The Pain Inside

Another plan, a total failure. I sigh as I change into my usual clothes and flop into my orange fluffy chair once more. My dignity and self esteem has fallen even deeper into the toilet, a smelly, unclean toilet.

"Robbie Rotten!" their annoying child voices ring as that stupid pink haired girl rips off my fake mustache.

It seems even if I dress and act like him, I could never be him. I could never ever be as wonderful and as loved as Sportacus. The thought sends knives into my chest as I put my face in my hands and hold back a scream. I was afraid that if I screamed, he would come to 'rescue' me. If only those foolish children knew. If only they knew what lies behind the façade. If only anyone knew.

I was tired of the hustle and bustle of the city where I grew up. That's why I escaped to what I was told was a 'sleepy' little town called Lazytown. I wanted to escape it all. Escape my parents' disappointed looks. Escape their judgmental whispers and nonstop praise of him, Sportacus, as if he were their son. We were neighbors. He was always doing something sporty. Always practicing his 'rad moves'. He was always the talk of the dinner table, if my parents weren't arguing over the bills or money they were always gushing over how magnificent he is. I would just sulk and slouch in my chair till my wretched mother yelled at me to eat my vegetables.

"Maybe they will turn you into that Sportacus boy." Is what my father muttered one night.

Those nine horrible words that started the timer on the bomb inside of me. Since then I've been hatching plan after plan just to mess him up, to maybe even maim him. The worse that's ever happened to him was when he was fourteen and he broke his arm trying to escape a trap I've set for him. I thought, finally people will see that Sportacus isn't the perfect angel everyone thinks he is. Finally, my parents will stop constantly comparing me to him and looking at me as if I should be taking notes.

Nope.

Instead everyone cooed over him and showered him with sympathy.

"Everyone makes mistakes." My mother says after hearing about what happened.

Yes, like continuing to stay where I'm unwanted.

So I left.

That night I packed my bags and ran away. I didn't even leave a note. I doubt they even cared. They probably just had another child, one they could be proud of.

"What happened to that other kid of yours? Ricky…or Raymond or something like that?" one would ask.

"Who?" they'd respond.

So I overheard someone talking about Lazytown. I figured with a name like that, a person like Sportacus would never set foot in there. Without much money on me I had to live in a hole I discovered beneath a billboard. I thought it would only be for now till I can get a job and save up money to eventually buy a house here. There in my lair, my peaceful and quiet lair, I'd tinker away. I made so many useful things when I wasn't working. Like my wardrobe tubes. Why spend all that money installing a closet or buying a dresser when you can have all your outfits set up in a tube? The idea was flawless, it would get me rich. But the day before I was about to unveil my ingenious invention, that pink girl Stephanie came to town to live wither her uncle, the mayor. I didn't mind her at first; I thought she'd be just as quiet and lazy as the other children. But then, to my horror, Sportacus follows her. It's been so long since we've last seen each other; he was muscular and handsome while I was still my pale, scrawny self. Thankfully, he didn't recognize me. But that damned Sportacus in his dainty white blimp just screwed my whole life up once more! He taught the children to exercise and play outside while they laugh, destroying my peace and quiet. Stupid Sportacus showing off his moves to the townsfolk, falling in love with him, and ultimately putting me back into the same place I was before I ran away. Thus, bringing out the true villain inside of me and all the sleepless nights of planning and scheming. But history just repeated itself, I was fired from my job, and everything went downhill.

So here I am, still sitting alone in this orange chair underground. While perfect, guardian angel Sportacus lives a healthy, superstar life up in his heaven, I suffer slowly in this Hell.

My dreams: Smashed.

My esteem: Down the toilet.

My will to continue on: Zero.

I've put this gun to my head so many times before, but I never had the guts to pull the trigger. But now it seems the cold metal against my temple has no other plan or scheme to put in my head, nor another reason to live. So I guess this is how it's going to end. The click of the barrel rotating causes a tear to roll down my cheek. I stare at all my failed plans as I take a deep breath and pull the trigger back. Pain erupts in my head but slowly fades away as my vision starts to blur and I can see the world falling. The ringing in my ear mixes with the sound of children's laughter. I can just see someone enter my hole…Sportacus. I manage to make a small smile crawl onto my face before I close my eyes forever. The pain, it'd over. It's all over.