A/N: My first full-length BTR fic on here (shocker, it's slash), so please lemme know whatcha think. Also, I do not own BTR (if I did, shit would be going a lot differently), they are properties of whoever. The NHL/AHL are properties of themselves, as well as the Minnesota Wild. Please don't sue, I do all this outta respect (sorta). Story rated for language, references to underage drinking (in this chapter), and sex in later chapters.

Kendall Knight stood on the back deck, resting his forearms on the railing, staring out at the spacious backyard. A red plastic cup was in his right hand, nothing in it, contents having already been drained what felt like hours ago, although it was probably only a couple minutes. Either way, he didn't feel like going back inside for a refill.

The party was still rocking inside the huge house, practically everyone wasted, except for the few designated drivers. And him. It wasn't that he didn't wanna get drunk-hell, getting smashed off his ass sounded like a damn good idea-he just couldn't be motivated to actually go do it.

He let out a deep sigh, staring out at the green grass but not really seeing any of it. He knew the plain as well as he knew his own backyard, having spent countless days there, playing frisbee, running around, having water fights, countless stupid childish antics with his three best friends. The four of them had been inseparable for over a decade, having met in elementary school. He could barely remember a time when he didn't have them in his life and every major memory, every milestone, every huge moment in his life, they were there experiencing it with him.

Including their high school graduation.

Kendall's eyes fell to his empty cup and he found himself wishing he'd bothered to get more. Anything to shut his brain off.

He knew he shouldn't be thinking that way, knew he shouldn't be focusing so far in the future. After all, they still had the summer. Or at least a couple of them did. And he knew this time would be coming. His mom had told him countless times that there'd come a day when they had to move on, when they'd be torn apart, when life would come between them and no friendship, no matter how close, would survive. He'd rolled his green eyes, given her a placating "uh huh", and dealt with her sighs, not wanting to actually think about it. It hurt too much.

But now, on that back deck, his friends and former classmates partying inside, he was thinking about it too much. He knew graduating meant he'd be an adult and that he had to spread his wings, live his own life, go out and see the world on his own. But he'd always experienced things with his three friends, he'd always had them around. They had his back and he had theirs. But soon that safety net would be gone and he'd be alone.

And that wasn't the worst part of it all.

The door opened and Kendall knew without looking exactly who it was. Truthfully, chances were it would be one of three people and, yeah, that made it easier to guess, but he still knew, without a shadow of a doubt, which one of them was behind him.

"Hey, buddy!" James Diamond's voice came from his left, the taller male leaning down onto the railing like Kendall. "Whatcha doing?"

The dirty blond male stared out in front of him, shrugging. He'd come outside to be left alone, wanting to be away from all the loud, crazy, drunk people to sulk. He'd already cursed at a couple of smashed idiots who wandered out here, laughing loudly, scaring them back inside. He just wanted to be by himself, not have to deal with anyone or anything.

But with James, it was different. Kendall didn't yell at him, get aggravated that the shaggy haired male was bugging him. It was pretty hard to be mad at James in all honesty. The guy had a pure heart, always had the best intentions with everything he did, never meaning to hurt anyone, not even a fly. He was kind, sweet, warm, and all things good in the world. Which was probably why Kendall was hopelessly in love with him.

'Course he never told James that. The guy was straighter than a ruler, not to mention one of his best friends. Shit would just get incredibly awkward and fucked up. No way would he be able to handle the rejection of his closest buddy telling him he didn't love him that way, that he was happier flirting with pretty much every female out there. The blond didn't think their friendship was strong enough to survive a confession like that, followed by him having to watch the brunet hook up with a constant stream of girls.

Plus, there was hockey. Kendall lived and breathed the sport and knew that it was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. But hockey was a man's sport, a tough one, one were you were constantly pounded against walls, shoved to the ground, punched in the face. Being gay-if that's what he even was-would seem like a weakness. Opponents would target him more frequently than they already did-which was pretty damn often, considering how good a player he was-in a more accepted form of gay bashing. Plus who knew how his teammates would react. They may be uncomfortable having to change in front of a homosexual in the locker room. Sure, being teammates meant you loved and accepted everyone like brothers, but at a certain point you had to draw a line and just say no.

So for all those reasons, Kendall kept his mouth shut and his feelings hidden, not telling anyone, especially not James.

"So," the taller male started, hazel eyes trained on the blond. "Why aren't you inside with everyone else?"

There were a couple reasons really, none of which Kendall wanted to get into. He'd been lamenting the dissolution of his friendships pretty much since they threw their caps in the air at the end of their graduation ceremony earlier that afternoon. But seeing James dancing on top of his dad's coffee table with a girl on either side of him, grinding together, grabbing each other, it was too much. He had to get out, had to get some air, had to be left the hell alone.

But of course, James had to come check on him.

He gave another shrug, trying to play it all off, trying to act like nothing was bothering him. But a raised eyebrow from the brunet meant he wasn't buying the nonchalant attitude of the blond.

Elbow on the railing, Kendall rubbed the back of his head, smoothing down his dirty blond hair. "I just can't believe this is our last night hanging out all four of us."

James' smile faded, brow furrowing as his face grew serious, head turning to face forward and look out at his dad's backyard. "Yeah. Guess I didn't really think of that."

"How could you not?" Kendall questioned, dropping his hand so it was hanging off the other side of the railing. "You're leaving for LA tomorrow."

The taller male nodded, still staring ahead at nothing. It hadn't been a secret that James was dying to become a huge pop star. The guy was constantly singing, to the point where the only way to get him to shut up was to have their friend Carlos Garcia tackle him. And while he loved hockey and was good at it, music had always been his first love and dream career, just like the sport was for Kendall. Now that they were out of school and James was eighteen, there was nothing holding him back anymore. He was headed to Hollywood to try and achieve his dream and make it happen.

The blond kept talking. "Then Logan leaves for Yale this fall to start his pre-med shit. Carlos? Well, I dunno what Carlos will be doing."

The shaggy haired one let out a small laugh. "I don't think Carlos knows what he's doing."

The blond let out a similar laugh, nodding in agreement as he stared straight ahead again. "Yeah, true."

"What about you, huh?" James questioned, nudging Kendall with his elbow. "You make it sound like you're gonna be stuck here all your life and we're just leaving you."

"You kinda are."

"Right, but you're leaving, too. Watch. You'll get drafted this summer-" Kendall snorted. James ignored it and kept going. "-then you'll be off to play in the AHL or wherever, then in a couple years, you'll be playing center for the Wild, just like you always dreamed."

Kendall tilted his head down and looked at his empty cup once again, wanting so bad to believe James. It wasn't that he doubted his skills, because he didn't. He knew he belonged on the ice, knew he was a great shot, great passer, great blocker, everything. He was better on the ice than on land, practically born to play hockey. But getting drafted right out of high school was a rare occasion, and he wasn't entirely sure he was that good. Worst case scenario, he'd get passed by and would end up going to the University of Minnesota as his fallback plan.

But god he wanted to play in the NHL, about as badly as he wanted the male standing next to him. The male who would be leaving him.

Reaching his free hand up, he rubbed the center of his chest, feeling the space get tight, his heart hurting. Out of all his best friends, he knew he'd miss James the most. It was pretty obvious why, considering the insanely huge crush Kendall had on him. And now? Now the man who could possibly be the love of his life was headed to the other side of the country, all before they could ever give it a shot.

He thought of the old quote, one that floated around every sport out there: "You miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don't take." And he clearly hadn't taken a shot with James.

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the perfect moment, he mused. After all, he'd be leaving, so if the other male didn't feel the same way, there was no awkwardness, no weirdness, no having to look him in the face and know he was turned down, feelings unreciprocated. And the time apart would help Kendall, allow his broken heart to heal, allow him to get over the tanned male to his left.

Internally nodding, he decided this was it, the moment was perfect. It was just the two of them, their final night hanging out for who the fuck knew how long. And if it got weird, Kendall could blame the alcohol. Turning his head to the side, he opened his mouth to speak-

Only to be interrupted by the final piece of their quartet, Logan Mitchell.

"Uh, James? Carlos is literally hanging from your chandelier in only his graduation gown. And it's open. And he's scaring people."

James pushed himself up straight, letting out a swear under his breath. "My step-mom would flip a bitch if something happens to that chandelier."

Logan headed back inside, rambling about how he told Carlos not to do it, but he was too drunk and too hyper and never listens in the first place. Jame shoved a hand through his shaggy hair, letting out a sigh as he walked across the deck to follow the shorter male in.

Kendall felt a slight panic build up inside, knowing this was it, this was his last chance to say something to James about how he felt. Spinning around, he called the other man's name, waiting and watching as the taller male stopped and turned around, expectation all over his face.

The blond just stood there, the words on the tip of his tongue. But as he looked at the other male's perfect features, his hazel-green eyes, his full lips, and his t-shirt that was so tight it should be illegal, he lost his nerve.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shrugging and shaking his head. "I'm gonna miss you, man."

James scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Duh! Who wouldn't?" He smiled widely before turning and heading inside.

The blond male let out a harsh sigh as he turned back to the railing, resting his elbows on it, hands shoved in his hair. He blew it. He fucking blew it bad. His one chance to tell the guy how he felt and all he did was say he was gonna miss him. The fuck was that? He really was a pussy. His ass was gonna get smeared all over the ice, even without telling anyone he might be gay.

Heavy footsteps on the wooden deck caused his head to jerk up, a hand wrapping around his wrist. James jerked him up and into a hug, arms going around Kendall's lean frame. The blond stood there frozen for a moment in shock before finally snapping out of it, hugging his best friend back. It was everything he wanted, to be held by the taller male, to feel those muscles against him, to inhale his scent. And now that he had it, he wanted more.

"I'll miss you, too." The brunet's voice was low, but Kendall heard every syllable, his eyes closing and his throat swallowing hard. He was finally getting what he wanted-to a degree-and it was at the end. Sure, there was no guarantee that this was it, that they'd completely lose touch and never speak again, but it was definitely gonna get harder for them to keep in contact and maintain the close friendship they had.

James patted Kendall on the back a couple times before pulling away, his hands on the other male's shoulders. "You're gonna get drafted and I'm gonna be jumping up and down on my couch. And if I'm not there at your NHL debut, you can bet your ass I'll be watching on TV, wearing your team's shirt, cheering my fucking heart out."

A smile spread across the blond's face, causing his dimples to form on his cheeks. "Thanks, man. I believe you."

"Good." James clapped Kendall's shoulder. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get a crazy guy off my step-mom's chandelier before we all die a painful death."

"Good luck, man."

"Thanks." One last smile, and James left, heading back inside his dad's house once again.

Kendall took another deep breath, letting it out on a sigh, getting back in his previous position of leaning against the railing. Maybe it was for the best that James didn't know. Maybe it was for the best James was leaving. He thought back to his earlier mental musings, about how being away from James would help him get over the brunet, help him move on. Maybe he could do that anyway without having to confess anything. It would be safer that way. They could live their lives out in peace without anything changing, without any awkwardness or weirdness.

His heart hurt again, but he ignored it. As much as it killed him inside to keep everything bottled up, it was for the best. At least that's what he would tell himself at night.

Mind set, he pushed away from the railing and headed inside, determined to have fun his last night with his four friends. He knew shit was gonna change come tomorrow. Only he had no idea how much.