Title: Hero/Heroine

Pairing: Pauly D/Vinny

Rating: M

Summary: Pauly and Vinny try to figure out what exactly "they" are during season 2. Or, Pauly tries to figure it out. Either way, chaos ensues. Part 3 in the Lost in You 'verse.

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

Author's Note: And they thought they could keep me down! Hahaha. Kidding. Anyway, here it is, the long awaited missing part 3 of the Lost in You 'verse, for everyone who has so anxiously asked about it! I somehow finally found the time/inspiration to finish it! Among all the other drama in my life, ha. Anyway, hopefully it's worth all the wait. =))

Warnings: Drama.

Pauly really never meant for it to happen. He and Vinny had agreed that when they went their separate ways after the Shore, they could keep hanging out, but the need to continue hooking up would come to an end. They wouldn't be completely isolated from society any longer, so what was the point? It had seemed so reasonable, going back to a platonic friendship. So far, they'd been totally successful, too, spending time together on a pretty regular basis as nothing more than extremely close friends. It had been great, Pauly remembering just what an amazing friend Vinny was outside of the bedroom. Things couldn't be better, it seemed. But then, they'd been in West Palm for some press thing, and Pauly had suggested they get a room together, hang out like old times, and really, it had been almost inevitable from there.

The next thing the DJ knew, they were drinking on the balcony of their hotel suite, and the moonlight was falling on Vinny's skin just right, and the lights from the beach were making his eyes almost shine, and all Pauly could think was that he looked so fucking gorgeous, and suddenly, he'd broken down. He hadn't even asked for permission, just took Vinny's face in his hands and kissed him breathless, mid-sentence. But, then again, Vinny hadn't objected, either, kissing him back with just as much vigor, as if he'd missed it all these months. Maybe he had, Pauly had thought, apparently deciding to remedy the hurt by dropping to his knees and swallowing the younger's cock until the kid's legs were shaking and he's almost screaming the DJ's name, right there on the hotel balcony. Vinny returned the favor the only way he knew how, his hand working fervently to get the older off the second they'd fallen into bed. They passed out tangled together under the sheets, still completely naked, but wrapped tight in one another's arms for the first time in months.

Pauly's so confused when he wakes up, Vinny still curled around him. He has no idea why he'd done it. He'd never gone so far with the younger before, and is clueless as to why he felt the need to now. For a moment, he contemplates what it could possibly mean that he'd initiated something like that in the first place. The second his eyes drift across Vinny's prone form, however, he pushes it to the back of his mind. The kid's too good to be getting wrapped up in something like this, some sordid gay affair, Pauly thinks. He won't do anything good for Vinny at all, just drag him further down into the underworld than the Jersey Shore had already tried to.

So, as much as it almost physically pains him, he eases his way out of bed as carefully as possible, leaves Vinny a note that he'd had an early flight (which is such a lie, and all he can think is that he hopes Vinny doesn't know it) and gathers his things, slipping out of the hotel room unnoticed. He feels like an ass, but when Vinny texts him later to make sure his flight was alright as if nothing had happened, he thinks that maybe, as long as he avoids the younger for a while, they can really pretend that nothing did, move on. He really hopes they can, doesn't really want to consider the possibility of losing Vinny completely over his own stupidity. All he can do is push it to the back of his mind and get on with his life.

That is, until he gets the call about season two.

III

For a while, Pauly debates turning down the offer entirely. He's honestly not sure if he can handle it, being in the same house with Vinny again, completely cut off from the rest of the world save for work and the clubs, without doing something he knows he'll regret. But then he thinks about his career, and how well it's been going since the Jersey Shore, and how much better it could be going, especially if he goes to Miami. Surely his career is worth him maintaining some form of self-control over his dick, he figures. Still, better not to take any chances if possible, he reasons, so he calls Mike before he calls the producers back, makes sure the Situation has re-signed as well before agreeing. When he hears that not only has Mike re-signed, but the younger is willing to drive down with him and room with him for the season, Pauly figures, what can go wrong? and calls MTV back.

"What can go wrong?" is actually a shockingly open question, Pauly realizes about halfway down to Miami. It turns out it's quite a long drive all the way down to Miami, especially when you're stuffed into a car with Mike Sorrentino. And at first, Pauly thinks he's just being paranoid with the younger's sly comments, occasional brushes of skin, the total ignoring of Pauly's personal space. But about a third of the way down, the DJ begins to reconsider, slapping Mike's hand off of his thigh.

"Yo, dawg, how much have you had to drink?" Pauly almost snaps.

Mike just laughs, throws his hands up in a defensive gesture in the passenger seat.

"Hey, my bad!" he snickers.

"Yea, well, keep your hands to yourself. I'm tryina' drive." Pauly says, tries to keep the nervous waver out of his voice.

He starts to wonder if maybe this thing with Mike wasn't such a good idea after all, trying to grin and bear it the rest of the way to Florida. The second he sees Vinny, however, all thoughts of that kind dissipate. He suddenly couldn't be more thankful he's rooming with Mike and, regrettably, Angelina (couldn't feel like more of a dick when Vinny's face falls at the realization that apparently, things just aren't the same). His thankfulness only lasts so long, though, for he soon realizes he's somehow managed to move into the room with the wolves who want to tear him apart the most. Still, he thinks, better than fucking up his friendship with Vinny, right? He can handle it, he assures himself.

III

If by "handle" he meant "let Vinny blow him for the first time in the shower", then he's handling things great, Pauly realizes a few weeks later. He'd been trying to be as nonchalant as possible, still spending time with Vinny as much as possible without getting too close, but even he could feel the tension building just below the surface during all of their encounters. Their stares had lingered a little too long. They'd sat a little too close (Vinny's touch left an electric shock in its wake that had left Pauly's heart occasionally racing in a way he can't exactly identify, doesn't want to think about too hard). He'd wondered when it was finally going to become too much, but he certainly hadn't expected it to come to a head quite like this (head, he thinks, ha ha). The younger corners him in the shower one afternoon, the single place the show would never tape, catching him completely off-guard.

"Pauly," he hears Vinny hiss behind him in a soft whisper, and it startles him, making him jump even as he whirls around to face the kid. He loses his balance, feet sliding completely out from under him as he turns, and for a moment he really thinks he's going to eat it right here in the shower, smash his pretty face all over the tile floor. But at the last second, an arm winds its way around his waist, catching him and pinning him to the wall of the shower instead, albeit carefully. The next thing he knows, Vinny's pressed firmly against him, lips moving carefully against the skin of his neck as the hot shower water rains down on them. Pauly can't even help it, pulls the boy closer with cautious hands on his shoulders. Vinny's hands move down to settle on his hips before the younger is ducking his head down a bit more, laying kisses upon Pauly's pecs delicately. The DJ resists a moan as he looks down at Vinny.

"H-hey. Hey, Vin, what are you doing?" he asks softly, pushing Vinny away the slightest bit.

The look that crosses over Vinny's features is one of blatant hurt, and Pauly immediately feels like an asshole. Still, he can't exactly retract his statement not, even as Vinny begins to back away, staring more at his feet than at his friend. They're both silent for several long minutes, the shower water running over them the only noise in the room. Finally, Vinny meets Pauly's eyes again, nervousness and guilt painted across his face.

"Did I do something wrong?" he questions timidly. Pauly's brow furrows.

"No. What makes you think that?" the older replies, reaching out with shaking hands and running them up and down Vinny's arms. Vinny moves in closer. For a moment, Pauly wonders if the younger can feel the electricity, too.

"I-I...it just feels like you've been avoiding me, y'know. S-since that night in, uhm. Since that night in West Palm, and I-I just..." he trails off, nerves evidently overcoming his very thoughts. He looks away from his friend, eyes moving back to the floor. Pauly waits patiently, despite being afraid himself, for Vinny to regain his composure, meet his eyes once more. When he does, the younger appears even more sad, if that's possible (the water droplets clinging to his eyelashes certainly aren't helping, Pauly thinks, unable to tear his eyes away from them). "I miss you, Pauly, in bed, but especially as a friend, and I can't help thinking that I messed up that night, and I want to fix it."

Pauly's head is absolutely spinning, and he's suddenly glad that Vinny's close enough to practically hold him up, because he's pretty sure he could support himself right now even if he wanted to. He blames it on the water, and its neverending supply of heat, holding onto the younger's hips to steady himself as he speaks.

"Messed up? What are you talking about, kid?" he asks, examining Vinny's face closely for any sign of what in the hell he could be thinking. The DJ swallows thickly when Vinny moves in even closer and Pauly fully takes in his lust-blackened eyes.

"That was some kind of test, right?" Vinny returns, confusion etched into his tone. "To see if I could handle more than handjobs. And I blew it. Or, I didn't. So, y'know. I failed?"

Pauly wants to laugh. Is he really that much of a dick?, he wonders. He must be, because Vinny looks completely serious. He opens his mouth to defend himself, he never meant for the kid to read that into it, but only manages to get a few words out before Vinny is interrupting him.

"No, seriously, it's fine. I mean, no need to try and mask it now that I know." Vinny whispers, something almost like embarassment in his voice. Pauly takes the boy's face in his hands, tilts it completely up almost into the spray of the water just so that he can meet his eyes again.

"But I am being serious. That's not what that was." Pauly explains firmly.

Vinny searches his eyes for a few long moments, as if he's looking for something. Suddenly, he squeezes Pauly's hips once quickly from where he's been holding the older steady. He nods before ducking his head in, stealing a quick kiss. He shoots the older a grin that Pauly would think were kind of adorable under any other circumstances but currently just makes the DJ feel the striking need to take a deep breath just to steady himself.

"Well then, consider this me belatedly returning the favor." Vinny says as if he's made a good decision.

And Pauly would object, stop the boy from doing what he's thinking of doing, but then Vinny's dropping to his knees right there, on the shower floor, and taking Pauly's very much erect cock right into his mouth, no hesitation at all, and it's all the DJ can do to keep himself upright.

"Oh, fuck!" Pauly exclaims, because oh, fuck is right.

It's not the best blowjob Pauly's ever had, but it's certainly not the worst, the older thinks. What the kid definitely lacks in experience, he more than makes up for in passion, practically worshipping Pauly's dick with a pleasant mixture of his hand and mouth. He works Pauly's cock as if he's spent weeks thinking about this very moment, what he would do if he had the opportunity. It sends an electric surge up the older's spine, overwhelms him with the need to just touch the younger. He grabs onto Vinny's shoulders, digs his fingers in more and more as he nears release. He would feel bad that he's doing literally nothing to help get Vinny off, he thinks, but if the sounds the kid's making are anything to go by, he's just as into it as Pauly is, moaning all around his cock in a way that sends vibrations straight up it. The DJ curses out loud once more, nails scraping across Vinny's skin so deep he knows there'll be evidence later. Suddenly, Pauly can feel himself about to tip over the edge, and he utters the younger's name, almost quietly at first, but growing louder as he goes, shaking at the kid's shoulder. Vinny doesn't stop, though, doesn't even slow down, and the next thing Pauly knows, he's coming straight down Vinny's throat, the younger swallowing every drop. It intensifies his orgasm that much more, leaving him shaking in its wake with a sudden urgent need to sit down.

He slides down the shower wall, water still spraying over both of them as Pauly struggles to catch his breath. When he finally manages, he cracks his eyes open slowly. Vinny still kneels in front of him, light smile on his face. Before he even really has a chance to process what he's doing, Pauly reaches out, drawing the younger to him in a chaste kiss, one that deepens as Vinny crawls forward the slightest bit to kneel completely between the DJ's knees. Despite the shock that hits Pauly the second their tongues intertwine, the older can't help the wave of guilt that washes over him in the same instant. Even as he pulls Vinny closer, he knows he's going to have to let him go. He hates it, hates that he's going to hurt the kid, but hates almost more that he's going to have to lie to do it. Still, it's not as though he can keep stringing Vinny along like this, letting him believe that they can just pick back up where they left off. The fact of the matter is, they can't, much as Pauly would honestly like to. There's just too many feelings involved now, many of them too shaky and new and outright foreign for the DJ to admit to himself, much less Vinny. Besides, Pauly had said no, and he'd meant it, dammit. He's unwilling to corrupt the younger, damage him beyond repair, much as the kid seems to want him to. No, it's better if they cut the cord here and now, before either of them grows too attached. The real question, Pauly thinks as he continues to let Vinny kiss him utterly senseless, is how.

III

It comes out by complete mistake not even a full week later, just as Vinny's inching into his bed one evening while Mike and Angelina are still at the club.

"Vinny, stop. We-we can't...we can't do this, okay?"

The younger's movements halt completely, eyes growing wide.

"What?" he whispers softly, almost like he's hoping it's all a vicious dream. Pauly hates to shatter that, drag him back to reality.

"We can't keep doing this, kid. Look," Pauly tries, sitting up in bed as Vinny sits back. The older lets out a slow breath. This was so much easier in his head, his intoxicated brain thinks. Wait, he remembers. No, it wasn't. If anything, it was harder. He shakes his head, meets Vinny's eyes. He repeats, "Look, we said when we left Jersey last year that we, that we were going to stop, right? So, we should probably stop."

"But...what about West Palm?" Vinny objects, voice small. He sounds a bit like a child, and Pauly feels a lot like a dick, especially when he hears his mouth responds before his brain has a chance to catch up with it.

"West Palm was a mistake, Vinny."

He hears Vinny suck in a sharp breath and wants to kick himself in the balls for the kid.

"A-and the other day?" the younger says, and Pauly can hear his spirits falling. He tries to be as delicate as possible.

"Look, I'm not saying it wasn't good, man. It was fantastic. But...it just shouldn't have happened, alright? It was a bad idea. West Palm was a-a terrible idea, and it shouldn't have happened either, and I'm sorry." Pauly struggles to find the right words in his liquor-addled mind. "I just...I think we should stick with our original plan, and just be friends. Okay?"

Vinny falls completely silent. Pauly feels almost nauseous as he watches the kid turn away entirely, looking at his own lap instead. He clears his throat, the younger shuffling a bit at the foot of the bed. Vinny's face is riddled with hurt, and it's all Pauly can do to not lean over, kiss it away the way he's used to. But he can't. Not now. Not anymore. Now, all he's got are his words, and he's never really been all that great with those. Still, he makes an effort.

"I really am sorry, Vin. I-I, I just, I meant what I said, back then. I'd be horrible for you." he stammers, nerves taking over more and more as he speaks. Vinny doesn't even seem to be listening, too lost in his own upset thoughts. Pauly throws out one more phrase, a last ditch effort. "I just don't want to hurt you."

Pauly almost blanches when the kid scoffs, rolls his eyes. He watches in something like horror as Vinny shoves himself up off the bed, heads toward the door with a sigh.

"Yea, and you're doing a real bang-up job of that." Vinny mutters. Pauly can feel himself pale. The younger reaches for the door, and he feels his heart drop into his stomach. "Y'know what, whatever. Yea. We can go back to being friends, or whatever the fuck you want to call it to help you sleep better."

"Vinny-" Pauly tries, but the Vinny cuts him off.

"Nah, man, it's whatever. Seriously, though, next time make sure your head's out of your ass before you put my dick in your mouth, okay? Might help you see a little clearer. Jesus Christ, 'mistake'." the younger trails off as he half storms out the door.

The second the bedroom door slams shut behind Vinny, Pauly's dropping to the bed with a groan. That wasn't really how he'd expected that to go, he thinks. It was unavoidable, though, his brain reminds him coldly. He tries his damndest to agree with his own consciousness, let it sink in that he has indeed done the right thing. Still, he can't help thinking that he's just fucked up one of the best things in his life.

III

For the first week or so, the friends thing works about as well as Pauly thinks it's going to. That is to say, it doesn't. At all. Their interactions are tense, and awkward, and almost anything but friendly. For a while, Pauly worries that another housemate will realize what's going on, ask him about it, and then he'll have to make up some bullshit excuse as to why the glue had been unstuck between himself and Vinny so expediently. But, if anyone else notices anything, they certainly don't say anything about it, so the two of them go about their business of half-ignoring each other. After a few days, though, it becomes too much for Pauly to bear, something like a stabbing in his gut everytime he thinks about it, evertime Vinny's around (which is, y'know. All the time. So).

Despite knowing it's inevitable, it still sucks to watch himself and Vinny grow apart, partially because he really does care about the younger (more than he'd really like to admit), and partially because he hadn't really taken into consideration the lack of other people to hang out with in the house. With Ron stuffed so far up Sam's ass, the only real viable option is Mike, which, after the more than uncomfortable ride down, Pauly had been trying to avoid entirely. It seems like, he's stuck, though, so he swallows his pride (and his wave of nausea) and begins kicking it with the younger.

The Situation, to his credit, is so ecstatic to have a friend again that he seems to always want to be around the DJ. At first, Pauly thinks it's kind of endearing, the way Mike seems to attach himself to the older's side. He entertains the kid for a while, lets Mike essentially shadow him around town. The touching, however, starts about the same time that Vinny decides it's a good idea to sleep with Snooki, and Pauly is almost thankful for the distraction it provides. Almost. Except it's all the time. Everywhere they go, it seems, Mike has a hand on him. Patting him on the shoulder, rubbing his neck, squeezing his knee, hugging him...it's enough to make his skin crawl. He buries it, though, just keeping his distance as much as possible while still hanging out just to not be lonely.

And then, Mike officially comes on to him. It starts at the club, the younger trying to wingman for him. Only, Mike seems to be looking at him more than he's looking at the girls, Pauly realizes partway into the night. After a while, it seems as though the Situation is purposely running off girls, being so much more of a douchebag than usual. It's enough that it really starts to annoy Pauly, grinds on his nerves until he finally decides that the hunt isn't even worth it, letting everyone know he's heading back to the house. For a moment, Vinny looks at him, and Pauly thinks the kid is going to come back alone with him for the first time in weeks. He feels his heart speed up. Then, Mike appears right next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder and pulling him close, and the whole moment is shattered. Pauly has to physically resist the urge to shove the younger off of him immediately.

"Yea, this place blows. Nothin' good at all tonight." the Situation complains, almost yelling in Pauly's ear. The DJ winces, fighting a grimace as Mike slaps him companionably on the back. "I'm headin' out with Pauly."

Pauly's face falls as he watches Vinny's do the same. He makes an attempt anyway, meets their youngest friend's eyes.

"You wanna bounce, too, Vin?" he offers, silently hoping the kid will take him up on it. Vinny just shakes his head, throws Mike a half-glare that the Situation is completely oblivious to.

"Nah, I'm gonna chill here for a bit longer." Vinny says instead. Pauly lets out a light sigh, nods.

"See you later then, man." Pauly replies feebly, Mike already almost tugging him toward the exit.

"Yea. Later." Vinny returns.

With that, he's gone, disappearing back into the crowd as Mike maneuvers the two of them all the way over to the door and out it, hailing a cab with some kind of unnatural ease. The whole ride back to the house, the younger rambles on and on about the absolutely piss-poor selection of girls in the club that night, exclaiming loudly over and over that they had to be the most attractive people there. Pauly agrees with Mike to humor him in an effort to just get the other to shut up, but all that does is make him grow louder. The DJ rolls his eyes and lets out a quiet sigh. He can't wait for the ride to just be over.

Once they get home, however, Pauly wants to take it back. In the car, at least, Mike hadn't been able to physically wrap himself around Pauly, attach himself to the older. Now, though, the DJ shoves at Mike to get some space.

"Hey, bro, you need you back up a bit and let a dude breathe." Pauly informs him, but Mike just laughs, throws his hands up much the way he'd done in the car on the way down.

"My bad, my bad. Just tryina' let an equally attractive dude know I appreciate his, uh...architecture." Mike says, raising his eyebrows in a way Pauly assumes is supposed to be flirtatious. Either way, he attributes it completely to the alcohol and lack of attractive women (because God forbid it's anything else) and shrugs heading toward the hall.

"Whatever, man. I'm gonna go take a shower." the DJ tells him.

Then, Pauly turns and goes to do just that, isolate himself for at least a short amount of time, and clean the club grime off of him as well. The second the hot water hits his skin, he feels himself begin to relax, his mind emptying completely as he focuses on nothing but the shower. It's wonderful to finally not be worried about everything, if for just a moment. It's so mind-clearing, in fact, that Pauly completely forgets about his earlier troubles with Mike, even as he exits the shower and re-dresses in his pajama pants and boxers he'd brought for himself. Because of this, he finds himself blindsided by the younger as he walks into their bedroom.

"Mmm mmm. Would you look at that." he hears behind him, and jumps half a foot in the air. When he spins around to face the sound, Mike stands leaning against the wall, right by the door.

"Jesus Christ, man, you scared the shit out of me." Pauly exclaims, trying to soothe his racing heart with a hand on his chest.

"You kinda caught me off-guard, too." Mike replies effortlessly, half sauntering, half slinking across the room toward him. Pauly immediately takes a step back, tries to put some distance between himself and the younger, but the Situation advances upon him quickly.

"Wh-what are you talking about, Mike?" Pauly questions, offering Mike a friendly grin even as he smirks.

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, Pauly, my dude." the Situation says, running a WAY more than friendly hand down the DJ's still bared chest. Pauly slaps it away, but it just makes Mike laugh. The older can still smell the alcohol on his breath, even as he steps away once more. Mike takes another step forward, though, right into his space, and Pauly finds himself backed completely up against the bed as the younger speaks once again. "Come on, man. Think about it. I'm a hot dude, you're a hot dude, we're both awesome at smashing...we could have a good time."

Pauly feels his eyes snap wide open. What the hell? He can't believe Mike is being this up-front. He has to give the kid props; at least he knows how to go after what he wants. Suddenly, though, Mike's reaching out, grabbing Pauly's hips and stepping in ever closer. Pauly swallows thickly, tries to move backward even further, but finds himself blocked by the bed. When Mike continues talking, he has no other choice but to listen, the younger's face right in his.

"See? This ain't so bad, right? Come on, I could make you feel real good." Mike offers, and Pauly doesn't know if it's the buzz he swears he's acquiring from the other's breath, but for a moment, he actually kind of considers it. Why not?, he thinks. Mike's not necessarly a bad guy, just kind of annoying. And, after all, what is one hook-up? If Vinny can hook up with Nicole and have it not mean anything...

Vinny. The thought of the kid grinds the DJ's musings to a screeching halt. Is it that simple? Can he really just forget the younger that quickly? Sleep with Mike when he's never even slept with Vinny? If he's totally honest with himself, he knows his answer. He doesn't really get a chance to voice it, though, for the next thing he knows, there are lips sealed to his own, way too wet and overbearing, and all Pauly can think about is getting away. He throws his arms up in protest, grabbing Mike's biceps to try and push the younger off of him, but the Situation seems to think Pauly's trying to pull him closer, for he takes another step in, crowding the DJ even further. Pauly makes a noise of discomfort, an effort to object, but Mike takes it as a noise of pleasure, smirking into the kiss and opening his mouth to deepen it. Nervousness shoots up Pauly's spine. For being as drunk as he is, Mike has a shockingly strong grip, one that the older is suddenly not so sure he can get out of. He really doesn't want to have to fight Mike in nothing but a towel, he thinks.

All of a sudden, there's a gasp from the doorway, followed by a series of crashes as someone slams the door and trips in their hurry to get away. It startles Mike enough that Pauly is able to push him away, the younger stumbling backward and losing his balance, landing on his ass. He shoots Pauly a completely dumbfounded look in response to the DJ's vicious glare. Pauly wipes the excess wetness away from his mouth, straightens himself out as quickly as possible.

"What the fuck, dude?" he exclaims, snatching up a new set of clothes that he's almost certain doesn't even match for once. He tugs the shirt on hurriedly. He snaps, "I know you're drunk, but you can't just be doing shit like that."

Thing is, Mike doesn't look the slightest bit apologetic, even as he stumbles over a "sorry". Pauly glares harder.

"Seriously, man, that's not cool. You can't just come on to me like that. Gotta give a bro some warning, geez." the older snaps. "Now, get the fuck outta here, I gotta get dressed."

Mike obliges him, rushing from the room in an almost embarassed fashion. Pauly lets out a slow sigh the second the door clicks shut behind him, collapsing onto the bed. He can't even believe the events that have just transpired. Mike just basically forced himself on the DJ. If it hadn't been for whatever roommate was there...Pauly shakes his head tries to purge the image from his mind. No way would it have played out like that, he thinks. He re-dresses as quickly as possible, though (just in case), crawling under the covers before the Situation has a chance to return. He closes his eyes, lets out a slow breath as he settles in, and makes as if to nod off. Try as he might, however, the DJ can't seem to force himself to sleep. He just can't stop thinking. Strangely enough, Mike's advances aren't even the source of his troubles. He's not even worried about the fact that apparently Mike wants his dick. Instead, he finds himself fixated on the fact that evidently, someone saw it. It bothers Pauly almost more than the fact that Mike came on to him to begin with. The whole night, he tosses and turns, unable to sleep thinking about it, about who it could have possibly been. What bothers him more than anything is that for some reason, he's almost certain it was Vinny, if for no other reason than anyone else would have interrupted them, said something. He prays to a God he doesn't believe in all night that it wasn't, but the entire time, his conscience reminds him that it was.

III

Of course it was Vinny, Pauly thinks a few days later, if the younger's anger the last few days has been anything to go by. Vinny has had a very apparent rage brewing just beneath the surface, one Pauly had tried to quell with an apology, but Vinny hadn't wanted to hear it, informing the DJ instead that it was simply none of his business what the older does with his dick. Not that that had done anything at all to make Pauly feel better about the whole thing. If anything, it had made him feel worse, especially as the kid's anger had escalated further and further the more time passed. Now, though, as he listens to Vinny scream back and forth with Angelina, he feels like more of a bastard than ever before. He really doesn't want to take full responsibility for the whole ordeal, the way Vinny's been acting, but it's not like there's anything else they can really attribute it to. Pauly hates himself for it with each word the younger screams at the dark haired girl. Eventually, though, like most fights at the Shore house, the loud argument eventually dies down, and Vinny and Angelina separate, the younger locking himself in his room for the night while Angelina huffs and puffs around the house for the next few hours.

And for a bit, Pauly thinks that's it, that the little tiff the kid got into with Angelina is going to be the extent of his issues. But, yknow, of course Pauly is developing a track record for being wrong, because the next thing he knows, Vinny's banging the bitch right there in his bedroom. He's almost sure that Angelina is completely unaware that the whole time he's fucking her, Vinny is watching Pauly. The older is more than savvy to the fact that the whole thing is more than likely an elaborate scheme to get back at him for the Mike ordeal, but Angelina is totally oblivious, too busy being fucked into the mattress to pay attention to anyone else. The entire time, though, Vinny's eyes are locked onto the DJ's, a fierce kind of anger set into his features that sends a cold chill up Pauly's spine with each thrust. He feels sick, but he knows he can't get up right now, can't let Vinny know how much he's affected by this. He'd turned the younger down, after all. It's only fitting now that he has to sit here and watch the kid fuck other girls. Right?

Except it's Angelina. The girl is utterly disgusting, lower than trash in Pauly's not-so-nice opinion. Like Mike, his brain reminds him, and he wishes nothing nothing more than to shut it off. He rolls over, instead, closing his eyes and his ears as best he can and trying to ignore the smush-session that's going on right behind him. Somehow, he manages, drifting off to sleep right in the middle of it. His dreams are still plagued with nightmares, though, Angelina riding Vinny, the kid eating her more than sour pussy, the girl moaning the younger's name. It wakes Pauly out of a deep sleep more than once, rattling him enough at one point to make him feel the need to get out his bed entirely. Thankfully by then, the sex is over, so the DJ drags himself from beneath his blankets, forcing his feet all the way to the kitchen to hopefully grab himself a bottled water, settle his stomach so he can just get back to sleep.

Unfortunately, Vinny apparently had the same idea, already situated at the table in the kitchen sipping on a glass of something when the older makes his way into the other room. Pauly holds his breath, part of him hoping that Vinny will just let him be. To his credit, Vinny is totally silent the entire time he's wandering over to the fridge, grabbing his bottle and taking a long swig off it. He waits, too, thinking surely, Vinny is going to say something to him. But, the younger remains silent the entire time, almost as if he's waiting for Pauly to make the first move. For a moment, the DJ thinks he's going to get away with it, make it all the way back to his room without this even being the slightest bit awkward. Then, his brain takes over, stopping right by the table on the way back down the hallway. He waits until Vinny is looking up at him before speaking.

"So what the hell was all that about?" the older questions, voice soft.

"What was what about?" Vinny bites out in response. Pauly feels sick all over again at the sheer anger in the younger's voice.

"You know what I mean." Pauly says almost nervously, his feet shuffling beneath him as he refuses to meet his friend's eyes. He clarifies, "You banged Angelina. What are you doing, Vin?"

For a moment, Pauly thinks he may have gotten through to the kid, the way Vinny falls completely silent, looks away from the DJ entirely. Then, the younger is standing, laughing a bit to himself before he's patting Pauly on the shoulder in an almost condescending fashion. He shoots the older a smirk.

"Pauly, I'm doing whatever the fuck I want." Vinny informs him.

With that, Vinny turns on his heel and heads back down the hall to his room, leaving Pauly behind in the kitchen. The DJ has no words. He stands wide-eyed, staring at the spot where the younger just was as if he's somehow going to turn around and come back down the hall, tell Pauly that he's just joking, that it was all a mistake. It doesn't happen, though, and not for the first time, Pauly begins to really think he's fucked up.

III

And then, Ramona happens. At first, Pauly is overjoyed, couldn't be happier for his friend. Vinny walks around the house almost in a daze, constant smile on his face that just won't dissipate, head completely fixated in the clouds. Pauly even goes so far as to buy the kid shots to celebrate, congratulating him left and right as he listens to Vinny ramble on and on about how great the girl is. Somewhere along the way, though, the DJ watches unable to stop it as the joy he felt for Vinny at the start gives way to something far more sinister, something that almost glows green inside him. Something that feels very similar to jealousy, in a way that leaves a bitter taste in the older's mouth that he just can't get rid of, no matter how hard he tries. He hates it, hates that this is a quality that has somehow managed to develop in him. He's never been the jealous type, way too confident for all that. Everything's different when Vinny's involved, though, as he's quickly coming to realize.

Really, he does make an honest effort to bury the feelings, push them to the absolute back of his mind and just be happy for Vinny, let him enjoy his newly flourishing relationship. After all, the emergence of the girl in Vinny's life has somehow brought him back to Pauly, if only in a friendly fashion. Pauly's not bitching. It'd been getting awfully lonely since The Incident with Mike, and before all the chaos and Pauly's own bad decisions, Vinny had definitely been one of his best friends. He knows he'd come awfully close to losing the younger entirely, as well, so to have him back in any way at all should be more than enough. Still, the DJ can't help the fact that every once in a while, when Vinny's talking about Ramona with this look in his eyes, he feels his skin start to crawl. Somehow, he manages to quell his anger and frustration with the simple thought that it's summer in Miami, and there's no possible way that this could lead to anything permanent. It works, if only barely.

Then, one afternoon as they're lounging about in Pauly's bedroom, the younger lets loose the fatal words that stop Pauly's very breath in his lungs.

"So I'm thinking about asking Ramona to be my girlfriend."

The DJ turns to face Vinny so quickly he swears his neck nearly snaps right off his body.

"What? What do you mean 'girlfriend'?" he half demands, brow furrowing as he gazes upon Vinny with something akin to outright fear surging through his veins. This is certainly the last thing he ever expected Vinny to say. Vinny just laughs, though, turning to Pauly with a grin from where he's perched next to him.

"What do you think I mean?" the younger questions. "I mean I think I want to continue this after we leave Miami."

And Pauly can't even help it, the words spilling forth from his lips before he has a chance to stop them.

"Are you crazy? Why would you want to do a thing like that?" the older asks, just has to knows.

"Because I like her, Pauly! A lot, actually." Vinny clarifies, and Pauly feels his heart sink. He can tell his commecnts have completely altered the mood in the room, leaving it awkward where it was once friendly and light. Now, the younger half-glares at him, running an absolutely scrutinizing gaze over him. "What's your problem, man?"

"She's just some dumb girl from Miami Beach, Vin. You live clear across the country from each other. And what do you really even know about her?" Pauly tries to explain, but it sounds petty, even to him. He tries again, "I just don't want you hurt."

"Y'know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous of her." Vinny says in return, elbowing him slightly in the side as if it's a joke, despite that it's edged in something far more serious. As much as Pauly wants to continue the joking side of it, he can't, turning away from Vinny entirely before answering.

"Maybe I am." he mumbles quietly, and instantly, he knows he's said the wrong thing.

This time, Vinny lets out a harsh sigh, standing from the bed abruptly and beginning to pace across the room. Pauly's eyes widen. The whole situation is spinning rapidly out of proportion, and he feels completely powerless to stop it, instead forced to simply sit back and let it all play out. The younger runs a frustrated hand over his hair before speaking again.

"Dammit, Pauly! I-I don't, I don't get it. One minute hooking up is a bad idea, the next minute it's not. One second you don't want to hook up anymore, the next you're jealous of my girlfriend!" And yea, Pauly has to admit, Vinny does have a point. He has been rather hot and cold with his feelings for his friend. But it's not as if all of it hasn't been just as new and confusing to Pauly, too! Before he has a chance to voice these objections, however, Vinny is continuing, tone growing more heated by the moment. "You can't have it both ways! You can't just have me when it's convenient for you! You can't just want me half the time!"

"I don't just want you half the time!" Pauly objects vehemently before he even has a chance to process it.

When Vinny stops dead in his tracks, turns to face the older with a face full of hurt, Pauly instantly wants to rewind everything, go back to the very start of the conversation and re-do it all. He wishes he could just go back and agree with Vinny, support his every decision just so that he could make this conversation stop. He's in now, though, and it's far too late to turn back, especially when Vinny's hurt expression turns to a glare.

"Then what the hell is your damage? I really don't get it, Pauly." Vinny says, crossing his arms over his chest. "If you want me so damn bad, why in the hell not just go for it? You would with anyone else."

"You're not anyone else, Vin! I don't...I don't care about anyone else like this." Pauly admits, tearing himself open and baring his soul for his friend to see. He almost has to turn away as he continues. "I just really don't want to h-"

"I swear to God, if you say you don't want to hurt me one more fucking time, I'm going to kick your ass." Vinny growls, and Pauly immediately quiets. His eyes widen as the younger approaches him, still speaking in a rapidfire, angry tone. "If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't keep stringing me along like this. You'd make a damn decision and stick with it. No, this is something else. I'm not sure what exactly, but it's something deeper than that. Tell me, what is it, Pauly?"

And for the life of him, Pauly doesn't have an answer. All this time, he's really thought he just didn't want his friend hating him, didn't want to lose the kid forever. Now that his motives are being called fully into question, however, he has to really think about them, and Vinny makes another valid point. He's unsure as to why he's flip-flopped so much with his decision, other than the fact that when Vinny's concerned, he can't exactly think clearly, judgement too clouded by feelings completely out of his own control. He swallows thickly, looking at the ground instead of his friend.

"What is it you're so goddamn afraid of?" the younger's voice rings out, and it's so close that it startles the DJ, making him look right up into the eyes of his friend. The anger has faded out, and there's simply determination and rampant curiosity left. It's almost worse than the glaring, makes Pauly feel completely vulnerable. He scoots away a bit as Vinny slides onto the bed with him again, suddenly intimidated. Vinny either doesn't notice or doesn't care (Pauly's money's on the latter), pressing on, "Seriously, Pauly. Is it me? Do you think I'm gonna experiment with you a little bit and then just move on and throw you out when I'm done or something? Becauce you should know I'm not like that, and even if I were, that's evidently not the case."

"What? Fuck-no! Nothing like that, geez." Pauly answers quickly this time.

"Then what, for God's sake?" Vinny almost begs, exhasperation beginning to finally creep into his voice. "Jesus Christ, you're killing me here. I can't figure out what it is you want here. I mean, I'd like to think I know, but you deny it at every turn. You know what I want. Why can't you just tell me the same?"

"Because I don't know what I want! I just-ugh!" the older groans, throwing himself onto his back on the bed. He lets out a harsh sigh, dropping an arm over his eyes to try and steady himself as he speaks. "The thing is, I do want you. A lot. I wasn't lying when I told you that, I swear. I just...I don't know where it'll end up, and that terrifies me, Vin."

He pulls his arm away from his face to meet the kid's eyes. Vinny's expression has softened considerably, and he's just staring at the DJ, almost examining him. He reaches out suddenly, rests a hand on Pauly's knee, and it makes him jump, sitting up a bit.

"You're not supposed to. You just have to trust in the other person enough to rest assured that things won't go badly." Vinny says, soft smile stretching over his face. "Look, I'm not asking you to completely change who you are. Actually, I don't want you to change at all. God, I just want to be with you. Can't you see that?"

"But what if-" Pauly starts to object, but Vinny cuts him off.

"Stop! Stop, stop, stop with all the fucking what-ifs! So far, all you've done with all that shit is do exactly what you set out not to do. You're back-pedaling, Pauly. Cut it the hell out, and tell me what exactly it is you want." the younger tells him slowly.

Pauly actually does have to stop for a moment, run the whole conversation back through his head. This was not at all where he thought this was going to go when he first sat down with his friend. Twenty minutes ago, they were heatedly discussing Ramona. Now, that seems to be the furthest thing from Vinny's mind. Pauly's unsure whether to be horrified or relieved at the thought. Either way, he's now faced with a question, and a damn important one if Vinny's face is anything to go by. He knows he's only got one right answer here, and where he once thought this would be tough, all it takes is a brief flash of the pain and worry he'd felt twenty minutes ago, and the word comes easily.

"You." he whispers.

At the sound, Vinny's smile morphs into something of a smirk.

"Good answer." the younger replies.

Pauly doesn't even fully get a chance to feel relieved before suddenly, Vinny's lips are on his own. It starts off chaste enough, barely even a kiss. The second Vinny realizes that Pauly isn't backing away, however, it seems all bets are off, because then he's is pushing the older to lie back on the bed once more. Vinny straddles his hips, kissing him thoroughly and letting the tips of his fingers trail just under Pauly's t-shirt, brush against his abs. It makes Pauly shiver and pull Vinny closer all at the same time. He lets the younger pet his abs as he explores his mouth, running his hands under Vinny's shirt to feel his bare skin as well. Just as Pauly's getting comfortable, relaxing under the feeling of his- friend? boyfriend? He's not really sure-, an indignant whine is ripped from his mouth as Vinny breaks the kiss entirely, sitting back to take the DJ's face in his hands, look him in the eye. Pauly finds himself suddenly nervous once again, and is suddenly aware that part of it is radiating from Vinny as well.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, the relationship thing." Vinny manages softly.

"Does it mean we get to keep making out?" Pauly tries to joke, ease his nerves a bit.

"Pauly." Vinny fires back seriously, and the older ducks his eyes away.

"Sorry," the DJ mutters. "I-I'm just a little...nervous, yknow? Ha ha. But, uhm. I mean. If you're sure?"

Vinny's nodding before Pauly even really gets a chance to finish.

"More than sure." the younger says in response. He seems to be just as scared as Pauly is by the whole thing, and something about that relaxes the older. "I-it doesn't have to be closed or anything. You don't have to stop hooking up with girls. I don't really give a shit about any of that. I just...I really want to try this out with you. And I think you really do, too."

And for all the arguing, and denial, and time wasted pushing Vinny away, all Pauly can do now is roll his lips into his mouth just a bit, and nod. It comes across a bit eager, he thinks, and if Vinny's expression is anything to go by, he's right. Vinny's eager, though, too, instantly almost pounching back on the DJ, sealing their lips together once more. Pauly welcomes it, hands falling back to Vinny's hips, letting his thumbs slip past the fabric of the younger's shirt again.

When the kid makes a noise of contentment into his mouth, Pauly takes advantage, sliding his tongue into Vinny's mouth swiftly. The action seems to completely break down Vinny's walls, his whole body going near slack against his companion's as his arms twine around the older's neck. Pauly pulls him in even closer by the hips, letting his hands drift up further under the younger's shirt as they kiss. Vinny shivers in his grasp, and Pauly smirks, suddenly very aware he has the upper hands. He trails his hands around to Vinny's front, runs careful thumbs right up the boy's abs just to see what sounds he makes. It works, Vinny almost whining against his lips. Simultaneously, though, the younger digs his nails into Pauly's shoulders and bites down on his lower lip, and the DJ can't even stop himself, rolling his hips up so that his clean-clad erection grinds straight into Vinny's. The kid breaks off with a wet smack that makes even Pauly's eyes widen as Vinny sits straight up in his lap. For a moment, they just sit there staring at each other, each one trying to catch his breath. Then, suddenly, Vinny is clearing his throat, shooting the older a nervous look again.

"So, uh...in the spirit of trying new things," Vinny begins, hands dropping down to grab at Pauly's hips. "Can we try something else new?"

Pauly swallows thickly at the sheer trepidation in his newly acquired boyfriend's eyes, at the way Vinny's thumbs are rubbing calming circles into his hips as if to prepare for whatever it is he's planning on suggesting. Still, he can't help but question, "Like what?"

"Like...Like real sex." Vinny barely breathes, like it's a secret just for the two of them. Pauly figures it kind of is. The younger takes a deep breath before saying with a bit more conviction, "I want to fuck you, Pauly."

For a moment, it feels as though the wind has been sucked from the DJ's lungs. All he can do is stare at Vinny, eyes wide, hands still clinging tightly to his hips. Sure, it's not like he hadn't thought about it before. At one point last summer, he'd almost expected it to come to this point, not necessarily the relationship, per say, but the fucking, definitely. But to hear it now, in this moment, on top of everything else, it catches him off-guard. He's ill-prepared for the suggestion, hasn't even let the thought cross his mind in months now, not since...not since West Palm, if he's totally honest with himself. Yet, despite the fear he feels creeping into his gut, he registers him nodding, albeit slowly, timidly.

"Okay." he agrees, quietly, watching the shock drift over Vinny's face as he feels his own color.

"Wait, really?" Vinny asks, leaning in closer, as if he'd misheard it.

"Yea, alright. Why not?" Pauly replies, trying not to let his nervousness show.

"Oh. Oh, o-okay." Vinny stammers, surprise evident on his features, as if he hadn't expected Pauly to agree to it. The DJ tries to swallow the nerves that rise even further at this thought, watching the younger nod slowly. "Well, then."

They sit in silence for a few beats, Vinny very obviously unsure of what to do next. Finally, Pauly reaches up, draws him down into another kiss, and everything just clicks. Their clothes are shed as if they're anxious to get them off, instead of positively terrified of just where this is going to lead. There's a familiar fluidity to their movements, as if they've been doing this every day instead of ignoring each other's touch for months. The DJ even lifts his hips to tug off his boxers without ever disconnecting their lips, grinning into the kiss instead. Vinny hesitates for a moment when he gets down to just his boxers, though, breaking the kiss and looking down at Pauly timidly once more. Pauly takes the lead again gently, taking the younger's hands in his own and bringing them to rest atop Vinny's hips, right above the fabric. Then, slowly, carefully, he lowers the boxers down all the way to the kid's knees, eye's locked tight onto Vinny's the whole time. He lets Vinny take it from there, pulling the last piece of clothing off and tossing it to the side himself.

The moment their skin seals together, Vinny settling back into Pauly's lap, it seems as if time slows to an almost complete stop, the world focusing in on just the two of them. Vinny bites at his lip, eyes never leaving his boyfriend's. It's suddenly obvious to the DJ that, while Vinny may have been the one to throw the idea out in the first place, he'd never dreamed Pauly would say yes, and now that that moment's here, he's almost terrified (and completely out of his element). Pauly knows he is, too, but at the same time, he knows he wants to do this, and he wants Vinny to take the reigns. That's not to say, though, he thinks, that he can't get the ball rolling a little bit. He clears his throat, voice low and gravelly as he says softly, "There's uh. There's condoms and lube in the bedside drawer."

"Right!" Vinny exclaims too loud, voice cracking as if he'd been startled. Pauly stifles a grin, watching the younger almost topple off-balance leaning over to shuffle around the for items. "Right, yea, condoms and...condoms and lube, yea."

It takes real effort for Pauly not to laugh, watching Vinny's face heat up as he tries to find the things they need. Suddenly, though, he re-surfaces, and the moment Pauly's eyes land on the lube, it hits him like a punch in the face how real this situation actually is. Vinny holds the items up, condoms in one hand, lube in the other, and he meets the DJ's eyes, question in his own. Pauly realizes in a breath that he has a chance, right here, right now, to say no, to back out and save this for a later date. It only takes a moment of searching the younger's eyes, however, before he finds himself nodding once again, for the umpteenth time today, agreeing to whatever it is that Vinny asks of him. He closes his eyes and exhales slowly, relaxes back into the pillows behind him as he draws his knees up to fully prepare to give himself to Vinny. It's not until too-shaky fingers brush his entrance that he begins to regret his decision. When he cracks his eyes open, looking down at his boyfriend, the younger is completely focused, a look of sheer concentration on his face. It's all Pauly can do to not chuckle at how accidentally adorable it is. Instead, he reaches down almost hurriedly, taking Vinny's hands in his own carefully again.

"Hey, whoa," Pauly says quietly, meeting the kid's eyes once more. "Since you're a little, ah...nervous. Why don't you let me do this part?"

Vinny's eyes snap open wide, but it's as if he can't help but nod. Pauly does chuckle now, taking the lube from the boy and slipping him a quick kiss as he coats his own fingers with the slippery substance. Preparing himself seems almost new again, it's been so long, Pauly can't help but think about the time he slides the second finger in, scissoring them apart. Vinny is completely hypnotized, gaze locked tight on the movement of his boyfriend's hand. It helps the older relax, easing in a third finger that makes Vinny's eyes grow even wider.

"Pauly," Vinny just breathes, and the DJ is thankful he's pretty well ready, because he's pretty sure the kid can't take it any longer. This is confirmed in the way he presses Pauly to the bed firmly the moment the older has removed his fingers, kissing him almost roughly.

Pauly relaxes completely under his boyfriend's touch, letting the younger kiss him thoroughly instead. He pulls Vinny closer subconsciously, kissing him even deeper, like now that the damn has been broken, all of Pauly's emotions are just pouring out. Suddenly, he feels the blunt head of Vinny's condom-covered dick line up with his entrance, press just past the tight ring of muscle, and his breaks off the kiss with a loud smack, head falling back to the pillow.

"Oh, holy fuck, Vin." he gasps, hands squeezing Vinny's shoulders, and the kid, unfortunately, takes it as encouragement, pushing in even further. Pauly yelps, his voice morphing into more of a whimper as he begins to tremble. He struggles to catch his breath as he chants a steady mantra of, "Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Vinny..."

Finally, Vinny seems to notice the DJ's distress, stilling his movements and resting a hand on Pauly's cheek. He mutters, "Hey, babe, what is it?"

"S-slow down. Caref-ful. Hurts." Pauly stammers, trying with all his might to keep his tears at bay, the pain of the younger already being halfway in almost too much to handle. He chokes out with a laugh, though, "I'm not a girl, y'know."

"Shit! Oh, my...I'm so sorry, Pauly, oh my God. Are you okay?" Vinny asks, quickly, sitting up a bit to look between them.

"I'm alright, just...just take it easy, okay?" the older says, and Vinny nods hurriedly.

"Yea, definitely. Of course. Fuck, I'm sorry." the younger whispers.

They both take a deep breath before Vinny takes Pauly's thighs in his hands, lifting them up as he pushes in a bit more, much slower this time. He watches as Pauly's eyes flutter shut, his head dropping back against the pillow once more. Vinny studies the older's face carefully, watching for any sign of discomfort so he knows to slow down. Finally, though, he's completely seated, skin on skin, and he feels his breath nearly stop. He has to close his own eyes for a moment, collect himself much the way he feels his boyfriend doing beneath him. The younger has to focus as hard as he can to not get off immediately, the feelings too overwhelming. After what feels like hours, however, Pauly finds his voice, and Vinny's eyes snap open to meet his.

"Okay. Okay, alright, j-just...just move, please, Vin." the DJ manages, voice strained.

And so Vinny does. And it's new, and different, and clumsy, and awkward, and wonderful, and beautiful, and it's everything either of them could have hoped for. From the uneasy rythym at the beginning, to the steady, slow pace in the middle. From the way Pauly has to nearly remind the younger that he has a dick as well that, hello, needs some attention, please, to the way Vinny seems to just find Pauly's spot once he really gets going, like he's magnetically drawn to the fucking thing (which makes Pauly squirm, and cuss, but just makes Vinny laugh all endearing, draw him into another kiss as he whispers, "Oh, right there, huh?"). From the way Vinny runs his hands over every solid inch of the older, as if he can't believe the moment's real (and to be honest, he can't), to the way Pauly can't stop saying Vinny's name, especially as he reaches his peak, pulling Vinny over right along with him, it's them. And it's perfect. And for the first time, in a long time, as Pauly drifts off for a while, new boyfriend asleep and satiated in his arms, the DJ isn't scared of how things are going to turn out. Instead, he falls asleep anxiously awaiting what's to come.