber beverage, and then he answered in a low voice, sounding sad. "Yes, it was. I suffer from a rare, incurable and highly dangerous disease."

"Excuse my curiosity – it's of purely medical origin – but what exactly are you affected by?"

"Are you a doctor?" he was asked skeptically.

"Sometimes. Right now, I work as a science consultant for the government, but I used to be a doctor, yes."

The older man seemed to think it through. He had no reason to trust this man; but there was also none to mistrust him. And after all, if this was a trap, he was in the superior position and able to defend himself.

"Leaving out the parts that are national security, I can tell you only a little bit. Are you familiar with the myths and tales of werewolves?"

"Last night was a full moon." That was a statement, not a question. He swallowed anxiously. "You want to tell me that you are a werewolf?" The other man had lowered his voice as well, as if speaking about something highly conspiratorial. But he didn't sound surprised at all.

"Yes, I am."

"So they do really exist… That is interesting. Tell me, how do you manage the whole back-transformation problem? Does it happen as the moon goes down, or do you use will power?"

The werewolf stared at his interlocutor in disbelieve. "Normal people react a little different when coming across my secret."

"Yeah? How so?"

"Usually I am insulted for being a monster, yelled at, told to stay away from the children and blamed for every single death that occurred in the area in the past two months." he listed sadly before his long fingers adorned with scars and fresh wounds reached for the glass again.

"Well, I am not normal people." the man answered, a hint of grief in his voice.

"Really. So who are you?" Curiosity came across with the question.

"I work on secret stuff for the American government together with two super assassins, a guy with a battery in his chest, another who was frozen for seventy years and a demigod. Trust me; meeting a werewolf is nothing that shocks me much." the corners of his mouth curled upward slightly.

"That does not answer the question about who you are."

"Considering you are a werewolf and won't run away screaming… I have a little secret myself: When my pulse goes over 200 because I am nervous, surprised, angry or sexually aroused, I lose control and turn into a green skinned, undying giant with huge power and matching rage. The Other Guy needs to work out and let his steam off, then he goes to sleep and I get back in control of the human form."

The werewolf looked shocked, eyebrows arched high above wide opened eyes. "That is an awful fate. Unpredictable, unlike mine… What did you say you call it?"

"I call it 'the Other Guy', because he is the exact opposite of me." the man explained.

"I understand. I have always called my werewolf-form 'Moony'."

"Ah, a reference to the moon." He smiled and winked. "How imaginative."

"But is there a real scientific name for it? Like I am a werewolf, what are you?"

"Most people call him 'the Hulk'. Science has no real name for it, as I am the only patient. However, my friends refer to it as my 'anger management issue' when we are in public."

"Hulk as in a giant, colossus, chunk? That is not a nice name." the werewolf protested, sounding as if he would never use that name.

"But appropriate." Now he nodded in understanding, his face relaxed again and took another sip from his glass.

"You said your friends have a separate name for the disease when in public. That reminds me of my friends. When we were in school, they used to say I have a 'furry little problem'." Both men chuckled. "People would always assume I have a misbehaved rabbit or a clawing cat." he smiled to himself, wallowing in memories, until another thought occurred to him.

"But how can you be the only patient? There sure must be others somewhere."

"Let me explain." he cleared his throat, wearing a sad expression again. "I got the Other Guy when I was in my mid-twenties. It was… self-inflicted, really. I worked in a scientific lab on some new power sources. Radiation. Anyway, I thought I had them under control… Turns out I didn't. There was an explosion, that stuff affected my genes. And ever since, I... lose it and turn green from time to time. The government has stopped the project and the army tries to hunt me down. But I am safe with the group I work with now."

The werewolf leaned back. "Wow. I am speechless. That is somehow even worse than my problem. I mean, I have somebody who I can blame – the guy who bit me when I was six. But you? And while I have people who work on a solution to soothe the pain and ease out the transformation for the maybe 150 werewolves living in Great Britain, you have nobody to help you." He raised his glass.

"To you, my friend, for that you might find a cure for your… issue. Oh, how silly of me – we are sitting here, sharing our life stories and problems and I don't even know your name." The other man smiled shyly and offered his hand across the shabby table.

"Bruce Banner, pleasure to meet you."

"Remus Lupin, the pleasure is mine."

"So, Remus, you still have not answered my previous question. How do you transform back?"

Lupin cleared his throat. "Usually, the transformation begins when the sun rises. When I am lucky, I fall asleep as the wolf and wake up mid-day as the human." he shrugged. "You said that your 'Other Guy' needed both workout and sleep?" Bruce nodded.

"Would the 450 miles run from Aberdeen to here be considered an appropriate workout?" Now both men smiled.

"Yes. You are right; I was the Other Guy last night."

"Is he still with you now?"

"He is always with me, Remus. Sure, he has the mind of a five-year-old, but he even talks sometimes. In phrases and word-groups, but still. Mostly he refers to himself in the third person. And he is sitting in the back of my head all the time. When I saw you, he commented "Hulk likes. Similar.". We are inseparable, him and me. Two pieces of the same coin." Bruce nodded slowly, his stare burning a hole into the table.

"Moony is with me sometimes, too. Only on the days before and after the full moon, and he doesn't talk, either. But he howls in my head." Lupin explained and a small smile crept on Bruce' face.

"Now there is one thing I would really like to know." Lupin said.

"Please, go for it." Bruce waved his hand welcomingly.

"How do you plan on getting back to Aberdeen?" Bruce chuckled at this and Lupin also smiled.

"As I said, I work for a government organization. I run away frequently after jobs, so... I am pretty sure they are searching for me as we talk."

"It is nice to have friends caring for you. I had some, too, but awful things happened to them." Lupin sighed again and Bruce knew better than to ask about it.

"I am sorry to hear that." he settled for saying.

For a while, there was silence on the table. Until Bruce, ever the meticulous researcher broke it with a soft cough. "Does it hurt?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows to that question, but stayed silent a little longer.

"Yes. It is very painful. The way everything – legs, toes, arms, spine, teeth, face – grows longer and my pupils change color and a fur grows everywhere… It is dreadful. If I don't get to hunt anything, because I am in a city or locked myself in a room cautionary, I hurt myself." he pointed to the scars on his face. "That was I. I despise those nights. I hate every minute of it; yet it is unavoidable. How about you?"

"I neither feel nor remember anything. The Other Guy takes over, I turn green – including blood and pupils – and I grow. No pain included, if you don't count in the psychical pain and the twinge that hits my wallet at the sight of yet another set of ripped cloths." Lupin laughed at that.

"Sorry… It is just… the clothes are one of the problems I have to deal with, too. I mean, in the summer months, I simply undress and wait for the wolf to come, but that is impossible in the winter time. However, I do notice your pants are not torn."

"Well, one of my friends, the one with the battery in his chest, is a genius scientist, too. He helped me figure out a material that was stretchy enough to fit the green skin and tolerant enough to fit my small frame afterwards, too. They are quite nice." Bruce explained, pulling at the fabric around his legs tentatively as if to show its stretchiness.

"Do you have any other tricks to defeat him?" Lupin asked, sounding a little hopeful as he squeezed his hands together nervously at the same time.

"I always wear a heart rate monitor to get in safe distance of everything alive and fragile whenever I come close to 200. I also meditate and do a lot of yoga for general calming down. This is nothing that would help you, though, I am afraid." Bruce sounded sad for not being able to help the werewolf lessen his suffering.

"No, that is fine. I was just wondering. Do you want to know my secret weapon? Chocolate. I know it sounds crazy, but it helps me to feel happy again after having one of my bad nights. And it calms down the nervousness and the anger before."

"That doesn't sound crazy at all; the positive effects of chocolate are scientifically proven. So you do get angry and moody in the days before the full moon?"

"Yes, sadly. The moon affects my body in many more ways than I would like."

"And this cure you have talked about earlier? Doesn't it…" Bruce prompted hopefully.

"It is impossible to heal one from the werewolf bite. The cure is a kind of medicine, making the pain go away and helping the human part to stay on top of the game. After taking it, the wolf is civilized and goes to sleep somewhere peacefully. But it is expensive and not yet without side effects and risks." Bruce found it amazing how Lupin could explain the hopelessness of his situation without showing any emotion.

"I understand."

"Is there no way to cure you?" Lupin directed the conversation back to the other man again.

"I have tried everything. From the most medieval rituals to high-tech modern medicine – nothing helps me. I have even tried to shot, cut and burn him out of me, but he is indestructible."

"Self-harm." Lupin nodded sadly. "You do it to get rid of your other side; I do it whenever I am my other side. Interesting. Aside from a few minor details, we are not so different at all, are we, Mr. Banner?" He smiled again.

"No, we are not, you are right." Both paused a minute to think about this strange meeting. It was Bruce again who broke the silence.

"You know what I am doing for a living, but what do you do?"

"The thing I enjoy doing the most is teaching. I even had a position a couple of years ago. Until the parents found out and decided I was a threat for their children. Since society's stigma on my kind get stronger every day, I work here and there. Right now, I am unemployed. Sorry that I can't offer you anything to drink or eat."

"Oh, don't worry about it, I am fine." Bruce appeased the overeager man.

"Really? I am always ravenous after the transformation, devouring everything in near sight." Lupin shrugged apoplectically.

"My body doesn't tire or hunger while the Other Guy is in charge. And he can take good care of himself. His skin is green because he runs on chlorophyll." Bruce explained and Remus understood.

"Photosynthesis. Interesting – you are not as brutish as you think, Bruce." Lupin teased playfully, a smiled around his mouth.

"But rather vegetal? Well thank you." Bruce joined in the laughter.

"You sure you don't won't to eat?"

"Yes, I am really not hungry. Besides, the way the owner of the bar stares at me, he would most likely shoot me or get me arrested before serving me something to eat." Bruce nodded in the vague direction of the barkeeper and Lupin nodded again.

"They are afraid of the things they don't know and the two of us are very suspicious. Hell would break loose if they found out who we are. Aren't you afraid your patients could discover 'him' and reject you?"

"The good thing is I work mostly in third-world countries like India or Cambodia. People there have never heard of radiation or mutant genes – if they saw the Other Guy, they would not suspect a human behind it, but a demon, rather. Plus, healing people is my purpose, it calms me down."

"But these countries have illnesses we have long since cured. What about you getting sick?" Lupin expressed his worry.

"The Other Guy does not only give me some strength, but also immunity to every illness in the world." Bruce chuckled, his inner scientist going off with him. "I wonder if it would have any effect at all if you… excuse me, if Moony… bit me."

"That would be interesting to find out indeed." Lupin declared, for a moment looking not completely opposed to the idea. He returned to his normal principals quickly. "I am, however, not willing to put another human being at risk of becoming a werewolf. What if the Other Guy cannot fight of the werewolf salvia and you get infected? I could not live with myself knowing that I passed on this pain to somebody else."

"No children for you, then?" Bruce asked.

"Definitely not, no." Lupin shook his head heavily. "You?"

"Don't know." Bruce shrugged. "As I said, I am the precedent – no saying whether or not this is inheritable. However, I will never have the chance to try – lust is one of the things that make me explode. And I don't even want to think about the consequences for the corresponding lady."

Their mutual amusement about Bruce' joke faded quickly when the door opened and the people of Newcastle met the third stranger of the day. Lupin noticed the faint blue glow under the man's shirt first.

"Is that your friend with the battery in his chest?" Bruce nodded, looking both pleased and a little sad, and got up.

"Hello, Tony." he greeted the newcomer.

"Bruce. Ready to go?" Dr. Banner turned back around.

"Mr. Lupin, the past hour was one of the most entertaining and interesting in my life, both private and scientifically seen."

"Dr. Banner – I only can say the same." A small smile crept onto Lupins torn face. "Try some chocolate the next time." Bruce smiled and nodded.

"And you don't give up: It is not your fault, after all."

They shook hands and the last thing Lupin heard before the door closed behind the two men was an angry:

"Battery? Dr. Bruce Banner, how dare you call that a battery! This is an arc-reactor, a hyper-modern clean energy source, as you very well know. It is a whole power station of its own. I thought better of you… A battery. Phew."