A/N: This was a piece that was submitted to my LJ about a few months ago. Now that I look back at it, I'm not sure what I was trying to do.;; Uh... yeah, so excuse the weirdness of it. :U Not sure what the title is, but hooboy.;

R-15; for suggested sexual BL themes and also Nakamori-keibu's potty mouth. :U

—

No one gets hurt on a Kid heist. All the policeman agreed that although Kid was an annoying bastard who toyed with the entire police force, none of them sustained a too serious injury that they would have gotten if they were stationed elsewhere. With Kid, safety was guaranteed. That was probably the reason why Nakamori was at his wit's end and invited Mouri-tantei to this heist. Mouri-tantei was an airhead of an idiot. If he had a choice he wouldn't think twice about staying far, far away from him. But alas, he was at his wit's end—

"Nakamori-keibu, I feel that it's such a great honor to be consulted—" And the inspector glowered at said airhead that was standing not too far from him to be punched. If he could, he'd punch his face in, tape that mouth of his shut, and send him to the detention office or something.

It wasn't that he wanted Mouri-tantei for consultation at all, but rather the little thing that always comes along with it. And if the heist zones were as safe as Kid usually makes them, he was in full confidence for letting this thing tag along.

"Save the sap for later," he growled, stalking off to the computers he had his men set up for the heist. He eyed the tuft of hair poking up from behind the office chair.

"Mouri, remember what we discussed." He gave the detective a pointed stare. At this the detective nodded firmly, and he left the room with an air of self-importance—

Nakamori lied. The only plan he wasted his good thirty minutes of explaining was aimed to get Mouri out of his way, even when he was the one who invited him. Mouri was one of the few who drove his blood pressure over the norm, but the little boy that tagged along was well worth dealing with the self-important idiot.

The inspector was always stubborn.

A mere eight year able to stop Kid from taking off with a jewel when he couldn't? He didn't want to admit it at first, but evidence of Kid and the brat's rooftop encounters had forced him to acknowledge his potential. Whereas Kid's IQ was known to be 400, this boy might be around that level as well— but seriously, Nakamori's never heard of anyone being capable of having an IQ higher than 300.

Well, fuck it.

He wanted to sorely catch that damn thief so much that he's turned to a boy that was barely finished with grade school. Sure, the brat did a lot of reckless things, and even nearly gave Nakamori a heart attack when he fucking jumped at Kid when he was already in flight fifty stories up—

But no one gets hurt in Kid's heist. Kid guaranteed it. And so when the stupid little brat couldn't latch on, Kid dived after him.

No one can accidentally die if its Kid there. That's why Nakamori could breathe a little easier when he invited the boy— Conan, was it?— to the Beika Jewel Exhibition.

He walked himself back to the chair and propped an arm heavily on it, slightly surprised that the chair didn't buckle under the sudden weight. "Noticed anything, bouzu?"

The brat was perched on the chair, his fingers expertly tapping away on the keyboard— inputting all these codes that turned on the locks and secured the museum's doors— where did he learn how to do all that? This was the first time the brat even touched their computers—

"He's already infiltrated the system when the police set up the security a few days ago." He pressed a key and a map with blinking red lights expanded on the screen. "He broke the security doors in this area, so you should station a few more guards five meters around it, that way, it'll at least give some coverage for his other likely routes. He probably has a back up plan, but there are fifty different possibilities of an alternative escape route and it's impossible to plan a counter measure for them. We'll just have to stake officers there and run according to his movements—"

He had a headache coming along and it wasn't because he was glaring hard at the blueprint of the museum. Fifty different possibilities— shit, he had so much trouble finding only one. The kid adjusted his earpiece, and spun around on the chair. His expression changed to that of a childish smile.

"Nakamori-keibu, I think today, you'll have a chance to catch him!"

On a very good day, Nakamori would be inclined to believe him, but today was not that day and with the way the brat said it, he was convinced that it was just pep talk and nothing more. The inspector grunted a half-hearted answer before his eyes moved back towards the screen, monitoring the flow of police around the halls.

"Well, I'm off!"

He watched Conan bounce out of the seat and land on the floor with a loud slap of his infamous red sneakers. "If you need anything, please ask." And he tapped his ear before running out from the room.

Nakamori stared after him, questioning his sanity if he really should trust an eight year old. He felt stares boring into his back, and when he turned to look, at least ten other policeman were giving him an incredulous look that would have mirrored his own if he didn't know any better—

Oh right, none of these idiots have noticed the potential the little brat had when it came to matching Kid's wit.

"Keibu, the bouzu told us to unlock the security surrounding the jewel case—"

He massaged his temples— was the kid just pulling his leg or something—? But how else would he explain the many times the brat brought the jewel back to him?

"Just do what he says."

—

Strangely, when the heist came along, Nakamori found himself swearing as much as he usually does when Aoko is around. Which meant, no cussing at all.

Granted the stupid confetti and nets were still there but his men were a bit smarter about what to do or where to go— or maybe it was the little brat telling them where every foot and step goes. Nakamori spent most of his time gaping at the computer screens, his eyes chasing the white figure through the halls. Damn, today might be the day in many years that he catches the damn thief—

His throat tightened a bit— no, now's not the time to get all nostalgic, he'll do that when Kid is in handcuffs and stripped of all his annoying tricks hidden in his sleeves.

On the left computer screen, he saw a shadow of a young boy tail after a white cape before it was swallowed by video noise. Nakamori blinked, baffled. Wait, wait— what happened to his video—? What about his men—?

A pathetic voice sounded in his ear— "Keibu, we're uh... stuck."

And after popping nearly half his veins in his face, Nakamori discovered that all his men were left in Kid's devices. All men, excluding Conan. Damn brat, he was going at Kid alone again, what the hell was he doing?

Nakamori glared hard at the computer monitors. All the halls were deserted, the exhibition rooms were undisturbed. If what the brat said was true about Kid hacking into their system a few days ago, Kid must have overrode the security cameras and replaced the video feeds—

Something crackled in his ear and he nearly took off the head of one of his men with a surprised jerk of an arm—

"For fuck's sake—" He began, before shallow breathing flooded his ear.

"Keibu, exhibit 10A—Ah?" It had started in a course whisper and ended in a surprised squeak. Nakamori adjusted the volume of his ear piece—

"Tantei-kun, nice of you to come waltzing in. Fancy having dinner with me?"

Nakamori's vein popped. Kid's voice was as clear as day in his ear, making him as annoying as ever—

"Dinne—?" the exclamation barely made it out of Nakamori's earpiece before there was an annoyed sound made in the back of his throat. Nakamori could relate. They were in the middle of catching the damn thief and he suggests dinner?

Exhibit 10A, was it? Goddammit, if the brat had enough common sense as he did brains, he'd station some guards there too, and maybe they could have finally succeeded in cuffing him.

"Alright, you idiots! Move!" Nakamori roared suddenly, pointing fingers at what remained of his Kid Taskforce. There was some light huffs of air coming from his earpiece, and Nakamori shrugged it off as he ordered five of his men to secure all the exits, before he and a small group rushed towards the exhibit—

Heavy footsteps thudded through the hallways, and Nakamori momentarily forgot his old age as his enthusiasm drove him down the halls.

"I'm hungry, Tantei-kun—"

"Dammit, stop it—" The boy was squeaking, almost desperate to get away from something— hell, was Kid trying to backflip out of the window with the brat in tow?— but nothing ever scared that kid. He'd stare down the muzzle of the gun with an arrogant smirk. This was odd, Nakamori was starting to get a bit worried.

The inspector pressed the button to his mouth piece, "What's happening? Bouzu?"

He swore he heard a sharp intake of air, as if the boy had forgotten he had an earpiece on the entire time.

" K-Keibu—"

Conan's breath hitched and he heard a small whimper— okay, something was weird. "Dammit, Kid, you fucking better not be hurting him—" And he bit down his lip to stop the flow of colorful language. Right, he forgot that only the eight year old could hear his eloquent expression. Well, this just makes things a bit more complicated.

"Bouzu, hang in there!"

But honestly what can Kid do to a brat that would make him sound like he was going to get thrown off Tokyo Tower? Nakamori couldn't think of anything but that— but the exhibition building was only three floors high and Kid never would try to hurt— Nakamori gritted his teeth. Ah shit, maybe he'll have to revise the police profile on Kid. That annoying little fucktard—

"Keibu?" The annoying voice was clearer in his ear. Fuck. Kid just discovered the existence of the ear piece."Ohh, Nakamori-keibu, I take it that you bugged him, hm? Well, I apologize that tonight I can't offer a good chase. Perhaps, if you'd be kind, let's schedule it to another time."

Nakamori mentally cursed his old bones and the distance between the control room and the exhibition room. Really, Kid, really? Appear in the room that's on the opposite side of the building? Tonight, Kid wasn't considerate of Nakamori's impending arthritis.

"Kid, if you dare try anything funny—"

Kid continued as if he couldn't hear him, which was probably the case, since the ear and mouth piece was wired on the boy.

"I'm hungry, you see. And Tantei-kun here, owes me dinner, right Tantei-kun?" There was a snort of air or something in response, Nakamori had no idea. "So, I'll be borrowing him for a while. I'm really, really hungry so—"

"The fuck you are! You—" Screw cussing and colorful language, and he was sure that he was loud enough for Kid to hear him, going by the half-choked laugh in response.

"Neh, neh, Tantei-kun, Keibu isn't letting me eat, say something about it." There was a deafening pause, but if Nakamori didn't have his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he carelessly flung himself down towards the exhibit, he would have noticed the suppressed breathing and half-chokes. "Well, Nakamori-keibu, he's a bit busy right now. But I'll return him and the gem after dinner—"

Wha—yeah, like he could believe that. The middle-aged man continued running until finally they reached said exhibit— "Kid, you damn thief!"— which turned out to be completely empty.

Perplexed and baffled, Nakamori and his men glanced around; no sign of Kid, no sign of the boy. Didn't the brat just tell him that they were in Exhibit 10A?

"Kid, where the hell are you—?" he demanded, fingertips rigorously pressing the ear bud closer.

"Oh...is this thing bothering you, Tantei-kun? I guess I'll turn it off."

"Wait—" Nakamori growled, practically to no one, before nothing but a light static greeted his ear. His restless pacing around the museum room came to a stop before he ripped off the ear piece, wire in tow—

"Dammit!"

—and slugged it onto the floor.

—

It was already nine, and he had been waiting inside the museum. Kid had managed to take both the jewel and brat and he assured the inspector that he'd return them.

Nakamori balanced his head on his other hand as he blew out a tired sigh.

Well, it's not like Kid is a liar, but he's been waiting for almost two hours. And even after two hours, his men were running around trying to free each other from Kid's booby traps. Today, Kid was thoroughly prepared with his tricks. At first glance, his gimmicks seemed as petty as it usually would be, but after two hours of trying to gather up the Kid Taskforce, they realized that today, his traps and puzzles were particularly and amazingly complex.

'Was he trying to get rid of us, or something?' Nakamori wondered as he shut his eyes with an irritated twitch of a brow. He wasn't new to Kid's antics; he wasn't stupid and ignorant either. On any normal heist, Kid would come with the barest basics of magic and give the police the opportunity to surprise him. But whenever the thief wanted something, he would swipe it and leave the police standing for hours after the announced time.

Kid seemed a lot more focused this heist, so was it the jewel he wanted? Or was it the boy?

Nakamori buried his face into his palm.

No shit- Kid wanted dinner. Of all the stupidest things to bring up during a heist— he wanted dinner—

A light tap in front of him jarred the police inspector from his thoughts. The source of the noise was traced to the boy's feet and of course obnoxious red shoes.

"Keibu, the jewel."

He looked up to see the brat, without any obvious injury—much to the inspector's relief, hold out the gleaming red ruby in his hand. He didn't say anything more, didn't even offer anything but a small suffering smile. Nakamori stood up and stretched. Finally the wait was over.

"Thank you," he automatically replied, but he admitted that it felt weird hearing himself give gratitude to a little kid. As Nakamori pocketed the jewel, he carelessly commented with an edge of bitterness— "How was dinner?"

He expected an excited chirp about how Kid bought Conan a happy meal or maybe even some kind of excited gushing over a food expedition. But when Nakamori looked down, he could see the glimmer of Conan's glasses hide the red that was starting to seep through his face.

He looked absolutely mortified. What the hell did Kid do? Dress him up in a frilly dress and prance him around Tokyo? Two seconds was too long for a delay, and Nakamori, one who always liked quick answers, was starting to get a bit annoyed.

"Hey, what—" And when the boy decided to run instead of answer, Nakamori reached out to grab the collar of Conan's suddenly crisp clothes—

Peppered red dots ran up and down the boy's slim neck and Nakamori stared. Mosquito bites? Itch powder?

"I need to head home!" Conan sputtered in a frantic squeak. He batted his way out of Nakamori's grip and ran, flustered. "Goodbye, Nakamori-keibu!"

The museum door shut heavily behind him, and Nakamori stared after it for a few moments. Well, that was odd. In two hours, Kid had reduced the arrogant boy into a nervous and suddenly paranoid baby.

He couldn't really bring himself to be mad at Kid for the psychological damages on the brat. The kid really needed to learn his place in the makings of life anyways, but to the degree where the poor kid laughed nervously like there was a ghost hovering near his ear, Nakamori was a bit conflicted. But Nakamori was sure that in a few days or a few weeks before the next Kid heist, Conan would recover from it.

This strange paranoia and sudden personality switch can't be permanent, right?

But next time for the sake of the boy's sanity, Nakamori will have to think twice before asking him to participate.

—

A/N: And done. -glub over and dies- I edited a few things into it since it felt like it was missing some things aha.;; Yeaaaaaaaa. 8U And if you guys don't know what the innuendo of dinner is, I shake my head at you all the whilst saying that it's okay if you don't know. You don't need to know. *u*;;

These things are for adults. /says the underaged girl that has been writing this kind of stuff for ages and more graphic things that are locked up, up and away for those that ask for access in LJ.;;; wait what am I saying.;;;;;;;