AN: So, I was listening to the Nordic 5 character song, and I was all like "OMSizzlesticks I love the Nordics so much spasm spasm spasm." And then I was like "Fanfic. Now." So you get this… er, lovely piece. Hope you enjoy!

Pairings: Onesided IceNor. Onesided NorDen. Onesided DenIce Ice's POV

I hadn't always felt like this. There was a time, a long time ago, when I genuinely only saw him as my big brother. Eh, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, or in my case, I guess, more twisted. It's sick, completely sick, but my one consolation is that every single nation on this Earth is just as sick as I am. Maybe not in exactly the same way (Or, in some cases, absolutely in the same way.), but we all have some dirty little secret we keep hidden. And no one asks, because then they'd have to spill their secret, and nobody is willing to do that. So it's a mess, but it works, and we all like it.

… Except when we don't, when it interferes with our everyday lives. Unfortunately for me, my secret is that kind of secret. An open secret, maybe, but we all agree to pretend it doesn't exist. It's only fair.

You see, I'm in love with my 'brother', Norway.

Only he's already fallen for Denmark.

But Denmark would rather have me.

Yeah, we're all screwed. And not in the way we'd like.

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"Hey, Ice…?" Well, that would be Norway. I wish he was a little bit uglier; then maybe I could talk some sense into myself. Right now, though, it wasn't happening. He was too stupidly adorable. Stupid cross in his hair. Looking adorable. Man, was I ever glad I was quiet by nature. I really needed to work on my focus.

"Yes, Norway?" I kept my voice calm and collected. Just like I would if I was talking to… someone polite. How about England, he was polite. He also saw magical… things. So really, he was exactly like Norway, only not adorable at all. Who better to pretend to talk to?

"You still haven't started calling me big brother." Oh, god, not this again. I didn't want to call him that! As if I was a little kid again, who needed help from his brother to manage even the simplest of tasks. Yeah, that was definitely the image I was going for. I'm pretty sure Norway's not a… what did Japan refer to it as… a shota? Whatever it was called, I knew Norway was not going to ever be attracted to it. Not that he would ever end up liking me anyway, but I'm allowed to have hopes, right?

Er, as I was saying…. Naturally I responded disinterestedly. "Don't be ridiculous. We're all adults here. There's no need for childish terms."

His response was immediate. "But Ice, you promised!" Well, technically I did promise, but it was only to shut him up. I didn't think he was serious about enforcing it.

Oh, but what he said next really takes the cake. "What about 'big sister'? Would you call me that? I would settle for that." I felt my jaw drop open, and a blush color my cheeks. I heard the other Nordics, who were up until this point laughing at our little exchange, gasp a little.

"Don't be ridiculous. That doesn't even make sense." If my voice wavered a bit, nobody mentioned it.

Denmark laughed and came up beside me, putting his hand on my head. "C'mon, Icey, throw your sister over there a bone." Norway colored a bit at that. Well, it serves him right. His comment was blatant teasing, and everyone knew it.

"I think I'll pass." Although, if Norway was throwing me a bone… No, I really need to focus.

Norway helpfully piped up. "But then what would he give to you?" It was a joke, of course, but we could all tell it really hit home. But no one could really be offended, or else we'd break our careful façade.

Denmark, to his credit, took it remarkably well. Winking, he replied. "Well, how else would he reward his knight in shining armor?" I rolled my eyes, because really, that was the least likely thing I would ever compare him to. It made about as much sense as the big sister remark, actually.

"Don't flatter yourself. The only thing I'd give you is a restraining order." I could say that, it didn't hurt me at all. I could see his eyes glimmer sadly for a moment, but he was back to cackling in the next second. He was good at that, better than Norway or me.

"Ice still likes me, right?" Ah, Norway. He could win an award for trolling me, really. But thankfully, I could reply. "Who says I like you? In fact, all of you are annoying. Why do I even talk to you?" Aha, not a lie at all. I didn't like him, I loved him. Huge difference. And true enough, everyone was annoying. It was part of the job description.

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And so we spent the day bickering lightheartedly, masking our obvious emotions and pretending we believed everyone else's mask. At some point, Sweden and Finland worked their way into our conversation, and that was nice. Their secrets weren't even secrets, and they had nothing to do with us, so it was great to be able to tease them and really mean nothing by it. But in the end, it would always come back to Norway, Denmark, and me.

… One day, we really need to try France's "ménage à trois" idea. Maybe I'll bring it up next time.