Title: Sleep Deprived or The Summer During Which Spencer and Aaron Fell in Love

Warnings: For the part: not safe for work, school, metro, trains and other public places; profanity; references to past rape; hinted somnophilia.

Pairings: Hotch/Reid, mentions of strong Reid/Elle friendship, past Hotch/OMC, others referenced in passing.

Summary: Non-established, Reid catches Hotch masturbating. After initial embarrassment they share one of the sincerest conversations they had in a very long time and from there they start their journey from friends to lovers. Eventual slash. Written for hotchxreid promptmeme.

Word count: ~... 15 000

DISCLAIMER: The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and CBS Paramount Network Television own Criminal Minds. I just took them out to play and I promise put them back when I'm done.

AN: It was a... peculiar chapter to write. It wasn't drafted into the bigger plan. What was in the plan was a chapter heavily influenced by sequential form of '100', I had the idea where I wanted to get and a rough outline of how I wanted to get there and when I got there I realized that I had a day to spare and absolutely no idea what to do with it. This chapter is what came to me when I was bouncing the ideas against the wall in hopes to find a solution, other drafts are not worth mentioning, now, if ever but this... like I said before, is peculiar, complicated by both Hotch and Reid's issues and this cautious uncertainty that practically bleeds in there because they are finding themselves in new circumstances at one of their most vulnerable with only two ways to get out of current situation, get back or move forward. Was it right decision to have them go down this road? That I leave to You to decide, I wrote what felt right to me at the time.

Chapter summary: "You know just as much as I do that Spencer Reid is a relentless, resilient son of a bitch, no offense meant to his mother but someone really has to say it at loud, what's more, he needs to hear it."

You might need somethin' to hold on to

When all the answers they don't amount to much

Somebody that you can just talk to

And a little of that human touch

~Bruce Springsteen

Sleep Deprived

Chapter eight: Sleep Disturbed.

Reid spent the better part of the day with Lily and Jack because their presence and his desire to not upset them obligated him to compartmentalize the events of last two days at least to the degree that prevented him from showing how not fine he really was.

But Lily and Jack had a bedtime, that point of the day when the exhaustion with eventful day was too big to try and fight it and a simple bath was enough to make them sluggish and ready to fall asleep within few minutes into the story they had chosen for the night.

Once Jack and Lily were sleeping peacefully Reid was once again left without a shield against Aaron's concern but that didn't mean that he didn't try to defeat Aaron's attempts at willing him to speak.

First, he hid in the bathroom, supposedly to have a shower but considering how long he had stayed in there under the running water he would have enough time to wash his hair three times, give himself a thorough body scrub and a shave, in the old fashioned way on that, and considering that neither Aaron nor Reid had supplies for that and the fact that Reid still didn't get rid of his scruff by the time he emerged from the bathroom he simply opted to try and drown himself in there.

Once he left the bathroom he changed himself into pajama bottoms and first t-shirt that fallen into his hands, Aaron's old training t-shirt from SWAT days, before he crawled into bed and buried himself under covers from head to toe. He couldn't have given a sign that spoke more clearly that he didn't want to speak with Aaron about anything.

"Dave and Erin are having an affair," Aaron said simply.

"I'm not masturbating!" came a muffled snort from under the covers.

Aaron allowed himself to smirk, but just a little, the rouse was wholly inappropriate but at the very least Reid responded to him at all instead of continuing to avoid talking with Aaron at all, something he was trying very hard to achieve.

"Why not? After all sexual release is an accepted relaxation method," Aaron added after the lump next to him stubbornly remained motionless and quiet.

"I'm not in the fucking mood and your presence in the same bed is..." that part was muffled by the covers but the following was not, "There are things in man's life for which he doesn't care when he is sixteen but cares when he is thirty.." Reid's voice became muffled again by the covers under which he was hiding.

"I can't hear much of what you are muttering over there," Aaron said simply.

"You don't need to hear me because if you won't stop trying to cajole me into talking I will elbow you into genitals," Reid snorted.

"Not in your current position of a human-sized burrito," Aaron retorted.

"I'm not falling for that," Reid grumbled. "I've already told you everything you need to know."

"Then why I get the feeling that there is something you are not saying," Aaron sighed. "Something which deeply bothers you."

"It's nothing," Reid muttered.

"If it was nothing you wouldn't avoid looking at me," Aaron pointed out.

Instead of answering very slowly Reid pulled the covers down and inched his way up until he was half-laying down and half-sitting.

"It's Trish Glenn," Reid spat and after a heavy sigh he added, "This case right after Foyet, strike that, not right after but because of Foyet, because that shrew saw through his act and instead of doing the right thing..." he grimaced. "She used Foyet's rouse to try and get away with a murder, a murder of her own family, her sister, her niece, hell, even the man she supposedly loved. I allowed her to fool me and I allowed myself to be distracted by her... I fucked up and it would have ended badly, especially for Moffat because I allowed my feelings to cloud my judgment..."

"You found her attractive," Aaron supplied.

"Oh please, give me some fucking credit," Reid snorted. "I'm not this kind of a man and not this kind of an agent, Hotch. She could have talked with me looking like Lady Godiva, wearing only her hair and I wouldn't raise an eyebrow, let alone allowed anything else to raise. I hadn't found her attractive, I didn't identify with her but I felt sorry for her. She lost her family, her entire family and I pitied her enough to want to help her get through it by showing her that she still had a family left. Blessedly instead of going right away with that I went to talk with Gina's lover first which lead me to a realization that it was the worst idea that ever entered my mind."

"As an agent you had an access to her personal information and therefore the information concerning her family," Aaron nodded. "Half-family?" he asked.

"Three half-sisters, two alive ones that also happen to be married with kids," Reid muttered. "Let's not forget the wicked step-mother, strike that, wicked wife of her cowardly biological father who turned his back on her mother because he refused to divorce his wife and mother of two daughters, few years later they got another one."

"And what's the coward's family name?" Aaron asked.

"Brandon Jareau," Reid spat as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Also known as Brandy, BJ or the man who couldn't afford a condom when it mattered and yes, by Brandon Jareau I mean the same Brandon Jareau that fathered Annie, Bonnie and Jennifer."

Aaron looked at Reid as he asked, "JJ knows?"

"Her father's name? Sure," Reid snorted. "About her father's inability to keep his dick in his pants? I highly doubt so, because most certainly I would have heard something about psychopathic half-sister by now. Unless it's one of those need-to-know things that almost everyone knows about except the people who really need to know... I'm highly doubting in that too because I knew her for almost seven years before DoD surgically removed her conscience which now is bothering me because neither she nor Trish don't know about it and I'm having a very serious doubts about informing either of them..."

"Murderer or..." Aaron started.

"... not she is her sister and JJ should be informed," Reid finished. "Let's play it, hello Jennifer, I've recently arrested and charged with a triple homicide, premeditated triple homicide on that, the daughter of a woman your father used to fuck, coincidentally he fucked the woman into conception of a psychopath and said psychopath, who happens to be your half-sister had murdered her own sister, her brother-in-law and her niece..."

"If you will phrase it that way she will shot your genitals off," Aaron snorted.

"No matter how I would phrase it, Hotch," Reid grimaced. "At best Trish is facing life without a parole or at worst the end of a Virginia Fried Psychopath and we will be left with the woman who will have to acknowledge the aforementioned regardless of how it's going to be phrased. Add to that the long list of her insecurities over her position and as two plus two equals four we will be left with an agent whose compartmentalization is shot all the way to hell, with helluva of work and seniority related issues, in short words a bitch..."

"Reid," Aaron sighed heavily.

"Don't..." Reid growled and stopped almost immediately to said more calmly, "You are not enough of a hypocrite to chastise me for telling you the truth because you know that she has issues but at the same time you are naive enough to believe that JJ will be able to work out her issues without a reprimand from you because you want her to feel confident in her profiling skills, skills she is still acquiring because her former position on the team as a media liaison required from her different set of skills and while yes, it prepared her better than any courses on profiling for the job she still feels insecure about her position on the team which is why she is overcompensating her ass off in the field..."

"Re..." Aaron started.

"Let me finish," Reid interrupted him. "Next year, if she hadn't been transferred to DoD she would be officially celebrating her tenth anniversary of working for the bureau after celebrating ninth anniversary of working for BAU. You've been in BAU for close to fifteen years, Rossi is BAU, we celebrated Morgan's tenth anniversary in June, Emily's seniority in BAU was shorter than JJ's but her seniority in the bureau, allegedly at the very least, was longer and Emily was very good at sticking to her official story. Next January I will be celebrating my ninth year in the bureau and at the same time my ninth year in BAU which makes me the only person on the team with shorter seniority in the bureau than JJ's but at the same time the person who in spite of shorter seniority in the bureau has longer seniority than hers in BAU..."

"JJ..." Aaron started.

"...is capable of mistaking seniority in the bureau for seniority in BAU in the position of a profiler," Reid finished grimly. "Especially if she feels ascertained in that belief by people who are superior to her both in position and experience by their indifference to her behavior which more than once in passing year made me contemplating pulling the fucking rank. That's why I'm having doubts about informing her about Trish now, I know how she will react and I have a pretty good idea on whom she will take it out and quite frankly I have enough of my own problems to not want to be her whipping boy."

Aaron swallowed the bile that formed in his throat. That ruthlessly vicious profile was not only true but it was also the testament of how vulnerable Reid was feeling at the moment. It always had been this way, Reid rarely voiced his issues and when he actually went to someone asking for help with his problems he did so because he exhausted almost every avenue he could think of to fix things on his own.

Aaron realized that Reid was a victim of bullying long before Reid himself started insinuating in very carefully dropped hints that he was bullied and there was a time when Aaron himself used to very carefully get between the bully and Reid, mindful to not diminish Reid's slowly growing confidence in himself as an agent but visibly enough for the bully to notice that this kind of behavior next time won't go unnoticed and unpunished. But the more confidence Reid was gaining in himself the more Aaron withdrew himself from that position because he knew that Reid was confident in himself and his abilities to handle wannabe bullies on his own.

And Aaron was so confident in his team and the belief that they knew each other well enough to know each others issues and triggers and he had trusted them to handle their differences like adults they were supposed to be and now he knew that his own indifference and allowing JJ to work out her issues on her own without tripping her confidence as a profiler had made out him not the trusted and just leader he was supposed to be but a conformist, spineless worm who instead of nipping JJ's abusive tendencies in a bud allowed the abuse to continue right under his very nose.

"I don't blame you," Reid said simply. "I can't blame you because I know how hard last few years had been on you and after so many years we spent together you had all the right in the world to expect of us handling our issues on our own like adults we are supposed to be."

"That's..." Aaron started.

"It's not an excuse, Hotch," Reid sighed. "No matter how hard you want to deny it you know that what I'm saying is true."

"It's not and you know it," Aaron protested. "Deep inside you know that it isn't true and that you have every right in the world to be angry with me, for a lot of things..."

"Like Emily not making it out off the table?" Reid asked pointedly. "I tried Hotch, believe me, I tried to be angry with you but every time I worked myself into a righteous snit I saw more than the turf of my own backyard like Morgan did. You really had nothing to say in that hospital corridor, you were there only to listen to the orders of DoD, JJ's orders, that's why you, and not Strauss, were conducting grief assessments. You needed to feel wholly responsible for the decision that wasn't yours to make."

"It wasn't JJ's decision either," Aaron said quietly.

"Now, that's what you want to believe in," Reid snorted. "It's the very same thing she wants you to believe in. Garcia isn't the only person who can get into heavily encrypted government databases, take what she wants and get away unnoticed. And unlike you I saw the whole file regarding the operation Lauren. JJ initiated it and she carried it out from the very beginning to almost very end."

"The operation was need-to-know only..." Aaron stated.

"I needed to know," Reid shrugged. "I needed to know if I should trust her to have my back because last time she was supposed to have it without as much as a fucking blink she watched how I was falling apart right in front of her because everything I was going through in few months before Emily supposedly died started being too much for me and I needed a friend, I needed someone who for an effing hour or two would be strong for me, who would allow me to bawl my eyes out in front of them without judging me, someone whom I could tell that I couldn't imagine losing a friend so shortly after burying another," he paused and licked his lips before he added, "I wanted, I really wanted to tell her everything that's been bothering me but I... every time I opened my mouth and wanted to say Elle's name I ended saying Emily's... 'Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out'. It's Michael Burke, one of the truest sentences I ever came upon. Were her actions justifiable?" he sighed. "Emily came back and she went away alive, that counts for something."

"You still care for her," Aaron said quietly as he looked Reid in the face.

"I care for a lot of people, Hotch," Reid said softly as he looked at Aaron. "But caring for them doesn't mean that I have to trust them with my vulnerabilities. Because the true measure of a friendship, true friendship, for me is not counted by the amount of time you spend together but by the amount of trust in another person to let them stand by you not when you are at your best but at your worst, at your most vulnerable. In our line of work showing vulnerability is a danger to your own life and the life of others," he paused to lower his eyes for a moment and he raised them again before he added, "My life matters to me and I have and always will entrust you with it. And I know that you would do the same for me."

"I'll handle informing JJ," Aaron promised.

"No," Reid shook his head before he yawned. "It's my case and I will lead it to the very end. I'm just not going to hurry very much with releasing its certain aspects and I promise that when I will tell JJ the truth I will be at my mildest, kindest and most considerate because it will be the last time JJ will see that side of me in direct relation to her and that next time she will get out of the line I won't hesitate to pull a rank and you aren't going to oppose me unless I would do so in front of the strangers and you know very well that I won't."

"I'll still talk with her about her behavior," Aaron said.

"After she will get out of the line," Reid muttered. "You don't warn the rat that's looking for cheese in a hiding spot that the cheese is under low level voltage, you wait for the rat to figure out that the cheese supremely sucks."

"Somehow I'm hearing a bitch in there," Aaron muttered.

"True, but mild and mannered Doctor Reid will be gone only for her," Reid yawned.

Aaron sighed before he said, "Your bully, your call, your punishment, my blessing. Just remember to be considerate with the level of mauling because we are two agents down and we really don't need being three agents down."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Reid sighed as he lowered himself. "And I really don't have to tell you that you know how to fix the problem with low number of agents."

"You already have your own opinion on whom I should hire, don't you?" Aaron asked as he followed Reid's example and lied down. "Care to share your insight with me?"

"Nah, I'm waiting for you to figure it out on your own because I've been already trampling in your territory a bit too much," Reid said sleepily. "But I give you about a week to ten days to reach similar conclusions I did."

"Smartass," Aaron sighed.

"Guilty," Reid yawned. "Who do you think I learned it from?"

"Double smartass," Aaron retorted sleepily.

"Provable genius," Reid murmured.

"Provable evil genius," Aaron sighed.

He closed his eyes wanting to contemplate in peace how on earth Reid, a genius, but still a regular field agent had managed to get into files concerning Emily's status. He didn't break into DoD database all by himself which meant that someone else did it for him. But who would have risked being found out...

Sleep Deprived

In Aaron's dreams, and nightmares as well, Matthew Thoreau never uttered a single word, the testament of the gravest secret he had kept from Aaron, his illness which in the end had torn them away. His alter ego in Aaron's dreams was a contradiction to real Matthew who, if he was in good enough mood and hooked to his favorite Bloody Mary could give both Reid and Garcia a run for their money in talking department.

Both dreams and nightmares had varied as the years passed. In the early years after Matthew's suicide for most of the time Aaron found himself stuck in that weird nightmare which always started out with Matthew coming back home alive and well, through Aaron's mouth apologizing for scaring him like he did and promising that they will always be together. After they greeted each other the dream had varied from depending what about Matthew Aaron at the moment was missing the most, it was always something pleasant and familiar but it always ended the same way, leading to their bedroom, then into their bed or on very, very rare cases floor by the bed. They almost always made love, if not they usually cuddled and always Aaron had found himself falling asleep in his dream only to wake up what felt like seconds later to holding his lover's rooting corpse in his arms.

As the years had passed his subconsciousness had learned how to avoid the nightmare, supplying new surroundings, far away from their home and later on from Aaron's home he was sharing with Haley. Matthew still didn't speak but he didn't need to, ten years is an awful lot of time to get to know someone and Aaron knew Matthew so well that they could have an entire conversations in non-verbal signs for what seemed hours, they would speak about things they had in common, about their differences or they would just sit together in whichever place Aaron's sanity had found safe.

But Aaron's sanity wasn't there to protect him at all times and there were moments, especially once Aaron's divorce was finalized when Matthew's shadow had sneaked into Aaron's home and into his bed. Blessedly when it happened he almost always found himself waking up to the sound of alarm clock going off and clutching a pillow to his chest.

Then came the time when Matthew had went away, leaving his place in Aaron's dream to Haley and she was speaking, enough for both of them, she raged, she screamed, she cried, things Aaron's subconsciousness knew she should be doing before Foyet killed her. But as the time passed Haley's rage, Aaron's anger at himself, had quieted. She was just there, seated at the table, finger-painting with Jack while Aaron was preparing dinner for them, seated on the couch with a nameless, faceless book, sipping slowly a glass of wine and just being there. Unlike Matthew Haley in Aaron's dreams never lead Aaron to the bedroom, never kissed him in any other but a platonic manner.

But slowly, very slowly Matthew had returned to Aaron's dreams, to Aaron's desires for passion Aaron's mind always associated with him. Matthew came back but at the same time Haley didn't go away. They never met in Aaron's dream, like they never met in real life but they coexisted in Aaron's subconsciousness. The lover and the wife. The passion and the comfort. Ying and Yang.

Then along came Beth and they both slowly vanished from Aaron's dreams, appearing as strangers on the street, never together, always apart.

This dream was new, weird and a little uncomfortable to Aaron because both Haley and Matthew were in it at the same time. They were sitting face to face at the table in Aaron's apartment, sipping coffee and doing a crossword together, swiftly taking the pen out of each others hands as if they were the best friends in the whole world. At first they didn't seem to notice that Aaron was in the room with them, at the very least if they did neither had acknowledged his presence.

Finally after what felt like eternity Haley stood up, smiled at Aaron as she approached him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before she smiled and said, "I'll see you later. Have fun, Aaron."

Aaron nodded before he looked from Haley to Matthew, who stood up from the table and walked over to the coffee maker to refill his mug. Only after the front door shut after Haley Aaron turned his gaze away.

"Let her go," Matthew spoke.

Aaron whirled his head around to look at him. In seventeen years that had passed since Matthew's death Matthew never uttered a single word until now and yet his voice had sounded exactly like Aaron remembered it.

"She is beyond your reach, Aaron," Matthew said as he leaned against the counter and after a pause for a sip of coffee he added, "As a matter of fact, so am I."

"I know that," Aaron answered defiantly and added quietly, "I buried both of you."

"Exactly," Matthew shrugged. "We are dead, you can't change that, no matter how much you want to change that."

"I know that," Aaron sighed. "But I can't help but... wish..."

"I know," Matthew nodded. "Some people get to spend their entire life with their beloved ones."

"I didn't," Aaron grimaced, partly in shame, partly in resignation.

"But I did," Matthew said simply. "So did Haley, in her own way."

"Morgan," Aaron nodded.

"You, Morgan, Jack, the girls," Matthew said. "Life isn't that simple and feelings, emotions, desires... it's a Gordian knot and Alexander the Great resistant one on that. It's a very notable case of one of the first uses of Occam's razor... But why I'm telling you that?"

"Because you are my subconsciousness and you are absorbing things I'm absorbing both consciously and subconsciously," Aaron answered. "Reid's been reading the biography of Alexander the Great lately."

"Actually he's been reading the book about the scandals of ancient Rome," Matthew corrected him.

"Why we are talking about Reid?" Aaron asked.

"Because he's been on your mind an awful lot lately," Matthew said simply.

"He's going through a hard time lately, again," Aaron answered.

"Exactly," Matthew nodded. "You said it yourself, he's going, he's not stopping, not throwing self-pity parties... a lot of them at the very least, because that last case... but you know just as much as I do that Spencer Reid is a relentless, resilient son of a bitch, no offense meant to his mother but someone really has to say it at loud, what's more, he needs to hear it."

"I'm not going to call him a son of a bitch," Aaron protested.

"Why not?" Matthew frowned. "It's a compliment and you know that he will see it this way. What's more, you know that's one of his biggest problems. He is no longer that newborn giraffe from the academy, greener than... I always had a problem with that, what deserves the right to be greener than something else, there are so many shades of green..."

Aaron smiled, that was Matthew he remembered.

"Let's skip the problem with colors for the sake of the real problem," Matthew continued. "You hit it when you two were talking when he returned. You taught him, you gave him tools, you know that he is ready, has been ready for what you were preparing him for. I want you to say it at loud, to me, to yourself."

"Say what?" Aaron asked.

"Time doesn't stand still and while Dave's position in BAU is unshakable at some point he will admit, first to himself, and then to you, that his age is slowly, very slowly starting to take its tool on him, his mind will remain sharp but his body... He is fifty-seven years old and not getting younger, at best he will wring out of brass two, maybe three more years on duty but sooner rather than later he will either decide to or will be forced to retire or take the position of the consultant. Who will take over his position on the team? JJ? She's making huge progress as a profiler but with her ongoing issues dumping additional responsibility on her would not only be cruel to her but also to you, not to mention dangerous on the long run.. Oh yes, dangerous. We both know that experience isn't the only thing an agent needs on Dave's post and that right now JJ doesn't have enough of it. One of the unwritten requirements for the position of Senior SSA is having a pair of brass cojones to disagree with the Unit Chief, is having balls to confront him, not about your own issues, not things Senior SSA wants to achieve for him or herself... You don't need a shadow in that position, Aaron, you need someone who has courage to take you aside and won't hesitate to shuffle through your bullshit, won't hesitate to slap you over the head to help you readjust your priorities."

"Morgan would do that," Aaron said.

"Morgan? You heard the rumors and I don't have to repeat them to you. Morgan was ready for it four years ago and he had proved to himself, yourself and the brass that he deserves what they are going to offer him eventually and deep inside you know that the right thing to do, the best thing to do for him is accepting that," Matthew said. "Of course there is also nameless and faceless but seriously, Aaron, you are too old for that, too stubborn, too experienced and there is only a handful of people outside of the team you would trust with and in this position and most of them are preparing for their own retirement while the rest is more than pleased with their own positions. Newbies..." Matthew grimaced.

"Morgan had an affair with Haley," Aaron said. "I don't know if he knows that I know that he did but sooner rather than later he will find out the truth... Any decision regarding his transfer out of the team..."

"He is not that shallow, neither are you," Matthew said simply.

"It might not happen," Aaron shrugged.

"True but it doesn't mean that Morgan will never leave," Matthew pointed out. "It's a matter of leverage, Aaron. The job, the woman or the job and the woman. Who knows?" he shrugged. "But that doesn't stop you from worrying. Sure rather big part of you wants to hop on the plane to London, find the man wherever he is now and smack him in the face, maybe even kick him in the nuts and yeah, he deserves it, he knows you, he should have known better than hopping into the same bed with Haley. But you know that it's a petty excuse and you don't do petty. You are bigger and smarter than that."

"I trashed his house, that's petty, not bigger," Aaron objected.

"That's angry and impulsive," Matthew said. "Besides the damage you had done is fixable. You hadn't destroyed anything he or you cannot replace. You know that old adage. The best revenge is forgiveness, especially for someone who isn't expecting to be forgiven, at all or easily. Your opinion matters to him, it mattered four years ago and you withheld it."

"He was capable of leading a team on his own but he couldn't truly trust anyone," Aaron replied.

"And you aren't guilty of that?" Matthew asked pointedly.

"It wasn't only my decision..." Aaron started.

"No, it was the order you were given, but it doesn't change the facts," Matthew shrugged. "Morgan learned his lesson. You have to admit to yourself that he is ready to move on, so are you but he needs to hear it from you, just like you need to hear it from me, Aaron," he put the mug back on the counter and crossed the room, he stopped in front of Aaron, placed his hands on Aaron's shoulders and gave Aaron a small smile before he said, "You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime, Aaron. Somewhere out there there is someone who gets you like no one else ever did, someone who doesn't judge you for things you have no control of, someone who knows your faults and doesn't want to change you because not all things that make you Aaron Hotchner fit their disillusioned image of a perfect life and relationship, someone who understands who you were, who you are and who you are going to be. You are going to have that happily ever after you always wanted to have. You deserve to be happy, Aaron. But you will never be fully happy if you won't let go of the ghosts to whom you are constantly coming back, to me, to Haley... We are dead, you are not and you have a shitload of years to live ahead of you, don't waste them on things you cannot change but appreciate what you have..."

"I do," Aaron said softly.

"Then why I'm still here?" Matthew asked with a soft smile.

"One last hurrah before the apocalypse?" Aaron whispered.

"Sounds to me like one more before the road," Matthew chuckled. "So where... mph..."

Aaron shut him up with a kiss, he knew that it wasn't a real kiss and that he was still dreaming but if it was going to be the last time he was going to hold Matthew in his arms, even if it was a dream...

The kiss was possessive, and brutal, filled – like almost every dream encounter they had in past seventeen years – with the pain over a lifetime together which Matthew's death denied them. Matthew's hands were in Aaron's hair, fingers clutching on the strands painfully but it was a good pain because it was making this dream more real and Aaron knew that his own vicious grip on Matthew's hips was going to leave bruises, so would do the doorknob against which Aaron pressed Matthew in the desperate pursue for some flat surface against which he could lean him on.

Their noses bumped, teeth clashed together before Aaron let his tongue dwell into Matthew's mouth as moved his lower body so his right leg was rubbing Matthew's erection making the man moan into Aaron's mouth.

Matthew tasted delicious, kind of peculiar, like coffee and coconut with a hint of mint. He smelt even better though, like coconut with a hint of vanilla and the combination of both sent another shot of arousal through Aaron's body making him buck against Matthew.

Aaron inhaled taking in more of that wonderfully heady scent of Matthew, vanilla and coconut.

Matthew... vanilla... and coconut.

Coconut? Why coconut? Why Matthew would smell like coconut while he couldn't stand the smell of coconut because he was allergic to coconut oil and any contact with it ended with almost immediate appearance of rash and blisters. Why the fuck then Aaron was clearly smelling coconut? And who the hell he was snogging in his sleep?

Sleep... he was sleeping which meant that he was in his bed and that at this very moment he was... he was... rubbing his erection against equally hard length that had to belong to... Spencer Reid and not just that because suddenly and very painfully he realized that his mouth was inch away from what looked like a first stage of an impressive hickey, left by his own teeth.

As soon as he realized that Aaron ceased moving altogether, hoping, praying that somehow he didn't wake Reid up because being caught masturbating by wide awake and quite irritated Spencer Reid was bad enough, molesting the same man in his sleep... If any god or goddess would happen to listen and have shrews of decency left to grant Aaron the ability to disappear into thin air... or at the very least making Reid a very sound sleeper for this night and this very moment only so Aaron could get away...

But getting away wasn't much of an option without waking up Reid, not when Aaron's left hand was buried in Reid's hair, Reid's left hand was on Aaron's shoulder and Reid's bad leg was threw over Aaron's right leg.

And of course Reid was wide awake and most probably plotting Aaron's quick and painful demise.

"I've just discovered the new meaning of the phrase heavy-sleeper," Reid stated calmly with a hint of amusement in his voice. "A literal one," he sighed. "So will you roll away or are you planning to play dead for the rest of the night and possibly the rest of your life?"

"I was hoping that whichever deity happens to be on duty will answer 'I want to fade into the obscurity' call," Aaron mumbled before he quickly rolled away as he slowly started entertaining the merits of suffocating himself with his own pillow.

"Something that doesn't exist can't answer mental calls, especially the bizarre ones," Reid shrugged before he grabbed the blanket which made Aaron sat up on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Aaron sighed as he rubbed his eyes.

He needed to get up and move to the living-room, for the night, and probably the rest of Reid's and Lily's stay with him and Jack, in current circumstances he wasn't going to stay there long because now Reid would make damn sure to move out of the apartment as fast as humanly possible.

"For what?" Reid asked curiously.

"I pretty much molested you in your sleep and you are asking what I'm sorry for?" Aaron scoffed. "I'm no better..."

"... than any other healthy man with a libido and warm body next to him in the same bed?" Reid supplied. "Last time I checked penises didn't come equipped with a... that's a really bad combination of words considering the issue at hand... ah.. well, to the hell with it, with a brain and they are unable to think on their own. It's physiology 101, Hotch..."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Aaron asked.

"Yes," Reid said simply. "I'm attempting to explain the physiology behind so called morning wood to a man fifteen years, six months and a day my senior, one that has a living, breathing proof that he did have sex at some point of his life, at least once. The same one who had told me yesterday that a sexual release is an acceptable relaxation method..."

"The same one who almost molested you in your sleep," Aaron pointed out.

"And the same one who had stopped when he realized what he was doing," Reid pointed out.

"After Charles..." Aaron started.

"Charles Hankel is no longer an issue," Reid huffed before he sat up and shifted on the bed so he and Aaron were facing each other. "That son of a bitch is dead," he snapped before he added more softly, "so is his son. My sex life hadn't ended that night, Hotch."

"My kind of did," Aaron muttered as he wrapped his hands around his middle.

He didn't like confessing that, he felt too exposed but after what he nearly had done he owed Reid an explanation.

"And now..." Aaron continued. "I'm no better..."

Reid sighed before he crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees as he said, "The first time I wanted to have sex after Georgia was eight weeks after the kidnapping, it doesn't even count as a sexual intercourse but as an attempt to have one. I tried to convince myself that I could get through one from start to finish but the only thing I achieved that night was running out of the bloody apartment of the man I went home with, in my underwear, half-opened shirt and with my pants in hand, after I managed to tie him with his own tie to the bedpost, loosely of course because I didn't want to harm him, I only wanted a head-start in getting the fuck out of there as fast as humanly possible."

"Why aren't you..." Aaron started.

"The second time?" Reid continued. "I was lucky that he was too drunk to do anything and I was actually too stoned to care, and of course I was lucky that he was more considerate when he was sober and we parted our ways in peace. The third time," he paused and licked his lips. "I knew better, it was months after the kidnapping, close to a year, I was clean, he was clean and I was in control the entire time. I profiled the crap out of him and I played on it, I used him, I'm not proud of it but the sex itself was consensual and plausible, we didn't swear eternal devotion to one another, just that by the end of it we will both hopefully have an orgasm and when one of us will tell the other to stop then the other would stop. That was the deal, it worked to our mutual benefit."

"You told him?" Aaron asked skeptically.

Reid shook his head before he said, "If he figured it out then he had done so on his own because I hadn't say a word but he had guidelines, things I told him I will allow freely, things he had to be careful with and an impressive list of no-nos. He had done the same for me. It worked every-time, we didn't pursue anything more serious on the long run because we both knew that we were too different to make it work without killing each other within a month after moving together. But that's not important, what is important is that I made sure that when I would say stop he will stop and later on I trusted him enough to know that he would stop. That's all that matters, you stopped, you weren't fully conscious... What else I'm supposed to do? Get into your dream and beat the dream crap of whomever set you off?"

Aaron allowed the corners of his lips to twitch.

"Besides," Reid sighed. "I already told you that I trust you with my life, I'm pretty sure that my ass is a part of that equation otherwise I'm in trouble and I really don't want to release a BOLO after my buttocks. Imagine how it would look like. Not to mention the last time I had a photograph taken of my naked rear was thirty years ago because Aunt Ethel needed a proof that her homemade recipe for diaper rash had worked."

Aaron coughed trying to chortle the laughter that was building up inside him. Reid shouldn't attempt to defuse this situation with humor, he shouldn't have to defuse the situation with humor.

"Why you are being so bloody calm about it?" Aaron huffed. "You should be pissed off, you should..."

"I know the difference," Reid said as he shrugged before he straightened his back. "What I know is that Charles Hankel is dead, his son who did this to me is dead too, none of them is going to come back to hurt me. What I know is that I trust the man in front of me, both with my life and stopping when I say so. What I know is that the only thing that would keep you from stopping when I would tell you to stop would be if you would completely lost all of your marbles... and even if that would happen... not only I know the signs of that but I also happen to know how to defend myself. If you continued what you were doing without my consent and hadn't stopped you would have discovered what being tied to the bedpost with your own pajama bottoms feels like."

"That bedposts are movable and pajama bottoms aren't exactly the best restraining material," Aaron pointed out.

"The heater is harder to move and my handcuffs have a longer durability than your pants in restraining department," Reid said simply. "But we are getting away from the real subject at hand. Is this the first time..."

"You are asking as if you wouldn't notice that someone is trying to molest you in your sleep," Aaron muttered.

"I would," Reid shrugged. "That's not what I wanted to ask you about," he added simply. "What I want to know is this the first time after you and Beth split that you are consciously aware of having a wet dream."

"It wasn't a wet dream," Aaron scoffed.

"I beg to differ," Reid gave him a small smile. "I'm pretty sure that in the morning I will have to make a story about a gigantic mosquito that bit me while I was sleeping and that I will have to explain that this mosquito doesn't go after the kids."

"It wasn't a real wet dream," Aaron protested. "It was more of my subconsciousness wants to play shrink with me kind of dream that might have turned into a one..." he sighed.

Reid nodded but didn't say a word, obviously expecting Aaron to continue.

"I'm sorry," Aaron said quietly. "I know that sorry can't turn back the time..."

"It's okay," Reid said simply. "I've got to warn you that I'm going to be nosy and obnoxious and that you can tell me to fuck off but I want you to try to remember that I'm trying to help you..."

Aaron grimaced but nodded slowly.

"When was the last time when you have sex with someone?" Reid asked bluntly.

"Reid," Aaron growled as he glared at Reid. "I don't think..."

"It's important, really," Reid said calmly. "When was the last time when you had a successful sexual intercourse with someone? And yes, it's not my business but like I said earlier I'm trying to help you..."

"Are you counting handjobs?" Aaron snorted.

"As long as the hand in question didn't belong to you," Reid nodded. "Handjobs, blowjobs, footjobs, vaginal, anal, intercrucal, mammary, axillary, frottage, rimming. You name it as long as there was your orgasm and another person involved."

"It's not exactly your business Doctor Crude," Aaron muttered.

"I've also heard of men who get off by rubbing their penises into their partners' hair or belly-button," Reid shrugged. "I only named the most popular kinds of sexual inter-courses that involve two people in the equation. Take your pick."

"I hate you," Aaron scoffed.

"When?" Reid asked simply.

"Now," Aaron muttered.

"We already established that," Reid shrugged. "When? After your divorce?"

"Maybe," Aaron snorted.

"I'm taking it as a yes," Reid said simply. "That's all?"

"No," Aaron muttered. "There were a few hook ups between my divorce and... and Foyet," he grimaced. "After that... a handjob or two with Beth before everything went to hell. Did I mention that I hate you?"

Reid nodded slowly.

"So what now Doctor Crude?" Aaron grumbled. "My sexual life sucks, I know that it sucks... Now that we established the facts can we drop it?"

"And you are lecturing me that sexual release is an approved relaxation method," Reid shrugged.

"You were asking for intercourse involving two people," Aaron snorted.

"I know, I also know that there is only as far as one can go with his own hand," Reid nodded. "And that sometimes a man needs a hand that isn't his own. Not to mention that for some men paid sex is a shameful release, the new lowest of low. You aren't judging anyone choosing paid sex but you don't want to pay, not yet, because in your mind it's a rock bottom, one from which you are worried that you won't return..."

Aaron puffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Reid hit it, hard and dead-center.

"You have a better idea than an escort, don't you?" Aaron muttered sourly.

"Actually it's not my idea," Reid said simply.

"It's not?" Aaron asked skeptically.

"The idea itself is as old as time itself," Reid shrugged. "Or just as old I think. You don't have to look very far for an example. Sure, we are making out of it a running joke everyone or almost everyone knows about but let's talk about it from scientific point of view."

"At three o'clock in the morning?" Aaron pointed out.

"It's either that or allowing you to crucify yourself for having basic human needs," Reid said calmly. "Which brings me back to the subject at hand which is what in the name of Einstein David Rossi and Erin Strauss are seeing in one another?"

"You want to talk about them at three o'clock in the morning?" Aaron repeated as he glared at Reid who gave him a small smile and quirked his left eyebrow. "Fine, let's have it your way. In one corner we have a fifty-seven years old trice divorced, once widowed seasoned profiler, one of the founding fathers of BAU, famous writer with a bank account to prove it. Sassy, dry-witted, intelligent and when it comes to women an old dog who is capable of charming the pants off of whichever woman he fancies."

"In the other corner we have a fifty... what?" Reid looked expectantly at Aaron.

"Fifty sometime in December this year," Aaron explained.

"Almost fifty years old newly divorced mother of three, Section Chief of one of the most prestigious and hard-assed units in the whole F B of I and a highly functioning, and luckily a recovering one, alcoholic. Seasoned bureaucrat and politician just as much as a seasoned agent, that's a helluva of responsibility on the shoulders of a woman who had to fight twice, if not trice, as hard as a man would do for her position in which she's been staying for eight years," Reid said. "Because of that she's got to be though, stubborn, anal-retentive when it comes down to doing her job well. And because she is where she is she's got to be smart, a bit of a drill sergeant and a bit of a bitch, with all due respect of course."

Aaron smirked, "Don't let her ever hear you say it."

"No worries about that, I like my job," Reid smirked. "Let's get back to what attracts to each other two stubborn, strong personalities to share bodily fluids."

Aaron frowned before he allowed his arms to relax as he leaned back against the headboard and said, "I don't know what attracts Erin to Dave but I think that I know what might be Dave's turn on when it comes to Erin. Out of all three Mrs Rossi Carolyn is the one about whom Dave always talked with utmost respect. She was strong, stubborn, self-sufficient and independent, not overly needy or nagging. She was doing fine with him and without him until life had gotten into the way."

"The perfect wife," Reid said pensively before he added, "Let's look at Rossi now. He is a stubborn jackass and he can be a dick when he wants to be one. But hey, we love him regardless because as hard as he can razz us when he does that he's mindful of how much of it we can take and when it really matters we can count on him to be there. He's got an ass made out of stone in that I don't care how many times you are going to kick me because I'm still going to be there when you will be done with throwing a tantrum manner."

"True," Aaron nodded with a small smile.

"That's what Strauss sees too," Reid said simply. "Sure he is a pain in the ass but he is, constant, unmovable, persistent and giving a damn. That's what she needs, someone giving a damn about what she wants, what she needs, someone who at times will know better than her what might be the best for her, someone whose ego won't bruise when she would call him an asshole. She trusts him and respects him, I'm not sure about Rossi's level of trust in her but from what you said he respects her, in his own way. And like I said before these two as much as we joke about them are the classic example of friends who know the benefits of having one and trusting and respecting each other enough to unwind the stress together."

Aaron frowned as he nodded. He understood what Reid was hinting at but Reid was forgetting about certain logistic detail because there was no way...

"The question is..." Reid said slowly derailing Aaron from his thoughts. "Whatever or not you would be capable of allowing yourself to unwind with someone who good mother nature hadn't equipped with breast and vagina?"

Aaron stared at Reid dubiously, he wasn't suggesting that they... should...

"Are you sure that it's wise?" Aaron asked skeptically.

"I'm sure that I hadn't heard about any woman named Matthew," Reid said simply. "Of course Matthew as a girl name had its very brief moment of popularity sometime in seventies but it's far more popular male name and I'm pretty sure that I heard you moaning it into my ear not so long ago. As for whatever or not is it wise?" he shrugged. "Neither you nor I are looking for commitment right now, we have issues, big issues, with control, with relationships. Your last relationship with a woman had ended due to her unwillingness to help you navigate through a minefield of your issues and not only ones related to sex. We respect and trust one another, we are adults and less likely to take an offense for 'I don't want to do that', more capable of taking a hint, we don't need good first impressions, release and respect of each other boundaries is enough. That's of course if you are willing to try," he added the last sentence after a brief pause.

"And if I'm not?" Aaron asked quietly.

"Then we will pretend that neither you nor I had woken up tonight and that this conversation never happened," Reid said calmly.

Aaron lowered his head as he looked at his hands. The decision should be simple: roll over, get back to sleep and never come back to this conversation ever again. It was the right thing to do, the best thing to do, one that wouldn't end blowing into their faces later on. In the end Reid would find a place on his own and he and Lily would move out and on with their lives. They both deserved it. Someday Aaron too will find the right person to let in and they would be happy. As for the in between there was always a hand, maybe an escort or a one night – and see you never again – stand. That decision wouldn't end up hurting both of them on the long run, it wouldn't put their newly dusted off friendship in harms way, it wouldn't cost them their jobs if it would come down to that.

It should be this easy. It should be this simple. Roll over, get back to sleep and over it, forget that it ever happened. Why he wasn't doing that?

"I..." he finally started and licked his lips before he tried again, "I want to... I want to stop being afraid... and ashamed of what he had done to me. I want to remember how pleasure feels like without the shadow of George fucking Foyet in the back of my mind."

A gentle, long-fingered hand settled on his shoulder which made him raise his head and look at Reid who moved closer to Aaron with a soft, gentle smile and whisper on his lips, "I can help you with that if you would let me."

"It's going to end ugly," Aaron protested quietly.

"Only if we will let it end ugly," Reid assured him. "If we will forget who we are and what we are getting ourselves into."

Aaron licked his lips before he asked softly, "What we are getting ourselves into?"

"You and me we were the pretenders..." Reid started.

"Bruce Springsteen," Aaron smiled. "So you do rock."

"I do classic rock," Reid nodded as he mirrored Aaron's smile.

"You do The Boss," Aaron added with a smirk.

"Not yet," Reid retorted. "I'm in the process of negotiating doing the boss."

"Somebody that you can just talk to and a little of that human touch, right?" Aaron asked feeling slightly nervous.

"No prayers or pity or crutches, just human touch," Reid nodded. "Am I asking for too much?"

Was he? Was wanting that human connection, being able to voice his issues, his doubts and his worries without the fear of being judged as weak too much to ask for?

Reid knew, he knew and he wouldn't judge Aaron if something he would do would startle Aaron. He had been there and he got out, whatever or not he got out of there completely Aaron had yet to determine but he could trust Reid to know his own boundaries and to help Aaron find his own.

"Will you let me know if something would bother you?" Aaron asked quietly as he looked Reid in the eye.

Reid nodded before he asked, "Will you?"

"I'll do my best," Aaron said nervously before he licked his lips and asked softly, "What now?"

"What you are up to," Reid answered with a gentle smile. "Nothing big or nothing at all, for tonight."

"Big needs logistics I doubt we have at hand," Aaron agreed.

"We have a hand," Reid supplied. "Four of them actually and you don't have to worry about logistics because I'm quite sure that I saw necessary supplies when I was looking for the spare box of Kleenex, the problem lies elsewhere."

Aaron frowned before he opened the drawer, picked up the box of condoms and immediately dropped it back inside when he read what they were made from.

"Latex," he said. "With your allergy..."

"I don't want to be fucked into anaphylactic shock, multi-organ failure takes out all the pleasure from sex," Reid agreed.

"You don't have your own?" Aaron asked.

"I do, in one of the boxes in the storage unit with the rest of not overly important stuff I can temporarily live without," Reid answered.

"Fuck," Aaron coughed.

"Out of question," Reid nodded before he allowed himself to smile and Aaron found himself responding to that smile. "We are lucky that I'm not allergic to strawberries. Would you mind answering what's with you and all things little, red and seedy?"

Aaron tried to keep the blush from creeping on his face but he didn't do a very good job from keeping it off.

"I like strawberries," he shrugged finally. "They smell nice, taste great, make good cosmetics for occasional self-pampering session. What's with you and coconut?"

"You've seen my hair after using hotel shampoos?" Reid asked. "I look like a haystack with eyes, if you add a wool into the mix you get a very electrifying personality. Besides it smells nice and tastes good. You like it too," he smirked as he gestured to the hickey. "Maybe it reminds you of Matthew?" he suggested.

"Matthew was allergic to coconut," Aaron sighed. "Nearly as bad as you are to latex."

"Oh," Reid mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"It's nothing," Aaron shrugged. "It's been a long while since someone asked about him or about something related to him."

"What happened to him?" Reid asked gently.

"I really don't want to talk about it, not tonight," Aaron sighed. "I'll probably, someday..."

"But today is not that day," Reid said as he moved slowly so he was sitting next to Aaron before he wrapped both of his arms around Aaron's shoulders and he pulled him in a tight hug. "I'm sorry nevertheless," he whispered into Aaron's ear.

"It's OK," Aaron sighed as he wrapped his arms around Reid's shoulders and caught the sight of the bruise he left in the juncture of Reid's neck and shoulder, "I'm sorry though," he added as he run his forefinger over the edge of the bruise earning a shudder from Reid. "Do you have a shirt that's going to cover that?"

"I think that I've got something, few somethings actua..." his breath hitched when Aaron sneaked out his tongue to lick the spot, "..lly," he finished shakily as he tightened his hold on Aaron's shoulders. "If you will keep doing that I'm going to approach Lester who is planning a charity play to raise money for the surgery of her neighbor's kid... I heard... oh.. that's nice.. that Dracula part is still waiting to be taken..." Aaron smirked into Reid's neck as he nipped the sensitive skin earning both a shudder and a small yelp of pain.

"Tell her," Aaron whispered into Reid's ear, "that the only way to get me into playing Dracula's part would be conceding to letting you play Mina's part."

"Not happening," Reid mewled before he gave Aaron's neck a long lick and nipped on his left ear. "The only way to get me into a dress with full make up on is convincing me that the case requires me to go drag or paying me a ridiculous amount of money for it and by ridiculous amount of money I mean really ridiculous amount of money."

"How big?" Aaron smirked.

"For one novemdecillion of dollars I would even do a striptease," Reid murmured. "Very big, very easy money, only a fool would say no."

"I don't think that such an amount of money even exists in the whole world," Aaron said. "Which makes you technically incorruptible. But out of curiosity what you would do with so much money?"

"What else I could do with so much money other than ruling the world?" Reid asked playfully. "You never dreamed about world domination?"

"Becoming the director of FBI was enough of an aim for a longer while when I was younger, these days I'm happy with what I have. Not to mention the fact that people are no longer pleased with Fickler at the helm of the bureau..."

"So I've heard," Reid nodded. "Power corrupts," he added before he nipped Aaron's ear again, "and absolute power corrupts absolutely. You don't trust yourself with having too much of it. Que sera, sera, there will be others, if not better then at the very least more careful ones."

"I'm more worried about the careful ones, they tend to shuffle their responsibilities down on their subordinates," Aaron admitted. "I'm not fancying losing a job because someone up there is a thick-headed idiot who doesn't understand basic English."

"Technically I should arrest you for offending the director of the agency," Reid said cheekily as he rubbed his cheek against Aaron's neck.

"Technically this charge won't hold in court," Aaron quipped. "I didn't mention any names. Former prosecutor, I know what will stand still and what will not."

"Speaking about standing," Aaron could feel Reid's smirk against his neck, "Can you stand having your lap full in this position?"

Surge of arousal jolted through Aaron's body. Could he stand having Reid pressing him down into the bed with his back against the headboard? It certainly wasn't the most comfortable position, for Reid at the very least, but it gave Aaron enough room to maneuver to switch it into a different one if he would feel trapped.

"We can try," Aaron replied as he allowed his hands to drift from Reid's shoulders, down his back to rest them on his hips.

Reid moved his legs until Aaron's legs were between his but instead of sitting on Aaron's tights he remained in the kneeling position until Aaron pulled him down before he moved his arms around Reid's waist.

The act itself wasn't new or unfamiliar, he'd done it before, to another person. The mechanism hadn't changed, the man in his lap did.

"We don't have to do anything," Reid said calmly, patiently as he allowed his hands to trail down Aaron's shoulders and arms.

"I know," Aaron nodded feeling Reid's hands move upward back to his shoulders. "It's just... been a while since I've kissed someone with facial hair."

"I can shave if you want," Reid said as he shifted in Aaron's lap.

"At three o'clock in the morning?" Aaron asked with a small smile as he leaned forward.

"Technically it's three... mph," Reid started when Aaron leaned forward even further and pressed his lips against Reid's.

It was more of a peck rather than a proper kiss but it allowed Aaron to feel Reid's soft, moist lips against his, delicate in contradiction to sharp and tickling hair of the stubble over and under Reid's lips. Not exactly strange. Not exactly familiar either. New. Intriguing. Fruity.

"Coconut toothpaste?" Aaron asked curiously.

"Lily's idea," Reid replied sheepishly. "It has certain perks and more importantly a due date and happens to be good enough to not let it waste and you are the one to talk, Silly Strawberry."

"It's Jack's," Aaron said simply.

"It's in your medical cabinet and not in the other bathroom," Reid pointed out. "And it's not that you use it often..."

"Unlike you," Aaron quipped.

"Due date," Reid said as he leaned forward teasingly, a breath away from Aaron's lips.

The movement allowed some of the strands of his hair to slip from behind his right ear and Aaron found himself wanting to bury his hands in those curls, wanting to feel those lips against his again, to feel Reid's body against his.

Their second kiss wasn't as delicate as the first one, it was firmer, braver, more exploratory and lasted longer. It was also scratchy because of Reid's stubble but in a pleasantly rousing and reassuring way because it was Reid, not Beth or any other woman he ever kissed, and Reid unlike them would understand if...

Reid moved closer, pressing his lips against Aaron's more firmly, the movement caused Aaron's hands to slid lower until they were resting against Reid's buttocks, the movement which earned Aaron a whole-body shudder from Reid and gave Aaron a boost of bravado to squeeze the muscles under his palms which earned him another whole-body shudder accompanied by a soft moan and small nip on his bottom lip.

The nip had turned into long, slow kiss with tongues twirling around each other, seeking, sneaking between their mouths; Aaron's fingers twined into Reid's hair while Reid's fingers pressed almost painfully into Aaron's skull alternatively stroking the areas behind Aaron's ear or scratching against Aaron's neck. Gentle and careful at first but more daring as the kiss continued for a very long time, a fate easily achieved due to remembering about breathing through their noses. Fingers pressing against nipples, searching, learning, bringing in new fire and re-awaking old desires to please and to be pleased...

It had been a long time for Aaron, a really long time considering how unsatisfying for him, at the very least in sexual regards, was his relationship with Beth, around three years, a very long time for a single man. It had to be long for Reid too, maybe not just as long as it was for Aaron but long enough for Reid to be frantic enough to divest both himself and Aaron from their t-shirts. Aaron didn't mind, not at all because it allowed him to explore the body of the man in his lap, not heavily muscled but lean and filled in the right places just enough, the result of the only activity for which Reid willing stuffed his germophobia into the furthest corners of his mind in order to devote about an hour to two per week to swimming.

Aaron smirked against Reid's mouth at the thought which made Reid pull away slight and ask curiously, "What?"

"What are the odds of me managing to persuade you into participating in a triathlon with me this year?" Aaron asked cheekily.

Reid wriggled in Aaron's lap, making Aaron groan at the friction of the thin material of his bottoms sliding over his cock just as Reid tapped his finger against his lips before he said, "As big as my pinky," he folded his fingers into a fist so only his pinky was sticking out as he wriggled it, "I would survive a swim, even if it was in Ironman's length, maybe I would even survive the bike ride but I seriously doubt that my leg would forgive me the run after the swim and the bike. What brought this on?"

"Reminiscence," Aaron shrugged with a small smile.

"I distinctly remember your first swimming session differently," Reid said dryly. "And you almost killed us both."

"I only said 'shit', you asked 'where?'," Aaron pointed out.

"I just got back from New York," Reid protested. "The coffee on the train was crappy, I didn't sleep much during the ride or beforehand, you stormed into the pool like Moses towards Red Sea, then you traded places with Egyptians in order to catch up to my laps when I had eighteen minutes worth head-start. At five o' forty-three on effing Monday morning, after almost sleepless night I wasn't going to stroke your wounded ego, especially after you nearly drowned us both."

"I should have listened to you back then," Aaron sighed.

"Why you are bringing it up now?" Reid asked skeptically. "I was angry," he sighed.

"You were also right," Aaron said. "And if I listened to you then..."

"If it wasn't Beth it would have been someone else, Hotch," Reid said gently. "We both know that," he added as he gently stroked his fingers over Aaron's left nipple. "Real life is not a fairytale where a sleeping prince awakes after one hundred years of sleep without issues of the past. Maybe all you two were meant to be was just that, she was the one to wake you up and show you that you can still want someone else and that the life hadn't ended. Her inability to help you deal with your issues is not an excuse to go back to sleep, it's just a hindrance that gives you time to explore new possibilities..."

"You're making it sound like a fairytale," Aaron pointed out.

"There's always a grain of truth in them," Reid shrugged. "I don't believe in fairy-tales. What I do believe is that somewhere out there there is a woman who will get you like no one else ever did, woman who wouldn't judge you for things you have no control of, who will know your faults and wouldn't want to change you because not all things that make you Aaron Hotchner wouldn't fit her disillusioned image of a perfect life and relationship, someone who would understand who you were, who you are and who you are going to be. You are going to have that mph..."

Aaron didn't let him finish, he already heard what Reid was saying before, from Matthew, in the dream that started it all. He didn't need to hear it twice and didn't want to think what it meant, why Reid and Matthew would be using the same words or why certain details of the dream had bothered him, for example why Matthew would be drinking coffee or smelling like coconut, he hated the first and was allergic to the latter, crosswords he did, not very often but occasionally...

Coffee, coconut, crosswords...

… the memory of Reid's grin which chased away his bad mood on their way back from Michigan on a case towards the end of Reid's first year in BAU when a psychotic unsub on PCP during the arrest started to struggle so vehemently that not only he tore away from Morgan's grasp but also in his attempt to escape he first pushed down and then landed on Reid's left ankle so badly that Reid ended with a sprained ankle. Following the incident until they got back to the jet where Aaron brought Reid a book with one thousand crosswords to keep the genius occupied.

Coffee, coconut, crosswords...

… this dream wasn't the first dream Aaron had of Matthew drinking coffee, there were others before, Aaron wasn't sure how many of them he had and for how long but he knew that there were others and if coffee wasn't in there then at the very least there were things related to coffee, like coffee ice-creams or yogurt. He did notice them but he didn't analyze them at the time.

There were other things, small things, stupid things which at the time he dreamed them didn't bother Aaron enough or at all to devote his time to analyzing them. Ties for example, Matthew didn't like to wear them and almost every time he was obliged to wear one he had at least three different excuses for why men shouldn't wear ties, not that he minded them very much when it came down to divesting Aaron from the neck-wear, but in some of Aaron's dreams he did wear them, matching them tastefully to the clothes he was wearing. If he wasn't wearing a tie in Aaron's dream he wore sweaters, something which came naturally for someone who lived in Seattle which in his dreams Aaron hadn't found weird... Or the watch...

Aaron didn't know when it had started but he was beginning to realize that as the time went by Matthew in his dreams began gaining more and more of typically Reid characteristics until the almost the only thing left of Matthew in Aaron's dreams was his old lover's face.

What had started as a reaction to his lover's sudden death over the time had became the safety valve for Aaron's attraction to the younger genius. They were both untouchable, either literally or hypothetically but Matthew was familiar and because of that he was safe to dream about for Aaron and Reid...

Reid had remained untouchable as the time went by but because time didn't stand still he became familiar, safe, someone on whom Aaron could depend, someone to whom he could open up, someone who knew Aaron, still gave a damn about him and didn't judge, someone who gave enough of a damn to expose himself in return and yes, as the time went by they grew apart but since that early June night when Reid caught him masturbating and confronted Aaron about it they were getting back on the old, familiar tract...

It was overwhelmingly terrifying and arousing realization, the idea that to certain degree he always found his younger colleague attractive but was subconsciously compartmentalizing the attraction as longing after his old lover until enough was enough and his subconsciousness simply acted on the attraction.

Aaron shuddered as he wrapped his arms more tightly around Reid's waist, bringing the other man closer to himself as he straightened his back to pull Reid to himself as close as possible, until their chests were rubbing against one another and Reid's knees were hugging Aaron's hips and their cocks were awkwardly trying to slide against one another through two layers of pajama bottoms that separated them. They were close but not close enough.

It was a very intimate position but not the best one for easy removal of the annoying barrier that separated them so after few attempts at pulling Reid's pajama pants down without much of a success Aaron urged Reid to lie on his back between Aaron's legs.

The new position allowed easier removal of the bothersome sleepwear and Aaron quickly divested Reid of his pants relishing in the sight of every inch of skin that was uncovered before his eyes, unable to tear his eyes from the lean, muscular legs and jutting cock before him as he scooted away just enough so he could lie on his stomach between Reid's outstretched legs

Could he do it? It had been a while, and a longer one on that since he'd given a blowjob but at the same time it was the only sexual act that George Foyet didn't mare with his shadow. No, he was too busy at getting off from what he already had done... and too paranoid that if he tried that Aaron would have bitten his dick off, which he would of course.

"Hotch?" Reid called out softly, focusing Aaron's attention on his face, "C'mere."

"He didn't take that from me," Aaron said softly.

"I know," Reid replied gently. "That doesn't mean that you have to do this if you're having doubts."

"I'm not," Aaron shook his head. "It's just... It had been a longer while since..."

"It's OK," Reid gave him small smile. "Nothing big, remember."

"I wouldn't say that," Aaron remarked.

Reid looked from his cock to Aaron and replied, "No longer than yours."

"And how do you know that?" Aaron quipped with a smirk, taking almost sadistic pleasure from the feverish blush that quickly covered Reid's face.

"I've got a cold," Reid protested.

"You've got a cold," Aaron repeated before he pressed a kiss against Reid's tight.

"I was looking for shampoo," Reid stammered.

"You were looking for shampoo," Aaron echoed before he placed a kiss on Reid's other tight.

"It was ages ago, I was feeling insecure about my position on the team, I took a peek so sue me," Reid blurted out.

Aaron smirked against Reid's tight before he replied, "I prefer sucking you."

And to prove that he leaned forward and gave the head of Reid's dick an experimental lick followed by sucking it into his mouth, all the time keeping his gaze focused on his partner and moving forward a little to gain leverage.

The muscles of Reid's tights under Aaron's arms twitched just as one long-fingered hand flew to cover Reid's mouth while the other shot towards Aaron head but stopped abruptly millimeters away from Aaron's head.

Cautious. Unsure. So damn considerate.

Aaron moved forward without stopping sucking on the head of Reid's cock until he could feel Reid's fingers in his hair, at first barely touching the strands, then growing bold enough to tug on few strands but not overly painfully when Aaron moved his left hand back to cup Reid's balls all the time keeping his gaze fixed on his partner while he allowed his right hand to stretch out to play with his nipples relishing in every whimper, every muffled groan his actions earned him.

Reid was so damn expressive that watching him alone was a pleasure for Aaron, maybe less for Aaron's dick which was twitching painfully begging for a shrew of attention but if he waited so long then it wouldn't kill him to wait a bit more.

But apparently Reid had a different idea and quite quickly by pulling and scratching on Aaron's arms and shoulders he made Aaron climb up his body until Aaron's legs were nestled between Reid's and their cocks were sliding awkwardly against one another while they were kissing lazily until Aaron heard the pop of the cap and smelt the strawberries seconds before he felt Reid's left hand sneaking between their bodies and taking the hold of both their cocks.

Aaron cursed, luckily for the two light-sleepers in the other room, not overly loud and against Reid's mouth which muffled the curse further, "Fuck!"

"That's the idea," Reid smirked.

"I thought... argh.." Aaron gasped. "You didn't... oh God..." he moaned. "Evil... are you..."

"Asking?" Reid whispered hotly against Aaron's ear. "Or talking Yoda?"

"Asking," Aaron puffed.

"Yes!" Reid hissed.

"What are you encouraging?" Aaron asked, and it took him almost epic amount of willpower to form a full sentence. "Question or the angle?"

"Both!" Reid groaned as he threw his head back and after sneaking out his hand from between their joined bodies he wrapped his arms around Aaron's back holding him tightly against his body.

Aaron didn't remember and quite frankly didn't want to remember or even try to recall what it was. Not with how heated the air in the room had became, how every move, every scratch, kiss, nip was bringing him closer and closer towards the edge.

What mattered was Reid's left hand in Aaron's hair, alternatively scratching the skin and soothing it while Reid's was alternatively running his tongue over Aaron's collarbone and nipping on the soft skin there with his teeth. Aaron knew that in the morning, as in later in the morning, he would find in there a hickey, matching the one he left on Reid but he didn't care. What he did care for was how wonderful Reid's legs tangled with Aaron's legs felt while their cocks were sliding against each other, the burning fire in his abdomen which made each thrust faster and harder than the one before it.

Close, so close. He hadn't been this close with another person for a very long time and everything felt both old and new, hot, liberating and so damn good.

Yes! Hands scratching and soothing alternatively, full mouth kisses with lips, teeth and tongue involved.

So good, so damn good. So close, so close, so close.

Hot, so unbelievably hot. Sweaty. Heady. So damn close.

"Reid!" gasped against the other man's chin.

"Yes!" breathless reply followed by the tightening hold of Reid's legs over Aaron's. "Close!" almost whined into Aaron's ears.

Reid right hand sneaked back between their joined bodies, curling around both of their cocks and stroking relentlessly, sharp and fast, matching to each slide of their bodies against one another.

Teeth clashing against one another. Chests heaving. Stubble sliding along his jaw towards his left ear.

Aaron's orgasm was so close that he could almost taste it.

"Come for me," Reid rasped against Aaron ear before he nipped on Aaron's earlobe.

When the release finally hit it crashed through Aaron like a tsunami wave through the beach, hard and brutal, wet and sticky. Hot, so damn hot that there was no breath left in his lungs and he didn't have enough strength left to fight for one and he allowed himself to fall into welcoming blackness.

When he opened his eyes again he was lying on his back next to Reid who was lying down on his side with his head propped on his arm and an amused grin on his face.

"I distinctly remember telling you to come for me, not pass out on me," Reid said with a smirk. "You've got me worried for a moment that I gave you a heart-attack."

Aaron groaned and allowed himself to take a deep breath as he reached for Reid's cock and instead of expected hard member he found it soft.

"That didn't stop you from climaxing," Aaron quipped tiredly.

"Happened while you were passing out, not after," Reid snickered. "How do you feel?"

"Wet," Aaron sighed. "Sticky, boneless..."

"Good," Reid smirked before he lowered his head and nipped on Aaron's closest nipple. "'Ready for round two?"

"Are you?" Aaron asked almost breathlessly.

Reid smirked again before he said, "If you will give me five more minutes I will..."

"Oh, God! You're trying to kill me," Aaron groaned.

"Maybe yes, maybe not," Reid quipped. "But what a way to go."

"It excludes the possibility of an encore in the future," Aaron pointed out before he yawned. "I'm tired and in three to three and a half hour we need to get up unless you are planning to eat pizza for breakfast."

"Sounds like a plan," Reid smirked.

"Someone needs to walk out Moth," Aaron sighed when Reid reached for the coverlet and spread it out over them.

"Someone needs to find a trainer who will teach him how to pee into the toilet," Reid yawned as he placed his head on Aaron's shoulder.

"Dream on, dream, dreamer," Aaron snorted softly.

"Moth isn't that old to not learn a new trick," Reid pointed out. "Besides that statement that you can't teach an old dog a knew trick is not true, you just need to be more patient with them."

"Mhm," Aaron nodded sleepily. "If it's a hint..."

"The only thing I'm hinting right now is that we might regret not cleaning up now in the morning," Reid yawned.

"Screw it," Aaron muttered. "I was planning to throw the sheets into washing machine today anyway and last time I checked this apartment had two bathrooms, one of which is equipped with both a shower and a bathtub."

"Sounds like a plan for an encore," Reid said sleepily.

"Mhm, if you want explain EMTs and other people how you managed to break a leg or get a concussion while having a shower," Aaron yawned.

"Point taken," Reid snorted softly as he snuggled closer.

Sleep Deprived

What woke Aaron up was not a kiss or smell of coffee, not even a thorough lick over his face courtesy of Moth. No. What woke him up was, "Holly fuck!" followed by a loud crash and more cursing which woke him up instantaneously and made him jump out of bed sparing only enough time to grab his pajama pants before he ran out of the room into the kitchen where he found Reid dressed only into his pajama bottoms sitting on the floor in an awkward position next to collapsed island stool with his gaze fixed on the fridge door.

"What happened?" Aaron asked as he went over to Reid and helped him stand.

Instead of answering Reid pointed at the fridge which made Aaron turn around to look at the fridge on which amongst various pictures made by Jack and Lily was a sheet of paper with a message written in bold pink letters that read:

Moth needed to pee.

We needed to eat.

Coffee turned off.

Alarm disarmed.

We'll be back before 10:00.

L & J & M

"What time..." Aaron started.

"09:27," Reid answered. "Beds were made, Moth was feed, Jack's wallet is missing, so are your keys. I don't know exactly when they left but knowing Moth I doubt that he managed to hold it until nine," he said quickly."

"Which means that they've been gone for about an hour," Aaron said. "You don't take this long walks with Moth."

"Twenty minutes tops and I'm counting in the trip to Starbucks down the street into it," Reid answered. "That's where they probably went," he added. "Apple juice, milk, variety of cakes and cookies."

"I'm going to dress and I'm heading there to pick them up," Aaron said as he started walking towards the bedroom.

"Don't hurry," Reid sighed.

"And why not?" Aaron sighed as he turned around to face Reid.

"You read the note," Reid said calmly. "It says that they will be back by ten, they both know how to tell time, Hotch. Yes, we should have been told beforehand that they want to leave and where exactly they are going to be but..."

"Your daughter is five, Jack is seven, they are..." Aaron started.

"Within their comfort zone, with a big dog at their side and they know that they aren't supposed to talk with the strangers, they aren't also supposed follow them anywhere or to take anything from them. If they are at Starbucks, and I highly doubt that they had gone anywhere else, they are two buildings away from here and they know their way back," Reid finished.

"I'm not liking it," Aaron muttered.

"Neither do I," Reid admitted. "But sooner or later..."

"I know," Aaron grimaced. "I'm just..."

He stopped when he heard chatter on the corridor outside which started growing closer before the keys jangled against each other as the bottom lock of the door was unlocked and Jack walked inside followed by Moth who was holding in his jaws the paper-bag from Starbucks which Jack took from him before he stepped aside to let Lily in who was holding in her hands the carrier with four small Starbucks cups inside.

"Good morning starshines the earth says hello and have some coffee," Lily said quickly before she added, "Help. Hot. Heavy."

Reid was taking the carrier out of her hands before she even finished the sentence and quickly placing it up on the table by the door before he scooped her up in his arms and asked, "Hey Petal. Where have you been?"

"We went to the dog corner because Moth needed to pee," Lily answered.

"And we were hungry so we went to Starbucks for a muffin, we stopped at the bookstore and bought the book Lily wanted to get," Jack added sheepishly as he fixed his gaze at Aaron. "We left you a note."

"We saw it," Aaron said calmly.

"We wrote when we will get back. We weren't late," Jack added.

"I know," Aaron sighed. "We were worried because we didn't know when and where you left for. You wrote that you were getting out, you didn't write where you were planning to go."

"Oh," Jack mumbled before he ran to Aaron and hugged his leg. "We are sorry for worrying you. But we brought you coffee and cupcakes," he gave Aaron small, sheepish smile.

Aaron shook his head slightly. He couldn't stay mad at them for leaving, especially if the only reason for Jack and Lily to leave the apartment without supervision was because he and Reid had slept in late.

"What happened to you, Daddy?" Jack asked curiously as he pointed at Aaron's neck.

"I was..." Aaron started, pausing only long enough to glare at Reid but quickly tearing his eyes away when he realized that Lily was watching curiously the matching bruise on Reid's neck, before he looked down at Jack and finished, "bitten by a mosquito."

"A mosquito?" Jack asked skeptically.

"Yeah," Aaron nodded.

"And that mosquito only bites adults, right?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Aaron nodded again, this time slowly.

"Does that mosquito have a name?" Jack asked innocently. "Like Spencer, perhaps?"

"Or Aaron," Lily added simply.

"I..." Aaron started and cleared his throat. "I don't understand what you mean."

"We wouldn't have left if we could wake you up," Lily shrugged.

"We tried but you just got snuggly and five more minutes..." Jack added.

"And with your shirts and pants off and laying around the bedroom what else we were supposed to think?" Lily asked.

"That it got really hot during the night so we took our clothes off?" Reid supplied calmly.

"We thought about that for a moment," Lily said simply. "Until we saw that you have matching chew-marks. Jack voted on that."

"And I lost a spare cupcake," Jack pouted. "Lily voted on that you were not making babies and you wouldn't be turning this funny shade of red if you weren't."

"That's what happens when you give kids a birds and bees talk too early," Aaron grumbled.

"No, that's what happens when you give observant kids a birds and bees talk and you get caught..." Reid started.

"After the act?" Jack supplied. "We didn't really see anything disturbing," he added as he turned to Aaron.

"Only that you were snuggling with your inner vampires mode on," Lily said.

"You said that you went to the bookstore before going to Starbucks," Reid changed the subject swiftly. "What you bought?"

"A book," Lily said innocently. "A children book."

"And?" Reid prompted.

"It's a very interesting book," Jack said. "We read it together at Starbucks, that's why it took us so long to get back.

"What's the book about?" Reid asked.

"Penguins," Lily answered. "New York's penguins."

"New York's penguins," Reid nodded. "How it's called?"

"And Tango Makes Three," Lily said with a smile.

"Fu..." Reid started with a clear intention to curse but he caught himself in time and finished, "... fanged furry Frisbee."

"Am I missing something?" Aaron asked cautiously.

"Only that our precious, prodigious progeny had outed both of us to the entire block, maybe even the whole district," Reid sighed. "It's Saturday morning, Leslie Larsson's shift, she is the main dispenser if not the source of all running rumors in the neighborhood."

"Everybody in the neighborhood knows that half of the things she is saying is not true and the rest is exaggerated by her wild imagination. Like that one that you were salivating over her cleavage while you were really eying the book behind her," Aaron shrugged.

"You know that, I know that, Mrs Sanchez from sixth floor congratulated me having such a dear girl for a fiancee and asked about the date of our impending nuptials. For every person who doesn't believe Leslie there is a one who does. Not that I care what Mrs Sanchez and her alike think of me. I'm more worried about you."

Aaron gave him small smile before he said, "Nothing is going to happen to me, nothing bad at the very least. The only thing that's going to happen is that Mrs Sanchez and Mrs Hubbard will stop trying to set me up on blind dates with their daughters, nieces and other lovely ladies they happen to know that..."

"... they would make great wives, appropriate mothers and wouldn't mind giving you few more sweet, little babies, Sweet-cheeks, " Jack finished. "If anything Mrs Sanchez ends saying would have the power of becoming the truth I would have three step-mothers and four baby brothers, in a single year. She even tried to sell Aunt Jess to Dad as a prospective wife with kids on her own."

"So we aren't giving a fanged, furry Frisbee about what old and young ladies with too much time and not enough work to keep them occupied are saying about things that happen to be our own business," Aaron said simply.

"Does it means that we can tell Uncle Dave that you two are not making babies?" Jack asked curiously.

"No," Reid and Aaron said in unison.

"It's our business," Reid added quickly. "Uncle Dave has his own business and we have our business. Uncle Dave doesn't need to know about our business as long as our business isn't interfering with his business and it definitely does not."

"Does Uncle Dave business have anything to do with Aunt Erin?" Jack asked curiously. "Are they making babies?"

Aaron sighed heavily, "Even if they are making babies, it's not our business, it's theirs. If they want to tell us about it, they will tell us about it, in the right time, Jack. Until that happens, we don't see or hear anything suspicious and most certainly we aren't talking to them or other people about it because..."

"It's not our business," Jack and Lily said in unison.

"And what you're doing isn't their business," Lily added.

To Be Continued...

Feedback is love.

You've got to love Jack and Lily. I know that I do. They are both smart and observant and together they square their separate levels of smartness and observation skills into this 'I'm going to defeat your bullshit with my logic'. On a different note, was it right to let them out on their own? One could argue, what I do know is they are growing up and when I was at Jack's my mother had no problems with letting me go to the shop around the corner. Of course with everything they see on the job both Hotch and Reid would be and actually are paranoid about any signs of their growing independence but they also know, and Reid is the one to voice that they can't forbid Jack and Lily from growing more independent, within limited, prearranged boundaries. As for the book, whatever Lily's reading choice was a plot to make sure that noone equipped with boobs would hit on Spencer or Aaron or just a coincidence, I leave up to you to decide.

As for Hotch and Reid. Hopefully I managed to keep them in character while pushing them forward. They are both strong, brave people, who face their fears with eyes wide open and for all his qualms that he is a blinker when it matters Reid doesn't blink even if he is dying inside from fright over and over again and there are only few people who are privileged to see him at his most vulnerable. That's where he is right now, at his probably most vulnerable, worried and uncertain about his future, filled with helluva of emotional turmoil, yearning for something that would keep his mind off from thinking about what he'd seen, heard and been through recently. He needed what happened in this chapter, just like Hotch needed it and needed to acknowledge that in spite of what happened to him he can move forward.

It wasn't perfect first time, it wasn't meant to be perfect, with who they are it felt to me that it needed to be cautious and uncertain. They aren't in love, yet at the very least, and they aren't going to fall for a while, that's not how it works and isn't going to work. But hey, I have the rest of the summer to get there... or I can drop the second part of the title.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.