No one on Sesame Street had any idea of what was about to happen.

"Christ, me is sick of salads!" Cookie Monster bitched as he chewed on yet another lettuce leaf. "When can me start eating cookies again?"

"Cookie, you know that Obama took away all the cookies," said Big Bird, sipping on his birdseed milkshake and why the hell did Hooper's sell those? "At least, that's what Fox News told me."

"It's true!" said Fox News, who was a talking fox (ugh). "Obama won't let anyone eat cookies because cookies are like kryptonite to him. If he even touches a cookie, he will die. I'm Fox News, and I'm fair and balanced!"

"Me should maybe move to Canada then," said Cookie Monster, giving up on the salad and just eating the plate instead.

Ernie looked up from his newspaper.

"You guys wanna know what I'm afraid of?" he asked, taking a sip from his coffee.

"A vagina?" replied Big Bird.

"Besides that," said Ernie, lifting his head in the air to make it appear as though he was rolling his eyes (Ernie had a disease that was fairly common among Muppets that prevented him from blinking or moving his eyeballs). "I'm afraid that two hungry vampires are going to come to Sesame Street and eat everyone and everything!"

"That's silly!" said Big Bird. "Vampires are only pretend. Well, except for The Count."

"Obama is also a vampire!" exclaimed Fox News. "A socialist one! I'm Fox News, and I'm fair and balanced!"

But all of a sudden, the Counting Pinball Cartoon marathon on the Counting Pinball Cartoon Channel was interrupted.

"We interrupt the Counting Pinball Cartoon marathon on the Counting Pinball Cartoon Channel to bring you a special news bulletin!"

"Oh, great," said Fox News, sounding annoyed. "I'll bet it's that freedom-hating liberal reporter, Kermit the Frog. I'm Fox News, and I'm fair and balanced!"

Sure enough, it was Kermit the Frog who appeared on screen. And he was being torn apart by two vampires.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "HEIGH-HO, KERMIT THE FROG HERE, AND I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE BY TWO VAMPIRES! AAAAAUUGGGGHHHHH! RUN AWAY FROM SESAME STREET! BELLA AND EDWARD ARE COMING FOR YOU! AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!"

Everyone in Hooper's Store just stared at the TV screen, which had gone back.

"Vampires on Sesame Street?!" cried out Fox News. "I knew Obama would do something like this! I'm Fox News, and I'm fair and balanced!"