Chapter 1

I never knew what I had until I broke its heart and left it for dead. I never meant to do that to him, I didn't even know he had given his heart to me, but he did so without telling me. Which made his heart break all the more painfully, and it wasn't until days later that I had realized what I had done. Why am I so dense?

What had occurred happened last year one week before school let out, we were all excited because next year we got to give the new freshman's their "entrance into high school". But my excitement was short lived when I did something so unexplainable to someone that I really thought deserved it, but they didn't and I made an ass of myself because of it. I had always been mean to him but he always came crawling back thinking I truly had some good in me, but that idea was totally crushed, and this time he didn't come crawling back.

The second to last day I asked him to stop ignoring me because his silence was pissing me off. But he just replied by saying

"There is no point in me talking with you anymore, Cartman." And turned back around to hear the gibberish the teacher was spewing from her mouth.

I was so angry with him that week I hadn't even noticed that he didn't call me Cartman in that sentence, he used my first name, as if he hadn't known me for almost all his life and were talking to an acquaintance he just happened to know the name of. He said Eric as if it were some horrible STD that caused cancer. Of course I just thought he was being an over emotional bitch. But that wasn't it, and I still hadn't figured it out 'till Stan had mentioned something on the last day of school at the bus stop.

"Dude, what the hell is with Kahl lately, he's been ignoring me." I said shifting from one foot to the other.

"You're really asking me?"

"Well he won't tell me why." I said defiantly.

"It's because he...has feelings for you." He stated feeling very uncomfortable.

"What, you mean like...faggy feelings?"

"Dude! This is serious! Its bad enough he has to deal with liking a fat ass, but when he straight out told you, you laughed in his face!"

And that's when it hit me, and i remembered what had happened;

Both Kyle and I were walking home.

"Hey Cartman?"

"Yes?" I said not really paying attention.

He was looking at the sky, "What would you think if I said I thought that..." His voice trailed off.

"Dude speak up." I said not exactly in a demanding manner.

"If I had a crush on you..." He had stopped walking and was standing still. I too had stopped walking and was now processing what he had just said and laughed, since I had never been in a situation like this before, with a girl yeah, but with a guy? And it just so happened to be recently out of the closet Kyle.

"Dude I'm flattered, really, but come on you can't really think that." I said, not taking his statement seriously.

"Yea your right, you'll always be a lard ass."

And I hadn't noticed until now the hurt sound in his voice, that same tone he used when he said he refused to talk with me.

"-you're so dense you probably didn't even notice until a few days ago!" I had just now found out that Stan had been yelling at me whilst I was having a flashback. "Cartman, are you even listening? I-"

"Dude, really, shut up, I'm trying to think of how to fix this." I said putting my hand up to his face. This whole situation would be so much easier if he would just talk to me! Its not my fault I had never considered Kyle as more than a friend, I mean yeah when we were nine I tried to force him to suck my balls and even told everyone at a basketball game that we were a gay couple and even converted into the Jewish religion out of fear but that doesn't mean-oh crap, he probably got the wrong idea, DAMMIT! And I thought we were over that shit. How could I be so naive.

"Hey Stan." Kyle came, he looked sick, and he hadn't even acknowledged my presence, like he would I was a total asshole to him.

"Kahl, listen, I-I'm sorry for what happened-"

"It's too late for that Eric, you've taken my soul and crushed it with a mallet. There is nothing you can say or do to make it any less painful for me." He didn't even look at me when he said that, even when a tear was squinted out.

I felt like nothing, like a soulless bastard, only worse. But I deserved it, with the way I've treated and confused him over the years, sending him fake advances. I would hate me too. But I still felt hurt when he said that, like I didn't deserve this because I hadn't known he had thought that I felt that way.

"Kahl if you'd just listen-"

"No Cartman!" He looked my way, tears spilling over onto his beautiful face. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Please, just leave me alone." Kyle had now closed his eyes letting even more tears spill, at that moment I knew that I had loved him, because I wanted to hug him and never let anything harm him ever. I had dreamed of when he would cry and I could taste his tears in victory. But right now I can see that I never ever imagined that I would hate the sight of seeing Kyle cry.

And as he turned away to go back into his misery I knew that I could never, ever, protect him. That's how our last day of school hell began. After our un-heartwarming encounter he ignored me completely, even when we had the same class he would just move to the other side of the room. I left just before lunch.

That whole summer I saw him walking around town, he looked terrible, and depressing. Just lifeless, I hated seeing him like this, and it made me hate it even more that I couldn't do anything to help him. And he would always be near Stan, anytime I came within a few feet he'd turn them both around so Kyle couldn't see me, so I just stayed inside my house.

Month after month passed and then it was the week before our first day of tenth grade, I had almost forgotten about what had happened until that week passed and I waited at my usual spot at the bus stop...