Mnemosyne

A/N: Its been a long while since I wrote anything, so I may be a little rusty. Anyway, this is a result of Theatrythm making me want to replay FF8 and a pitifully small number of Squall/Zell fics out there. My intention is to make this a much larger fic, but honestly we'll see where this ends up. Sorry for the massive prologue. I had several disconnected ideas floating around that I wanted use to bridge the time period between when the game ended and where my story begins (hence the prologue title.)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of importance.

Prologue: Bridge between Past and Present

Inside Ultimecia's Castle

With a sigh of relief, Zell climbed the last of the stairs to reach the landing leading to the the narrow hallway. He could feel the chill of the castle air seep into his bones, making every step seem longer than it was. Stifling a groan, Zell turned to offer Rinoa a hand up the last stair. She smiled a tight thanks as he pulled her to the top. Irvine was the last of their small group to top the stairs, his gun out but dragging near the ground. Somewhere in the last round of exploring the large castle, Irvine's signature cowboy hat had been lost.

Zell was exhausted. Hell, they all were. Selphie had thrown her nunchaku down at her feet while she curled into a ball against the hallway's bannister. Quistis was slumped over the railing as if she would never move again. Only Squall stood straight and proud.

"Squall, we need a break," Rinoa announced. The black-haired beauty walked over to Selphie and bonelessly fell to next to her, hugging her knees to her chest. "I can't go on anymore right now."

Selphie murmured her agreement. Quistis just yawned.

"Won't kill us to take a break, Squall," Irvine added. He went and sat down next to Selphie, pulled her gently against him. "Approach the rest of this damned castle with a fresh a mind."

"Irvine and Selphie are right," Quistis added, straightening herself up suddenly. "We should set a watch and get some rest."

Zell looked out over the balustrade onto the floor several hundred feet below them. The only way up was the very stairs they had just climbed. The open hallway was short and narrow, only decorated by a faded red carpet running through the middle. The far side of the hallway was blocked by two large stone doors.

"Its defensible enough," Zell added. "I'll take first watch." Not like the hard stone make for a comfortable rest anyway.

Squall looked them over and slowly nodded. "Fine." He walked over to the other side of hallway, placed his back against the railing and slid down. Perhaps he was as exhausted as the rest of them.

Quistis heaved a large sigh, gave Zell a tight smile. "You sure you'll be alright?" she asked.

After Zell's nod of reassurance, Quistis curled up against Rinoa, the two girls using each other for comfort and support on the cold stone.

Zell yawned, stretched and started slowly pacing up and down the hallway. If he stopped like the others had, he would stiffen up. A fire would be nice but would probably attract more monsters than it would be worth.

After several trips up and down the hallway, the breathing of the others settled into the slow rhythms that indicated sleep. Other than their steady breathing and Zell's own footsteps on the stone ground, the silence was pervasive. Even with the others asleep, Zell could feel the tension in the air. They were close to Ultimecia. While he wasn't the most observant person in the world, even Zell could feel it. Upon reaching the door, Zell turned on his heel and walked back towards the sleeping group.

Zell glanced at his Commander as he passed. Squall wasn't sleeping. Instead, he was resting his head on his knees, his eyes following Zell's movements. "What's up?" he asked.

Typically, Squall didn't respond. After several seconds of not unexpected silence, Zell continued on his self imposed patrol route. Zell stopped at the top of the stairs, turned around and headed back. Squall was still watching him.

Zell stopped in front of the slightly younger boy. He squatted down so that he could Squall in the eyes. "You should sleep, Squall."

Squall blinked back at him and lifted his head a little. He didn't say anything but shook his head ever so slightly.

"Can't sleep?" Zell wasn't surprised. With the weight of, quite literally, the world on his shoulders, it was a shock to find the Commander had trouble sleeping.

Squall shook his head in response. Zell sniffed and sat down beside him. "Me neither. That's why I took first watch." They sat in silence for several moments. Zell was certain he wasn't going to get much out of the man sitting next to him.

Zell's muscles began to ache with a bone-deep exhausted. If he didn't move soon, he wouldn't move at all for several hours. Hours they didn't necessarily have.

"What if I'm wrong?"

Zell looked over at Squall, not sure he had heard the soft voice correctly. Squall was hiding his face in his arms on top of his legs.

"If I make the wrong call here, it's over. Not just for me, or us, but for everyone. If someone dies here, it will be my fault. Everyone will blame me. I'll blame me." Squall's voice was low enough that Zell had to strain to hear it clearly.

Zell closed his eyes, his throat tightening. What could he say? A lot did depend on Squall, there was no denying that. And a bad call could end everything. And Squall wasn't perfect.

Zell pushed himself to his knees and moved in front of Squall, cupping his cheek until Squall lifted his eyes to Zell's. "Hey, you're doing the best you can with what you have. We all know that. Everyone knows that. No one will blame you if you fuck up." Squall didn't look convinced. Zell forced a smile to his face. "Besides, even if you make a bad call and we all die, there won't be anyone left to call you on it. See, no blame."

To Zell's surprise, Squall chuckled. The chuckle became a laugh, the laugh the beginning of a strangled sob. Zell quickly shifted his position to be next to Squall. He tugged on Squall and, when he met no resistance, settled the Commander so his head was resting on Zell's lap. Zell buried his fingers in Squall's hair and let the boy cry himself out while Zell did his best to silently soothe him.

Zell rested his head back against the stone railing as Squall's breathing settled into sleep. There was something warm, fuzzy, and protective growing in his belly mixed with a certain fierce pride. Squall had confided in him. Not Rinoa. He had to be strong for Rinoa, be her perfect Knight. He couldn't express fear or doubt, not to her. And Zell was the one he had picked to share that side of himself with.

Looking down at the sleeping Lion in his lap, Zell knew he was lost.

14 Months After the Defeat of Ultimecia

In spite of the bright sunlight, the day was rather chilly as the small group gathered by the gates of Balamb garden to wish the happy couple farewell. Rinoa was smiling and as she lifted the last of their boxes into the back of the tightly packed car.

"Don't forget to write!" Selphie called, jumping enthusiastically and hugging Rinoa as soon as her arms were free.

Rinoa laughed. "We're only going to Deling City," she said. "Its not that far. I'm sure we'll visit often."

Zell shook his head. That was bullshit. He had seen people move away enough to know better. They would all keep up a certain amount of communication for several months. They might even visit back and forth a few times. But eventually cards would be relegated to Christmas only and visits would stop. That of course would be right before they stopped talking completely. Probably about the time Squall and Rinoa popped out their first kid. "Make sure you do!" Zell told Rinoa cheerfully. His smile hurt.

"If not, I may have to keep this one from chasing you down," Irvine added, pulled Selphie off of Rinoa and keeping an arm about her shoulders.

"If you need anything," Quistis added, looking at Squall, "make sure to ask. You know we'll always be here for you."

Squall didn't respond.

"We know, Quistis," Rinoa said. "But we have a small apartment and Daddy found a position for Squall in the military, so I think we're set." She turned and gave a sweet smile to Squall. "Right, dear?"

Squall nodded. "Can't think of what else we'd need," he replied. He looked up at the sky. "Its getting late, Rinoa. If we're making Balamb today, we should get going."

Rinoa nodded, gave a last round of hugs to the group and climbed into the car. Selphie pounced on Squall and squeezed him while Zell, Quistis, and Irvine shook the former Commander's hand before he got into the driver's side of the car.

It was with a tight throat that Zell watched Squall drive away into the setting sun. Selphie was chattering something about planning a trip next time a mission took them near Deling. Zell let the smile drain from his face as he turned on his heel and walked back into the Garden. He had a mission later today to prepare for. He didn't notice Quistis' thoughtful stare in his direction.

"Everything alright, Quisty?" Irvine asked, following the former instructor's gaze.

"Zell didn't give up his Guardian Forces yet, did he?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

Selphie shook her head. After the War, the small group had agreed to limit their use of the dangerous creatures in hopes that their memories would return fully. Squall, acting as Commander of the Garden had actually gone so far as to ban their use until further study. "He keeps telling me later," Selphie said.

Irvine frowned. "Funny thing about later is it never comes," he said.

2 Years after Leaving Garden

Squall fingered the small box in his pocket, his heart stuttering much faster than it should as he walked along the busy street of Deling City towards his apartment. Peace had been good for the former SeeD. The duties of a Galbadian Soldier in peacetime were nothing like the demanding job of saving the world. He talked with Laguna regularly, most often at Rinoa's insistence. The insufferable man had been hinting recently about grandchildren. Recently, he and Rinoa were discussing buying a house.

It may have taken him awhile to get used to the relationship but Rinoa had been patient in teaching. And, just like when she had dragged him onto the dance floor against his will, Squall was beginning to enjoy the idea of spending his life with the Sorceress.

Deling City itself was mostly unchanged. Rinoa enjoyed the busy life of the city. Squall thought he could do with something a little more peaceful, but it was easy to lose himself in crowds here like it never had been in Garden.

Squall turned off the main road and onto the side street that housed his and Rinoa's apartment. In this part of the city there were fewer shops and more houses and apartment complexes. Across the street from their apartment was a small park.

Squall turned the box over in his pocket again, willing his stomach to settle. There was no reason to be nervous. This was, after all, the next logical step.

Shoving the box firmly inside of his pocket, Squall mounted the steps to their apartment complex. The doorman had the door open and waiting for Squall. Bypassing the mailboxes, Squall quickly climbed the three floors to his and Rinoa's apartment. Squall paused for only second outside of the door before he pushed it open.

Instead of seeing the nicely decorated living room, arranged to Rinoa's expectations, Squall walked into a large amount of boxes strewn across the otherwise bare room. Rinoa was sitting on top of one of the boxes, a box of tissues in her hand, her eyes red and puffy and a black duffel bag at her feet.

"What happened?" Squall asked, looking around the room.

Rinoa jumped and stared at Squall, her eyes watering as she looked at him. "I'm sorry," she said. "I-I can't do this anymore."

Squall frowned. Can't do what? He didn't vocalize the question.

"I thought I could, that we could work but we can't. I can't. You share anything of yourself with me and I-I can't do that. Not anymore. This has been a long time coming and it may seem foolish and ill-thought out but its not. I've thought about it a lot a-and...I'm leaving." Rinoa stood up suddenly and picked up the duffel bag.

Squall felt light-headed and almost dizzy. He found it was hard to catch his breath. When Rinoa came towards him, he backed away, instinctively. He wanted to say something, to do something. To ask why. To stop her from going. He did nothing.

Rinoa stopped to look at him once last time. She offered him a small smile. "Movers will be here tomorrow to get the rest of my things. I'm sorry Squall." Tearing her eyes away from Squall, Rinoa walked out of the apartment, the door thudding shut behind her.

Squall supposed their relationship was more like the waltz he had danced with Rinoa than he had first thought.

1 Year after Rinoa's Departure

Quistis took a deep breath and stepped off the Ragnorak. Laguna had loaned her the plane to get to Squall since time was of the essence and Winhill was notoriously hard to reach through conventional means.

The small town was pretty much unchanged as Quistis supposed all small towns were. She wished she had notified Squall of her arrival but Ellone had insisted the surprise might be the best option, especially since Squall hadn't spoken to any of them since giving them the news of Rinoa's abrupt decision and his equally quick one to move himself to Winhill. Selphie had wanted to visit right away, but everyone thought it better if Squall had been given time to himself. If he had wanted them, he would have let them know.

Now thought, it was a matter of urgency. Steeling herself, Quistis passed through the town center and into the small bar that had once been Squall's mother. The bar empty- it was only early afternoon, except for the brown-haired bartender behind the counter.

"Can I help...Quisits?" Squall stopped polishing the bar to stare at his former teacher.

Swallowing, Quistis stepped up to the bar. "Squall, I'm glad to see you." She held out her hand as Squall moved around to her side of the bar.

Instead of taking her hand, Squall enveloped her in a hug. Quistis stiffened momentarily at the unexpected gesture but relaxed into it. His blue shirt was soft on her face and he smelled of the polish he was using the wipe down the bar.

"What brings you here, Quisty?" Squall asked as he released her.

Quistis absently readjusted her uniform and shifted under the weight of Squall's gaze. What was he seeing? "Business unfortunately," she said. Why exactly had she stayed away so long?

"I assumed," Squall replied. He leaned back against the bar, cool eyes never leaving Quistis. "Something wrong with the Garden?"

Quistis walked over and seated herself on a stool. She wished Squall would stop watching her so intently. What was he seeing? "Not precisely, not yet. There have been reports of a Sorceress raising hell on the Centra continent. We don't have much information yet; we only recently dispatched a small squad of SeeD top investigate. But we have reason to believe she is raising an army, whoever she is."

"And you're coming to me...to do what?" Squall's voice was flat. "Do you think its Rinoa?"

Quistis felt a chill go down her spine. That thought had occurred to her but she hoped... "No, I don't. But we don't have information yet." She paused and took a deep breath. "You haven't heard anything, have you?"

Squall shook his head. "Is that all then? You wanted to make sure I didn't know anything?"

Quistis shook her head. She stood up and cleared her throat. "I would like to formally request your presence at Balamb Garden, Commander Leonhart."

The room was silent. Quistis did her best not to fidget.

Suddenly, as if making a decision, Squall nodded. It was time to head back home.