I am...not entirely sure I'm happy with where this chapter ended, but it's been long enough since I updated anything that I've been wanting to update something. This was the only one even nearly done, but don't worry-I'm working on updating the others, too. CK is starting to flow again, for those of you who read that, and I hope to update that this month.

Also: interestingly enough, the first two scenes of this chapter were written immediately after I posted chapter four, because Kis-kun was feeling lonely.

Title: A Cupful of Heartache

Author: Cuzosu

Rating: M

Summary: Yoruichi's death has left Kisuke unstable, so Yamamoto sends another captain to either calm Urahara or take him prisoner. The downside? His best option to send is also the most like Yoruichi.

Chapter Warnings: Depression, duh. Also a botched experiment.

Chapter Five:

Urahara Kisuke stared at the door.

He was hesitant—and he knew why, somewhere in the back of his mind. He just...couldn't remember right now. Wouldn't remember right now. It would delay things. Cause problems.

Problems he didn't want, couldn't deal with yet.

Urahara Kisuke stared at the door.

It wasn't the least bit daunting, nowhere near intimidating. This door was merely a door in his home.

Kisuke wasn't sure he was convinced of that, just now. Not that he was actually daunted or intimidated; that wasn't his style. (Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he still wasn't feeling his emotions with all the impact he ought. The analytical part of him called it shock. He was in shock – from the death of his best friend, Shihōin Yoruichi.)

Still, there was something about this door...

Maybe it's the man you know lies beyond it, whispered...something. He is dangerous, unpredictable, manipulative... Much the same as the blond himself.

But.

I have been a fool, Urahara admitted to himself. But I am not a coward. Everyone has moments of weakness. This is just fair trade.

He stepped forward and opened the door.

Kyōraku Shunsui was dozing lightly when Urahara Kisuke slid the door open and entered on silent feet. He'd been hoping for but not particularly expecting the blond, so he was somewhat shocked.

As the brunet blinked dazedly, Kisuke graced the older man with a look of faint but scathing disgust and extreme exhaustion. "Can't sleep," he mumbled as he slid the door shut and slumped against the wall.

Even though he knew he'd die if the blond ever discovered his thoughts, the brunet couldn't help it. A small wrinkle in his brow to indicate a disgruntled attitude... Like I needed that sign, Kis-kun... I can tell that you're annoyed, beneath the hurt that covers you like a cloak.

With a huff of amusement, Shunsui flipped the blankets toward the blond, freeing an open space on the bed, then wriggled himself back to his previous sprawled position. "You as well? I've not felt quite rested for some time, either." Closing his eyes, he mumbled contentedly, "Stretch out and stay a while. Sake's on the nightstand, snacks in the drawer under the sake. If you need 'em." Then he sighed and, to all appearances, went to sleep.

Kisuke knew better; the brunet was still awake, merely waiting for his next move. But...he'd come here. No one had made him. And Kyōraku-san wasn't evicting him, which meant he didn't mind the company...

Feeling no little trepidation, Kisuke clambered into the bed, careful not to jostle the other occupant.

When he slipped under the blankets, Shunsui hid a smile.

Tessai's morning began as was usual lately. He rose and searched for Urahara Kisuke until it was time to make breakfast. Then he migrated into the kitchen and cooked enough food for the three males, at which point he would rouse Kyōraku-san to eat.

He knocked on the door briefly, alerting the captain to his presence, and then opened it. His eyes didn't have time to take in the sight of the room.

All he knew was that something rushed toward him from said room, swept him back against the wall behind him, and something sharp was suddenly at his throat. Tessai very carefully made no moves.

The weight on his throat was there for no more than a second. Then there was another sensation of movement and he thought he saw a flicker of blond hair—and suddenly the hallway was empty again.

When he looked back in the room, the brunet met his gaze steadily. "Well, obviously he isn't ready for wake-up calls." Shunsui ran a hand through his hair, then reached to snag a hair tie and his clothes. "Ten to one says Kis-kun'll be skittish for a while after this; might as well eat breakfast before searching him out." Dark eyes focused intensely on him for a brief moment. "Oh, and you might want to do something for your neck. Looks like he stopped in time to keep from doing worse, but I don't think he needs to be guilt tripped right now."

Tessai raised a hand to his throat; it came away smeared with blood. I'm glad the Boss recognized me... Getting his throat ripped open by Benihime was not high on his list of things to do. ...glad the kids weren't here for this...

As relief and resignation rolled over both men, they headed into the dining room to eat.

After breakfast, Shunsui slipped away again to search out the elusive escape artist. Really, Kis-kun's getting better at avoidance than I am! This was almost annoying, except that somehow the brunet couldn't find it in himself to be more than adoring. The blond was just so cute when he moped and pouted – though heavens forbid he imply anything of the sort to the Urahara! And anyway he liked more than the blond's cuteness, and he'd seen the dangerous sides of the younger man and was quite fond of them, too. (When they weren't aimed at him, of course.)

Either Shunsui got lucky or the Urahara just hadn't bothered to go wandering today, because he was in his lab. Staring at a collection of vials he hadn't bothered to label because he knew what was what.

Something about the chemicals put Shunsui on edge, though he couldn't put his finger on what until the blond musingly stated, "I want to mix those two bottles and make something explode."

...what? If that wasn't cause for an oh-shit reaction, Shunsui didn't know what was. But unfortunately, he didn't have such luxury. So his tone was calm as he said, "You haven't lately?" As if he didn't know.

Kisuke gave him an inscrutable look. Apparently that was all the answer he intended to offer, because he resumed his stare down with the vials. Shunsui was never quite sure, after, whether it was seconds or hours before he reached for whichever had most caught his attention; all of his focus was on a certain blond ex-captain. It was probably a good thing for Shunsui that the Urahara was so absorbed in his choices that he was oblivious to anything else non-threatening, because damn, that mad scientist look really suited his Kis-kun!

Uh-uh, Shunsui thought to himself, giving his mind a firm mental shake. Not mine. Not yet, maybe not ever. Yes, he had it bad. If he was honest, he'd lusted after the blond some even back when Kisuke belonged to Second Squad, and he hadn't been particularly into men. But Urahara Kisuke was a special case, and somehow the more he discovered about the blond, the more the brunet liked him. It maybe wasn't the smartest, having this kind of appreciation for the scientist, but Shunsui was wise enough to know that emotions were impossible to fully control...and there were some emotions that trumped logic every time.

A solution went glub-glop! inside a container; Shunsui had no idea what it was, but the back of his neck was prickling and that usually meant something—

He dove for the blond just in time to take the brunt of the explosion, but knocked the open vial from the Urahara's hand in the process. It was obviously something flammable, because there was an audible whump! just before they were slammed into a wall. If the room hadn't been on fire, Shunsui might have allowed himself to fall to the ground; that impact had most definitely not been soft on either man.

Seeing something over his shoulder, Kisuke's eyes widened a bit as he flung a hand out, kidō erupting from his fingertips. It felt like a barrier and that was all he sensed before he was shoved away, falling on his ass out of sheer surprise. Storm-gray orbs stared at the room from beneath blond bangs as Kisuke focused. He looked too focused to have done this before, so Shunsui stayed quiet and merely watched, aware that the ex-captain was doing something that was (in all probability) highly dangerous. Again.

Then Tessai burst in the door, fired off what was probably two or three consecutive kidō spells, and rushed them both off to bed. The same bed. And, while Kyōraku happened to be known for over-the-top antics and perversion, the blond didn't appear to be protesting sharing a bed with him. Instead, it seemed he was sulking over being denied access to his own lab by a stern healer and threatened with sedation if he didn't cooperate.

Shunsui was fairly sure that the only reason Kisuke didn't get out of bed anyway was the particular type of kidō barrier Tessai had used. Canny fellow. Or maybe he was just used to dealing with the blond. Either way, he'd set up a barrier that would incinerate anything inside it if forced, which rather neatly tied his unruly patient's hands.

For his part, Kisuke was sulking about it. It was the first thing he'd wanted in...days?...weeks?...and now he was being denied! By someone he called friend, no less! If Yoruichi—the name sent a pang through him, but he was on a roll and had experiments he planned to do—if Yoruichi was here, she'd...well, she'd probably take Tessai's side and drop a fist or a foot on his head, to boot, but, damn it, he wanted his lab back!

He was working himself into quite a fit when Kyōraku set a hand on his arm.

"Hey. Kisuke." He waited for the blond to face him at least part of the way. "He's only done this because he's worried for you. Tessai doesn't want to face the possibility of losing another friend so soon." The brunet took a deep breath. "And neither do I," he admitted, meeting his eyes.

Intellectual or not, Kisuke felt his brain fry when he met that gaze. Care, want and heartfelt need shone clearly in those gray eyes. It was all he wanted—and more than he could take.

When the blond fled in a sudden burst of shunpo, Kyōraku Shunsui cursed. He'd moved too fast and probably blown his chance.

Tessai arrived moments later, having felt the turbulent reiatsu that had permeated the air such a short time ago. He looked a question at the captain and didn't have to say a word.

"He ran," sighed Shunsui, pain and bitterness at the rejection hidden in his sad tone.

Wise to the ways of stubborn shinigami, Tsukabishi Tessai read between the lines. Kyōraku-san likes the Boss, and the Boss is still mourning and won't—probably can't—accept that. He sighed. Why did the people he worked with have to cause him such difficulties? To be fair, though, at least Urahara-san hadn't dragged him into anything he didn't want to do. Not everyone would have been so willing to stick their necks out for others the way Kisuke had for the Vaizards (and then for Kurosaki-kun, too). If Tessai didn't want to be there, he could always leave. It was just that Tessai wanted to help his blond friend with something personal for once, instead of helping him help others.

Urahara Kisuke stared at the paper in front of him. Part of his mind was focused on designing the medical supplies and equipment Unohana Retsu had requested of him. The other part of his mind was reeling between abject loneliness and the surety that he didn't want to get that close to anyone else ever again. He couldn't stand the pain of another such loss.

Every now and then, his mind—the traitorous thing—would supply him with images of his brunet visitor, kind and compassionate and unusually respectful. Immediately after the surge of uncertainty that swamped him at the sight of the other man, he would hear soft, reassuring murmurs, a gentle but firm voice urging him to eat and drink—to take care of himself. And then like echoes from across the sea would come that worried visage, gray eyes dark and fretting, wisps of chocolate hair framing that rugged face perfectly, saying, "Kis-kun? Kis-kun?" with a voice full of emotions the blond dared not name.

Well, no, that wasn't quite right—he knew what they were and he did name them, as a matter of fact, but only when the other man wasn't present, when he wouldn't be forced to deal with the consequences of those emotions immediately. Away from the captain, Urahara could examine all the emotional intricacies with clinical detachment. It was easier on his mind, yes—but the real reason he was hiding away and trying so hard not to show emotions in front of anyone was because the pain of Yoruichi's death was feeding his rage...and should he lose his temper, well, Benihime was not a teaching kind of zanpakuto...

Until he dealt with his out-of-control emotions, being around people he cared about was a risk he was not willing to take.