Author's Note: Just take the chapter.

Traynor stares at the doors leading to Liara's room. She takes a breath. "Liara?"

There's silence. A handful of seconds pass by until Traynor hears something like the softest of curses coming from behind the door, and it begins to slide open.

Traynor steps inside and is surprised to see no info drone zipping up to her face and threatening to dispose of her. She almost misses it.

Liara sits in her bed with a blanket over her lap. Piles of datapads surround her, resembling a tiny fort around the wary asari. "Is there something I can help you with, Specialist?" Her tone is careful, void of any inflection that might be mistaken for affection.

Traynor frowns, knowing that she caused that herself. "I haven't heard from you in a while. I thought I'd check up on you."

Liara's eyes betray nothing. "Really? I was under the impression it became that way because you were deliberately avoiding me."

And just like that, Traynor manages to fail this conversation within the first twenty seconds.

"I'm sorry. For being an ass a few nights ago. I was upset, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Liara makes a sound that sounds neither angry or happy. She doesn't move from her bed. Traynor can feel sweat starting to slick the back of her neck. She continues. "And I'm sorry about what I said."

Liara's face is impassive but there's a flicker in her eyes. "About what, exactly?"

Traynor swallows. "About you and Shepard. And how it's like you're desperately chasing a mem—"

"Specialist, why are you here?"

Traynor feels like Liara slapped her. "I am trying to make amends and—"

"Did Shepard tell you to do this?" Liara's eyes are cool and appraising. They also look sad. "I thought you were my friend."

Traynor opens her mouth to protest, looks at Liara's face, and drops her eyes. She can't meet her gaze. "I'm sorry for wasting your time." And her affections, apparently.

She turns and trudges towards the door when she hears Liara call out. "Samantha."

Traynor looks back and sees Liara sitting in bed, quietly closing the datapads around her and setting them to one side. She gets up, careful not to knock over her stacks. Liara walks slowly over her and Traynor feels the muscles in her body tighten at her approach. The expresson on her face is hesitant. She stops and gently reaches out to touch Traynor's jaw. "You are still angry."

Traynor bites her tongue for a few seconds. "I'm fine." Her voice sounds oddly flat.

Liara gives her a chiding look. "Do you think I became an information broker without learning how to read people?" Something about her words has Traynor on edge. "I regret..." She glances at Traynor before taking a deep breath. "I regret what was said a few nights ago. It was not my place to—"

Traynor's jaw clench. Her hands tighten into fists. "To say that I follow Shepard around like a dog, begging for affection."

She doesn't look Traynor in the eyes. "Were those my exact words?"

"Yes."

"I see."

Liara drops her hand and picks at something on her sleeve. "I suppose I say some untrue things when I lose my temper—"

"But you meant that one." And Traynor has a suspicion that whenever Liara gets furious, it's quite the opposite.

Liara doesn't say anything. Traynor takes that as her cue to leave. She makes her way to the closed doors when she stops and looks back. Liara's shoulders are slumped, her head slightly bowed. There's an expression on her face that could match the one Shepard had not half an hour earlier. Despite herself, Traynor turns and says, "You look like you have something else to say."

Liara takes a long time to look up. "I do not wish to fight with you."

Traynor feels like swearing under her breath. "Okay." She feels frustrated and angry, and for some reason, she also wants to cry. "Why are we sidestepping the issue so much? Can't we talk about it like normal people?"

Liara watches her. "I have never been considered 'normal' on Thessia."

Okay, but—well—

Traynor shuts her mouth. She considers doing it more often a wise move.

"I just wished—" Traynor sighs in exasperation. "I want to—"

Be honest with you for once.

Traynor's mouth feels dry. "I...haven't told you the truth before."

Liara watches her. There's no emotion in her voice, but something shadowy darts across her face. "Yes?"

Traynor takes a breath. "I... Shepard... I—I like Shepard. Romantically."

Liara smiles. She looks heartbroken. "I know."

Traynor stares at her for a few seconds as she processes her response. "You did?"

"What kind of information broker would I be if I could not infer something so obvious?" Liara shakes her head slightly. "You would need to be as dense as Joker to not notice."

Was...was she really that bad?

"And you're okay with that?" Traynor asks cautiously.

Liara laughs, a sound that's dry and painful to hear. "I do not recall the last time I have been okay, but I suppose I should thank you for asking and considering my feelings. Even if took you some time to notice them and treat them as if they matter."

Traynor winces. "Liara—"

Liara turns her back on her, and Traynor watches her walk away. She makes it back to the bed and slides in as if she had never left. "I do have an innumerable amount of information to sort through. Please send me an email if there is something we need to speak about."

Traynor's breath is caught in her chest. There is no way she can be okay with this situation. "Li—"

"I do not believe we have much else to speak about. Particularly when you have been playing on my affections to get what you want." Liara's voice cracks on the last words, and in the slightest gap in the mask of her face, Traynor can see her hurt. "Go."

Traynor's feet feel as heavy as her conscience. She stumbles towards Liara. "I never meant to—"

"To what, Specialist?" Liara's tone cuts through her, and Traynor stops. "To pretend to be my friend while you fawn over Shepard? To lie to me and act as if you cared?"

"I do!" Traynor hears her voice breaking too. "I do care!" She drops her eyes and feels something wet in them. "But I didn't want to—"

"To face the consequences of your actions?" Liara's tone is harsh. There's disappointment in her eyes. "I had thought better of you."

Traynor swallows painfully. "I'm sorry."

Liara turns her head away. It's not enough. Traynor's breaths are coming out ragged. She feels something fragile between them begin to break. "Liara, I—" Her voice catches. "I'm not as brave as you or Shepard."

Her words echo in the silence of the room. Liara doesn't look at her, and Traynor feels desperation grab her. "I was afraid of you at first. Afraid that you would tell Shepard. Afraid that you might hurt me if—"

"I would never hurt you." Liara's eyes burn as biotic energy flare up along her shoulders. "Do you think me a monster? Someone who cannot tell friend from enemy?"

Traynor feels a spike of anger. Her words are out before she can stop herself. "Aren't you? It seems like your projects are more important than the people in your life. You treat Shepard like she's not even a person. Like she's another thing you need to finish."

Liara's eyes flare, and Traynor has an image of her being blown out the window. The ship would implode, though she imagines that Liara would feel briefly better. "You think you have the right to judge me? You have no idea what I have been through to get Shepard back."

"Tell me, then." Traynor steps forward. She's close enough to Liara to reach out. "You hide so much from everyone that I don't even know who you are at times I don't think that you remember who you are sometimes either."

Liara turns away, but Traynor catches a glimpse of grief on her face. "I am who I need to be to help Shepard succeed."

"Is that it? Is that all to you?" Traynor kneels in front of the bed. She's shaking. She has no idea what she's doing. "I don't believe that."

Liara's eyes flash at her. "This has nothing to do with you. You are being intrusive and a nuisance."

Traynor trembles. She takes a breath. "Am I supposed to just watch as you and Shepard destroy yourselves and each other?" She takes several more and reaches out to cover Liara's hands with her own. When she's not blown into the wall on the other side of the room with a biotic blast, she continues. "I do think of myself as your friend. I never lied about that," she says, quietly.

Liara glances at her, and Traynor stops breathing. There's something warring in her mind, and her eyes show uncertainty, fear, rage, and something that makes Traynor's heartbeat race. "Are you so certain that you would still be my friend if you knew what I knew?"

Traynor hesitates. She's on the brink of something big.

But there's chance of no turning back now.

"Tell me. Please."

Liara picks up a nearby datapad and types something on it. She hands it to Traynor. "These are the effects of Shepard's modifications on her body as well as her medical records, her emails to Alliance members, her personal entries." Shame darts across her face. "There's nothing left untouched. And Cerberus has all of this."

"Did you give..." Traynor glances up, and the look on Liara's face answers her questions. She swallows. "I see."

"Thankfully, much of it was destroyed when a Cerberus operative attempted to sabotage the project, but there are still details..." She touches the datapad connecting her to Traynor. "...that Shepard would have preferred to remain private. And I...I—"

Her words stumble over themselves, her voice catches. Something rises on Liara's face that makes Traynor hurt for her.

"And I would have given everything to have Shepard back." Liara's eyes glisten. "I already have."

Traynor pulls her into a hug without thinking, knocking some of the datapad stacks from the bed and cursing herself at her clumsiness. Liara looks alarmed. "I am fine. I—"

"Liara, you couldn't fool Joker into thinking that." Traynor feels as brittle as her friend looks. "This is for me. Please." She pulls Liara closer, knowing that her friend is too startled to notice the lie.

Liara is stiff for a few seconds before she begins to relax and tentatively place her hands on Traynor's back. Her squeeze is unsure at first before she lets out a sob and pulls Traynor in with a startling ferocity. Traynor sits awkwardly on Liara's bed while her friend howls into her neck and shakes as if she's lost her whole world, as if she's afraid that she will.

At length, Liara pulls away and wipes at her eyes. "Thank you."

Traynor takes a breath. She's not sure if this is the right moment. "I'm sorry for what I said. About you—"

"Desperately chasing the memory of someone who has already died?" Liara lifts her eyes while Traynor drops hers.

"Yes, that one." Traynor runs her hand through her hair and laughs briefly. "We're horrible people, aren't we?"

"No, we are just people." Liara keeps her gaze on her. "Can we forget about what was said?"

Traynor looks at her and realize that they can't. "No. Because it was all true."

Liara flinches. "I do not chase a memory. Shepard is back and alive."

"She is. But I don't understand why you keep her at a distance."

"Anymore than you understand why you seek her attention?" snaps Liara, something hot flaring in her eyes. After a few seconds, she relaxes and softens her tone. "I do not keep her at a distance. I want more than anything for Shepard to—" She cuts herself off.

"To?" Traynor takes a step closer.

Liara swallows. It looks painful. "To remember." Her expression makes Traynor hurt for her. "Even if it does not matter anymore." She drops her eyes. "Disgraceful. I have better use of my time than with that."

"Liara." Traynor gently takes hold of her wrist, and her friend instinctively tries to pull away. "No. You're not shutting me out like you did Shepard."

Liara's eyes grow wide. "I did no such thing."

"Liara, when is the last time you had a conversation with Shepard that didn't involve missions?" Traynor takes a breath. "Do you know what she dreams about? Do you know what hurts her?"

"And I suppose you have." Her tone is clipped, but there's a look in her eyes that suggests both curiosity and hurt. "What did she confess to you?"

Traynor goes quiet for a moment. "She doesn't understand what she is."

"She's Commander Shepard." Liara's tone is certain. "There is no other."

"But she said there's something wrong with her memories. Like she doesn't remember her emotions but her body does." Traynor thinks about Shepard wiping at her eyes when she talks about Liara. Something clenches in her chest. "It's hurting her."

Liara shakes her head. Her lips are compressed tightly. "Her brain was carefully replicated from her most recent brain scans before she—before the Normandy was attacked."

"Brain scans?"

"Neuroimaging scans from after we fought Sovereign. Neuroscientists from the Citadel were very interested in seeing if there were visible effects on neurobiological functioning in the event of possible indoctrination. They did it on all of us.

"And it was those scans on which Cerberus based their reconstruction of Shepard's brain. If there is something wrong with Shepard's memories, then it is possible that there is something went wrong with the replication. Or there was an issue affecting Shepard's memory already when those scans were taken."

Traynor's willing to believe that Cerberus messed up their resurrection. The other option is frightening on a different kind of level. "So, what? Cerberus messed up when they were recreating Shepard's brain?"

Liara stares down at her sleeve. She can't seem to make eye contact. "Perhaps, that could be the case."

Traynor trembles. Liara touches her gently in reassurance, and Traynor feels her heartbeat rise in response. Strange, she's usually not so nervous around her. Must be the absence.

Traynor shakes her head. She doesn't want to think about the implications of what she just heard. "I suppose that's something we can look into after we try to figure how to politely ask the Reapers to stop trying to tear Shepard apart."

Liara's eyes go dark. "Do you think the Reapers are the only ones who want to take Shepard apart?"

Traynor grits her teeth. "Cerberus too."

"No. Closer to home."

She walks away from Traynor to pick up a datapad from her console. She looks at it. It doesn't seem like she's reading it.

"Shepard is an abnormaly, the first of her kind. She is an experimental fusion of biological matter and cutting-edge technology. What self-respecting scientist would not be interested in how she functions to further advances in medical research and technology? Which unethical scientists would not hesitate to experiment on her?"

"The Alliance wouldn't."

Liara just looks at her. "You say that they have not tried already."

Something cold sinks into Traynor's stomach. "What?"

"Shepard went through quite a few examinations when she was in the Alliance's possession. Not all of them for her benefit." Liara pulls up a list. Traynor catches a few words she recognizes on a sheet of suggested tests. She feels sick when vivisection to test healing prowess is one of them.

"But they didn't?" Traynor presses on. She catches the edge of desperation in her voice.

"No." Liara closes the list. "I made sure they wouldn't be working on anything related to Shepard again."

Traynor opens her mouth to ask then closes it. She knows better by now.

Liara watches her with a curious expression. She nods as if deciding something. "May I show you something?" She brings up a miniature hologram of Shepard. "I had planned to create a VI of Shepard to put in my capsule."

She presses a button and the VI reacts. It moves and smiles like Shepard, speaking with such an accurate cadence that Traynor suspects it's a recording, but there's something off about it.

"It's not quite Shepard," Traynor remarks.

"It should be like her. It has her words, her smile, her movements." Liara's brow marks furrow. "What could be missing?"

Traynor observes the tiny hologram laugh, shoulders shaking in that easy way of Shepard's. There's something slightly wrong with the way it smiles at her. "It's not her."

Liara frowns at her creation. She turns it off. "Another project I have yet to complete."

"No, wait. Turn it back on." Traynor elaborates at Liara's expression. "I need to see something."

The holo-Shepard gives a goofy salute and chatters on with whatever she's been programmed to say. Traynor catches what she's looking for. The smile is too perfect. Shepard has a slightly crooked tilt on one side. "Shepard has more flaws that what the VI shows."

Liara stiffens. "The VI shows what it is supposed to show." She turns it off.

Traynor realizes something. "You never really knew Shepard, did you? She's been dead longer than you two have been together."

Liara stiffens. "I know Shepard. I've researched her. I've—" She ducks her head and runs a hand over her crest. "We risked our lives together. Time matters little when you create a bond like that."

"I just think that, sometimes, you could stand to be a bit more forthright with how you feel towards her."

Liara scoffs, "And you, Specialist? Do you honestly believe that you are as honest with your feelings regarding the commander as you think you are?"

What do she mean by that?

Traynor doesn't get a chance to ask, because Liara changes the subject. "Besides, the commander is still much the same woman she ever was, though..." Liara drops her eyes "Shepard is a great woman, but it is difficult watching a part of her dies each time she loses someone she loves."

The specialist takes a breath. She takes a moment to think about what will happen when she says what she is going to say next. It's slightly depressing to imagine the rather sudden end of your life. "I wish you would stop pretending that the Shepard we have is the one you lost."

A flare of biotics. Liara looks like she wants to hit her. It's actually very, very frightening to be on the other side of that look. "She is."

"Liara." Traynor looks at her. Her voice is quiet. "You know she's not."

"What would you know? You did not even know her." Liara's tone is sharp enough to slice through a Reaper. And Traynor can't pretend it doesn't cut into her as well. "All you know is the way she is now and—" There's a clenching of Liara's fist, a helpless fall of her hand.

Traynor's tone is soft. "Shepard died. She died."

"I know!" Liara comes as close to losing her composure as Traynor has ever seen her. A furious wave of biotic energy ripples across her skin, and her eyes pulse with a violent blue. "I was there! I saw her body—" Her voice cuts off. She looks like she's choking. "I saw what was left. I saw the injustice done to her." She tucks her chin to her throat. Her next words come out low. "Would you have left her death unavenged?"

"Was that about her or you? Shepard already died." Traynor says quietly. Liara looks away, and the specialist swallows something painful in her throat. "Do you still think about it? Dream about it? Or about the commander?"

Liara looks at her. Her voice is quiet. "You think it is Shepard I dream about now?"

Traynore stares. "Isn't it?"

Liara's eyes look pained. "I know Shepard died. I still see the Normandy falling away from me in my dreams. And sometimes when I see her in the hallways of the ship, it takes me back to the minutes before the Collectors hit."

Liara lets out a long exhale. She drops her chin to her chest. She doesn't say anything.

"Liara, talk to me." Traynor lightly touches her wrist. Liara twitches but doesn't pull away. "What do you feel—" Traynor hesitates. She takes a risk. "—what do you feel guilty about?"

Liara's head snaps toward her. "Nothing," she says, quickly. She attempts to pull away, but Traynor tightens her hold on the slender wrist in her hand. The armour covering it is freezing.

"Why do you assume I would have something to feel guilty about?" Liara's tone is hard, but her eyes avoid Traynor's. "Other than surviving when Shepard did not, I suppose. But everyone feels that."

"Liara, you're deflecting." Traynor gently touches her face.

Liara inhales and closes her eyes. When she opens them, she trains them on Traynor, uncertainty and something else pulsing behind them. "I do not feel anything."

"Not true." Traynor shifts her touch, thumb grazing the edge of Liara's lower lip. Startled, Traynor finds her glancing at Liara's lips. "Not when it involves Shepard."

Liara drops her eyes, shifts her feet.

"Whatever it is, I'll listen. I'll accept whatever you say and—"

"Shepard is running out of time."

They're all running out of time.

"Because of the Reapers?" Traynor asks while Liara shakes her head. "Or something to do with her body." When Liara goes quiet, she gets a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Is it something to do with her memories?"

There's a long pause. Liara looks to the side. "Shepard was given a genetic trait that allows the neurons in her brains to regenerate themselves despite their destruction. This resulted in an extended memory, clearer recall similar to photographic memory as well as accelerated decision-making abilities."

Traynor is trying to figure out what she's getting out. "So, Shepard has a perfect memory?" She starts to ask how that was bad until she remembers how haggard and worn Shepard looked after losing friends on Tuchanka. Shepard would always relive that moment exactly as it was.

"Neurogenesis, as it is known, is primarily a phenomenon that occurs in fetuses of all live-born species when the neurons are forming themselves. In Shepard, they repair themselves as soon as they are damaged." Liara pauses. "The Lawsons have a fascination with fiddling unnecessarily with DNA."

"So, Shepard has enhanced mental capacities?" It doesn't feel like it at times if watching her charge at a giant Thresher Maw is any indication. "What's wrong with that?"

"It would be nothing, save for the fact that it interferes with the storage of memory." Liara glances at her. "In fact, it overwrites existing ones."

Overwrite existing o-

"What?" The word comes out much weaker than Traynor intends. "Are you saying...?"

Liara looks at her with pity in her eyes. "I would not get too attached to the Commander in your place."

The conversation stalls and halts, like a ship scraping against the metal edge of a port as it tries to docks. Traynor swallows, unsure of what to say when Liara lifts her eyes to her, voice almost inaudible. "Perhaps, you should go."

Traynor nods mutely, pulling herself off of the bed and to her feet, which feel odd and leaden, clunky. She stumbles her way almost to Liara's door when her voice calls out to her.

"Specialist, one more thing."

Traynor turns around and is blindsided as Liara steals a kiss from her. Her friend's lips are soft, warm, and send a rush surging through her that raises Traynor to her toes and electrifies every molecule in her being as if they're trying to get out.

When Liara finally pulls away, Traynor's breath goes with her, and the specialist tumbles backwards into the wall behind her, unable to remember what balance is like.

Liara looks thoughtful and sad at the same time. "I had predicted as much."

She—what? What?

Oh, god.

How does Liara kiss like that?

Liara takes a long look at Traynor's expression before sighing. "Are you that unaware of how you look at me?"

Of how Traynor looks at—

The Normandy's alarms begin to blare. Traynor's never been so happy to have a life-threatening emergency at hand. The feeling flees the next second when Joker's voice comes over tight on the intercom. "Commander, we have the SS Orizaba sending out a distress signal from nearby. It's taking damage."

Liara stiffens at the words, and Traynor's hit with a sudden bout of deja vu. Where did she just hear that name?

"That—Joker, get to the coordinates of that call now!" Liara commands as she launches herself towards the bridge, barrelling down the CIC with the force of a charging krogan.

Shepard's suited up to go out, but there's nothing they can do. Everyone in the cockpit watches as the clunky SSV Orizaba tries to evade the sleek, dark shapes that pierce outwards from the fabric of space. They don't get close to the starship. They don't need to.

A single red beam of line arches upwards towards the Orizaba from a Reaper. The starship, perhaps realizing the finality of its predicament, turns around and somehow manages to just dodge the sweeping laser. Shots from its guns pepper the surface of the two Reapers, a missile blasting off one of the Reaper's legs.

The laser bisects the Orizaba.

Explosions rocket across the starship's hull before the ship blows outwards, a gruesome orange spectacle in the distance of a black background. The Reapers turn from their target and slip away into space.

There's a stifling silence that floods the Normandy. Joker, EDI, Liara, Vakarian, and Alenko are all looking at Shepard's face.

Joker looks grief-stricken. "Commander, I didn't get here on time. I'm sorry. I wasn't fast enough."

"It's not your fault." Shepard lets out a long breath. Her voice trembles slightly. "Set for coordinates away from here. There's nothing we can do." Her face contorts for a second before the expression is swept away.

The cockpit is silent. There's nothing anyone can say to Shepard.

Traynor stands by Shepard's side. She reaches out a hand to touch her, and to Traynor's surprise, Shepard turns to crush the specialist to her. She buries her face into Traynor's neck, and Traynor can feel a soft sob escaping from her as her shoulders begin to shake.

Major Alenko's standing nearby, hands behind his back. He looks stunned as he watches Shepard hang onto Traynor. Joker's staring at them as if he's finally figuring something out while Vakarian is neither jocular nor furious. His tone is solemn as he touches Shepard's back and murmurs, "Shepard, I'm sorry."

Traynor looks backwards to the asari behind them.

Liara smiles but hers eyes drop. She turns away from Traynor.

Traynor watches Liara slip away.